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t T. E. PAGE, C.H., LiTT.D. t E. CAPPS, ph.d., ii.D. 
t W. H. D. ROUSE, LITT.D. t L. A. POST, l.h.d. 
E. H. WARMINGTON, m.a., f.b.hist.soc. 



P L A U T U S 












American ISBN 0-674-99286-5 
British ISBN 434 99260 7 

First printed 1932 
Reprinted 1951, 1959, 1965, 1980 


V Wbb 

Printed in Great Britain by 
Fletcher d- Son Ltd, Norwich 


I. Poenulus, or The Little Carthaginian page 1 

II. Pseudolus 144 

III. Rudens, or The Rope 287 

Index 437 


In the Prologue^ of the Poenulus we are told 
that the Greek name of the comedy was Kapx^Sdvios, 
but who its author was — perhaps Menander — or who 
the author of the play which was combined with the 
Kap;^8ovios to make the Poenulus is quite uncertain. 
The time of the presentation of the Poenulus at 
Rome is also imcertain : Hueffner ^ believes that the 
capture of Sparta ' was a purely Plautine reference 
to the war with Nabis in 195 b.c. and that the 
Poenulus appeared in 194 or 193 b.c. 

The date, however, of the Roman presentation 
of the Pseudolus is definitely established by the 
didascalia as 191 b.c. Geographical and mihtary 
allusions in the play make the year 309 b.c. or 308 
B.C.* a probable time for the production of its Greek 
original. But whether the Greek play was written 
by Menander, Philemon, or someone else is doubtful. 

1 Poen. Prol. 53. 

* Hueffner, De Plauti Comoediarum Exemplis AUicia, 34-35. 
» Poen. 663-665. 

* Cf. Hueffner, 11-16 



The Rudens was adapted from a play of unknown 
title by Diphilus.^ Warfare in Sicily made it 
unlikely that Labrax would have been tempted to try 
business there ^ either before the island came under 
the control of Agathocles, or after the death of 
Agathocles. Gripus' ambition, also, to found a regnum 
magnum,^ like the successors of Alexander the Great, 
seems to HuefFner* additional evidence that the 
original of the Rudens was presented between 303 
and 290 b.c. The Rudens itself appears to have been 
first staged between 200 and 190 B.C. 

1 Rud. Prol. 32. 

a Mud. Prol. 54-56; cf. 641. 

» Rud. 935. 

« Hueftner, 67. 



Pseudolus, Auden ; Cambridge, Cambridge Univer- 
sity Press, 1896. 

Pseudolus, Lorenz ; Berlin, Weidmann, 1876. 

Pseudolus, Morris ; Boston, Allyn and Bacon, 1890. 

Rudens, Marx ; Leipzig, Hirzel, 1928. 

Rudens, Sonnenschein ; Oxford, Clarendon Press, 




Puer septuennis surripitur Carthagine. 
Osor mulierum emptum adoptat hunc senex 
Et facit heredem. deinde eius cognatae duae 
Nutrixque earum raptae. mercatur Lycus, 
Vexatque amantem. at ille cum auro vilicum 
Lenoni obtrudit, itaque euin furto alligat. 
Venit Hanno Poenus, gnatum hunc fratris repperit 
Suasque adgnoscit quas perdiderat filias. 

Agorastocles adulescens 




Lycvs leno 
Antamonides miles 


Hanno Poenus 




A seven-year-old boy was kidnapped from Car- 
thage. An old woman-hater purchased this boy, 
adopted him, and made him his heir. Later two 
of the boy's relatives, girls, were stolen, and their 
nurse with them. Lycus buys them and torments 
the young lover. But the lover's bailiff with a bag 
of gold is fubbed off upon the pimp, so implicating 
him in theft. Hanno the Carthaginian arrives, 
finds the lover to be his nephew, and recognizes 
his long-lost daughters. 


Agorastocles, a young gentleman of Calydon. 

MiLPHio, his slave. 

AdelphasiumI • 1 1 ,, , T 

Akterastilis)^'^^^ ^^ ^ ^y"^'- 

Lycus, a pimp. 

Antamonides, a soldier. 

Coxwsellors, acquaintances of Agorastocles. 

CoLLYBiscus, bailiff of Agorastocles. 

Syncerastus, slave of Lycus. 

Hanno, a gentleman of Carthage. 

Giddenis, nurse of Adelphasium and AnierastiUs. 

A Slave Boy, belonging to Hanno. 


Achillem Aristarchi mihi commentari lubet : 
inde mihi principium capiam, ex ea tragoedia. 
" sileteque et tacete atque animum advortite, 
audire iubet vos imperator" — histricus, 
bonoque ut animo sedeate in subselliis, 
et qui esurientes et qui saturi venerint : 
qui edistis, multo fecistis sapientius, 
qui non edistis, saturi fite fabulis ; 
nam cui paratumst quod edit, nostra gratia 
nimia est stultitia sessimi impransum incedere. 10 

Exsurge, praeco, fac populo audientiam. 
iam dudum exspecto, si tuom officium scias : 
exerce vocem, quam per vivisque et ^ colis. 
nam nisi clamabis, tacitum te obrepet fames, 
age nunc reside, duplicem ut mercedem feras.* 

Bonum factumst, edicta ut servetis mea. 
scortum exoletum ne quis in proscaenio 
sedeat, neu lictor verbvun aut virgae muttiant, 
neu dissignator praeter os obambulet 
neu sessmn ducat, dum histrio in scaena siet. 20 

diu qui domi otiosi dormierunt, decet 
animo aequo nunc stent, vel dormire temperent. 
servi ne obsideant, liberis ut sit locus, 
vel aes pro capite dent ; si id facere non queunt, 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : vales Geppert. 

* Leo notes lacuna here : factumst Pylades : bonum factum 
ease MSS. 

Scene : — Calydon. A street in which stand the houses 
of Agorastocles and Lycus. 


I have a mind to imitate Aristarchus' Achilles. 
Aye, I shall take my exordium from that tragedy. 
{grandiloquently) " Silence ! Hush ye, and turn 
hither your attention ! Hearken ! 'Tis the com- 
mand of the general " — {chuckling) manager of this 
troupe who wants you to sit in your seats with 
good cheer, both those who have come here 
famished and those who have come here full. You 
that ate showed much more sense ; you that ate 
not, eat your fill of show. For a man with a meal 
before him, because of us, to stalk in and sit here 
empty, is more than foolish. 

(loudly) Crier ! Rise and bid this crowd give ear ! 
I have long been waiting to see if you knew your 
duty. Exercise that voice that lets you Hve and 
flourish. For unless you bellow, you'll silently 
starve away, {after the Crier has vainly tried to 
quiet the house) There now, sit down, if you want 
your pay doubled ! 

{to audience ironically) So good of you to observe 
my edicts ! {nnih high authoritativeness) Let no well- 
ripened wanton take seat upon the stage, nor lictor 
murmur, or his rods, nor usher ramble around in 
front, or show a seat, while an actor is on the 
boards. Those who have stayed too long at home 
in idle sleep should now stand in patience, or else 
sleep in moderation. Let no slaves crowd in, but 
leave room here for free men, or else pay cash for 
manumission; in case they cannot, let them go 


domum abeant, vitent ancipiti infortunio, 

ne et hie varientur virgis et loris domi, 

si minus curassint, quom eri reveniant domum. 

nutrices pueros infantis minutulos 

domi ut procurent neu quae spectatum adferat, 

ne et ipsae sitiant et pueri pereant fame 30 

neve esurientes hie quasi haedi obvagiant. 

matronae tacitae spectent, tacitae rideant, 

canora hie voce sua tinnire temperent, 

domum sermones fabulandi conferant, 

ne et hie viris sint et domi molestiae. 

Quodque ad ludorvun euratores attinet, 
ne pakna detur quoiquam artifici iniuria 
neve ambitionis causa extrudantur foras, 
quo deteriores anteponantur bonis, 
et hoc quoque etiam, quod paene obUtus fui : 40 

dum ludi fiunt, in popinam, pedisequi, 
inruptionem facite ; nunc dum occasio est, 
nunc dum seribhtae aestuant, occurrite. 

Haec quae imperata sunt pro imperio histrico, 
bonum hercle factum pro se quisque ut meminerit. 

Ad argumentum nunc vicissatim volo 
remigrare, ut aeque mecum sitis gnarures. 
eius nunc regiones, Hmites, eonfinia 
determinabo : ei rei ego finitor factus smn. 
sed nisi molestumst, nomen dare vobis volo 50 

comoediai ; sin odiost, dicam tamen, 
siquidem Hcebit per illos quibus est in manu. 
Carchedonius vocatur haec comoedia,^ 
latine Plautus Patruus Pultiphagonides. 
nomen iam habetis. nunc rationes ceteras 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : comoedia graece, latine P. P- 


home and shun a twofold catastrophe — rod welts 
here and whip welts there, if their masters come 
back home to find their work undone. And nurses, 
let nurses attend to their tiny brats at home, let 
not one bring them to this play, for the nurses may 
get dry and the children starve to death, or go 
maamaaing here for food like so many young goats. 
Matrons are to view this play in silence, laugh 
in silence, temper here their tuneful chirping, 
take their prittle-prattle home, and not be a nui- 
sance to their husbands here as well as there. 

Now for what concerns the Directors of the 
games — let no artist gain the palm unfairly, let 
none be crowded out through partiality, so allow- 
ing worse men to supplant their betters. Yes, and 
another matter, which I had almost forgotten — 
lackeys, while the show is on, storm the bakeshop ! 
Now while you have the chance, now while the 
tarts are hot, charge ! 

These be the general orders issued for the 
general-management, and 'twill be well, by 
heaven, that each man remember them for him- 

Now I \^'ish to revert again to the Argument of 
this play, that you may be as well informed as I 
am. Its bounds, Umits, and confines I shall now 
determine : I have been selected as its surveyor. 
But if you do not object, I wish to give you the 
name of this comedy ; of course, if you do object, 
I shall tell you anyway — that being duly authorized 
by those in charge. It is called Carckedonius, 
Plautus giving it the Latin title of Uncle Papeater.^ 
There you have its name. Now let me make the 

^ PuUiphagonides may refer to Flaatos, the Latin title 
being Patruiu. 



accipite ; nam. argumentum hoc hie censebitur : 
locus argumentost suom sibi proscaenium, 
vos iuratores estis. quaeso, operam date. 

Carthaginienses fratres patrueles duo 
fuere, summo genere et sunimis ditiis ; 60 

eorum alter vivit, alter est emortuos. 
propterea apud vos dico confidentius, 
quia mihi pollictor dixit qui eum pollinxerat. 
sed illi seni qui mortuost, ei filius, 
unicus qui fuerat, ab divitiis a patre 
puer septuennis surripitur Carthagine, 
sexennio prius quidem quam moritur pater. 

Quoniam periisse sibi videt gnatum unicum, 
conicitur ipse in morbum ex aegritudine : 
facit ilium heredem fratrem patruelem suom, 70 

ipse abit ad Acheruntem sine viatico. 
ille qui surripuit puerum Calydonem avehit, 
vendit eum domino hie diviti quoidam seni, 
cupienti liberorum, osori mulierum. 
emit hospitalem is filium imprudens senex 
puerum ilium eumque adoptat sibi pro filio 
eumque heredem fecit, quom ipse obiit diem, 
is illic adulescens habitat in illisce aedibus. 

Reverter rursus denuo Carthaginem : 
si quid mandare voltis aut curarier, 80 

argentum nisi qui dederit, nugas egerit ; 
^ qui dederit, magis maiores nugas egerit. 

Sed illi patruo huius, qui vivit senex, 
Carthaginiensi duae fuere filiae, 
altera quinquennis, altera quadrimula: 
cum nutrice una periere a Magaribus. 

^ Leo brackets varum preceding qui. 

^ So termed throughout the play, though really a cousin 
of Agorastocles' father. 

* A park outside Carthage. 


rest of my report, for this Argument is to be 
e.^-^mined here like an Income Tax Return : the 
office at which to submit a Return on Argument 
is its owTi stage, and you are the Commissioners. 
Your attention, please. 

There were two Carthaginian cousins, of distin- 
gui .hed family and fortune ; one of them is living, 
the other is deceased. I make this statement to 
you with the more assurance, because it was made 
to me by the undertaker who did his undertaking. 
But the son, the one and only son, of that old 
gentleman who died was stolen away from his 
affluent home in Carthage and from his father when 
he was a seven-year-old boy, this occurring six 
years before his father's death. 

Seeing that his only son was lost to him, the 
father fell sick from grief; he made that cousin his 
heir and departed unto Acheron, without funds for 
the trip. The man who stole the boy carried him 
to Calydon, and sold him as a slave to a certain rich 
old man here who longed for children but hated 
women. This old man bought the lad without 
knowing that he was the son of a family friend 
of his, adopted him, and made him his heir on 
his own demise. And that house there (pointing) 
is the residence of this young man. 

I now intend to take another trip to Carthage : 
anyone of you, with, commissions or affairs for me 
to attend to, must supply me with cash, or it will 
do him no good ; if he does supply it, it will do bim 
a great deal less good. 

Well, our lad's Carthaginian uncle,^ still alive but 
old, had two daughters, one five years of age, the 
other four: along with their nurse they disap- 
peared completely from Magara.' The person 


eas qui surripuit, in Anactorium devehit, 

vendit eas omnis, et nutricem et virgines, 

praesenti argento homini, si leno est homo, 

quantum hominum terra sustinet saeerrumo. 90 

vosmet nunc facite conieeturam ceterum, 

quid id sit hominis, cui Lyco nomen siet. 

is ex Anactorio, ubi prius habitaverat, 

hue commigravit in Calydonem hau diu, 

sui quaesti causa, is in illis habitat aedibus. 

Earum hie adulescens alteram efflictim perit, 
suam sibi cognatam, imprudens, neque scit quae siet 
neque eam umquam tetigit, ita eum leno macerat : ^ 
quia amare cernit, tangere hominem volt bolo. 101 

illam minorem in concubinatum sibi 
volt emere miles quidam, qui illam deperit. 

Sed pater illarum Poenus, postquam eas perdidit, 
mari terraque usquequaque quaeritat. 
ubi quamque in urbem est ingressus, ilico 
omnes meretrices, ubi quisque habitant, invenit; 
dat aurum, ducit noctem, rogitat postibi 
unde sit, quoiatis, captane an surrupta sit, 
quo genere gnata, qui parentes fuerint. 110 

ita docte atque astu filias quaerit suas. 
et is omnis linguas scit, sed dissimulat sciens 
se scire : Poenus plane est. quid verbis opust ? 

Is heri hue in portum navi venit vesperi, 
pater harunc ; idem huic patruos adulescentulo est : 
iamne hoc tenetis ? si tenetis, ducite ; 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 99-100 : 

neque quicquam cum ea fecit etiamnum stwpri 
neque duxit umquam, neque ille voluit mittere. 

^ Lycus, " wolf." 

• Vv. 99-100 : Nor has he ever had intercourse with her, or 
taken her, nor has the pimp been willing to send her to him. 


who stole them took them to Anactorium, and all 
three of them, both nurse and girls, he sold, cash 
down, to a man — if a pimp be a man — who is the 
most consummate scoundrel that the earth sus- 
tains. Now guess for yourselves what sort of man 
he is in general, when his very name is Lycus.^ 
This Lycus left Anactorium, where he had been 
hving, and immigrated here to Calydon not long 
ago to ply his trade. That is his house there. 

One of these girls our young gentleman dotes 
on to distraction — unaware that she is a relative 
of his — without either knowing who she is, or ever 
having touched her, the pimp so keeps him on the 
rack : ' perceiving how he loves her, he wants to 
make a haul. As for the younger sister, a certain 
soldier is infatuated with her and wants to buy her 
as his mistress. 

But their Carthaginian father ever since they 
disappeared has kept searching for them every- 
where by sea and land. On reaching any city, he 
at once hunts up all the harlots at their homes ; 
he pays his money, hires one for the night, and 
then inquires where she is from, what country, 
whether she was captured in war or kidnapped, 
who her family and parents were. In this shrewd 
and ingenious way he seeks his daughters. He 
knows all languages, too, but, knowing, dissembles 
his knowledge. A Carthaginian complete ! Why 
say more ? 

This last evening he sailed into harbour here, 
the father of these girls (pointing to the house of 
Lycus) ; and likewise the uncle of our young gentle- 
man {indicating the house of Agorastocles) here. 
Have you got it ? If you have got it, pull ; but 



cave dirumpatis, quaeso, sinite transigi. 
ehem, paene oblitus sum relicuom dicere. 
ille qui adoptavit hunc sibi pro filio, 
is illi Poeno huius patruo hospes fuit. 120 

is hodie hue veniet reperietque hie filias 
et hunc sui fratris fihum, ut quidem didici ego. 
Ego ibo, ornabor ; vos aequo animo noscite. 
hie qui hodie veniet, reperiet suas filias 
et hunc sui fratris filium. dehinc ceterum 
valete, adeste. ibo, alius nunc fieri volo : 
quod restat, restant alii qui faciant palam. 
valete atque adiuvate, ut vos servet Salus, 



do be sure not to break it off; let it come to the 
grand finale, {turns to go, then stops) Ah, but I 
almost forgot to tell you the rest. That gentle- 
man, who adopted this lad as his son — he was 
once the family friend of the boy's Carthaginian 
uncle. To-day this uncle will arrive here and 
here discover his daughters and this nephew, so 
I have learned. 

Well, I must go and get into my costume. 
Follow our plot patiently, [nnth increased emphasis) 
The Carthaginian who arrives to-day will discover 
his daughters and this nephew, (about to go) Now 
then, fare ye well and stand by us. I am going: 
I must now become another man. As for what 
remains, others remain to make it clear. Fare ye 
well and show us favour, that so Salvation may 
keep you safe. [exit. 



Ag. Saepe ego res multas tibi mandavi, Milphio, 

dubias, egenas, inopiosas consili, 130 

quas tu sapienter, docte et cordate et cate 

mihi reddidisti opiparas opera tua. 

quibus pro bene factis fateor deberi tibi 

et libertatem et multas grates gratias. 
Mil. Scitumst, per tempus si obviamst, verbum vetus. 

nam tuae blanditiae mihi sunt, quod dici solet, 

gerrae germanae, aal Se KoXXvpai Xvpai. 

nunc mihi blandidicus es : heri in tergo meo 

tris facile corios contrivisti bubulos. 
Ag. Amans per amorem si quid feci, Milphio, 140 

ignoscere id te mi aequom est. 
Mil. Haud vidi magis. 

em, nunc ego amore pereo. sine te verberem, 

item ut tu mihi fecisti, ob nullam noxiam : 

post id locorum tu mihi amanti ignoscito. 
Ag. Si tibi lubido est aut voluptati, sino : 

suspende, vinci, verbera ; auctor sum, sino. 
Mil. Si auctoritatem postea defugeris, 

ubi dissolutus tu sies, ego pendeam. 



ENTER Agoraslocles, tremulous and hysterical, 


{pleadingly) Oh, Milphio, many's the affair I've 
entrusted to you time and again when all looked 
dark and forlorn and eounselless, and you, with 
your wisdom and cleverness and sagacity and 
shrewdness, have turned them into triumphs for 
me. And for all these kindnesses I ovm that I 
owe you your liberty, yes, and endless thanks- 
giving and thanks. 

(coldly) When an old phrase fits the occasion it's 
well used. Why, all this blarney you're giving me 
is nothing but pure piffle, as they say, rien que belles 
balivemes. Now you blameybait me : yesterday 
you wore out three ox-hides on my back and it 
didn't bother you a bit. 

(on the verge of tears) I'm in love, Milphio, and if 
my love makes me do anything, you ought to 
overlook it. 

(tvith asperity) Yes, of course ! See here ! Now 
I'm in love myself, dying of it. Just let me beat 
you the same as you did me, all for nothing at all : 
and afterwards, I being in love, you overlook it. 
(humbly) If you find any joy or pleasure in it, I do 
let you. Hang me up, bind me, beat me; I 
authorize you, I let you. 

But if you evade authority later on when you're 
loose, I'd be the one hung up. 


Ag. Egone istuc ausim facere, praesertim tibi ? 

quin si feriri video te, extemplo dolet. 150 

Mil. Mihi quidem hercle. 
Ag. Immo mihi. 

Mil. Istuc mavelim. 

sed quid nunc tibi vis ? 
Ag. Cur ego apud te mentiar ? 

amo immodeste. 
Mil. Meae istuc scapulae sentiunt. 

Ag. At ego hanc vicinam dico Adelphasium meam, 

lenonis huius meretricem maiusculam. 
Mil. lam pridem equidem istuc ex te audivi. 
Ag. Differor 

cupidine eius. sed lenone istoc Lyco, 

illius domino, non lutumst lutulentius. 
Mil. .Vin tu illi nequam dare nunc ? 
Ag. Cupio. 

Mil. Em me date. 

Ag. Abi dierectus. 
Mil. Die mihi vero serio : 160 

vin dare malum illi ? 
Ag. Cupio. 

Mil. Em, eundem me date : 

utrumque faxo habebit, et nequam et malum. 
Ag. locare. 
Mil. Vin tu illam hodie sine ^ dispendio 

tuo tuam libertam facere ? 
Ag. Cupio, Milphio. 

Mil. Ego faciam ut facias, sunt tibi intus aurei 

trecenti nummi Philippi } 
Ag. Sescenti quoque. 

* Leo brackets following damno et. 


Ag. Would I be capable of doing that, especially to 

you ? Why, the moment I see you get a blow, it 

Mil. Yes, by gad, hurts me. 
Ag. No, no, me ! 
Mil. That would be my preference. But what d'ye 

want now ? 
Ag. (despairingly) Why should I he to you? I'm in 

love, beyond all self-control ! 
Mil. (dryly) My shoulder blades surmise as much. 
Ag. But with the girl next door, I mean, (indicating 

Lycus' house) my Adelphasiimi, this pimp's 

courtesan, the one a little older. 
Mil. (rvearily) Lord, Lord! I heard that from you 

long ago. 
Ag. (sobbing) I'm in torment, I want her so! But 

that pimp Lycus she belongs to, oh dear, he's 

dirty as dirt ! 

Want to give him something now he'll hate ? 

(hopeful) I long to ! 

All right ! (grinning) Give him me. 

Oh, go to the deuce ! 

Tell me in sober earnest : do you want to give him 

something he'll regret ? 
Ag. (hopeful again) 1 long to ! 
Mil. All right! Give him this same me. He'll have 

something he'll hate and regret both, I promise you. 
Ag. You joker ! (weeps) 
Mil. (surveying him thoughtfully) Want to make that 

girl your freedwoman to-day without its costing 

you a thing ? 
Ag. (through his tears) I long to, Milphio ! 
Mil. (confidently) I'm the man to n.anage it. Have you 

got three hundred pounds inside there ? 
Ag. Yes, and six hundred. 



Mil. Satis sunt trecenti. 

Ag. Quid iis facturu's ? 

Mil. Tace. 

totum lenonem tibi cum tota familia 

dabo hodie dono. 
Ag. Qui id facturu's ? 

Mil. lam scies. 

tuos Collybiscus nunc in urbest vilicus ; 170 

eum hie non novit leno. satin intellegis ? 
Ag. Intellego hercle, sed quo evadas nescio. 
Mil. Non scis ? 
Ag. Non hercle. 

Mil. At ego iam faxo scies. 

ei dabitur aurum, ut ad lenonem deferat 

dicatque se peregrinum esse, ex alio oppido : 

se amare velle atque obsequi animo sue ; 

locum sibi velle liberum praeberier, 

ubi nequam faciat clam, ne quis sit arbiter. 

leno ad se accipiet auri cupidus ilico : 

celabit hominem et aurum. 
Ag. Consilium placet. 180 

Mil. Rogato, servos veneritne ad eum tuos. 

ille me censebit quaeri : continuo tibi 

negabit. quid tu dubitas, quin extempulo 

dupli tibi auri et hominis fur leno siet ? 

neque id unde efficiat habet : ubi in ius venerit, 

addicet praetor familiam totam tibi. 

ita decipiemus fovea lenonem Lycum. 
Ag. Placet consilium. 
Mil. Immo etiam, ubi expolivero, 

magis hoc tum demum dices : nunc etiam rudest. 
^8- ^S^ ^^ aedem Veneris eo, nisi quid vis, Milphio. 190 

Aphrodisia hodie sunt. 

^ A festival of Venus. 


Three hundred's plenty. 

What are you going to do with it ? 

Hush! This day you shall get the pimp entire 

with his entire household as a gift from me. 

How will you do it ? 

You'll soon know. Your bailiff GDllybiscus is in 

the city now : this pimp's unacquainted with him. 

Understand, do you ? 

(somewhat dazed) I understand, yes, yes — but I 

don't know what you're aiming at. 

{contemptuous) You don't, eh ? 

Really, I don't. 

Well, I'll soon let you know. Hell be given the 

money, so as to carry it to the pimp's, saying he's 

a stranger, from another town. He'll say he wants 

a girl and a good time ; wants a nice quiet place 

pro\-ided where he can enjoy himself privately 

without being observed. "The pimp '11 be keen 

for the money and hurry him into his house. 

{triumphantly) He'll be concealing man and money ! 

{half-heartedly) Very good scheme. 

Then you ask him if your slave is at his house. 

He'll suppose it's me you're after : so hell promptly 

say no. Can you doubt he will forthwith be liable 

to you for twice the value of the money and the 

slave he stole? And he hasn't the wherewithal 

to settle. When he comes to court the praetor 

will adjudge his entire estabUshment to you. So 

there's pimp Lycus lured into our pitfall. 

(restless) Very good scheme. 

Ah, but you wait till I have it polished up, and 

then youll say so all the more; it's crude as 


I'm going to the temple of Venus, if there's nothing 

you want, Milphio. This is Aphrodisia ^ day. 



Mil. Scio. 

Ag. Oculos volo 

meos delectare munditiis meretriciis. 
Mil, Hoc primum agamus quod consilium cepimus. 

abeamus intro, ut Collybiscum vilicum 

banc perdoceamus ut ferat fallaciam. 
Ag. Quamquam Cupido in corde vorsatur, tamen 

tibi auscultabo. 
Mil. Faciam ut facto gaudeas. 

inest amoris macula huic homini in pectore, 

sine damno magno quae elui ne utiquam potest. 

itaque hie scelestus est homo leno Lycus, 200 

quoi iam infortuni intenta ballistast probe, 

quam ego baud multo post mittam e ballistario. 

sed Adelphasium eccam exit atque Anterastilis. 

haec est prior, quae meum erum dementem facit. 

sed evocabo. heus, i foras, Agorastocles, 

si vis videre ludos iucundissimos. 
Ag. Quid istuc tumultist, Milphio ? 

Mil. Em amores tuos, 

si vis spectare. 
Ag. O multa tibi di dent bona, 

quom hoc mi optulisti tarn lepidum spectaculum. 
I. 2. 
Ad. Negoti sibi qui volet vim parare, 210 

navem et mulierem, haec duo comparato. 

nam nullae magis res duae plus negoti 

habent, forte si occeperis exornare,^ 

^ Leo brackets following v., 214: 

negue umquam satis hae duae re3 ornaniur. 

^ V. 214 : Nor are these two things ever fitted out sufScientlj, 


I. {curily) I know. 

{languishingly) I •«'ish to gladden my eyes with the 
sweet costumes of the courtesans. 

[. (impatient) Let's get started on this scheme of 
ours first. Let's go in and instruct bailiff Colly- 
biscus how to play his part in it. 
{tvith pained resolution) Though Cupid's busy in 
my heart, no matter, obey you I will. 

[exit into his house. 

I. (calling after him) 111 make you glad you did do so. 
(soliloquizing) This chap has a love-spot in his chest 
that simply can't be eradicated except at high 
cost. So it's this villainous pimp Lycus I now 
have my barb of bale well aimed at, and a little 
later I'll let fly from my barbican, (as the pimp's 
door opens) Aha ! But here come Adelphasium, 
and AnterastiUs ! (to audience) It's this first one 
(pointing) that's driving my master mad. But I'll 
call him out. (goes to his door) Hey, Agorastocles ! 
Come on out, if you want to see a gorgeous show ! 

E>rTER Agorastocles. 
Why the uproar, Milphio ? 
I. (pointing) "There's your lady fair, if you want to 
inspect her. 
4g. (rapturous) Oh, God give you every blessing, for 
bringing me a spectacle so lovely ! (draws Milphio 
back into the doorway) 

Scene 2. enter Adelphasium and AnterastiUs, a maid 


Ad. (surveying herself irritably) A man that wants to 
make himself a world of trouble should get himself 
a ship and a woman, just those two. For no two 
things can possibly be more troublesome, if you 
happen to try to fit them out,^ and as for fitting 



neque eis ulla ornandi satis satietas est. 

atque haec, ut loquor, nunc domo docta dico. 

nam nos usque ab aurora ad hoc quod diei est,^ 

ex industria ambae numquam concessamus 

lavari aut fricari aut tergeri aut ornari, 220 

poliri expoliri, pingi fingi ; et una 

binae singulis quae datae nobis ancillae, 

eae nos lavando eluendo operam dederunt, 

aggerundaque aqua sunt viri duo defessi. 

apage sis, negoti quantum in muliere una est. 

sed vero duae, sat scio, maxumo uni 

poplo cuilubet plus satis dare potis sunt, 

quae noctes diesque omni in aetata semper 

ornantur, lavantur, tergentur, poliuntur, 

postremo modus muliebris nullust : numquam 230 

lavando et fricando scimus facere finem.^ 

Ant. Miror equidem, soror, te istaec sic fabulari, 
quae tam callida et docta sis et faceta. 
nam quom sedulo munditer nos habemus, 
vix aegreque amatorculos invenimus. 

Ad. Ita est. verum hoc unum tamen cogitato : 

modus omnibus rebus, soror, optimus est habitu. 
nimia omnia nimium exhibent negoti hominilxis ex 

4nt. Soror, cogita, amabo, item nos perhiberi 240 

quam si salsa muriatica esse autumantur : ' 
nisi multa aqua usque et diu macerantur, 
olent, salsa sunt, tangere ut non velis. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 218: 

posiquam aurora inluxit, numquam concessamus. 
* Leo brackets following v., 232: 
nam quae laufa est nisi perculta est, meo quidem aninw 

quasi inluta est. 
■ Leo brarkets following v., 242 : 

fine omni lepore et sine suavitate. 



them out sufficiently to suffice, it can't be done. 

In sapng so I speak from late experience of my 

ow-n. Why, from the very peep of daw-n until 

this moment ^ we've both of us incessantly kept 

at it, being bathed or rubbed or dried or bedecked, 

prinked and pranked, made up and done up. 

Yes, and we each had two maids that helped with 

the bathing and scouring, and we tired out two 

men with water-carrying. Don't talk to me! 

The trouble one woman makes! But two! I 

really do believe a whole community, big as you 

please, can be kept more than busy by two women 

with their nightly, daily, lifelong, and eternal need 

of being bedecked, bathed, dried, and prinked. 

The golden mean, in short, means not a tiling to 

women. Our bathing and rubbing — we don't 

know enough to end it, ever ! ^ 

{complacently adding jinal touches to her toilet) 

Really, sister, I'm surprised at such nonsense from 

a shrewd, sensible, clever girl like you. Why, for 

all our care to be well gotten up, even so, it's hard 

enough to find any loverlings. 

That's so. But just the same, do consider this one 
fact: moderation in all things is the best policy, 
my dear. " All excess breeds trouble in excess." 
{still prinking) Now, now, sister, just you consider 
this: we girls are judged like pickled fish that's 
pronounced too salty : ^ without lots and lots of 
water and long soaking, they're so rank and salt 
that you don't want to touch them. That's the way 

^ V. 218 : Ever since daybreak we have never ceased. 

• V. 232 : Why, if a woman isn't smartly dressed, too, 
being immaculate is no better than being dirty, that's what 
T think. 

' V. 242 : Quite without attraction and without sweet- 



item nos sumus^ 

insulsae admodum atque invenustae 
sine munditia et sumptu. 
Mil. Coqua est haec quidem, Agorastocles, ut ego 
opinor : 

seit muriatica ut maceret. 
Ag. Quid molestu's ? 

Ad. Soror, parce, amabo : sat est istuc alios 250 

dicere nobis, ne nosmet in nostra etiam vitia 
Ant. Quiesco. 
Ad. Ergo amo te. sed hoc nunc responde 

mihi : sunt hie omnia 

quae ad deum pacem oportet adesse ? 
Ant. Omnia accuravi. 

Ag. Diem pulchrum et celebrem et venustatis plenum, 

dignum Venere pol, quoi sunt Aphrodisia hodie. 
Mil. Ecquid gratiae, quom hue foras te evocavi ? 

iam num me decet donari 

cado vini veteris ? die dare, nil respondes ? 

lingua huic excidit, ut ego opinor. 260 

quid hie, malum, astans opstipuisti ? 
Ag. Sine amem, ne opturba ac tace. 

Mil. Taceo. 

Ag. Si tacuisses, iam istuc taceo non gnatum foret. 

Ant. Eamus, mea soror. 

Ad. Eho amabo, quid illo nunc properas ? 

Ant. Rogas ? 

quia erus nos apud aedem Veneris mantat. 

* Leo brackets following v., 245=> : 

eius seminis mulieres sunt. 

^ V. 245* : Women are of the same stock. 


with us : 1 we're quite unappetizing and unattrac- 
tive unless we take good and expensive care of 

(aside to Agorastocles) This girl's a cook, Agoras- 
tocles, a cook, I do believe : knows all about soaking 
pickled fish. 

(intent on Adelphasium) WTiy bother me ? 
Now, now, sister, that's enough. It's sufficient to 
have other people tell us such things without our 
talking against ourselves too. 
(still prinking) I'll stop. 

That's nice of you, dear. But answer me this now : 
is everything here (pointing to the offerings) that we 
need in order to gain the favour of the gods ? 
I've seen to everything. 

(aside, beatified) Oh beautiful day, festal and lovely, 
ah, day worthy of that Queen of Love whose 
Aphrodisia it is ! 

(aside to Agorastocles) Don't I get a little something 
for calhng you out here."* A cask of old wine 
would be a proper present now, eh? Say so. 
(Agorastocles gazes, unhearing) No answer? He 
has lost his tongue, I do believe, (kissing iit 
Agorastocles' ear) What the devil makes you stand 
here stupefied ? 

(still rapt) Leave me to my love and don't distract 
me ! Hush ! 
(drawling) Hushed. 

(dreamily) If you had hushed, that very " hushed " 
would have been unborn. 

Come, sister mine, let's be going, (moves on) 
(stopping her) But, my dear girl! Why hurry there 

You ask me that? Because master's awaiting us 
at the temple of Venus. 



Ad. Maneat pol. mane. 

turba est nunc apud aram. an te ibi vis inter istas 

prosedas, pistorum arnicas, reliquias alicarias, 
miseras schoeno delibutas servolicolas sordidas, 
quae tibi olant stabulum statumque, sellam et sessi- 

bulum merum, 
quas adeo hau quisquam umquam liber tetigit neque 

duxit domum, 
servolorum sordidulorum scorta diobolaria ? 
Mil. I in malam crucem. tun audes etiam servos spernere, 
propudium ? quasi bella sit, quasi eampse reges 

monstrum mulieris, tantilla tanta verba funditat, 
quoius ego nebulai cyatho septem noctes non emam. 
Ag. Di immor tales omnipotentes, quid est apud vos 

pulchrius ? 
quid habetis qui mage immortales vos credam esse 

quam ego siem, 
qui haec tanta oculis bona concipio ? nam Venus non 

est Venus : 
banc equidem Venerem venerabor, me ut amet 

posthac propitia. 
Milphio, heus, ubi es ? 
Mil. Assum apud te, cecum. 

Ag. At ego elixus sis volo. 

Mil. Enim vero, ere, facis delicias. 

Ag. De tequidem haec didici omnia. 

Mil. Etiamne ut ames cam quam numquam tetigeris ? 
Ag. Nihil id quidemst : 

deos quoque edepol et amo et metuo, quibus tamen 
abstineo manus. 
Ant. Eu ecastor, quom ornatum aspicio nostrum ambarum 
exornatae ut simus. 



Well, let him wait, (as Anterasiilis rebels) Wait! 
The altar's crowded now. You surely don't want to 
mingle there -with those common prostitutes, mis- 
tresses of millers, spelt-mill leavings, wretched, slat- 
ternly, slavehng courters, plastered with poor per- 
fumery, that smell of pothouse and profession, things 
of stool and chair, creatures that no free man ever 
touched or took home, tuppenny sluts of scimmiy 
slavehngs ? 

{aside, ireful) You go to hell ! You dare to scorn 
slaves, you, you outrage ? You'd think she was a 
beauty, you'd think she had kings taking her out, 
to hear her pour forth that big talk, the little scare- 
crow ! I wouldn't give a cupful of fog for seven 
nights with her ! 

(aside) Oh, ye inmiortal gods omnipotent ! What 
have ye more beauteous than she ? What have ye 
that should make me deem you more immortal than 
myself whose eyes enjoy these wondrous blessings ? 
Ah, 'tis not Venus who is Venus ! This, this, is the 
Venus I shall venerate, that she may then look on 
me with love and favour ! Milphio ! Ho ! Where 
are you ? 

(^saur) Here I am, by ^ you. 
(fatuous) Buy you? But I'd rather sell^ you. 
Well, well, here you are, sir, cracking jokes ! 
It's from you I learned it all. 

So ? Learned to love this girl you've never touched ? 
What of that ? I love and revere the gods, too, by 
Jove, and still keep hands off them. 
Heigh-ho ! Dear me, when I look at the things we 
two have got on, our get-up makes me sick. 

1 Assum (roasted) and dixiu (boiled). 



Ad. Immo vero sane commode ; 

nam pro erili et nostro quaestu satis bene ornatae 

non enim potis est quaestus fieri, ni sumptus 

sequitur, scio, 
et tamen quaestus non consistet, si eum sumptus 

superat, soror. 
eo illud satiust, satis quod habitu, haud satis est 
quod plus quam sat est. 
Ag. Ita me di ament, ut ilia me amet malim quam di, 

nam ilia mulier lapidem silicem subigere, ut se 
aniet, potest. 290 

Mil. Pol id quidem hau mentire, nam tu es lapide siliee 
qui banc ames. 
Ag. At vide sis, cum iliac numquam 

limavi caput. 
Mil. Curram igitur aliquo ad piscinam aut ad lacum, 

limum petam. 
Ag. Quid eo opust ? 

Mil. Ego dicam : ut illi et tibi limem caput. 

Ag. I in malam rem. 

Mil. Ibi sum equidem. 

Ag. Perdis. 

Mil. Taceo. 

Ag. At perpetuo volo. 

Mil. Enim vero, ere, meo me lacessis ludo et delicias 

Ant. Satis nunc lepide ornatam credo, soror, te tibi 
viderier ; 
sed ubi exempla conferentur meretricum aliarum, ibi 

erit cordolium, si quam ornatam melius forte 



It shouldn't, it's quite all right. Why, we're got 

up well enough for master's income and our own. 

Of course I know no income's possible \\ithout 

attendant outlay, but there 11 be no income showing, 

sister, if outlay outstrips income. So having enough 

is enough and to spare ; more than enough is less 

than enough. 

{aside to Milpkio) Lord love me, Milphio, I'd rather 

have her love than that of the Lord himself ! Why, 

that girl can force love out of flint. 

Gad ! And that's no lie, for no flint's as foolish as 

you, that love her. 

(too engrossed to notice the remark) But just bear this 

in mind — never yet have I bemired her loveliness. 

Then I'll be off to a fish pond or pool somewhere and 

look for mire. 

(again intent on Adelphasium) WTiat for ? 

For this — to bemire the pair of you. 

Oh, go to hell ! 

(coming closer) That's where I am, sir. 


I'm dumb. 

Eternally, I hope. 

Well, well, here you are, sir, challenging me at my 

own game and cracking jokes. 

Your things seem nice enough to you now, sister, 

I daresay ; but when you make comparisons with 

the other girls, then you 11 feel bad, if you happen 

to notice anyone with better. 



Ad. Invidia in me numquam innatast neque malitia, mea 

soror. 300 

bono me esse ingenio omatam quam auro multo 

mavolo : 
aurum, id fortuna invenitur, natura ingenium 

meretricem pudorem gerere naagis decet quam 

purpuram : ^ 
pulchrum ornatum turpes mores peius caeno con- 

lepidi mores turpem ornatum facile factis com- 
Ag. Eho tu, vin tu facinus facere lepidum et festivom ? 

Mil. Volo. 

Ag. Potesne mi auscultare ? 
Mil. Possum. 

Ag. Abi domum ac suspende te. 

Mil. Quam ob rem? 

Ag. Quia iam numquam audibis verba tot tam suavia. 310 

quid tibi opust vixisse ? ausculta mihi modo ac 
suspende te. 
Mil. Siquidem tu es mecum futurus pro uva passa pensilis. 
Ag. At ego amo banc. 
Mil. At ego esse et bibere. 

Ad. Eho tu, quid ais ? 

Ant. Quid rogas ? 

Ad. Viden tu? pleni oculi sorderum qui erant, iam 

splendent mihi ? 
Ant. Immo etiam in medio oculo paullum sordest. 
Ad. Cedo sis dexteram. 

Ag. Vt quidem tu huius oculos inlutis manibus tractes aut 

^ Leo brackets following v., 303 : 

bonam ego quam heatam me esse nimio did mavolo. 
■ Leo brackets following v., 305 : 
magisque meretricem pudorem quam aurum gerere condecet. 



{quietly) Envy was never one of my innate in- 
firmities, sister dear, or ill-will. I had much rather 

be adorned by beauty of character than by jewels. 

Jewels are the gift of fortune, character comes 

from •tt'ithin.'^ Modesty's more becoming to a 

courtesan than purple ^ : ugly ways so ila pretty 

frock worse than mud, while nice ways easily 

embellish an ugly frock. 

{aside to Milphio, ravished) Ah-h, Milphio ! Would'st 

do something sweet and sportive ? 

I would. 

Canst heed my counsel ? 

I can. 

Go home and hang thyself. 

Eh?. Why so? 

Because never again wilt thou hear so many words 

so charming. What hast thou now to live for ? Ah, 

heed thou me and hang thyself. 

All right, if you'll hang beside me and be a bunch 

of raisins, too. 

Ah, but I — I love this girl ! 

Ah, but I — I love to eat and drink ! 

Oh, I say, dear! 

What is it ? 

Look, will you ? My eyes were full of specks. Are 

they clear now? 
Int. {inspecting) No, there's still a little speck in the 

middle of this eye. 
id. {to the maid) Lend me a hand, please. 
ig. {aside, as the maid obeys) You ? You feel or finger 

eyes of hers with those dirty hands ? 

^ V. 303 : I much prefer to be known for my goodness 
than for my good luck. 

* Y. 305 : Modesty befits a courtesan better than jewels. 



Ant. Nimia nos socordia hodie tenuit. 
Ad. Qua de re, obsecro ? 

Ant, Quia non iam dudum ante lucem ad aedem Veneris 
primae ut inferremus ignem in aram. 
Ad. Aha, non factost opus: 

quae habent nocturna ora, noctu sacruficatum ire 

occupant. 320 

prius quam Venus expergiscatur, prius deproperant 

sacruficare ; nam vigilante Venere si veniant eae, 
ita sunt turpes, credo ecastor Venerem ipsam e fano 
Ag. Milphio. 
Mil. Edepol Milphionem miserum. 

quid nunc vis tibi ? 
Ag. Opsecro hercle, ut mulsa loquitur. 
Mil. Nil nisi laterculos, 

sesumam papaveremque, triticum et frictas nuces. 
Ag. Ecquid amare videor ? 

Mil. Damnum, quod Mercurius minime amat. 

Ag. Namque edepol lucrum amare nullum amatorem 

Ant. Eamus, mea germana. 
Ad. Age sis, ut lubet. 

Ant. Sequere hac. 

Ad. Sequor. 

Mil. Eunt hae. 
Ag. Quid si adeamus? 

Mil. Adeas. 

Ag. Primum prima salva sis, 330 

et secunda tu secundo salve in pretio ; tertia 
salve extra pretium. 
Anc. Turn pel ego et oleum et operam perdidi. 



!. We've been terribly lazy to-day. 

How so, pray ? 
'. In not going long ago before dawn to Venus' temple 
so as to bring the first fire to her altar. 
Oh dear, no, that's not necessary. It's girls with 
nightmare faces that go by night to be the first 
to sacrifice. Off they scurry, eager to make their 
offerings, long before Venus wakes up. Why, if 
she were awake when they arrived, they're so ugly 
that I vow I do beUeve they'd drive our very Venus 
from her shrine. 
(aside) Milphio! 
f. {drearily) Oh, Lord! Miserable Milphio! What 
d'ye want now ? 

ig. Oh, man, man, what honeyed words I 

Vtil. Yes, yes, regular flapjacks — sesame and poppy 
seeds, wheaten flour and roasted nuts ! 
How looks my love to you now ? 
I. Like a financial loss — which Mercury doesn't love 
in the least. 

ig. Well, heavens, man ! Love of gain befits no lover. 

int. Let's go, sister mine. 

id. Very well then, as you please. 

int. Come along. 

id. I am coming, {follows rvith the maid) 

Mil. {aside to Agorasiocles) They're going. 
What if we go up to them ? 
I. (yawning) Go up. (Agorastocles approaches them, 
Milphio following at his leisure) 

{with attempted sprightliness) First (to Adelphasium) to 
you first greetings, and (to Anterastilis) to you, 
second, greetings, of second value ; (to maid) third, 
greetings, of no value. 

Maid Goodness ! Then I've thrown away my time and 



^g- Quo te agis ? 
Ad. Egone ? in aedem Veneris. 

Ag. Quid eo ? 

Ad. Vt Venerem propitiem. 

Ag. Eho, an irata est ? propitia hercle est. vel ego pro ilia 
quid tu ais ? 
Ad. Quid mihi molestu's, opsecro ? 

Ag. Aha, tarn saeviter. 

Ad. Mitte, amabo. 

Ag. Quid festinas ? turba nunc illi est. 

Ad. Scio. 

sunt illi aliae quas spectare ego, et me spectari vole. 
Ag. Qui lubet spectare turpes, pulchram spectandam 

Ad. Quia apud aedem Veneris hodie est mercatus 
meretricius : 
eo conveniunt mercatores, ibi ego me ostendi volo. 340 
Ag. Invendibili merci oportet ultro emptorem adducere : 

proba mers facile emptorem reperit, tarn etsi in 

abstruso sitast. 
quid ais tu ? quando illi apud me meciun caput et 
corpus copulas ? ^ 
Ad. Quo die Orcus Acherunte mortuos amiserit. 
Ag. Sunt mihi intus nescio quot nummi aurei lymphatici. 
Ad. Deferto ad me, faxo actutum constiterit lympha- 

Mil. Bellula hercle. 
Ag. I dierecte in maxiunam malam crucem. 

1 Corrupt (Leo) : palpas et lallas A. 


( Ag. (to Adelphasium) Whither away ? 
Ad. I ? To the temple of Venus. 
As. WTiy there ? 
Ad. To propitiate Venus. 
Ag. Oho ! Can she be angry ? Good heavens, she is 

propitious! Why, I'll vouch for her myself. 

(holding her as she seems about to go) But I say! 

Ad. (trying half-heartedly to pull away) Vraj what makes 

you annoy me 

As. Dear, dear ! What a crosspatch ! 

Ad. Do let go, there's a nice boy ! 

Ag. (releasing her) But why hurry ? The place is 

crowded now. 
Ad. I know it. There are other girls there I want to 

look at, and I want to be looked at too. (lingers) 
Ag. How is it that you hke to look at frights and give 

them a beauty to look at ? 
Ad. Because there's a courtesan sale at Venus' shrine 

to-day : merchants are meeting there, (sadly) and I 

want to show myself, (still lingers) 
Ag. Stuff that's unsellable you must go out and bring 

a buyer for: choice stuff finds a ready 

buyer, even if it's kept concealed. But I say! 

When are you coming to my house there to let me 

love you ? 
Ad. (disappointed) Oh, the day that Pluto lets the dead 

leave Acheron. 
Ag. (tentatively) I have any nimaber of gold pieces at 

home that are quite beyond control. 
Ad. Bring them to me; I'll soon put them in their 

place, (pauses expectantly) 
Mil. (sardonically) Sweet httle thing ! My word ! 
Ag. (to Milphio, changing the subject) You be everlast- 
ingly damned ! 



Mil. Quam magis aspecto, tarn magis est nimbata et 

nugae merae. 
Ad. Segrega sermonem. taedet. 

^g- Age, sustolle hoc amiculum. 

Ad. Pura sum, comperce amabo me attrectare, 

Agorastocles. 350 

Ag. Quid agam nunc ? 

Ad. Si sapias, curam banc facere compendi potes. 

Ag. Quid ? ego non te curem ? quid ais, Milphio ? 

Mil. Ecce odium meum. 

quid me vis ? 
Ag. Cur mi haec irata est ? 

Mil. Cur haec irata est tibi ? 

cur ego id curem ? namque istaec magis meast 
curatio ? ^ 
Ag. lam hercle tu periisti, nisi illam mihi tam tranquillam 

quam mare olimst, quom ibi alcedo pullos educit suos. 
Mil. Quid faciam ? 

Ag. Exora, blandire, expalpa. 

Mil. Faciam sedulo. 

sed vide sis, ne tu oratorem hunc pugnis pectas 
Ag. Non faciam. 
Ad. Non aequos in me es, sed morare et male facis. 

bene promittis multa ex multis : omnia in cassum 360 

liberare iuravisti me baud semel, sed centiens : 
dum te exspecto, neque ego usquam aliam mihi 

paravi copiam 
neque istuc usquam apparet ; ita nunc servio nihilc 

i, soror. apscede tu a me. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : nam qui Ritschl. 


{muttering as he surveys her) The more I inspect her, 
the more bebandoned a bit of trash she seems. 
(to Agorastocles) Let's close the conversation. It 
bores me. 

Come, do lift up this mantle, {helping) 
I am purified! Please keep your hands off me, 
Agorastocles, please ! {jmlb away) 
{hopelessly) What shall I do now? 
{significantly) With any sense, you can end this 
trouble in no time. 

{apparently missing the point) Wliat ? I not trouble 
about you } {helplessly) I say, Milphio ! 
{aside) Here he is, at me again ! {aloud) What d'ye 
want } 

Why is she angry with me ? 

Why is she angry at you ? Why should I trouble 
about that ? Is that my job or yours, to trouble 
about her? 

{rvildly) Now, by heaven, you're a dead man, unless 
you make her tranquil for me as the sea, at times 
when there the halcyon doth hatch her young ! 
What shall I do ? 
Entreat, coax, cajole ! 

I'll do my best. But please see you don't end by 
exercising your fists on your envoy. 
No, no ! 

(to Agorastocles) You aren't fair to me, but delay 
and do me harm. You pile up fine promises sky- 
high: down they all drop to nothing. You have 
sworn, not once, but a hundred times, to set me 
free : I've waited and waited for you, without 
making any other provision for myself, and without 
any action on your part — so here I am, as much a 
slave as ever, {turning away) Go on, sister, {to 
Agorastocles) And you, sir, leave me ! 



Ag. Perii. ecquid agis, Milphio ? 

Mil. Mea voluptas, mea delicia, mea vita, mea amoenitas, 

meus ocellus, meum labellum, mea salus, meum 

meum mel, meum cor, mea colustra, meus molliculus 
caseus — 
Ag. Mene ego illaec patiar praesente dici ? disorucior 

nisi ego ilium iubeo quadrigis cursim ad carnificem 
Mil. Noli, amabo, suscensere ero meo, causa mea. 370 

ego faxo, si non irata es, ninnium pro te dabit 
atque te faeiet ut sis civis Attica atque libera, 
quin adire sinis ? quin tibi qui bene volunt, bene 

vis item ? 
si ante quid mentitust, nunciam dehinc erit verax 

sine te exorem, sine prehendam auriculis, sine dem 
Ad. Apscede hino sis, sycophanta par ero. 
Mil. At scin quo modo ? 

iam hercle ego faciam ploratillum, nisi te facio 

atque hie ne me verberetillum faciat, nisi te propitio, 
male formido : novi ego huius mores morosi malos. 
quam ob rem amabo, mea voluptas, sine te hoc 
exorarier. 380 

Ag. Non ego homo trioboli sum, nisi ego illi mastigiae 
exturbo oculos atque dentes. em voluptatem tibi, 
em mel, em cor, em labellum, em salutem, em 
Mil. Impias, ere, te : oratorem verberas. 

* Ninnium, of unknown meaning. 


Oh, I'm lost ! Act, Milphio, act ! 
(to Adelphasium, rvith mock fervour) Ah, my joy, 
my darling, my Ufe, my delight, apple of my eye, 
lips of my love, my salvation, my soul kiss, my honey, 
my heart's desire, my peaches and cream, my soft 

httle cheese 

{aside, incensed) Shall I allow such things to be 
said in my presence ? Death and damnation, if I 
don't have him dragged to the hangman fast as a 
four-in-hand can travel ! 

Don't be provoked at my master, don't, for my 
sake, there's a dear ! If you're not angry, I'll see 
he gives a naggot^ for you and makes you a free 
Athenian citizen. WTiy don't you let him come 
near you? Why don't you be friendly to your 
friends? Supposing he did he a bit before, from 
now on you'll find him rehable. Let me prevail 
upon you, let me take you by the ear-laps, let me 
give you a nice long kiss 5 

{angrily) Get away, will you! Like master, like 
man — cheats ! 

But just look here — I must get you pacified or, 
good Lord ! I'll soon be getting him weepified, and 
if I don't pacify you, I'm scared to death he'll 
thrashify me. I know how mean moroseness 
makes him. So do let me prevail upon you, there's 
a dear ! Do, my joy ! 

{furious) I'm not a farthings worth of a man if I 
don't expunge that scoundrel's eyes and teeth ! 
(laying into him) There's your joy ! There's 
honey ! There's heart's desire ! There's Ups of 
your love! There's salvation! There's a soul 
kiss ! 

{dodging one) Oh, sir, it's sacrilege! You're 
violating an envoy! 



Ag. lam istoc magis : ^ 

sicine ego te orare iussi ? 
Mil. Quo modo ergo orem ? 

Ag. Rogas ? 

sic enim dioeres, seeleste : huius voluptas, te 

huius mel, huius cor, huius labellum, huius lingua, 

huius savium, 
huius delicia, huius salus amoena, huius festivitas : ^ 
omnia ilia, quae dicebas tua, esse ea memorares mea. 391 
Mil. Opsecro hercle te, voluptas huius atque odium 
huius arnica mammeata, mea inimica et malevola, 
oculus huius, lippitudo mea, mel huius, fel meum, 
ut tu huic irata ne sis aut, si id fieri non potest, 
capias restim ac te suspendas cum ero et vostra 

nam mihi iam video propter te victitandum sorbilo, 
itaque iam quasi ostreatum tergum ulceribus gestito 
propter amor em vestrum. 
Ad. Amabo, men prohibere postulas 

ne te verberet magis quam ne mendax me advorsum 
siet ? 400 

Ant. Aliquid huic responde, amabo, commode, ne 
nobis sit. nam detinet nos de nostro negotio. 
Ad. Verum. etiam tibi hanc amittam noxiam unam, 
non sum irata. 
Ag. Non es ? 

^ Leo brackets following v., 385 : 

etiam ocellum addam et labellum et lingttam. 
Mil. Ecquid fades modi? 

« Leo brackets following vv., 390-390» : 

huius colustra, huius dulciculus caseus, mastigia, 
huius cor, huius studium, huius savium, mastigia. 


(landing one) TTie more for that ! ^ Was that the 
way I told you to entreat her ? 
How should I, then ? 

You ask? This was the way to say it, villain. 
(turning toward Adelphasium) Oh, I implore you, 
master's joy, Ids honey, his heart's desire, hps of his 
love, his tongue, his soul kiss, his darhng, his delight 
and salvation, his feUcity ! ^ AH those things you 
called yours were to be mentioned as mine. 
(to Adelphasium) Oh, I do, do, implore you, his joy — 
(aside) and my abomination — his breastiful friend — 
(aside) my cantankerous foe — hght of his eyes — 
(aside) my eyesore — fas honey — (aside) my henbane 
— I implore you, don't be angry at him, (aside) or if 
that can't be helped, get a rope and hang yourself, 
you and your master and your whole household! 
(aloud) For I see it's a watery diet I'm in for now 
on your account, with me already carrying a back 
like an oyster's with weals all over it on account of 
vour love affair. 

Do you expect me, my dear man, to stop his thrash- 
ing you more than his tricking me ? 
(aside to Adelphasium) Give him (nodding towards 
Agorastocles) some answer, a pleasant one, there's a 
dear, so that he'll stop plaguing us. As it is, he's 
keeping us from our own affairs. 
That's so. (to Agorastocles) Again I'll let this one 
fault pass, Agorastocles. I'm not angry. 
(adoringly) You're not? 

* V. 385 : Yes, and I'll add — apple of your eye ! and — 
lips of your love ! and — tongue ! MU. Aren't you ever 
going to end ? 

» Vv. 390-39O : Hia peaches and cream. Aw delectable 
little cheese, you reprobate, hia heart's desire, his passion, 
hia soul kiss, you reprobate I 


Ad. Non sum. 

Ag. Da ergo, ut credam, savium. 

Ad. Mox dabo, quom ab re divina rediero. 

Ag. I ergo strenue. 

Ad. Sequere me, soror. 

Ag. Atque audin etiam ? Veneri dicito 

multam meis verbis salutem. 
Ad. Dicam. 

Ag. Atque hoc audi. 

Ad. Quid est? 

Ag. Faucis verbis rem divinam facito. atque audin? 

respexit. idem edepol Venerem credo facturam tibi. 


quid nunc mi es auctor, Milphio ? 
Mil. Vt me verberes 410 

atque auctionem facias : nam impunissume 

tibi quidem hercle vendere hasce aedis licet. 
Ag. Quid iam ? 

Mil. Maiorem partem in ore habitas meo. 

Ag. Supersede istis verbis. 

Mil. Quid nunc vis tibi ? 

Ag. Trecentos Philippos Collybisco vilico 

dedi dudum, prius quam me evocavisti foras. 

nunc opsecro te, Milphio, banc per dexteram 

perque banc sororem laevam perque oculos tuos ^ 

perque tuam libertatem — 
Mil. Em nunc nihil opsecras. 420 

* Leo brackets following v., 419 : 

perque meos amores perque Adelphasium meam. 

1 V. 419 : And by my love and by my Adelphasium. 


^Ad. I'm not. 

\Ag. Then give me a nice long kiss to prove it. 

'Ad. I will later, when I return from worship. 

Ag. Go, then, hasten ! 

Ad. {going) Come along, sister. 

Ag. (maudlin) And — listening still, are you? Give 
Venus my very best regards. 

Ad. (over her shoulder) Yes, yes. 
iAg. And — listen here! 

'Ad. What is it? 

Ag. Make your offering without wasting words, (as 
Adelpkasium is almost out of sight) And — listen, will 
you ? Do look at me kindly ! (Adelphasium smiles 
at him) She has done it ! I verily beUeve Venus 
•will do the same for you ! 

[exeunt girls and maid. 

Scene 3. 

(to Milphio, helplessly) What do you recommend 
now, Milphio? 

Mil. (glum) That you keep punching me and hold an 
auction. Why, you can sell this house here and not 
suffer from it, not one tiny bit, yoiurself. 

Ag. How so? 

Mil. (nursing his contusions) Because you spend most of 
your time about my jaws. 

Ag. (gradually hysterical again) Desist firom such talk! 

Mil. \Vhat do you want now ? 

Ag. I gave three hundred pounds to bailiff CoUybiscus 
a while ago, before you called me out. Now I 
beseech you, Milphio, by this right hand (seizing 
Milphio's right hand) and by its sister left (seizing 
Milphio' s left hand) and by these eyes of yours ^ and 
by your freedom 

Afi7. (snorting) There! That means you don't beseech 
at al 



Ag. Mi Milphidisce, mea commoditas, mea salus, 

fac quod facturum te esse promisti mihi, 
ut ego hunc lenonem perdam. 

Mil. Perfacile id quidemst. 

1, adduce testis tecum ; ego intus interim 
iam et ornamentis meis et sycophantiis 
tuom exornabo vilicum. propera atque abi. 

Ag. Fugio. 

Mil. Meum est istuc magis officium quam tuom. 

Ag. Egone egone, si istuc lepide ecfexis — 

Mil. I modo. 

Ag. Vt non ego te hodie — 

Mil. Abi modo. 

Ag. Emittam manu — 

Mil. I modo. 

Ag. Non hercle meream — 

Mil. Oh— 

Ag. Vah— 

Mil. Abi modo. 430 

Ag. Quantum Acheruntest mortuorum — 

Mil. Etiamne abis ? 

Ag. Neque quantum aquaist in mari — 

Mil. Abiturun es ? 

Ag. Neque nubes omnes quantumst — 

Mil. Pergin pergere .'' 

Ag. Neque stellae in caelo — 

Mil. Pergin auris tundere ? 

Ag. Neque hoc neque illud neque — enim vero serio — 
neque — hercle vero — quid opust verbis ? quippini ? 
quod uno verbo — dicere hie quidvis licet, 
neque — hercle vero serio, scin quomodo ? 
ita me di amabunt — vin bona dicam fide ? 




Oh, my Milphiolio, my Opportunity, my Salvation, 

do what you promised me to do and help me crush 

this pimp ! 

(taking an interest) That's perfectly simple. Go, 

bring along some witnesses with you. Meantime 

now I'll be inside equipping your bailiff with my 

own equipment and stratagems. Hiurv up and be 


{efferrescenlly) I fly ! 

That's more in my line than yours. 

{hugging him) If you bring it all to a happy end, I 

. . . I— 

{sceptical and impaUent) Yes, yes, off with you ! 

I won't fail this day — 

Yes, yes, be off! 

To set you free — 

Yes, yes, off with you ! 

No, by heaven, not for — 



Yes, yes, be off! 

As much as all the dead in Hades — 

Do be off, won't you ? 

Or as much as all the water in the sea — 

Won't you be off? 

Or all the clouds — 

Stillatit, still, eh? 

Or all the stars in the sky — 

Still dinning my ears ? 

No, neither this nor that nor ... in sober 

earnest . . . nor . . . really, by heaven . . . 

why say more ? ^Tiy not ? In a word . . . you 

can say what you please here, nor ... in sober 

earnest, by heaven, you see how it is ? The Lord 

love me . . . you want me to speak in good 



quod hie inter nos liceat — ita me luppiter — 440 

scin quam videtur ? credin quod ego fabuler ? 
Mil. Si nequeo facere ut abeas, egomet abiero ; 

nam isti quidem hercle orationi Oedipo 

opust coniectore, qui Sphingi interpres fuit. 
Ag. Illic hinc iratus abiit. nunc mihi eautio est, 

ne meamet culpa meo amori obiexim moram. 

ibo atque arcessam testis, quando Amor iubet 

me oboedientem esse servo liberum. 


Li/c, Di ilium infelicent omnes, qui post hunc diem 

leno ullam Veneri umquam immolarit hostiam 450 

quive uUum turis granum sacruficaverit. 

nam ego hodie infelix dis meis iratissumis 

sex immolavi agnos, nee potui tamen 

propitiam Venerem facere uti esset mihi. 

quoniam litare nequeo, abii illim ilico 

iratus, votui exta prosicarier ; ^ 

eo pacto avarae Veneri pulchre adii manum. 

quando id quod sat erat satis habere noluit, 

ego pausam feci, sic ago, sic me decet. 

ego faxo posthac di deaeque ceteri 460 

contentiores mage erunt atque avidi minus, 

quom scibunt, Veneri ut adierit leno manum. 

condigne haruspex, non homo trioboli, 

omnibus in extis aibat portendi mihi 

malum damnimique et deos esse iratos mihi. 

1 Leo brackets following vv., 457»-457'' : 

neque ea poricere volui, quoniam non bona 
haruspex dixit : deam esse indignant credidi. 

1 Vv. 4573-457'' : I didn't wish to offer those organs, the 
priest having pronounced them bad : I felt the goddess 
did not deserve such treatment. 


faith? Here between us two what can ... so 
Jupiter . . . you know how it seems? You 
believe what I tell you ? 

(escaping) If I can't induce you to be off, I'll be off 
myself! Ye gods! Why, that oration of yours 
ought to be submitted to Oedipus, one-time inter- 
preter for the Sphinx. [exit. 
(subsiding) There, he's off, angry. I must take 
care now not to block the course of my own love 
and have myself to blame. I'll go and summon 
\^itnesses, since Love hath bid me be obedient 
to a slave, freeman though I am. [exit. 



May all the powers above confound the pimp who 
after this day ever sacrifices a single \ictim to 
Venus or offers her a single grain of incense. ^Vhy, 
here's my confounded self to-day, with my gods in 
an awful rage — six lambs I sacrificed, six, yet not a 
sign of a favour could I get from Venus. Seeing I 
was unable to get good omens, off I went at once, 
in a rage myself, without letting 'em cut off the 
sacrificial meat.*^ That's the tidy way I tripped her 
up, that greedy Venus. Seeing she wouldn't call 
enough enough, I called a halt. That's the sort I am, 
that's the style for me. I guarantee that after this 
the other gods and goddesses will be more readily 
contented and less grasping when they learn how 
the pimp tripped up Venus. And that priest, the 
farthingsworth of a fellow, was worthy of his job in 
saying all the organs boded ill and loss and heaven's 
wrath for me. How can you credit such a man in 



quid ei divini aut humani aequomst credere ? 

mina mihi argenti dono postilla datast. 

sed quaeso, ubi nam illic restitit miles modo, 

qui hanc mihi donavit, quem ego vocavi ad prandium? 

sed eccum incedit. 
Anta. Ita ut occepi dicere, 470 

lenulle, de ilia pugna Pentetronica, 

quom sexaginta milia hominum uno die 

volaticorum manibus occidi raieis. 
Lye. ^'^olaticonml hominum ? 
Anta. Ita dico quidem. 

Lye. An, opsecro, usquam sunt homines volatici ? 
Anta. Fuere. verum ego interfeci. 
Lye. Quo modo 

potuisti ? 
Anta. Dicam. viscum legioni dedi 

fundasque ; eo praesternebant folia farferi. 
Lye. Quoi rei ? 

Anta. Ad fundas viscus ne adhaeresceret. 

Lye. Perge. optume hercle perieras. quid postea ? 480 

Anta. In fundas visei indebant grandiculos globos, 

eo illos volantis iussi funditarier. 

quid multa verba ? quemquem visco offenderant, 

tarn crebri ad terram accidebant quam pira. 

ut quisque acciderat, eum necabam ilico 

per cerebrum pinna sua sibi, quasi turturem. 
Lye. Si hercle istue umquam factiun est, tum me 

faciat ut semper sacruficem nee umquam Utem. 
Anta. An mi haec non credis ? 
Lye. Credo, ut mi aequomst credier. 490 

age eamus intro. 



anything, divine or human ? Why, later on I got a 
present of four pounds, (looking back) But I wonder 
where on earth that warrior's stopped now, who 
gave me this money and got my invitation to 
lunch? Ah, there he struts! 

ENTER Antamonides, very martial. 

(sonorously) To continue, pimpling, my account of 

that Pentetronic afiray when on one day I slew 

■with these two hands sixty thousand flying men. 

(ironically) Flying men, eh ? 

Such was my statement, sir. 

You mean to say that anywhere there are flying 


(firmly) There were. But I destroyed them. 

How could you ? 

Thus. My legions I equipped with birdlime and 

with slings ; within they laid leaves of coltsfoot. 

Why that? 

To prevent the birdlime from adhering to the sling^. 

Goon, (half aside) Gad, you're a grand Uar! (a/oa<f) 

What next ? 

They loaded their slings with good-sized balls of 

birdlime, and at my command did open fire upon 

those flyers. Why prolong the tale? Struck by 

the birdlime, they fell to the ground thick as pears. 

As each one fell, I straightway ran him through the 

brain with one of his own feathers and killed him 

like a turtle-dove. 

Gad ! If that ever took place, may Jupiter take 

me and make me sacrifice eternally with never one 

good omen. 

(stiffly) You do not believe me ? 

I believe you — just as I should be believed, myself. 

Come, let's go inside, (moves towards his house) 



Anta. Dum exta referuntur, volo 

narrare tibi etiam unam pugnam. 
Lye. Nil moror. 

Anta. Ausculta. 

Lye. Non hercle auscultabo. 

Anta. Quo modo ? 

colaphis quidem hercle tuom iam dilidam caput, 

nisi aut auscultas aut is in malam crucem. 
Lye. Malam crucem ibo potius. 
Anta. Certiminest tibi ? 

Lye. Certum. 
Anta. Turn tu igitur die bono Aphrodisiis 

addice tuam mihi meretricem minusculam. 
Lye. Ita res divina mihi fuit : res serias 

omnis extoUo ex hoc die in alium diem. 500 

Anta. Profestos festos habeam decretum est mihi. 
Lye. Nunc hinc eamus intro. sequere hac me. 
Anta. Sequor. 

in hunc diem iam tuos siun mercennarius. 


Ag, Ita me di ament, tardo amico nihil est quicquam 

praesertim homini amanti, qui quidquid agit properat 

sicut ego hos duco advocatos, homines spissigradissi- 

tardiores quam corbitae sunt in tranquillo marl, 
atque equidem hercle dedita opera amicos fugitavi 

senes : 
scibam aetate tardiores, metui meo amori moram. 



(clutching his arm) While they bring back the sacri- 
ficial meat I wish to tell you of still another battle. 
No more for me ! 
Listen ! 

(pulling arvay) By Jove, I won't listen! 
(incensed) How is that ? By the Lord, I'll debatter 
your brains to bits this instant, unless you either 
listen or go and be hanged ! 
I prefer to go and be hanged. 
(roaring) That is your decision? 
(coolly) My decision. 

(after glaring rvithout effect) Well then, on this 
happy Aphrodisia day make over to me that wench 
of yours, the littler one. 

The way devotional matters went with me, I am 
postponing all serious matters till another day. 
'Tis my resolve to treat alike days sacred and 

Let's go inside now. This way, follow me. (opens 
his door) 

(nith dignity) I follow. For the present day I am 
your mercenary. [exeunt. 


ENTER Agorastocles, rapidly. 

(looking hack, peevish) Lord love me, there's nothing 
more annoying than a slow-footed friend, especially 
to a man in love, who does all he does in a hurry. 
Take my case — bringing these counsellors, these 
waddlejoggers, slower than barges on a breathless 
sea. Yes, and by gad, I took pains to avoid my 
aged friends : I knew their years slowed them 
down, and dreaded having my desires delayed. 



nequiquam hos procos mi elegi loripedis, tardissimos. 510 
quin si ituri hodie estis, ite, aut ite hinc in malam 

sicine oportet ire amicos homini amanti operam 

datum ? 
nam iste quidem gradus succretust cribro poUinario, 
nisi cum pedicis condidicistis istoc grassari gradu. 
Adv. Heus tu, quamquam nos videmur tibi plebeii et 

si nee recte dicis nobis, dives de summo loco, 
divitem audacter solemus mactare infortunio. 
nee tibi nos obnoxii ^ istuc, quid tu ames aut oderis : 
quom argentum pro capite dedimus, nostrum 

dedimus, non tuom ; 
liberos nos esse oportet. nos te nihili pendimus, 520 
ne tuo nos amori servos ^ esse addictos censeas. 
liberos homines per urbem medico magis par est 

ire, servile esse duco festinantem currere. 
praesertim in re populi placida atque interfectis 

non decet tumultuari. sed si properabas magis, 
pridie nos te advocates hue duxisse oportuit. 
ne tu opinere, haud quisquam hodie nostrum curret 

per vias, 
neque nos populus pro cerritis insectabit lapidibus. 
Ag. At si ad prandium me in aedem vos dixissem 

vinceretis cervom cursu vel gralatorem gradu ; 530 

nunc vos quia mihi advocatos dixi et testis ducere, 
podagrosi estis ac vicistis cochleam tarditudine. 
Adv. An vero non iusta causa est, quor curratur celeriter 

^ Leo brackets following sumus. 
2 Leo brackets following tuos. 



But it's no use my having chosen these drag-footed 
beaus, the slowest ever, (shouting down the street) 
Come, get going, if you intend to get here to-day, 
or else get to the devil out of here ! Is this the way 
for friends to go to give aid to a lover ? Why, that 
gait of yours must have been sifted through a 
flour sieve — if it's not a shuffle step you learned in 
a chain gang. 

ENTER Counsellors, unhurried. 

See here,you,we may seem to be only poor plebeians, 
but if you get abusive, noble plutocrat or not, 
you'll find us ready and wilUng to make a plutocrat 
feel most unfortunate. Your love, or hate, means 
not a thing to us : when we bought our hberty it 
was our own money bought it, not yours ; we 
are free men and ought to be. We don't give a 
hang for you, so don't mistake us for bond-slaves of 
your passion. A sober pace in the city streets is 
the suitable thing for free men ; it has a servile look 
to bustle about on the run. Especially when peace 
prevails and enemies are dead, flurry is unseemly. 
But if you were in such haste, you should have 
taken us here as counsellors the day before. No 
one of us — and don't you expect it — wll go running 
through the streets this day and have people 
thinking us madmen and chasing us with stones. 
Yes, but if I had said I was taking you to the 
temple to lunch, you'd have outstripped a stag or 
outstridden a stilt-walker. As it is, since I said I 
was taking you to be my counsellors and witnesses, 
you have the gout and have out-lagged a snail. 
Well, and haven't you good reason to show some 
speed when you're headed for where you can drink, 



ubi bibas, edas de alieno quantum velis usque ad 

quod tu invitus numquam reddas domino, de quoio 

ederis ? 
sed tamen cum eo cum quiqui, quamquam sumus 

est domi quod edimus, ne nos tam contemptim 

quidquid est pauxillulum illuc, nostrum id omne, 

non tuomst, 
nequenos quemquam flagitamus neque nos quisquam 

tua causa nemo nostrorumst suos rupturus ramites. 540 
Ag. Nimis iracundi estis : equidem haec vobis dixi per 

Adv. Per iocum itidem dictum habeto quae nos tibi 

Ag. Scitis rem, narravi vobis quod vestra opera mi opus 

de lenone hoc, qui me amantem ludificatur tam diu, 
ei paratae ut sint insidiae de auro et de servo meo. 
Adv. Omnia istaec scimus iam nos, si hi spectatores sciant ; 550 
horunc hie nunc causa haec agitur spectatorum fabula : 
hos te satius est docere, ut, quando agas, quid agas 

nos tu ne curassis : scimus rem omnem, quippe 

omnes simul 
didicimus tecum una, ut respondere possemus tibi. 
Ag. Ita profecto est. sed agite igitur, ut sciam vos scire 

expedite ^ mihi quae vobis dudum dixi dicite. 

1 Leo brackets following vv., 543-546 : 
Ag. Obsecro hercle, operam celocem hanc mihi, ne corbitam date; 

attrepidate saltern, nam vos adproperare haud postulo. 
Adv. Si quid tu placide otioseque agere vis, operam damns; 

si properas, cursores meliust te advocates ducere. 



and eat as much as you can want and hold, at 
another man's expense, and never be obliged to 
pay back the host that fed you ? But in any case, 
however, even though we are poor folks, we do 
have food of our own, so you needn't treat us as 
trash to trample on. The little we have, however 
httle, is all ours, not yours ; we dun nobody and 
nobody duns us. No one of us intends to burst 
the blood-vessels of his lungs because of you. 
(jplacaiiyigly) Oh, you're too touchy : my remarks 
to you were only made in fun. 
(u7iappeased) Consider our reply to you made in 
fun likewise.^ 

You know the situation; I explained how I need 
your help with this pimp who has made game of 
me and my love so long, and how we plan to trap 
him with the money and my slave. 
We know all that already — if only these spectators 
know. It's for their benefit we're doing this play 
here now; they're the ones for you to instruct, so 
that they'll know what you're doing when you do 
it. Don't bother about us : we know the whole 
business, seeing we all learned our lines along with 
you, so as to be able to talk back to you. 
Very true. But come then, so that I'll know you 
know, quick, tell me the things I told you a while 

1 Vv. 543-546 : 
For the love of heaven, do me the service of a speed-boat, 
not a barge. Hobbleahoy along, anyhow — I'm not ex- 
pecting any headlong haste from you. 

If you want to do anything in a quiet, leisurely way, we are 
at your service; if you're in a hurry, you'd better bring 
runners as counsellors. 

^ JLeu biuckoijb foiiotvuig et. 



Adv. Itane ? temptas an sciamus ? non meminisse nos 
quo modo trecentos Philippos Collybisco vilico 
dederis, quos deferret hue ad lenonem inimicum 

^ se ut assimularet peregrinum esse aliunde ex alio 

oppido ? 560 

ubi is detulerit, tu eo quaesitum servom advenies 

cum pecunia. 
Ag. Meministis memoriter, servastis me. 

Adv. lUe negabit : Milphionem quaeri censebit tuom ; 
id duplicabit omne furtum. leno addicetur tibi. 
ad eam rem nos esse testis vis tibi. 
Ag. Tenetis rem. 

Adv. Vix quidem hercle, ita pauxilla est, digitulis 

Ag. Euge, opportune egrediuntur Milphio una et vilicus 
basilice exornatus incedit et fabre ad fallaciam. 

^ Leo brackets isqiie preceding. 
* Leo brackets following vv., 567-575 : 
Ag. Hoc cito et cursim est agendum, propera iain quantum 'potest. 

Adv. Bene vale igitur. te advocates meliust ceteris ducere ; 

tardi aumua nos. 
Ag. Optime itis, pessime hercle dicitis. 

quin etiam deciderint vobis femina in talcs velim. 
Adv. At edepol nos tibi in lumbos linguam atque oculos in solum. 
Ag. Heia, hau vostrumst iracundos esse, quod dixi ioco. 

Adv. Nee tuom quidem est amicis per iocum iniuste loqui. 
Ag. Mittite istaec. quid velim vos, scitis. 

Adv. Callemus probe : 

lenonem ut periurum perdas, id studes. 
Ag. Tenetis rem. 



So ? Testing our knowledge, eh ? D'ye suppose we 

don't remember how you gave bailiff CoUybiscus 

three hundred pounds for him to take to your enemy 

here, the pimp, pretending he's a stranger from 

some other town somewhere? And when he has 

taken it, you'll arrive in search of your slave with 

your money. 

Memorable memories ! You've saved me. 

He'll deny it, think it's your Milphio you're seeking ; 

this will double the whole theft. The pimp will 

be adjudged to you. You wish us to be your 

witnesses to all this. 

You grasp it. 

Gad, barely, with our finger-tips, it's such a small 

affair ! i 

(as his door opens) Splendid ! Out come Milphio and 

bailiff just when they're wanted, (surveying 

CoUybiscus) That's a royal get-up he's parading in ! 

Suits our scheme exactly. 

1 Vv. 567-575 : 
We must work rapidly and push this through. Hurry 
your fastest now. 

A very good day to you, then. You had better bring 
speedy counsellors ; we are slow. 

You're excellent walkers, but, oh Lord, such rotten talkers ! 
Ugh ! I'd love to see your thighs slip to your ankles ! 
Yes, and we, by gad, to see your tongue slip to your loins 
and your eyes to the soles of your feet ! 
There, there ! You ought not to get angry at what I said 
in joke. 

No, nor you to say in joke things that insult your friends. 
Enough of this. You know what I want of you. 
We're thoroughly grounded — to ruin the perjured pimp, 
that's your aim. 
You grasp it. 



III. 2. 

Mil. lam tenes praecepta in corde ? 

Coll. Pulchre. 

Mil. Vide sis calleas. 

Coll. Quid opust verbis ? callum aprugnum callere aeque 

non sinam. 
Mil. Fac modo ut condoota tibi sint dicta ad banc 

fallaciam. 580 

Coll. Quin edepol condoctior sum, quam tragoedi aut 

Mil. Probus homost. 
Ag. Adeamus propius. 

MU. Adsunt testes ? 

Ag. Tot quidem. 

Mil. Non potuisti adducere homines magis ad banc rem 
nam istorum nullus nefastust ; comitiales sunt meri ; 
ibi habitant, ibi cos conspicias quam praetorem 

hodie iuris coctiores non sunt qui lites creant, 
quam hi sunt, qui si nihil est quicum htigent, Utes 
Adv. Di te perdant. 

Mil. Vos quidem hercle — cum eo cum quiqui tamen 

et bene et benigne facitis, quom ero amanti operam 

sed isti iam sciunt, negoti quid sit ? 
Ag. Omne in ordine. 590 

Mil. Tum vos animimi advortite igitur. hunc vos lenonem 
novistis ? 
Adv. Facile. 



kene 2. enter Milphio, and CollyUscus in foreign regi- 

/. {to CoUyhiscus, anxiously) You have your instruc- 
tions in mind now ? 

II. {nith aplomb) Entirely. 

/. Do see that you're well-grounded. 

II. Enough, enough! I'll guarantee I'm better 
grounded than a ground hog. 

/. Only make certain your part in this scheme is 
letter perfect. 

U. Yes, Lord, yes ! I'm more letter perfect than any 
actor, tragic or comic. 

/. (kolf aside) A capital man ! 

(to Counsellors) Let's get nearer, (approaches) 

I. (seeing him, and assuming a masterful air) Witnesses 
(rvith a nave) Yes, so many. 

/. (looking them over contemptuously) You couldn't have 
secured more suitable men for this affair. VMiy, 
there isn't a legal holiday amongst 'em; they're 
court room fixtures; there's where they live, you 
can see 'em there oftener than the judge himself. 
The very framers of lawsuits are no more learned 
in matters of maw than these chaps. If they have 
no htigation on hand, they buy some. 

uns. You be damned ! 

7. (vehemently) Yes, by gad, and you — (pleasantly) 
are in any case, however, acting kindly and con- 
siderately in helping master in his love affair, (to 
Agorastocles) But do those fellows already under- 
stand the situation? 
From end to end. 

II. (to Counsellors, importantly) Well then, accord me 
your attention. You know this pimp Lycus ? 

uns. Rather. 



Coll. At pol ego eum, qua sit facie, nescio. 

eum mihi volo demonstretis hominem. 
Adv. Nos curabimus. 

satis praeceptumst. 
Ag. Hie trecentos nummos numerates habet. 

Adv. Ergo nos inspicere oportet istue aurum, Agorastocles, 595 

ut sciamus quid dicamus mox pro testimonio. 
Coll. Agite, inspicite. 
Adv. Aurum est profecto hoe, spectator es, comicum: 

macerate hoc pingues fiunt auro in barbaria boves ; 

verum ad hanc rem agundam Philippiun est : ita nos 
Coll. Sed ita adsimulatote quasi ego sim peregrinus. 
Adv. Scilicet, 600 

et quidem quasi tu nobiscum adveniens hodie oraveris, 

liberum ut commostraremus tibi locum et volup- 

ubi ames, potes, pergraecere. 
Coll. Eu, edepol mortales malos. 

Ag. Ego enim docui. 
Mil. Quis te porro ? 

Coll. Agite intro abite, Agorastocles, 

ne hie vos mecum conspicetur leno neu fallaciae 

praepedimentum obiciatur. 
Adv. Hie homo sapienter sapit. 

f. icite quod iubet. 
Ag. Abeam us. sed vos — 

Adv. Satis dictumst. abi. 

Ag. Abeo. 

Adv. Quaeso, di immortales, quin abis ? 

Ag. Abeo. 

Adv. Sapis. 

Coll. St, 




But I don't even know what he looks like. I want 

you people to point him out to me. 

We'll see to it. We've had instruction enough. 

This man (indicating Collybiscus) has in his possession 

three hundred pounds in cash. 

Then we ought to inspect that money, Agorastocles, 

so as to give intelligent testimony later on. 

{opening his rvallet) AH right, inspect. 

(looking, then to audience) This is certainly money, 

spectators, stage money : foreigners soak this 

money'^ and use it to fatten oxen. But for present 

purposes it's coin of the realm — so we'll pretend. 

But so pretend that I'm a foreigner myself. 

Of course, yes, and that on your arrival to-day you 

begged us to show you a place where you could 

feel free to enjoy yourself, have a girl and a bottle 

and a general good time. 

Wonderful ! My word, such sly ones I 

(complacently) Well, I tutored them. 

(sourly) Yes, and who you ? 

{nodding to Milphio and giving Agorastocles a shove) 

You two get busy and get inside, Agorastocles. We 

don't want the pimp spying you here with me and 

have our scheme come a cropper. 

This fellow shows sound sense. Do as he orders. 

{to Milphio) Let's be off. {to Counsellors) But you — 

Enough said! Be off! 

I'm off. {hesitates) 

{shoving Mm) Then for the love of heaven, why 

aren't you off? 

{reluctantly) I am off. 

[exeunt Agorastocles and Milphio. 
{as they disappear) Sensible of you. 
{listening) Sh-h! Keep still! 

1 Made of lupines. 




Quid est ? 


Fores hae fecerunt magnum flagitiiun modo. 


Quid id est flagiti ? 


Crepuerunt clare. 


Di te perduint. 

pone nos recede. 




Nos prior es ibimus. 


Faciunt scurrae quod consuerunt : pone sese 

homines locant. 


Illic homo est, qui egreditur, leno. 


Bonus est, nam similis malist. 

iam nunc ego illi egredienti san^uinem exsugam 


III. 3. 


Iam ego istuc revortar, miles : convivas volo 

reperire nobis commodos, qui una sient ; 

interibi attulerint exta, atque eadem mulieres 

iam ab re divina credo apparebunt domi. 

sed quid hue tantum hominum incedunt ? ecquidnam 
adferunt ? 

et ille chlamydatus quisnam est, qui sequitur procul .'' 620 
Adv. Aetoli cives te salutamus, Lyce, 

quamquam hanc salutem ferimus inviti tibi. 
l.yc. Fortunati omnes sitis, quod certo scio 

nee fore nee fortunam id situram fieri. 
Adv. Istic est thensaurus stultis in lingua situs, 

ut quaestui habeant male loqui melioribus. 



WTiat is it ? 

This door (indicating Lycus' house) just did some- 
thing perfectly dreadful. 
Dreadful? What? 
It let out a loud rumble. 

You be damned ! (as Lycus' door opens) Get in the 

(doing so) All right. 
We'll go ahead. 

(to audience) City rakes at their old game — men in 
the rear. 

(as Lycus appears in his doorway) That man stepping 
out is the pimp. 

Must be a good one, with that evil look. Then it's 
that man stepping out whose blood I'll now proceed 
to suck without getting near him. 

Scene 3. enter Lycus. 

Lye. (to Antamonides nitkin) I'll soon be there again, 
warrior: I want to find some pleasant fellows to 
join our party. Meanwhile the sacrificial meat 
should arrive, and the girls too, no doubt, ^\ill soon 
be back from worship and on hand at home, (sees 
the group down the street) But why is that gang 
marching up here ? Bringing something, are 
they? And who on earth's that chap in the 
military cloak following away behind? 

Couns. (ironically) We citizens of Aetolia bid you good- 
morning, Lycus, although the good-morning we 
give you is not what we wish you. 

Lye. (in the same tone) And may all of you be fortunate, 
as I know for sure you will not be, or be allowed 
by Fortune to be. 

Couns. A fool's funds being in his tongue, he makes his 
investments by abusing his betters. 



Lye. Viam qui nescit, qua deveniat ad mare, 

eum oportet amnem quaerere comitem sibi 

ego male loquendi vobis nescivi viam : 

nunc vos mihi amnes estis ; vos certum est sequi : 630 

si bene dicetis, vostra ripa vos sequar, 

si male dicetis, vostro gradiar limite. 
Adv. Malo bene facere tantundemst periculum 

quantiun bono male facere. 
Lye. Qui vero ? 

Adv. Scies. 

malo si quid bene facias,^ beneficium interit ; 

bono si quid male facias, aetatem expetit. 
Lye. Facete dictum, sed quid istuc ad me attinet ? 
Adv. Quia nos honoris tui causa ad te venimus, 

quamquam bene volumus leniter lenonibus. 
Lye. Si quid boni adportatis, habeo gratiam. 640 

Adv. Boni de nostro tibi nee ferimus nee damus 

neque pollicemur, neque adeo volumus datum. 
Lye. Credo hercle vobis : ita vestra est benignitas. 

sed quid nunc voltis ? 
Adv. Hunc chlamydatum quem vides, 

ei Mars iratust. 
Coll. Capiti vestro istuc quidem. 

Adv. Nunc hunc, Lyce, ad te diripiundum adducimus. 
Coll. Cum praeda hie hodie incedet venator domum : 

canes compellunt in plagas lepide lupum. 
Lye. Quis hie est ? 
Adv. Nescimus nos quidem istum qui siet ; 

nisi dudum mane ut ad portum processimus, 650 

^ Leo brackets following id. 

^ Aeiutem expetit seemingly of double meaning : " lasts for 
life " and " molests a man." 



A man who does not know the way to the sea ought 
to seek a river to accompany him. I did not know the 
way to abuse of you : now you are rivers for me — I 
intend to follow you. If you are affable, I shall 
follow your bank ; if you are abusive, I shall keep 
to your course. 

{rejiectively) Doing a bad man a good turn is quite 
as dangerous as doing a good man a bad turn. 
Really .'' And how so ? 

You shall learn. A good turn done to a bad man 
is a good turn dead and gone ; a bad turn done to 
a good man is a bad turn alive and after you.^ 
(sarcastically) Very clever! But how does that 
pertain to me ? 

Because we came out of interest in you, although 
we have but lukewarm love for pimps. 
{warily) Much obliged, if you bring me something 

Nothing good of our own do we bring you, or give 
you, or promise you, or, for that matter, wish you to 

By gad, I believe you : such is your benevolence. 
But what do you want now? 

This chap you see in the military cloak — he's under 
the curse of Mars. 

(aside to Counsellors) Just you keep it for your- 
selves ! 

(yviih a grim smile) Now we are marcliing him up 
for you to be mangled, Lycus. 

(aside, chuckling) This hunter here will wend his 
way home to-day with some game : the dogs are 
driving the wolf nicely into the nets. 
(to Counsellors) Who is he ? 

We really can't tell you ; all we know is that when 
we hied us to the harbour earlier this morning we 



atque istum e navi exeuntem oneraria 

videmus. adiit ad nos extemplo exiens ; 

salutat, respondemus. 
Coll. Mortalis malos, 

ut ingrediuntur docte in sycophantiam. 
Lye. Quid deinde ? 
Adv. Sermonem ibi nobiscum copulat. 

ait se peregrinum esse huius ignarum oppidi ; 

locum sibi velle liberum praeberier, 

ubi nequam faciat. nos hominem ad te adduximus. 

tu si te di amant, agere tuam rem occasiost. 
Lye. Itane ? 

Adv. lUe est eupiens, aurum habet. 

Lye. Praeda haec meast. 660 

Adv. Potare, amare volt. 

Lye. Locum lepidum dabo. 

Adv. At enim hie clam furtim esse volt, ne quis sciat 

neve arbiter sit. nam hie latro in Sparta fuit, 

ut quidem ipse nobis dixit, apud regem Attalum ; 

inde hue aufugit, quoniam capitur oppidum. 
Coll. Nimis lepide de latrone, de Sparta optume. 
Lye. Di deaeque vobis multa bona dent, quom mihi 

et bene praecipitis et bonam praedam datis. 
Adv. Immo ut ipse nobis dixit, quo accures magis, 

trecentos nummos Philippos portat praesidi. 670 

Lye. Rex sum, si ego ilium hodie ad me hominem adlexero. 
Adv. Quin hie quidem tuos est. 
Lye. Opsecro hercle hortamini, 

ut devortatur ad me in hospitium optumum. 



saw him disembarking from a merchantman. He 
made for us the moment he disembarked ; he 
greeted us and we him. 

Coll. (aside) Wily ones ! The way they enter into this 
swindle shows training. 

Lye. What next? 

Courts. Tlien he engaged in conversation with us. Said 
he was a foreigner, unacquainted with this to\\'n ; 
wanted to be furnished a place where he could feel 
free to disport himself. We marched him off to 
you. And you — if the gods are with you, here 
is your chance to do yourself good. 

Lye. (still a bit doubtful) So ? 

Courts. He's eager for it, has money. 

Lye. (aside, narmirtg up) Here's a sucker for me ! 

Courts. Wants to drink and wench. 

Lye. (eagerly) I have a perfect place for him. 

Courts. But he wants privacy, to lie low here without any- 
one knowing or spying. You see he was a mer- 
cenary in Sparta — so he himself told us — serving 
with king Attalus ; the town being captured, he 
fled and came here. 

Coll. (aside) Mercenary ! Pretty point, that ! And 
Sparta — that's choice ! 

Lye. (jubilant) Heaven give you everv'thing that's fine, 
for giving me this fine suggestion and this fine 
sucker ! 

Courts. Sucker ? Why, as he himself told us — this to make 
you the more solicitous — he's succoured himself 
by three hundred pounds he carries. 

Lye. I'm a king, if I can only lure the chap into my 
house to-day. 

Courts. Oh, he is yours all right. 

Lye. For heaven's sake, do persuade him to put up with 
me and enjoy my excellent hospitality. 



Adv. Neque nos hortari neque dehortari decet 

hominem peregrinum : tuam rem tu ages, si sapis. 

nos tibi palumbem ad aream usque adduximus : 

nunc te ilium meliust capere, si captum esse vis. 
Coll. lamne itis ? quid quod vobis mandavi, hospites ? 
Adv. Cum illoc te meliust tuam rem, adulescens, loqui : 

illic est ad istas res probus, quas quaeritas. 680 

Coll. Videre equidem vos vellem, quom huic aurum darem. 
Adv. lUinc procul nos istue inspectabimus. 
Coll. Bonam dedistis mihi operam. 
Li/c. It ad me lucrum. 

Coll. Illud quidem quorsum asinus caedit calcibus. 
Lye. Blande hominem compellabo. hospes hospitem 

salutat. salvom te advenire gaudeo. 
Coll. Multa tibi di dent bona, quom me salvom esse vis. 
Lifc. Hospitium te aiunt quaeritare. 
Coll. Quaerito. 

Lye. Ita illi dixerunt, qui hinc a me abierunt modo. 

te quaeritare a muscis. 
Coll. Minime gentium. 690 

Lye. Quid ita ? 
Coll. Quia a muscis si mi hospitium quaererem, 

adveniens irem in carcerem recta via. 

ego id quaero hospitium, ubi ego curer mollius, 

quam regi Antiocho oculi curari solent. 



It does not become us to persuade or dissuade a 
stranger: you will see to your own welfare, if you 
are wise. We have drawn the dove to the very 
fowling-floor for you : now you had better take 
care of his catching yourself, if a catch is what you 
want, {they move away) 

(calling to them) Going so soon? How about that 
affair of mine, friends ? 

[pointing to Lycus) Better talk over your case with 
him, sir: he is an excellent man, for the things 
you are after. 

(aside to Counsellors) I say, you should be here to 
see when I give him the money. 
(aside to Collyhiscus) We'll be watching it all from 
away over there. 

(aloud to Counsellors as he approaches Lycus) You 
have been most kind. 
(in a low tone) My loot's coming to me! 
(aside) Yes, coming the same way as the kick of 
an ass. 

(aside) Now for a smooth salutation ! (aloud, cordi- 
ally) Welcome from host to guest, sir! I am 
glad to see you arriving well ! 

(condescendingly) And may the gods be very good 
to you, sir, since you wish me well. 
They say you are looking for lodgings. 
I am. 

And lodgings, so said those gentlemen who just 
now left me, free from (winking) flies. 
(with an austere smile) Not in the least. 
(surprised) How so ? 

Because if I were looking for lodgings free from 
flies, I should go straight to the gaol on my arrival. 
(Lycus is much amused) The lodgings I look for are 
the sort where I'll be treated more tenderly than 
the very eyes of King Antiochus. 



Lye. Edepol ne tibi illud possum festivom dare, 
siquidem potes esse te pati in lepido loco, 
in lecto lepide strato lepidam mulierem 
complexum contrectare. 

Coll. Is, leno, viam. 

Lye. Vbi tu Leucadio, Lesbio, Thasio, Chio, 

vetustate vino edentulo aetatem inriges ; 700 

ibi ego te replebo usque unguentum geumatis, 

quid multa verba? faciam, ubi tu laveris, 

ibi ut balneator faciat unguentariam. 

sed haec latrocinantur, quae ego dixi, omnia. 

Coll. Quid ita ? 

Lye. Quia aurum poscunt praesentarium. 

Coll. Quin hercle aceipere tu non mavis quam ego dare. 

Adv. Quid si evocemus hue foras Agorastoelem, 
ut ipsus testis sit sibi certissumus ? 
heus tu, qui furem captas, egredere ocius, 
ut tute inspectes aurum lenoni dari. 710 

III. 4. 

Ag. Quid est ? quid voltis, testes ? 

Adv. Specta ad dexteram. 

tuos servos aurum ipsi lenoni dabit. 
Coll. Age, accipe hoc sis : hie sunt numerati aurei 

trecenti nummi, qui vocantur Philippei. 

hinc me procura ; propere hosce apsumi vole. 
Lye. Edepol fecisti prodigum promum tibi. 

age, eamus intro. 
Coll. Te sequor. 



Gad, sir, and it's just that jolly sort of lodgings I 
can give you, that is, if you can endure being in a 
nice nook on a nicely cushioned couch with a nice 
little lady to love. 
You are on the right road, pimp. 
Where you can bedew your soul with wine — Lcuca- 
dian, Lesbian, Thasian, Cliian — toothless with time. 
And perfumes — I'll simply shower you with them! 
In short, I'll have the bathman making a perfumery 
shop of your bathroom. But all these words of 
mine are (smirking) in the army. 
How is that ? 

Because they clamour for the pay-roll. 
(reaching for his icallet) Oh, as for that, you are no 
readier to receive than I to give. 
, (aside) How about calling Agorastocles out, so 
that he can be his owti star witness ? (going to 
his door) Hey, you thief-catcher, quick, out with 
you, so as to watch the pimp get the money 

4. ENTER Agorastocles into his doorway, anxiously. 

(aside to Counsellors) What is it? Wliat do you 

want, witnesses .'' 

Cast your eyes to the right. Your slave will be 

giving the money to the pimp in person. 

Come, kindly take this, (hands Lycus the rvallet) 

Here are three hundred pounds in cash — Philippes 

d'or, they are called. Look after me out of this ; 

I want it spent speedily. 

(delightedly) Man, man, you've got yourself a 

bountiful butler ! Come, let's go in. (steps towards 

his house) 

(lingering and glancing at the others) I am following 




I^yc. Age, age, ambula, 

ibi, quae reliqua, alia fabulabimur. 
Coll. Eadem narrabo tibi res Spartiaticas. 
Lye. Quill sequere me ergo. 

Coll. Abduc Intro, addictum tencs. 720 

Ag. Quid nunc mi auctores estis ? 

Adv. Vt frugi sies. 

Ag. Quid si animus esse non sinit ? 

Adv. Esto ut sinit. 

Ag. Vidistis, leno quom aurum accepit ? 
Adv. Vidimus. 

Ag. Eum vos meum esse servom scitis ? 

Adv. Scivimus. 

Ag. Rem adversus populi saepe leges ? 

Adv. Scivimus. 

Ag. Em istaec volo ergo vos commeminisse omnia, 

mox quom ad praetorem usus veniet. 
Adv. Meminimus. 

Ag. Quid si recenti re aedis pultem ? 

Adv. Censco. 

Ag. Si pultem, non recludet? 
Adv. Panem frangito. 

Ag. Si exierit leno, quid tum ? hominem interrogem, 730 

meus servos ad eum veneritne ? 
Adv. Quippini ? ^ 

1 Leo brackets following vv., 732-735 : 
Ag. Cum auri ducentis niunmis Philippis ? 

Adr. Quippini t 

Ag. Ibi extemplo leno errahit. 

Adv. Qua dz re ? 

Ag. Rogas ? 

quia centum nummis minus dicetur. 
Adv. Bene putas. 

Ag. Alium censebit quaeritari. 

Adv. Scilicet. 

1 Pultem (knock), pultem (pottage). 
« Vv. 732-735 : 
Ag. With two hundred pounds T 



(seizing his arm) Come, come, sir, step along! 

We'll talk over remaining details in there. 

I shall inform you of Spartiean affairs, as well. 

Yes, yes, follow me, then ! 

Lead me in. {good-humouredly , tvith a covert tvink at 

the others) In me you have a slave. 

(to Counsellors) What do you recommend now ? 
(coldly) That you act properly. 
\\Tiat if my inward state does not permit ? 
Act as it does permit. 

{assuming a court-room tone) You saw the pimp 
taking the money ? 
We did. 

You knowing the man to be my slave? 

And that it was against laws repeatedly framed by 
the people? 

There ! Now then, I want you to remember all that 
when it's needed later before the judge. 

What if I batter the door {glancing at Lycus' house) 
while the offence is fresh ? 
I approve. 

And if he pays no attention to the batter ? ^ 
{much bored) Then his cake is dough.^ 
If the pimp appears, what then ? Should I inquire 
of the fellow if my slave came to his house ? 
Why not? 2 

Why not ? 

Then the pimp will be thrown off the track at once. 


Why ? Because that sum will be a hundred pounds less. 

A happy thought. 

He'll suppose another man is in question. 

To be sure. 



Ag. Extemplo denegabit. 

Adv. luratus quidem. 

Ag. Homo furti sese adstringet. 

Adv. Hau dubium id quidemst. 

Ag. Quantum quantum ad eum erit delatum. 

Adv. Quippini ? 

Ag. Diespiter vos perduit. 

Adv. Te quippini ? 

Ag. Ibo et pultabo ianuam iam. 

Adv. Quippini ? 740 

Ag. Tacendi tempus est, nam crepuerunt fores. 

foras egrediri video lenonem Lycum. 

adeste quaeso. 
Adv. Quippini ? ^ si voles 

operire capita, ne nos leno noverit, 

qui illi malae rei tantae fuimus inlices. 

III. 5. 

Lye. Suspendant omnes nunciam se haruspices, 

quam ego illis posthae quod loquantur creduam, 

qui in re divina dudum dicebant mihi 

malum damnumque maximum portendier : 

is explicavi meam rem postilla lucro. 750 

Ag. Salvos sis, leno. 

Lye. Di te ament, Agorastocles. 

Ag. Magis me benigne nunc salutas quam antidhac. 

Li/c. Tranquillitas evenit, quasi navi in mari : 

utquomque est ventus, exim velum vortitur. 

Ag. Valeant apud te quos volo ; atque haud te volo. 

Lye. Valent ut postulatiunst, verum non tibi. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : sine si Geppcrt. 



iAg. Hell deny it forthwith. 
jCouns. Yes, on oath. 
A^. He'll involve himself in theft. 
Conns. Yes, no doubt. 
As. Theft of all that was brought him. 
Conns. Why not ? 
Ag. (angered at their contempttiousness) Be damned to 

you ! 
Couns. To you — why not? 
Arr. I'll go and batter his door directly. 
iCouns. WTiy not? 
Ag. (listening and looking at Lycus' house) Time to keep 

still ! His door creaked ! I see pimp Lycus coming 

out. Now do stand by me ! 
Couns. Why not? You may wish to cover our heads, so 

that the pimp won't know us for the men who lured 

him into such a mess. 

Scene 5. exter Lycus wrra the wallet, not seeing them. 

Lye. (JuhilarUly) The priests can all go hang this in- 
stant for any credence I give their statements from 
now on — with their telling me the sacrifice a while 
ago showed I was in for some terrible trouble and 
loss. And the next thing I go and make no end of 

Ag. {^stepping up) Good-day, pimp. 

Lye. {genially) God bless you, Agorastocles. 

Ag. That's a kindlier greeting than you've given me 

Lye. There's a cahn now, just as for a ship at sea; sails 
are shifted to suit the wind. 

Ag. {politely) I hope your household enjoys good health 
— those I wish it for ; as I do not for you. 

Lye. {in the same tone) They do enjoy good health, thanks, 
but not for you. 



Ag. Mitte ad me, si audes, hodie Adelphasium tuam, 
die festo celebri nobilique Aphrodisiis. 

Lye. Calidum prandisti prandium hodie ? die mihi. 

Ag. Quid iam ? 

Lye. Quia os nunc frigefactas, quom rogas. 760 

Ag. Hoc age sis, leno. servom esse audivi meum 
apud te. 

Lye. Apud me ? numquam factum reperies. 

Ag. Mentire. nam ad te venit aurumque attulit. 

ita mihi renuntiatumst, quibus credo satis. 

Lye. Malus es, captatum me advenis cum testibus. 
tuorum apud me nemost nee quicquam tui. 

Ag. Mementote illud, advocati. 

Adv. Meminimus. 

Lye. Hahahae, iam teneo quid sit, perspexi mode, 
hi qui ilium dudum conciliaverunt mihi 
peregrinum Spartanum, id nunc his cerebrum uritur, 770 
me esse hos trecentos Philippos facturum lucri. 
nunc hunc inimicum quia esse sciverunt mihi, 
eum adlegarunt, suom qui servom diceret 
cum auro esse apud me ; compositast fallacia, 
ut eo me privent atque inter se dividant. 
lupo agnum eripere postulant, nugas agunt. 

Ag. Negasne apud te esse aurum, nee servom meum ? 



Be so good as to send me your Adelphasium to-day, 
this being the festal day, worshipful and glorious, 
of the Aphrodisia. 

(fviih an air of concern) Was your luncheon at lunch 
to-day hot ? Tell me. 
Why do you ask ? 

Because by this request you appear to be cooling 
your chops. 

(sternly) Pimp, your attention, please. I have 
heard that my slave is at your house. 
{indignantly) At my house? You'll never find 
that's so. 

You he. For he came to you and brought you 
money. I have this information from men I fully 
trust, (nodding toward the Counsellors) 
(net recognizing them in his anger) You villain ! 
Coming here to catch me with witnesses ! There's 
not a slave of yours or anything of yours at my 

(significantly to Counsellors, who come closer) Remem- 
ber that, Counsellors. 

(looking at them, then aside) Ha ! ha ! ha ! Now I've 
got it, I've just seen through it! These are the 
fellows who recommended me to that foreigner 
from Sparta a while ago, and now it makes them hot 
to think I'm going to clean up this three hundred 
pounds. Now knowing this chap's (glancing at 
Agorastocles) an enemy of mine, they've insti- 
gated him to say his slave's at my house with 
money. It's a plot hatched up to do me out of 
this and divide it amongst themselves, (chuckling) 
They expect to tear a lamb from a wolf ! Rubbish ! 
You deny having my money at your house, and my 
slave ? 



Lye. Nego : et negando, si quid refert, ravio. 

Adv. Periisti, leno. nam istest huius vilicus 

quem tibi nos esse Spartiatam diximus, 780 

qui ad te trecentos Philippeos modo detulit. 
idque in istoc adeo aurum inest marsuppio. 

Lye. Vae vostrae aetati. 

Adv. Id quidem in mundo est tuae. 

Ag. Age omitte actutum, furcifer, marsuppium : 

manifesto fur es mihi. quaeso heroic, operam date, 
dum me videatis servom ab hoc abducere. 

Lye. Nunc pol ego perii certo, haud arbitrario. 

consulto hoc factum est, mihi ut insidiae fierent. 
sed quid ego dubito fugere hinc in malam crucem, 
prius quam hinc optorto coUo ad praetorem trahor ? 790 
eheu, quom ego habui hariolos haruspices ; 
qui si quid bene promittunt, perspisso evenit, 
id quod mali promittunt, praesentarium est. 
nunc ibo, amicos consulam, quo me modo 
suspendere aequom censeant potissimum. 

III. 6. 

Ag. Age tu progredere, ut ^ videant te ire istinc foras. 

estne hie meus servos ? 
Coll. Sum hercle vero, Agorastocles. 

Ag. Quid nunc, sceleste leno ? 
Adv. Quiciun litigas 

Ag. Vtinam hinc abierit malam crucem. 

^ Leo brackets following testes. 



I do deny it, deny it till I'm hoarsified, if that helps. 
(closing in on him) Pimp, you are done for. That 
fellow we told you was a Spartan, that brought 
you three hundred pounds just now, happens to be 
this gentleman's bailiff. And there is the very 
money (pointing) in that wallet. 
(aghast) Oh-h, damnation to you ! 
Precisely what is in readiness for you. 
(seising Lycus) Come, you criminal, drop that 
wallet this instant! (takes it) You're a thief, 
caught in the act ! (to Counsellors) Now, sirs, give 
me your attention, I beg you, and witness my 
taking my slave away from him. [exit into house 

OF Lycus. 
(aside) Oh, Lord! Now I am done for, no doubting 
it, no mistaking it ! This was all prearranged to 
trap me ! But why don't I hurry up and escape 
from here and go — (wryly) hang, before I'm dragged 
from here to the judge with my neck in a noose? 
Oh dear ! When I had soothsayers, seers ! Why, 
if they promise you something good, it comes at 
a sub-crawl, but anything bad they promise, you 
get that on the spot. Well, I'll go and consult my 
friends as to the most approved method of strangling 
myself. [exit, the Counsellors worrvixg him. 

6. re-enter Agorastocles, pushing Collybiscus. 

(to Collybiscus, busily eating) Come, you, step along, 
so that they can see you walking out of there. 
(to Counsellors) Is not this my slave ? 
(between mouthfuls) Gad, I certainly am, Agoras- 

What now, you rascally pimp ? 
, (still brusque) Your opponent has departed. 
With the gallows his destination, I hope ! 



Adv. Ita nos velle aequom est. 

Ag. Cras subscribam homini dicam. 800 

Coll. Numquid me ? 

Ag. Apscedas, sumas ornatum tuom. 

Coll. Non sum nequiquam miles factus ; paululum 

praedae intus feci : dum lenonis familia 

dormitat, extis sum satur factus probe. 

abscedam hinc intro. 
Ag. Factum a vobis comiter. 

bonam dedistis, advocati, operam mihi. 

cras mane, quaeso, in comitio estote obviam. 

tu sequere me intro. vos valete. 
Adv. Et tu vale. 

iniuriam illic insignite postulat : 

nostro servire nos sibi censet cibo. 810 

verum ita sunt ^ isti nostri divites : 

si quid bene facias, levior pluma est gratia, 

si quid peccatiunst, plumbeas Iras gerunt. 

domos abeamus nostras, sultis, nunciam, 

quando id, quoi rei operam dedimus, impetravimus, 

ut perderemus corruptorem civiimi. 


Mil. Exspecto quo pacto meae techinae processurae sient. 
studeo hunc lenonem perdere, qui meum erum 

miserum macerat, 
is me autem porro verberat,incursatpugnis,calcibus : 
servire amanti miseria est, praesertim qui quod amat 
caret. 820 

* Leo notes lacuna here : morati Palmer. 



We should have the same wish. 
To-morrow I shall bring action against the fellow. 
Anything more of me ? 
(curtly) Be off, get into your own outfit. 
(aside) It wasn't for nothing they made me a soldier ; 
I got my bit of booty in there. While the pimp's 
household napped, I filled up finely on the sacri- 
ficial meat. Well, I'll be off inside. 

[exit into Agorastocles' house. 
(to Counsellors, after thoughtfully surveying the wallet) 
You have been most courteous. That was good 
service you did me. Counsellors, (pauses, again sur- 
veying the wallet, the Counsellors expectant) Now 
kindly meet me at the Comitium to-morrow morn- 
ing, (forgetting Collybiscus has gone) Follow me 
inside, you. (to Counsellors) Good-day to you. 

(sourly) And to you, good-day ! It's infamous the 
injustice he wants to do us — counts on our serving 
him at our own expense! But that's the way 
with those plutocrats of ours : do well by 'em, and 
their thanks weigh less than a feather ; do poorly, 
and their wTath is a load of lead. Come on now, 
let's go home, seeing we have achieved our end 
and sent to smash this corrupter of the citizens. 



ENTER Milphio. 

I'm waiting to hear how my plot progresses. I 
just yearn to smash this pimp that's mauhng my 
wretched master, who then proceeds to lay into me 
with whips and fists and feet. It's awful slaving it 
for a man in love, especially if he hasn't got his 



attat, e fano recipere video se Syncerastum, 
lenonis servom ; quid habeat sermonis auscultabo. 

IV. 2. 

St/n. Satis spectatum est, deos atque homines eius 

neglegere gratiam, 
quoi homini erus est consimilis velut ego habeo 

hunc huius modi, 
neque periurior neque peior alter usquam est 

quam erus meus est, neque tam luteus neque 

tam caeno conlitus. 
ita me di ament, vel in lautumiis vel in pistrino 

agere aetatem praepeditus latere forti ferreo, 
quam apud lenonem hunc servitutem colere. quid 

illue est genus, 
quae illic hominum corruptelae fiunt. di vostram 

fidem, 830 

quod vis genus ibi hominum videas, quasi Acheruntem 

equitem peditem, libertinum, furem an fugitivom 

verberatum, vinctum, addictum : qui habet quod det, 

ut ut homo est, 
omnia genera recipiuntur ; itaque in totis aedibus 
tenebrae latebrae, bibitur estur quasi in popina, hau 

ibi tu videas litteratas fietiles epistulas, 
pice signatas, nomina insunt cubitum longis litteris : 
ita vinariorum habemus nostrae dilectum domi. 
Mil. Omnia edepol mira sunt, nisi erus huncheredemfacit, 

nam id quidem,illi,utimeditatur, verba facietmortuo. 840 
et adire lubet hominem et autem nimis eum ausculto 



girl, (looking down the street) Aha ! I see the pimp's 
slave, Syncerastus, hying him home from the 
shrine, {steps back) I'll overhear what he has to say. 

Scene 2. enter Syncerastus, laden with sacrificial 


n. {gloomily laying down his load) It's evident enough 
that gods and men have no regard for a chap with a 
master that's the sort of man my master is. A worse 
liar or worse rascal than that master of mine can't be 
found on earth, or one so foul and caked with filth. 
So help me heaven, I'd prefer to pass my days in a 
stone quarry or mill, fastened to a big iron brick, 
than keep on sla\ing it at this pimp's. WTiat a 
breed they are ! How men are debauched in those 
resorts ! Lord preserve us ! Any kind of person 
can be seen there the same as if you went to Hades ! 
Citizens of every class, freedmen, slaves, slaves of 
all kinds — robbers or runaways, beaten, bound, or 
debtor slaves ! Anyone that has the price, no 
matter who, all sorts are welcome. Dark little 
nooks, then, all over the place, eating, drinking, 
the same as a pothouse, no different ! There you 
can see epistles, epistles inscribed on earthenware, 
sealed with pitch, names on 'em in eighteen-inch 
letters : why, it's a wine merchant's muster-roll we 
have at our house. 

7/. (aside) Gad! All very strange, unless he's made 
his master's heir, for really this speech he's prac- 
tising sounds hke the pimp's funeral oration. I'd 
like to hail him, and yet I very much Uke to listen 
to him, too. 



Syn. Haec quom hie video fieri, crucior : pretiis emptos 

apud nos expeculiatos servos fieri suis eris. 

sed ad postremum nihil apparet : male partum male 
Mil. Proinde habet orationem, quasi ipse sit frugi bonae, 

qui ipsus herele ignaviorem potis est facere Ignaviam. 
Syn. Nunc domum haec ab aede Veneris refero vasa, ubi 

erus nequivit propitiare Venerem suo festo die. 
Mil. Lepidam Venerem. 
Syn. Nam meretrices nostrae primis hostiis 

Venerem placavere extemplo. 
Mil. O lepidam Venerem denuo. 850 

Syn. Nunc domum ibo. 
Mil. Heus, Synceraste. 

Syn. Syncerastum qui vocat ? 

Mil. Tuos amicus. 

Syn. Haud amice facis, qui cum onere offers moram. 

Mil. At ob hanc moram tibi reddam operam ubi voles, ubi 

habe rem pactam. 
Syn. Si futurumst, do tibi operam hanc. 

Mil. Quo modo ? 

Syn. Vt enim ubi mihi vapulandum sit, tu corium sufferas. 

apage, nescio quid viri sis. 
Mil. Malus sum. 

Syn. Tibi sis. 

Mil. Te volo. 

Syn. At onus urgct. 

Mil. At tu appone et respice ad me. 

Syn. Fecero 

quamquam haud otiumst. 



It tortures me to see what goes on here — ^high- 
priced slaves going back to their masters, all 
denestegged at our house ! But there's nothing to 
show for it in the end : ill gotten, ill spent. 
(aside, amused) Holding forth as if he was good for 
something himself — my Lord ! when he's a man 
that can teach torpor to Torpidity ! 
Here I am bringing back these utensils from Venus 
temple, where master, for all his victims, couldn't 
propitiate Venus on her own festal day. 
(aside) Charming Venus ! 

Why, our courtesans won her favour at once, with 
their very first victims. 
(aside) Again I say, oh, charming Venus ! 
Now for home, (picks up his load) 
(calling) Hey, Syncerastus ! 
(not looking) Who calls Syncerastus ? 
A friend of yours. 

(not looking) It's no friendly act delaying a man 
that's loaded down. 

But in return for delaying you I'll do you a service 
when you wish, when you command. Call it a 

(not looking) In that case, you can have this ser- 

How do you mean ? 

(not looking) I mean when I have a thrashing in 
store you can supply the hide. Get out ! I don't 
know what sort of man you are. 
A bad one. 

(not looking) Be so for yovurself. 
I want you. 

(not looking) But this load's heavy. 
But put it down and give me a look. 
(unloadtTig) All right, though I haven't time. 



Mil. Salvos sis, Synceraste. 

Sifn. O Milphio, 

di omnes deaeque ament — 
Mil. Quemnam hominem ? 

Si/n. Nee te nee me, Milphio : 

neque erum meum adeo. 
Mil. Quern ament igitur ? 

Syn. Aliquem, dignus qui siet. 860 

nam nostrorum nemo dignust. 
Mil. Lepide loquere. 

Syn. Me decet. 

Mil. Quid agis ? 

Syn. Facio quod manufesti moechi hau ferme solent. 

Mil. Quid id est ? 
Syn. Refero vasa salva. 

Mil. Di te et tuom erum perduint. 

Syn. Me non perdent ; ilium ut perdant facere possum, si 

meum erum ut perdant, ni mihi metuam, Milphio. 
Mil. Quid id est ? cedo. 

Syn. Malus es ? 
Mil. Malus sum. 

I^n. Male mihi est. 

mil. Memora, num esse aliter decet ? 

quid est, quod male sit tibi, quoi domi sit quod edis 
quod ames adfatim, 

neque triobolum ullum amicae das et ductas gratiis ? 
Syn. Diespiter me sic amabit. 

Mil. Vt quidem edepol dignus es. 

Syn. Vt ego hanc familiam interire cupio. 
Mil. Adde operam, si cupis. 870 

Syn. Sine pennis volare hau facilest : meae alae pennas non 



Greetings, Syncerastus. 

Oh, Milphio ! May all the gods and goddesses 


{after rvaiting a moment) Well, whom ? 
Not you, or me, Milphio — no, nor my master either. 
Whom are they to bless, then ? 
Anyone that's deserving. For no one of us is. 
You do say such smart things. 
So I should. 
What are you doing ? 

Something seldom accomplished by adulterers, 
once they're caught. 
What is that ? 

Taking my utensils home intact. 
May the gods blast you and your master ! 
They won't blast me. (mysteriously) But I can 
make 'em blast him, if I liked, yes, blast that master 
of mine, if it weren't for my fears for myself, 

(interested) What's all that ? Let's hear. 
Are you a bad one ? 
A bad one I am. 
(confidentially) I'm in a bad way. 
(innocently) Explain — it wouldn't be suitable other- 
wise ? But how is it you're in a bad way, you, 
having your fill of eating and loving right in the 
house and never giving a girl a single sixpence, but 
getting her gratis ? 

(malevolently) So help me God 

(pleasantly) As you deserve, yes indeed ! 

(continuing) As I long for the ruination of this 

household ! 

Add effort to your longing. 

Flying without feathers is not easy : my wings 

(lifting his arms) have no feathers, 



Mil. Nolito edepol devellisse : iam his duobus mensibus 

volucres tibi erunt hirquinae. 
Sifn. I in nialam rem. 

Mil. I tu atque erus. 

Sifn. Verum. enim qui homo eum norit, norit. cito 

homo pervorti potest. 
Mil. Quid iam ? 

Syn. Quasi tu taciturn habere quicquam potis sis. 

Mil. Rectius 

tacitas tibi res sistam quam quod dictum est mutae 
Syn. Animum inducami facile ut tibi istue credam, ni te 

Mil. Crede audacter meo periclo. 

Si/n. Male credam, et credam tamen. 

Mil. Scin tu erum tuom meo ero esse inimicum capitalem ? 
Syn. Scio. 

Mil. Propter amorem — 
Syn. Omnemi operam perdis. 

Mil. Quid iam ? 

Syn. Quia doctum doces. 880 

Mil. Quid ergo dubitas quin lubenter tuo ero meus quid 

facere faciat male, eius merito ? tum autem si quid 
tu adiuvas, 

eo facilius facere poterit. 
Syn. At ego hoc metuo, Milphio. 

Mil. Quid est quod metuas ? 
Syn. Dum ero insidias paritem, ne me perduim. 

si erus meus me esse elocutum quoiquam mortali sciat, 

continuo is me ex Syncerasto Crurifragium fecerit. 
Mil. Numquam edepol mortalis quisquam fiet e me certior , 

nisi ero meo uni indicasso, atque ei quoque ut ne 


Gad ! Stop plucking 'em, (pointing to Syncerasius^ 

armpits) and in the next two months you can fly ; 

your wings will be strong as a goat. 

Oh, go hang ! 

You go, and your master. 

{again mysteriously) Just so. Ah, a man that 

knows him knows. He can be sent to smash in 

no time. 

How's that? 

As if you could keep anything silent ! 

I'll bury your secret in safer silence than what's 

told to a tongueless woman. 

I could easily make up my mind to trust it to you, 

if I didn't know you. 

Be trustful, never fear, you'll run no risk. 

It's bad trusting, but trusting I'll be. (hesitates) 

(casually) You know your master's my master's 

deadly enemy? 

(debating) Yes, yes. 

On account of his love 

That's all labour lost. 

How so ? 

You're informing the informed. 

Then why doubt my master's hankering to do yours 

any harm he could, and serve him right ? So you 

see if you help out, he can do it all the easier. 

But this is what scares me, Milphio. (pauses) 

What is it you're scared of? 

Of setting traps for master and having it settle me. 

Why, if master knows I've blabbed to any living 

soul, the next second he'd change me from 

Syncerastus to Splintershanks. 

Never, by gad, will any living soul be the wiser for 

me, with the one exception of my master, yes, 

and I'll inform him, too, only on condition that 



id esse facinus ex ted ortum. 
Syn. Male credam, et credam tamen. 

sod hoc tu tecum taciturn habeto. 
Mil. Fide non melius creditur. 890 

loquere — locus occasioque est — libere : hie soli 
Syn. Erus si tuos volt facere frugem, meum erum perdet. 
Mil. Qui id potest ? 

Syn. Facile. 
Mil. Fac ergo id facile noscam ego, ut ille possit 

Syn. Quia Adelphasium, quam erus deamat tuos, in- 

Mil. Quo modo ? 

Syn. Eodemi quo soror illius altera Anterastilis. 
Mil. Cedo qui id credam, 
Syn. Quia illas emit in Anactorio parvolas 

de praedone Siculo. 
Mil. Quanti ? 

Syn. Duodeviginti minis, 

duas illas et Giddenenem nutricem earum tertiam. 
et ille qui eas vendebat dixit se furtivas vendere : 
ingenuas Carthagine aibat esse. 
Mil. Di vostram fidem, 900 

nimium lepidum memioras facinus. nam erus meus 

ibidem gnatust, inde surptus fere sexennis, postibi 
qui eum surrupuit hue devexit meoque ero eum 

hie vendidit. 
is in divitias homo adoptavit hunc, quom diem 
obiit suom. 
Syn. Omnia memoras quo id facilius fiat: manu eas 
suas popularis liberali causa. 



he doesn't let out that it's something you're 
responsible for. 

(weakening) It's bad trusting, but trusting ni be. 
Only do keep this a secret all to yourself. 
You can't trust Faith herself more safely. Speak 
freely — this is the place and the time — we're all 
alone here. 

If your master wants to show the right stuff, hell 
be the ruin of my master. 
How can he ? 

Then explain this " easily " to me, so that I can 
explain it to him. 

{looking about ivarily, then portentously) Well, that 
Adelphasium your master's crazy about is a free- 
bom girl. 

{amazed) Eh, how's that ? 

The same way as the other one is, her sister 

{excitedly) Produce some proof of that ! 
Well, master bought 'em as tiny things in Anac- 
torium from a Sicihan pirate. 
How much ? 

Seventy-two pounds, the pair of 'em, and their 
nurse Giddenis for a third. And the man that 
sold them admitted he was selling stolen children : 
said they were freebom, from Carthage. 
God be praised ! What perfectly gorgeous news ! 
Why, my master Agorastocles was bom there too, 
and kidnapped when he was about six, and after- 
wards the man that kidnapped him brought him 
here and sold him to my master. He adopted him 
and left him all his money when his time came. 
All this makes it so miuch the easier : let him claim 
them as freebom girls, his own fellow-citizens. 



Mil. Tacitus tace modo. 

Si/n. Profecto ad incitas lenonem rediget, si eas 

Mil. Quin prius disperibit faxo, quam unam calcem 
ita paratumst. 
Syn. Ita di faxint, ne apud lenonem hunc serviam. 

Mil. Hercle qui meus conlibertus faxo eris, si di volent. 910 
Syn. Ita di faxint. numquid aliud me morare, Milphio ? 
Mil. Valeas beneque ut tibi sit. 
Syn. Pol istuc tibi et tuost ero in manu. 

vale et haec cura clanculum ut sint dicta. 
Mil. Non dictumst. vale. 

Si^n. At enim nihil est, nisi dum calet hoc agitur. 
Mil. Lepidu's, quom mones. 

et ita hoc fiet. 
Syn. Proba materies data est, si probum 

adhibes fabrum. 
Mil. Potin ut taceas ? 
Syn. Taceo atque abeo. 

Mil. Mihi commoditatem creas. 

illic hinc abiit. di immortales meum erum 

servatum volunt 
et hunc disperditum lenonem : tantum eum instat 

satine prius quam unumst iniectum telum, iam 

instat alterum ? 
ibo intro, haec ut meo ero memorem. nam hue 

si ante aedes evocem, 920 

quae audivistis modo, nunc si eadem hie iterum 
iterem. inscitiast. 



(thinking) Not a word, not a word ! 

{after a pause) He'll surely checkmate the pimp if 

he captures those girls. 

{exultantly) Just you watch! Ill be ending his 

game before he makes a single move. It's all 


Heaven keep us, and get me out of slaving it for 

this pimp ! 

By Jove, it's my fellow-freedman I'll be making 

you, heaven willing ! 

{still nervous) Heaven help us ! {picking up his load) 

You've nothing more to keep me for, Milphio ? 

Only to wish you farewell and good luck. 

Oh Lord ! That rests with you and your master. 

Good-bye, and do, do keep it dark, what I said. 

{reassuringly) You said nothing. Good-bye ! 

But there is nothing in it, you know, unless you 

strike while the iron is hot. 

{ironically) You're marvellous as an adviser. And 

that's how we shall strike. 

You've been given fine material if you only get a 

fine workman. 

{impatiently) Can't you stop talking ? 

I am stopping, and going, 

{calling after him) You're a treasure of timeliness ! 
Well, he's gone, {gleefully) The immortal gods 
do want my master rescued and this pimp des- 
troyed ! What a massacre he has awaiting him ! 
To think of another shot awaiting him before the 
first one's fired, {to audience) I'll go inside to 
report this to my master. It would be silly, you 
see, to summon him out front here, and here repeat 
all over again the things you have just now heard. 



* uni potius intus ero odio, quam hie sim vobis 


Han. ' Ytk alonim ualonuth sicorathi symacom syth 930 

chy mlachthi in ythmum ysthyalm ych-ibarcu mysehi 
li pko caneth ytk hynuthi uad edin byn ui 
bymarob syllohom alonim ubymysyrthohom 
hyth limmoth ynnocho tkuulech-antidamas chon 
ys sidobrim chi fel ytk chyl is chon chen liful 
yth binim ys dybur ch-innocho-tnu agorastocles 
yih emanethi hy chirs aelichot sithi nasot 
bynu yid ch-illuch ily gubulim lasibithim 
bodi aly thera ynnynu yslym min cho-th iusim 

Ythalonimualoniuthsicorathiisthymhimihymacomsyth 940 


iulecantheconaalonimbalumbar dechor 

bats .... hunesobinesubicsillimbalim 



^ Leo brackets preceding ero. 

• Leo brackets following vv., 923-929 : 
di immortales, quanta turba, quanta adventat calamitas 
hodie ad hunc lenonem. sed ego nunc est cum me commoror. 
ita negotium institutum^t, non datur cessatio ; 
nam, et hoc docte consulendum, quod modo concreditumst, 
et itliid autem inserviendumst consilium vemaculum. 
remora si sit, qui malam rem mihi det meriio fecerit. 
nunc intro ibo : dum erus adveniat a foro, opferiar domi. 

• Forthese 'Punic-pAssa.gessee'Lindsa.y {Classical Review, 12. 
361-364), Gra, J {American Journal of Semitic Languages, 39. 
73-78), and Gottheil (Lodge's Lexicon Plautinum, 915-917). 



Better to bore one man inside than stay here and 
bore all of you.^ [eixit. 


ENTER Hanno, followed at a distance by Carthaginian 


I. Yth * alonim uakmuth sicorathi symacom syth 

chy mlachthi in ythmum ysthyalm ych-ibarcu mysehi 
It pho canetk yth bynutki uad edtn byn ui 
bymarob syllohom alonim ubymysyrthohom 
byth Ummoth ynnocho thuulech-antidamas chon 
ys sidobrim chifel yth chyl is chon chen liful 
yth binim ys dybur ch-innocho-tnu agorastocles 
yth emanethi ky chirs aelichot sithi nasot 
bynu yid ch-illuch ily gubulim lasibithim 
bodi aly ihera ynnynu yslym nun cho-ih iusim 



iulecantheconaalonimbalumbar dechor 

bats .... hunesobinesubicsillimbaUm 

essean tida mosson alemuedubertefet 


1 Vv. 923-929: Ye immortal gods ! What a tow, what a 
catastrophe, this pimp has coming to him to-day ! But 
here I am, delaying myself. No time for dawdling, with the 
business we've got afoot. For we've got to deal discreetly 
with this new disclosure, and yet do our best with that 
home-bom scheme as well. If I delay, the man that gives 
me a thrashing would only give me my deserts. I'll go in 
now : I'U wait at home till master comes from the forum. 

• It has seemed best to leave the Punic passages, the full 
meaning of which is in dispute, as they stand in the text 
rather than attempt to render them in some such language 
as Hebrew. 




deos deasque veneror, qui hanc urbem colunt, 950 

ut quod de mea re hue veni rite venerim, 

measque hie ut gnatas et mei fratris filium 

reperire me siritis, di vostram fidem.^ 

sed hie mihi antehac hospes Antidamas fuit ; 

eum fecisse aiunt, sibi quod faciundum fuit. 

eius filium esse hie praedicant Agorastoclem : 

ad eum hospitalem hanc tesseram mecum fero ; 

is in hisce habitare monstratust regionibus. 

hos percontabor qui hinc egrediuntur foras. 960 

V 2. 

Ag. Ain tu tibi dixe Syncerastum, Milphio, 

eas esse ingenuas ambas surrupticias 

Carthaginiensis ? 
Mil. Aio, et, si frugi esse vis, 

eas liberali iam adseres causa manu. 

nam tuom flagitiumst tuas te popularis pati 

servire ante oculos, domi quae fuerint liberae. 
Han. Pro di immortales, opsecro vostram fidem, 

quam orationem hanc aures dulcem devorant. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 954 : 
quae mihi surruptae sunt et fratris filium. 



{devoutly) Ye gods and goddesses who cherish this 
city, I reverently entreat you that, having come 
here, the object of my coming may be happily 
attained, and may ye permit me, I implore you, 
here to find my daughters and my brother's son.^ 
{after a pause) Well, this is where Antidamas was 
a family friend of mine in former days. And now 
they tell me he has paid his debt to nature. I'm 
informed that his son, Agorastocles, is here, how- 
ever: and it's to him this token of our family 
friendship goes, {glancing at a tessera he carries) 
According to directions his home must be here- 
abouts, {as Agorastocles' door opens) I'll inquire of 
these people just coming out. 

ENTER Agorastocles and Milphio, not seeing him. 
cene 2. 

(to Milphio) You say Syncerastus told you they 
were both freebom girls, Milphio, stolen from 
Carthage ? 

I do, and if you want to show some spirit, you'll 
lose no time in claiming them as freebom. Why, 
it's a shame to stand by and see your own fellow- 
countrywomen kept as slaves when at home they 
were free. 
I. {aside, excitedly) Ye immortal gods, be with us ! 
How my ears do devour those blessed words ! Their 

^ V. 954 : Daughters who were stolen from me, and my 
brother's son. 



creta est profecto horum hominum oratio, 

ut mi apsterserunt omnem sorditudinem. 970 

Ag. Si ad earn rem testis habeam, faciam quod iubes. 
Mil. Quid tu mihi testis ? quin tu insistis fortiter ? 

aliqua Fortuna fuerit adiutrix tibi. 
Ag. Incipere multost quam impetrare facilius. 

Mil. Sed quae illaec avis est, quae hue cum tunicis 
advenit ? 

numnam in balineis circumductust pallio ? 
Ag. Facies quidem edepol Puncaist. 
Mil. Guggast homo. 

servos quidem edepol veteres antiquosque habet. 
Ag. Qui scis ? 

Mil. Viden homines sarcinatos consequi ? 

1 atque ut opinor digitos in manibus non habent. 980 

Ag. Quid iam ? 

Mil. Quia ineedunt cum anulatis auribus. 

Han. Adibo hosce atque appellabo Punice. 

si respondebunt, Punice pergam loqui ; 

si non, tum ad horum mores hnguam vertero. 
Mil. Quid ais tu ? ecquid commeministi Punice ? 
Ag. Nihil edepol. nam qui scire potui, die mihi, 

qui illim sexennis perierim Carthagine ? 
Han. Pro di immortales, plurumi ad ilium modum 

periere pueri liberi Carthagine. 
Mil. Quid ais tu ? 
Ag. Quid vis ? 

Mil. Vin appellem hunc Punice ? 990 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : atque ut ego opino in manibus digitos non 
hahent Weise. 

^ Gugga : of unknown meaning. 


words are made of chalk, of chalk, the way they've 
whitened all this blackitude of care for me ! 
(dubious) If I had witnesses for it, I'd do as you 
tell me. 

Witnesses ? What the deuce ! Why don't you up 
and at him Uke a man ? Fortune'U favour you 

It's much easier making a good start than a good 

(seeing Hanno and his escort) But what bird is that 
arriving here in the tunics ? Was his cloak nabbed 
at the baths, I wonder ? 

(surprised) Upon my soul, a Carthaginian, from his 
looks ! 

A gug 1 is what he is ! Gad, and such time-worn old 
fellows he has for slaves ! 
How do you know ? 

(pointing to Hanno' s escort, bent beneath their load) See 
those chaps behind him, under the luggage .'' Yes, 
and I take it they have no fingers on their hands. 
How's that? 

Well, here they are with ring-arrayed ears. 
(aside) I'll step up and speak to them in Punic. 
If they answer, I'll continue talking Punic ; if not, 
then I'll change to the language that suits them. 
(to Agorastocles) I say, you. Remember any Punic, 
do you ? 

Lord, no, not a word ! WTiy, how could I, will you 
tell me, being only six when I disappeared from 
Carthage ? 

(aside) Ye immortal gods ! Ah, many, many a free- 
born boy has disappeared like that from Carthage ! 
(to Agorastocles) I say, you. 
What do you want .'' 
W^ant me to speak to him in Punic ? 



Ag. An scis ? 

Mil. NuUus me est hodie Poenus Poenior. 

Ag. Adi atque appella, quid velit, quid venerit, 

qui sit, quoiatis, unde sit : ne parseris. 
Mil. Avo. quoiates estis aut quo ex oppido ? 
Han. Anno hyn mytthymhalle udradait annech. 
Ag. Quid ait ? 
Mil. Hannonem se esse ait Carthagine. 

Carthaginiensis Mytthumbalis filium. 
Han. Avo. 
Mil. Salutat. 

Han. Donni. 

Mil. Doni volt tibi 

dare hie nescio quid, audin pollicitarier ? 
Ag. Saluta hunc rursus Punice verbis meis. 1000 

Mil. Avo donni inquit hie tibi verbis suis. 
Han. Me har hocca. 

Mil. Istuc tibi sit potius quam mihi. 

Ag. Quid ait ? 
Mil. Miseram esse praedicat buccam sibi. 

fortasse medicos nos esse arbitrarier. 
Ag. Si ita est, nega esse ; nolo ego errare hospitem. 
Mil. Audin tu ? 

Han. Rufeyn nyccho issam. 

Ag. Sic volo 

profecto vera cuncta huic expedirier. 

roga numquid opus sit. 
Mil. Tu qui zonam non habes, 

quid in banc venistis urbem aut quid quaeritis ? 



You know it ? 

I ? There's not a Punicker Punic living. 
Step up and speak to him, find out what he wants, 
what he's come for, who he is, his origin, his city 
spare no questions. 

(approaching Hanno) Avo ! {losing courage) Where 
are you people from, what town."* 
Anno hyn mytthymballe udradait annech. 
(to Milphio) What does he say ? 
(summoning his powers) Hanno, he says he is, of 
Carthage, son of a Carthaginian named Mytthum- 

(to Agorastocles) Avo ! 

(sure of that one tvord, to Agorastocles) Good-day, he 

(to Agorastocles) A donation — he wants to give 
you something or other. Hear him promise ? 
Return him his good-day in Punic for me. 
(to Hanno) Avo donni — says he (indicating Agoras- 
tocles) to you for himself. 
Me har bocca. 
Better you than me. 
What does he say ? 

Declares his back jaw hurts. Takes us for doctors, 

In that case, say we are not ; I mustn't let a stran- 
ger be misled. 

(at a loss, to Hanno) Listening, are you ? 
Rufeyn nyccho issam. 

(to Milphio) Yes, I insist on his getting every- 
thing right. Ask if he has need of anything. 
(to Hanno, in an undertone) Hey, you without a belt ! 
What have you folks come to this city for, or 
what are you after ? 



Han. Mupkursa. 

Ag. Quid ait ? 

Han. Miuulec kianna. 

Ag. Quidvenit? 1010 

Mil. Non audis ? inures Africanos praedicat 

in pompam ludis dare se velle aedilibus. 
Han. Lech lachanna nilimniichto. 
Ag. Quid nunc ait ? 

Mil. Ligulas, canalis ait se advexisse et nuces : 

nunc orat, operam ut des sibi, ut ea veneant. 
Ag. Mercator credo est. 
Han. Assam. 

Mil. Arvinam quidem. 

Han. Palu mirga deika. 

Ag. Milphio, quid nunc ait ? 

Mil. Palas vendundas sibi ait et mergas datas, 

ad messim credo, nisi quid tu aliud sapis.^ 
Ag. Quid istuc ad me ? 
Mil. Certiorem te esse volt, 1021 

ne quid clam furtim se accepisse censeas. 
Han. Mufonnivi siccoratim. 
Mil. Hem, cave sis feceris 

quod hie te orat. 
Ag. Quid ait aut quid orat ? expedi. 

Mil. Sub cratim ut iubeas se supponi atque eo 

lapides imponi multos, ut sese neces. 
Han. Gunebbal samem lyryla. 
Ag. Narra, quid est ? 

quid ait ? 
Mil. Non hercle nunc quidem quicquam scio. 

Han. At ut scias, nunc dehinc latine iam loquar. 

servom hercle te esse oportet et nequam et malum, 1030 

hominem peregrinimi atque advenam qui inrideas. 

1 Leo brackets following v., 1020 : 
ut hortum fodiat atque ut frumentum metai. 



What does he say ? 

Miuulec hianna. 

Why has he come ? 

(valiantly) Don't you hear? Mice from Africa — 

states he wants to give 'em to the aediles for the 

circus parade. 

I^ck lachanna niUmniichto. 

What does he say now ? 

Latchets, channels and nuts — that's what he says he 

has brought : now he asks your aid in selling them. 

A merchant, apparently. 


Yes, fat. 

Palu mirga detha. 

What's he saying now, Milphio ? 

Paraphernalia for digging, given him for sale, he 

says — probably for harvesting, unless you have 

something else in mind.^ 

What is that to me ? 

He wants you informed, so that you won't fancy 

he has filched anything on the sly. 

(angrily) Mufonnim siccoratim ! 

(to Agorastocles) Oho ! Just you mind you don't do 

what he's seeking. 

What does he say, or what is he seeking ? Explain. 

For you to crate him, stone him and kill him. 

Gunebhal samem lyryla ! 

Translate, what's that ? What does he say ? 

Gad ! I really don't understand it at all now. 

Well, so that you may understand it, I shall now 

speak Latin for the future. A good-for-nothing 

rascal of a slave you must be, by gad, to make fun 

of a gentleman and a stranger here. 

^ v. 1020 : So as to dig a garden and gather in grain. 



Mil. At hercle te hominem et sycophantam et sub- 

qui hue advenisti nos captatum, migdilix, 

bisulci lingua quasi proserpens bestia. 
Ag. Maledicta hinc aufer, linguam compescas face. 

maledicere huic tu temperabis, si sapis. 

meis consanguineis nolo te iniuste loqui. 

Carthagini ego sum gnatus, ut tu sis sciens. 
Han. O mi popularis, salve. 
Ag. Et tu edepol, quisquis es. 

et si quid opus est, quaeso, die atque impera 1040 

popularitatis causa. 
Han. Habeo gratiam.* 

sed ecquem adulescentem tu hie novisti Agoras- 
toclem ? 
Ag. Siquidem Antidamai quaeris adoptaticium, 

ego sum ipsus quern tu quaeris. 
Han. Hem, quid ego audio ? 

Ag. Antidamae gnatum me esse. 
Han. Si itast, tesseram 

conferre si vis hospital em, eccam attuli. 
Ag. Agedum hue ostende. est par probe, quam habeo 

Han. O mi hospes, salve multum. nam mihi tuos pater 1050 

patritus ^ ergo hospes Antidamas fuit. 

haec mi hospitalis tessera cum illo fuit. 
Ag. Ergo hie apud me hospitiiun tibi praebebitur. 

nam baud repudio hospitium neque Carthaginem, 

unde sum oriundus. 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 1042-1043 : 
verum ego hie hospitium habeo : Antidamae filium 
quaere — commostra si novisti — Agorastoclem. 

* Corrupt (Leo) : patritus hospes fuit, Demarchi filius Leo. 

^ Migdilix : of unknown meaning. 

« Vv. 1042-1043 : But I have a place to put up here : 




(recovering) Well, by gad, and a swindling sharper 

of a gentleman you must be, to come here to trap 

us, you migsture ^, with a two forked tongue Hke a 


(to Mtlphio, sternly) None of your insults ! Control 

that tongue of yours ! You'll refrain from insulting 

this gentleman if you are wise. I won't hear you 

abusing men of my own blood, (approaching Hanno) 

I am a native of Carthage myself, sir, I may inform 


(taking his outstretched hand) Well, well, compatriot ! 

Greetings ! 

Gad, sir, and to you, whoever you are ! And if you 

have need of anything, I beg you speak, command 

me, in the name of our common country. 

I thank you, sir.^ But do you know a young man 

here named Agorastocles ? 

WTiy, sir, if it's the adopted son of Antidama you 

look for, I am your man myself. 

Eh ? What's that you say ? 

That I am the son of Antidama. 

In that case, if you wish to compare the tokens of 

our family friendship, look, here is mine, (produces it) 

(eagerly) Come, sir, come, show it to me. (examining 

it) Yes, it exactly matches the one I have at home. 

(seizes Hanno's hand) 

Well, well, my friend ! Hearty greetings ! WTiy, 

your father Antidamas, you know, was an old 

family friend of mine. I shared this token of that 

friendship with him. 

Then as my friend you're to be my guest here. The 

entertainment of a friend and the Carthage that 

gave me birth are things I don't disclaim. 

I am looking for the son of Antidama — direct me, if you 
know him — Agorastocles. 


Han. Di dent tibi omnes quae velis. 

quid ais ? qui potuit fieri, ut Carthagini 

gnatus sis ? hie autem habuisti Aetolum patrem, 
Ag. Surruptus sum illinc. hie me Antidama hospes 

emit, et is me sibi adoptavit filium. 
Han. Demarche item ipse fuit adoptaticius. 1060 

sed mitto de illoc, ad te redeo. die mihi, 

ecquid meministi tuom parentum nomina, 

patris atque matris ? 
Ag. Memini. 

Han. Memoradum mihi, 

si novi forte aut si sunt cognati mihi. 
Ag. Ampsigura mater mihi fuit, lahon pater. 
Han. Patrem atque matrem viverent vellem tibi. 
Ag. An mortui sunt ? 
Han. Factum, quod aegre tuh.^ 

nam mihi sobrina Ampsigura tua mater fuit ; 

pater tuos, is erat frater patruehs meus, 

et is me heredem fecit, quom suom obiit diem, 1070 

quo me privatum aegre patior mortuo. 

sed si ita est, ut tu sis lahonis fihus, 

signum esse oportet in manu laeva tibi, 

ludenti puero quod memordit simia. 

ostende, inspiciam. 
Ag. Em ostendo. 

Han. Aperi. audi atque ades:^ 

Ag. Mi patrue, salve. 
Han. Et tu salve, Agorastocles. 

iterum mihi gnatus videor, quom te repperi. 
Mil. Pol istam rem vobis bene evenisse gaudeo. 

' Corrupt (Leo) : quod ego Lambinus. 

* Leo notes lacuna here : " desunt verba agnitionis." 



God grant your every wish ! But I say ! How 

could you have been born in Carthage ? And you 

with an Aetolian father. 

I was kidnapped from there. Your friend Antidama 

brought me here, and then made me his son by 


{half to himself) He was an adopted child, too, of 

Demarchus. {earnestly scanning Agorastocles) But 

no more of him — to return to yourself. Tell me, 

do you remember your parents' names, your 

father's and mother's ? 

Yes, indeed. 

Then tell me them. Maybe I know them, or it 

may be they're related to me. 

Ampsigura was my mother, my father was lahon. 

{much stirred) A father and mother I only wish were 

alive for you this day ! 

Are they dead ? 

Yes,, and a hard blow it was to me. Your mother 

Ampsigura was my cousin; and your father, he 

was the son of my father's brother, and passing 

away as he did, leaving me his heir, his death has 

been a blow I suffered from, {pausing) But if it's 

true that you are lahon 's son, there should be a 

mark on your left hand where a monkey bit you 

when you were playing with it as a boy. Hold it 

out, let me look ! 

{extending his arm) Here you are. 

Open it up ! {examining the hand, excitedly) Listen, 

and listen closely ! 

{embracing him tempestuously) My dear uncle ! God 

bless you ! 

And you, Agorastocles ! I feel as if I were bom 

again, now I've found you. 

By Jove, I'm glad you two have had such good 



sed te moneri num nevis ? 
Han. Sane volo. 

Mil. Patema oportet filio reddi bona. 1080 

aequomst habere hunc bona quae possedit pater. 
Han. Haud postulo aliter : restituentur omnia ; 

suam sibi rem salvam sistam, si illo advenerit. 
Mil. Facito sis reddas, etsi hie habitabit, tamen. 
Han. Quin mea quoque iste habebit, si quid me fuat. 
Mil. Festivom facinus venit mi in mentem modo. 
Han. Quid id est ? 
Mil. Tua opus est opera. 

Han. Die mihi quid lubet : 

profecto uteris, ut voles, operam meam. 

quid est negoti ? 
Mil. Potin tu fieri subdolus ? 

Han. Inimico possum, amico insipientia est, 1090 

Mil. Inimicus hercle est huius. 
Han. Male faxim lubens. 

Mil. Amat ab lenone hie. 

Han. Facere sapienter puto. 

Mil. Leno hie habitat vicinus. 

Han. Male faxim lubens. 

Mil. Ei duae puellae sunt meretrices servolae 

sorores : earum hie alteram efflictim perit, 

neque eam incestavit umquam. 
Han. Acerba amatiost. 

Mil. Hunc leno ludificatur. 

Han. Suom quaestum colit. 

Mil. Hie illi malam rem dare volt. 
Han. Frugist, si id facit. 



luck, (to Hanno) But you don't mind my making 

a suggestion, sir ? 

On the contrary. 

The son ought to have back the paternal estate, 

sir. It's only fair for master to get the property 

his father owned. 

I have no other views. It shall all be restored to 

him. I'll put him in possession of his patrimony 

complete, once he arrives there. 

But let him have it, please, even though he lives 

here, sir. 

Yes, and he shall have mine too, if anything happens 

to me. 

{n-ith a start) A happy thought just came into my 


What is it ? 

Your help's needed, sir. 

Tell me what you'd like. You certainly can have 

any help you want from me. What's the idea ? 

Can you be wily, sir ? 

With an enemy, yes ; with a friend it's foolish. 

He's an enemy of master's all right. 

I should enjoy damaging him. 

Master's in love with a pimp's girl. 

Sensible of him, I judge. 

The pimp lives next door here, (pointing) 

I should enjoy damaging him. 

He has two little slave girls, sisters, as courtesans. 

Master's clean gone on one of 'em, but has never 

got near her. 

Lacerating for a lover! 

The pimp's playing him along. 

All in his business. 

And master wants to get him into trouble. 

A good deed if he does. 



Mil. Nunc hoc consilium capio et banc fabricam apparo, 

ut te allegemus, filias dicas tuas 1100 

surruptasque esse parvolas Carthagine,^ 

manu liberali causa ambas adseras, 

quasi filiae tuae sint. iamne intellegis ? 
Han. Intellego hercle. nam mihi item gnatae duae 

cum nutrice una sunt surruptae parvolae. 
Mil. Lepide hercle adsimulas. iam in principio id mihi 

Han. Pol magis quam vellem. 
Mil. Eu hercle mortalem catum, 

2 malum crudumque, estolidum et subdolum. 

ut adflet, quo illud gestu faciat facilius. 

me quoque dolis iam superat architectonem. 1110 

Han. Sed earum nutrix qua sit facie, mi expedi. 
Mil. Statura hau magna, corpore aquilost. 
Han. Ipsa east. 

Mil. Specie venusta, ore atque oculis pernigris. 
Han. Formam quidem hercle verbis depinxti probe. 
Mil. Vin earn videre ? 
Han. Filias malo meas. 

sed i atque evoca illam ; si eae meae sunt filiae, 

si illarum est nutrix, me continuo noverit. 
Mil. Heus, ecquis hie est ? nuntiate ut prodeat 

foras Giddeneni, est qui illam conventam esse volt. 


Gidd. Quis pultat ? 

Mil. Qui te proximust. 

Gidd. Quid vis ? 

Mil. Eho, 1120 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : " intercidit nutricis meniio." 
* Leo notes lacuna here : senem malum Leo. 



Now here's what I have in mind, here's the game 
I want to work — deputing you to state that they're 
your daughters, and stolen in childhood from Car- 
thage, and claim 'em both as freebom, as being 
your own daughters. Understand now, sir ? 
(with feeling) Indeed I do understand. For my 
very own two girls, along with their nurse, were 
stolen like that in childhood. 

(highly pleased) Gad, sir, it's lovely the way you 
pretend. You pick up the part to perfection. 
(breaking down) Ah, more so than I could wish ! 
{to Agorastocles) Grand ! My word, he's a sly one ! 
Such a hardened rascal, so unstolid and subtle ! 
Look at him weeping, so as to take his role more 
realistically ! Here he is, better at flimflam than 
myself even, the chief architect. 
But the girl's nurse — describe her appearance ! 
She's not very tall, swarthy. 
It's the very one ! 

An attractive person, a real black-eyed brunette. 
By Jove, you've pictured her to the life ! 
Want to see her ? 

My daughters, rather! But go and call her out. 
If those girls are my daughters, if she is their nurse, 
she'll know me instantly. 

{knocking at Lycus" door) Hey ! Anyone here ? Tell 
Giddenis to come out ! I'here's someone wants to 
meet her. 

Jcene 3. enter Giddenis into doorway. 

ridd. (tvithin) Who's knocking? 
A man very close to you. 
WTiat do you want ? 

Hi, you, know that man in the tunic ? (pointing to 



novistin tu illunc tunicatum hominem qui siet ? 
Gidd. Nam quern ego aspicio ? pro supreme luppiter, 

erus meus hie quidem est, mearum alumnarum 

Hanno Carthaginiensis. 
Mil. Ecce autem mala.^ 

Gidd. O mi ere, salve, Hanno, insperatissume 

mihi tuisque filiis, salve atque — eho, 

mirari noli neque me contemplarier. 

cognoscin Giddenenem ancillam tuam? 1130 

Han. Novi. sed ubi sunt meae gnatae ? id scire expeto. 
Gidd. Apud aedem Veneris. 

Han. Quid ibi faciunt ? die mihi. 

Gidd. Aphrodisia hodie Veneris est festus dies : 

oratum ierunt deam, ut sibi esset propitia. 
Mil. Pol satis scio, impetrarunt, quando hie hie adest. 
Ag. Eho an huius sunt illae filiae ? 
Gidd. Ita ut praedicas. 

tua pietas nobis plane auxilio fuit, 

quom hue advenisti hodie in ipso tempore ; 

namque hodie earum mutarentur nomina 

facerentque indignum genere quaestum corpore. 1140 
Puer Auamma Hit. 
Gidd. Hauon bane silli in mustine, 

Mepstaeiemes tas dum et alanna cestimim, 
Ag. Quid illi locuti sunt inter se ? die mihi. 
Han. Matrem hie salutat suam, haec autem hunc filium. 

tace atque parce muliebri supellectili. 
Ag. Quae est supellex ? 

^ Leo brackets following w., 1125-1126: 
praestrigiator hie quidem Poenus probust, 
perduxii omnis ad suam sententiam. 

1 Vv. 1125-1126: This Carthaginian is certainly a 
grand conjurer ! He has 'em all under his control. 



(gasping) Why, who's that I see? Great God on 

high ! It is, it's my master, the father of my foster- 

hngs, Hanno, the Carthaginian ! 

Now if she isn't a sly one ! ^ 

Oh, my dear master, Hanno, God bless you ! We 

never dreamed of this, I and your daughters ! Oh, 

God bless you and — (noticing haw dazed he is) now, 

now, sir, don't gaze at me so wonderingly! You 

recognize your own maidservant, Giddenis ? 

Yes, yes ! But where are my daughters ? That's 

my first concern ! 

At the temple of Venus, sir. 

Doing what there ? Tell me ! 

This is the festival day of Venus, sir, the Aphrodisia. 

They've gone to pray the goddess to be propitious 

to them. 

(convinced of Hanno's sincerity) They've been 

successful, that's sure enough, now he's here ! 

(to Giddenis) I say ! Are those girb his daughters ? 

Indeed they are ! (to Hanno) Oh, sir, your affection 

has been our salvation, clear as can be, arriving as 

you do to-day in the very nick of time ! For this 

very day those girls were to have their names 

changed and disgrace their family by prostitution. 

(one of Hanno* s slaves edges up toward Giddenis) 

AuammailU ! 

(regarding him, then clasping him in her arms) Hauon 

bane silli in mustine. Mepstaetemes tas dum et alanna 

cestimim ! 

(to Hanno) What are they saying to each other? 

Tell me. 

He's greeting his mother, and she her son. (to 

Giddenis, rvith pretended gruffness) Quiet now, and 

spare the furniture of your sex. 

What furniture is that ? 



Han. Clarus clamor. 

Ag. Sine modo. 

Han. Tu abduc hosce intro ; et una nutricem simul 

iube banc abire hinc ad te. 
Ag. Fac quod imperat. 

Mil. Sed quis illas tibi monstrabit ? 
Ag. Ego doctissume. 

Mil. Abeo igitur. 
Ag. Facias modo quam memores mavelim. 1150 

patruo advenienti cena curetur volo. 
Mil. Lachanna vos, quos ego iam detrudam ad molas, 

inde porro ad puteum atque ad robustum codicem. 

ego faxo hospitum hoc leniter laudabitis. 
Ag. Audin tu, patrue ? dico, ne dictum neges : 

tuam mihi maiorem filiam despondeas. 
Han. Pactum rem habeto. 
Ag. Spondesne igitur ? 

Han. Spondeo. 

Ag. Mi patrue, salve, nam nunc es plane meus. 

nunc demum ego cum ilia fabulabor libere. 

nunc, patrue, si vis tuas videre filias, 1160 

me sequere. 
Han. lamdudum equidem cupio, et te 

Ag. Sed eccas video ipsas. 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 1162-1165 : 
Ag. Quid si eamus illis obviam ? 

Han. At ne inter vias 

praeierbitamus metuo. magne Ivppiter, 
resiitue certas mi ex incertis nunc opes. 
Ag. * Ego quidem meos amores mecum con fido fore. 

* Corrupt (Leo) : amores meos Pylades. 

1 Vv. 1162-1165: 
Ag, What if we should go meet them ? 



Loud lungs. 

(smiling) Oh, never mind. 

(to Milphio) Take these people (indicating his 

attendants) inside, my man ; and have the nurse 

here go over to your house along >\ith them. 

(as Milphio hesitates) Do as he orders. 

(to Hanno) But who'll show you those girls ? 

I, a man with special training. 

Then I'll be gone, (still lingers) 

Ah, but I should prefer to have you do so than say 

so. I want a dinner of welcome seen to for my 


(waving Hanno' s slaves and Giddenis inside) Lachanna, 

you people! (in an undertone) I'll soon be hustling 

you off to the mill, and direct from there to the 

dungeon and a big, stout block. I'll promise it's 

mild praise our hospitality gets from you. 

(anxiously) Listen here, uncle ! Don't regard what 
I say as unsaid — promise me your older daughter. 

You promise, then ? 
I promise. 

(hugging him joyfully) Oh, my dear, dear uncle ! 
Ah, now you clearly are mine ! Now at last I can 
chat with her undisturbed! (turning to go to the 
temple) Now, uncle, if you want to see your 
daughters, follow me. (hurries away) 
(close after him) That's what I've long been yearn- 
ing for! I'll follow you all right 1^ 
(stopping) But look ! I see them ! 

But I fear we might pass by and miss them in the streets. 
Oh, great God, now make my uncertainty a blessed 
certainty ! 
And I, I'm confident I'll have my sweetheart with me ! 



Han. Haecine meae sunt filiae ? 

quantae e quantillis iam sunt factae. 
Ag. Scin quid est ? 

tragicae sunt : in calones sustolli solent.^ 

V. 4 

Ad. Fuit hodie operae pretiuxn cuivis qui amabilitati 

animum adiceret, 
oculis epulas dare, delubrum qui hodie ornatum 

eo visere venit. 
deamavi ecastor illi hodie lepidissima munera 

digna dea venustissima Venere, neque contempsi 

eius opes hodie. 
tanta ibi copia venustatum aderat, in suo quique 

loco sita munde. 
aras tus, murrinus, omnis odor 
complebat. haud sordere visust 
festus dies, Venus, nee tuom fanum : 
tantus ibi clientarum erat numerus, 1180 

quae ad Calydoniam venerant Venerem. 
Ant. Certo enim, quod quidem ad nos duas 
attinuit, praepotentes pulchre 
pacisque potentes, soror, fuimus, 
neque ab iuventute inibi inridiculo 
habitae, quod pol, 
soror, ceteris omnibus factumst. 
Ad. Malim istuc aliis videatur, quara uti tu te, soror, 

Ant. Spero equidem. 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 1169-1173 
Mil. Opino hercle hodie, quod ego dixi per iocum, 

id eventurum esse et severum et serium, 
ut haec inveniantur hodie esse huius filiae. 



{drawing him aside) These girls my daughters ? So 
small they were, and now so big ! 
{ebullient) Don't you see? They're tragediennes : 
natural for them to be set up on buskins.^ 

4. ENTER Adelphasium and AnierastiUs. 

Well ! it was worth the while of anyone with a 
feeling for beauty to feast his eyes to-day by going 
to see the decorations at the temple. Gracious, 
I simply adored those offerings of the courtesans, 
they were so perfectly charming, wortliy of Love's 
lovely goddess whose power I couldn't under- 
estimate this day. Such quantities of lovely things 
as were there, and all arranged so fittingly and 
prettily! And the altars loaded with frankin- 
cense, myrrh, and every sweet scent ! Oh, Venus, 
thy festival and fane seemed nothing mean ! And 
such crowds of girls as had come there to worship 
our Venus of Calydon ! 

Well, I know one thing, sister — that, for our part, 
we two gained a glorious victory and gained the 
goddess's good-will, and the young men there 
didn't make fun of us either, as they certainly 
did of all the rest ! 

I'd rather have others think that than for you to 
praise yourself so highly, sister. 
I certainly hope they do ! 

1 Vv. 116^1173: 
By gad, I verily do believe that what I said in joke is going to 
prove strictly serious, and they'll prove to be his daughters. 
Lord, man ! Why, that's a certainty now. Alilphio, 
take those people inside, {to Hanno) We'll wait for them 

Pol istuc quidem iam cerium est. tu istos, MUphio, 
adduce inlro. nos hasce hie praestolabimur. 



Ad, Et pol ego, quom, ingeniis quibus 

sumus atque aliae, gnosco ; 
eo sumus gnatae genere, ut deceat nos esse a culpa 
Han. luppiter, qui genus colis alisque hominum, per 
quern vivimus vitalem aevom, 
quern penes spes vitae sunt hominum omnium, da 

diem hunc sospitem quaeso, 
^ rebus meis agundis, ut quibus annos multos carui 

quasque e patria 
perdidi parvas^ redde is libertatem, invictae 
praemium ut esse sciam pietati. 
Ag. Omnia faciet luppiter faxo, 

nam mi est obnoxius et me 
Han. Tace quaeso. 

Ag. Ne lacruma, patrue. 

Ant. Vt volup est homini, mea soror, si quod agit cluet 
victoria ; 
sicut nos hodie inter alias praestitimus pulchri- 
Ad. Stulta, soror, magis es quam volo. an tu eo 
pulchra videre, obsecro, 
si tibi illi non os oblitumst fuligne ? 
Ag. O patrue, o patrue mi. 

Han. Quid est, 

fratris mei gnate, gnate, quid vis ? expedi. 
Ag. At enim hoc volo agas. 
Han. At enim ago istuc. 

Ag. O patrue mi patruissime. 
Han. Quid est ? 
Ag. Est lepida et lauta. ut sapit. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : meis rebus agundis Mueller. 
* Corrupt (Leo) : perdidi parvas, dederis vere, tandem 
invictae ut praemium esse sciam pietati Leo. 



Yes, and so do T, realizing what we are, and what 

those other girls are. Our birth being what it is. 

we should keep clear of all just criticism. 

(in a low tone) Oh, Jupiter, who dost cherish and 

nurture the human race, through whom we live 

and draw the breath of being, in whom rest the hopes 

and Uves of all mankind, I beg thee grant that this 

day may prosper that which I have in hand, and 

those lost to me for many years, those daughters 

taken from their home as tiny girls, restore them 

to liberty, and show me that unfaltering affection 

is rewarded. 

(veri/ blithe, to Hanno) 111 see that Jupiter sees to 

all that ! He's quite under my thimtib, you know, 

and looks on me with awe. 

{gazing at the girls, tears in his eyes) No more of that 

.... please! 

Don't cry, uncle. 

How thrilling it is, sister dear, to do something and 

have it recognized as a triumph, just as in our case 

to-day, being the most beautiful girls there. 

Sister, sister, I wish you weren't so silly ! Do you 

fancy you're a beauty, just because nobody there 

smeared your face with soot for a joke ? 

(ecstatic, aside to Hanno) Oh, uncle, oh, uncle dear! 

(intent on the girls) What is it, nephew, nephew 

mine, what d'ye want? Out with it. 

Well, but I want you to attend to this. 

Well, but I'm attending to that, (indicating the 


Oh, uncle ! Oh, unchest of uncles ! 

(smiling) What is it } 

Oh, she's a darling, dainty thing! And such 

sagacity 1 



Han. Ingenium patris habet quod sapit. 
Ag. Quae res ? iam diu edepol sapientiam tuam haec 
nunc hinc sapit, hinc sentit, quidquid sapit, ex 
meo am ore. 1200 

Ad. Non eo genere sum us prognatae, tarn etsi sumus 
servae, soror, 
ut deceat nos facere quicquam quod homo quis- 

quam inrideat. 
multa mulierum sunt vitia, sed hoc e multis 

quom sibi nimis placent minusque addunt operam, 
uti placeant viris. 
Ant, Nimiae voluptatist quod in extis nostris porten- 
tumst, soror, 
quodque haruspex de ambabus dixit. 
Ag. Velim de me aliquid dixerit. 

Ant. Nos fore invito domino nostro diebus paucis 
id ego nisi quid di aut parentes faxint, qui sperera 
baud scio. 
Ag. Mea fiducia hercle haruspex, patrue, his promisit, 
hbertatem, quia me amare hanc scit. 
Ad. Soror, sequere hac. 

Ant. Sequor. 1210 

Han. Prius quam abitis, vos volo ambas. nisi piget, 

Ad. Quis revocat ? 

Ag. Qui bene volt vobis facere. 

Ad. Facere occasiost. 

sed quis homost ? 
Ag. Amicus vobis. 

Ad. Qui quidem inimicus non siet. 

Ag. Bonus est hie homo, mea voluptas. 



(falling in tvitk Agorastocles' mood) A trait from her 

father, that. 

Eh ? What ? Lord, man, she used up the sagacity 

she got from you long ago. Her present sagacity, 

her present sense, she gets from me, every bit of it, 

from me and my love ! 

Slaves though we are, sister, we come of no such 

stock as to make it fitting for us to do an}i:hing 

that anyone can sneer at. Women have many 

weaknesses, but the worst of them all is when 

they're too much pleased with themselves and 

take too little pains to please the men. 

Oh, it was just too lovely, sister, the omens from 

our sacrifice, and what the soothsayer said about us 


(aside) If he only said something about me ! 

That in a few days, despite our master, we'd be 

free ! Yet I don't know how to hope for it, unless 

the gods do something, or our own parents. 

(aside to Hanno) He relied on me, that soothsayer ; 

yes, sir. I know he did,uncle,in promising them their 

freedom. He knows I love her. 

(moving toward Lycus' house) Come along, sister 

I'm coming. 

(calling to them) I should like to see you both before 

you leave. Stop a moment, if you don't mind. 

VVTio's calling us back? 

(approaching them) A man who wants to help you. 

Now is the time for help. But who is he ? 

A friend to you girls. 

If only he doesn't prove unfriendly. 

(to Adelphatium) He's a good one, sweetheart. 



Ad. Pol istum malim quam malum. 

Ag. Siquidem amicitiast habenda, cum hoc habendast. 
Ad. Hau precor. 

Ag. Multa bona volt vobis facere. 

Ad. Bonus bonis bene feceris.^ 

Ag. Patrue mi, ita me di amabunt, ut ego, si sim 

iam hercle ego illam uxorem ducam et lunonem 

extrudam foras. 1220 

ut pudice verba fecit, cogitate et commode, 
ut modeste orationem praebuit. 
Han. Certo haec meast. 

sed ut astu sum adgressus ad eas. 
Ag. Lepide hercle atque commode. 

Han. Pergo etiam temptare ? 

Ag. In pauca confer : sitiunt qui sedent. 

Han. Quid istic ? quod faciundumst cur non agimus ? 

in ius vos voco. 
Ag. Nunc, patrue, tu frugi bonae es. tene. vin ego 

hanc adprendam ? 
Ad. An patruos est, Agorastocles, tuos hie ? 
Ag. Iam faxo scibis. 

nunc pol ego te ulciscar probe, nam faxo — mea 
eris sponsa. 
Han. Ite in ius, ne moramini. antestare me atque duce. 
Ag. Ego te antestabor, postea hanc amabo atque 

amplexabor. 1230 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 1217-1218 : 
Han. Gaudio era vobis. 

Ad. At edepol nos voluptaii tibi. 

Han. Libertaiique. 
Ad. Istoc prelio tuas nos facile feceris. 



Gracious ! Better that than a bad one. 

If you're to be friends with anyone, you should 

be with him. 

That's no prayer of mine. 

He wants to do you girls no end of good. 

(to Hanno) Ah, good to the good from the good, sir ! ^ 

(aside to Hanno) So help me heaven, uncle dear, if 

I were Jupiter, I swear I'd take her for my wife at 

once and send Juno packing ! She talks in such a 

seemly, thoughtful, fitting way ; has such modesty 

of speech ! 

(aside to Agorasiocles) My child, beyond a doubt. 

Rather adroit, though, the way I approached them. 

Gad, yes, very neat and fitting. 

(chuckling) Shall I go on and test them ? 

Be brief ! (glancing ai the spectators) The audience 

is athirst. 

(vehemently) Well now ! Why don't we get about 

our business ? (advancing angrily upon the girls) I 

summon you to court ! 

That's the right spirit now, uncle! Hold 'em! 

Want me to seize this one? (clasps Adelphasium) 

(confused) Is he really your uncle, Agorastocles ? 

(sternly) I'll soon let you know. Here's where I 

WTcak vengeance on you, by gad, for I '11 make you 

— (ardently) my wife. 

Off to court ! No delay ! (to Agorastocles) I'll be 

your witness : take her ! 

(sternly again) You'll be my witness, and then she'l 

be — (hugging her) mine to caress and cuddle ! 

» Vv. 1217-1218: 
I'll bring you joy. 

Mercy me ! But we'U bring you pleasure. 
And freedom. 
You'll win us easily on those terms. 



sed illud quidem volui dicere — immo hercle dixi 
quod volebam. 
Han. Moramini. in ius vos voco, nisi honestiust pre- 

Ad. Quid in ius vocas nos ? quid tibi debemus ? 
Ag. Dicet illi. 

Ad. Etiam me meae latrant canes ? 
Ag. At tu hercle adludiato : 

dato mihi pro ofFa savium, pro osse linguam obicito. 

ita hanc canem faciam tibi oleo tranquilliorem. 
Han. Ite si itis. 

Ad. Quid nos fecimus tibi ? 

Han. Fures estis ambae. 

Ad. Nosne tibi ? 
Han. Vos inquam. 

Ag. Atque ego scio. 

Ad. Quid id furtist ? 

Ag. Hunc rogato. 

Han. Quia annos multos filias meas celavistis clam me, 

atque equidem ingenuas liberas summoque genere 
gnatas. 1240 

Ad. Numquam mecastor reperies tu istuc probrum 

penes nos. 
Ag. Da pignus, ni nunc perieres, in savium, uter utri det. 
Ad. Nil tecum ago, apscede opsecro. 
Ag. Atque hercle mecum agendum est. 

nam hie patruos meus est, pro hoc mihi patronus 
sim necesse est ; 

et praedicabo quo modo ^ furta faciatis multa 

^ Leo brackets following vos. 


(suddenly stopping) But as a matter of fact I meant 
to say — {hugging her again) no, heavens, no, I said 
what I meant ! 

{to girls) You are delaying. I summon you to 
court — unless {rvitk a covert glance at Agorastocles) 
seizure's a more proper method. 
Why do you summon us to court ? What have you 
against us ? 
He'll state that there. 

{indignantly) So even my own dogs bark at me ? 
Gad, then, just you pet them ! Try me with a nice 
long kiss for a tid-bit, and let's have your tongue for 
a bone. Do that, and I'll make this dog of yours 
milder than olive oil. 
{to girls) Go, if you are going ! 
What have we done to you ? 
You're a pair of robbers ! 
We — robbed you ? 
You, I say ! 
Yes, and I know. 

{to Agorastocles) What robbing is this ? 
Ask him. 

For many years you kept my daughters concealed 
from me, free and freebom girls though they were, 
girls of the finest family. 

Goodness me, sir, you'll never prove we did such a 
shocking thing, never ! 

Bet me you're not lying — the loser to pay a nice 
long kiss, {tries to collect) 

{pulling loose) I'm not concerned with you! Go 
away, won't you ! 

Oho ! But you've got to be concerned with me. 
This gentleman being my uncle, I am bound to in- 
terest myself in his behalf. And I'll lay bare the 
way you constantly commit robbery and the way 



quoque modo huius filias apud vos habeatis servas, 

quas vos ex patria liberas surruptas esse scitis. 
Ad. Vbi sunt eae ? aut quas, opsecro ? 
Ag. Satis iam sunt maceratae. 

Han. Quid si eloquamur ? 
Ag. Censeo hercle, patrue. 

Ad. Misera timeo, 

quid hoc sit negoti, mea soror; ita stupida sine 
animo asto. 1250 

Han. Advortite animum, mulieres. primum, si id fieri 

ne indigna indignis di darent, id ego evenire vellem ; 

nunc quod boni mihi di danunt, vobis vostraeque 

eas dis est aequom gratias nos agere sempitemas, 

quom nostram pietatem adprobant decorantque di 

vos meae estis ambae filiae et hie est cognatus 

huiusce fratris fihus, Agorastocles. 
Ad. Amabo, 

nvun hi falso oblectant gaudio nos ? 
Ag. At ita me di servent, 

ut hie pater est vester. date manus. 
Ad. Salve, insperate nobis 

pater, te complecti nos sine. 
Ant. Cupite atque exspectate 1260 

pater, salve. 
Ad. Ambae filiae sumus. 

Ant. Amplectamur ambae. 

Ag. Quis me amplectetur postea ? 
Han. Nunc ego sum fortunatus, 

multorum annorum miserias nunc hac voluptate 



you keep his daughters at your house as slaves, 
knowing them to be freeborn girls stolen from their 
own country. 

Wliere are they ? Who are they, for heaven's sake ? 
(aside to Hanno)They've been badgered enough now. 
What if we tell them ? 
Gad, yes, uncle, I approve. 

(aside to Anterastilis) Oh, sister dear, I'm so worried 
about all this ! I can't think ! All I can do is to 
stand here stupefied! 

(magisterially) Your attention, young ladies ! My 
first wish, were its fruition possible, would have 
been that the gods bring nothing undeserved upon 
(with a sly glance at Agorastocles) the undeserving. 
As it is, (reverently) for this instance of the gods' 
goodness to me, to you, and to your mother, we 
owe those gods eternal gratitude, since by them, 
the immortal gods, our affection is approved and 
honoured, (joyously) Girls, you are both my 
daughters, and this lad here is your relative, my 
brother's boy, Agorastocles. 

(tremulously to Anterastilis) Oh, they're not holding 
out such happiness only to deceive us, are they ? 
(eagerly) So help me God, he is your father ! Let's 
have your hands ! (lays their hands in Hanno's) 
(gazing at him shyly) Oh-h ! Father ! Our unhoped- 
for father ! Mayn't we hug you ? 
(throwing herself into his arms) Father that I've 
longed for, waited for, oh, father ! 
(somewhat hurt) We are both his daughters. 
Then we should both hug him. 
(as Adelphasium also embraces Hanno) WTio's going 
to hug me later ? 

Oh, a happy man I am now ! Joy such as I feel 
now allays Xh& sorrows of many a year ! 



Ad. Vix hoc videmur credere. 

Han. Magis qui credatis dicam. 

nam vostra nutrix ^ primum me cognovit. 
Ad. Vbi ea, amabo, est ? 

Han. Apud hunc est. 
Ag. Quaeso, qui lubet tam diu tenere coUimi ? 

omitte saltem tu altera, nolo ego istuc. 
Ad. Enicas me.* 

prius quam tibi despondent. 
Ag. Mitto. 

Ad. Sperate, salve. 

Han. Condamus alter alterum ergo in nervom bracchi- 

quibus nunc in terra melius est ? 
Ag. Eveniunt digna dignis. 1270 

Han. Tandem huic cupitum contigit. 
Ag. O Apella, o Zeuxis pictor, 

cur numero estis mortui,hoc exemplo ut pingeretis ? 

nam alios pictores nil moror huius modi tractare 
Han. Di deaeque omnes, vobis habeo merito magnas 

quom hac me laetitia adfecistis tanta et tantis 

ut meae gnatae ad me redirent in potestatem 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : prima Bentley. 

• Leo notes lacuna here : nolo ego istuc — 
Ad. Enicas me. 

Ag. Prius eto. 

Goetz, Schoell. 

» Leo brackets following w., 1277-1279 : 
Ad. Mi pater, tua pietas plane nobis auxilio fuit. 

Ag. Pat rue, facito in memoria habeas, titam maiorem fiHam 

mihi te despondisse. 
Han. Memini. 

Ag. Et dotis quid promiseria, 



It all seems so hard for us to believe ! 

You'll believe it the easier for this — your nurse 

recognized me at the very first. 

Where is she, oh, tell me ? 

At his house, (nodding toward Agorastocles) 

(to the girls) For heaven's sake, what's the fun in 

clinging to his neck so long ? (to Adelphasium) You 

second one, at least, do let go ! I've had enough of 

that ! (pulls her to him) 

You pest ! (sweetly) Before he has promised me to 


I'll stop, (releases her), 

(stiddenly kissing him) A greeting for the man I did 

hope for ! 

Then let's all throw each other into the prison 

(fondly draning them all together) of our arms. 

Now where on earth are happier people ? 

(with a smile at Hanno) Here's something deserved 

for the deserving. 

At last the thing I longed for has come true. 

Ah, Apelles! Oh, painter Zeuxis! Why did you 

die too soon to make this scene your subject? As 

for other painters — I want none of them handling 

scenes of this sort. 

Ye gods and goddesses all, I am grateful, deeply 

and duly grateful to you, for granting me the 

wonderful happiness, the wondei'ful joys, that come 

of having my daughters safely in my hands once 


> Vv. 1277-1279 : 

Father dear, your aflEection was clearly our salvation. 

Uncle, see you remember that you have promised me your 

older daughter. 

Yes indeed. 

And the dowry you agreed to give. 



V. 5. 

Anta. Si ego minam non ultus fuero probe, quam lenoni 

dedi, 1280 

turn profecto me sibi habento scurrae ludificatui. 
is etiam me ad prandiumad se abduxit ignavissimus, 
ipse abiit foras, me reliquit pro atriensi in aedibus, 
ubi nee leno neque illae redeunt, nee quod edim 

quicquam datur. 
pro maiore parte prandi pignus cepi, abii foras ; 
sic dedero : aere militari tetigero lenunculum, 
nanctus est hominem, miina quein argenti cireum- 

sed mea amica nunc mihi irato obviam veniat velim : 
iam pol ego illam pugnis totam faciam uti sit 

ita replebo atritate, atrior multo ut siet, 1290 

quam Aegyptini, qui cortinam ludis per circum 

Ant. Tene sis me arte, mea voluptas ; male ego metuo 

mala ilia bestia est, ne forte me auferat puUum 

Ad. Vt nequeo te satis complecti, mi pater. 
Anta. Ego me moror. 

propemodum hoc opsonare prandium potero mihi. 
sed quid hoc est ? quid est ? quid hoc est ? quid ego 

video ? quo modo ? 
quid hoc est conduphcationis .'' quae haec est 

congeminatio ? 
quis hie homo est cum tunicis longis quasi puer 

cauponius ? 
satin ego oculis cerno ? estne illaec mea amica 

Anterastilis ? 
et ea est certo. iam pridem ego me sensi nihili 

pendier. 1300 



5. ENTER Antamonides from Lycus' house. 

(blustering) If that four pounds I gave the pimp 
isn't avenged in fine shape, the city wits have my 
full permission to use me for joke-fodder! The 
idea of the infernal sluggard's taking me to his 
house for lunch, then going out himself, leaving me 
there like a head butler, with neither pimp nor girls 
returning and not a scrap given me to eat ! I took 
security {examining some plunder) for the larger part 
of that lunch, and left. That's my way! I'll see 
our sweet pimp's touched for his army tax ! He 
lighted on the man to swindle out of four pounds ! 
But I only wish that girl of mine would cross my 
path now, angry as I am ! By the Lord, I'll up and 
baste her with my fists till she's all blackbirdy ! I'll 
dye her dark, dye her a lot darker than Aethiopian 
bucket carriers at the Circus games ! 
{seeing him and clinging closer to Hanno) Oh, you 
darling, do please hold me tight ! I have a horrible 
fear of kites — the horrid creature — and of one's 
carrying off this little chick of yours, maybe. 
Oh, father dear, I simply can't hug you enough ! 
I'm losing time, {glancing at his plunder) I can come 
pretty close to laying in a lunch for myself with 
this, {seeing the group in each other's arms) But what's 
this ? WTiat's up ? What's this ? What do I see ? 
How's this? What's this twosing? What's this 
twinsing? ^\^lo's the chap with the long tunics 
like a tavern boy? Eh? Is my eyesight failing? 
Is that my girl, Anterastilis ? It is, it certainly is ! 
I've felt for a long time she was making light of me ! 
Isn't the wench ashamed to be petting a porter in 



non pudet puellam amplexari baiolum in media via ? 

iam hercle ego ilium excruciandum totum carnufici 

sane genus hoc mulierosumst tunicis demissiciis. 

sed adire certum est banc amatricem Africam. 

heus tu, tibi dico, mulier, ecquid te pudet ? 

quid tibi negoti est autem cum istac ? die mihi. 
Han. Adulescens, salve. 
Ania. Nolo, nihil ad te attinet. 

quid tibi banc digito tactio est ? 
Ilan. Quia mihi lubct. 

Anta. Lubet ? 
Han. Ita dico. 

Anta. Ligula, i in malam crucem. 

tune hie amator audes esse, hallex viri, 1310 

aut contrectare quod mares homines amant ? 

deglupta mena, sarrapis, sementium, 

manstruca, halagora, sampsa, turn autem plenior 

ali ulpicique quam Romani remiges. 
Ag. Num tibi, adulescens, malae aut dentes pruriunt, 

qui huic es molestus, an malam rem quaeritas ? 
Anti Quin adhibuisti, dum istaec loquere, tympanum? 

nam te cinaedum esse arbitror magis quam virum. 
Ag. Scin quam cinaedus sum ? ite istinc, servi, foras, 

ecferte fustis. 
Anta. Heus tu, si quid per iocum 1320 

dixi, nolito in serium convertere. 
Ant. Qui tibi lubido est, opsecro, Antamonides, 

loqui inclementer nostro cognato et patri ? 

* Sarrapis, sementium, of unknown meaning. 


the middle of the street? By the Lord, I'll give 
him to the hangman this instant for torture from 
top to toe ! They're nothing but a set of lady- 
killers, these dangle-tunics. But I'm certainly going 
to get after this African amorosa. {striding up and 
roaring) Hi, you! I mean you, woman! Have 
you no shame ? (to Hanno) And you ! WTiat is 
your business with that wench ? Answer me ! 
(surveying him coolly) Good-day to you, young man. 
None of that, that is no concern of yours ! How 
comes it you touch this girl even with a finger ? 
Because I hke to. 
Like to ? 

That is what I say. 

{terrific) Go and be hanged, thou shoe-strap! 
Dost dare to play the lover here, thou toepiece of 
a man, or couple thee Avith them that virile males 
do love ? Thou excoriated sardine and semi- 
sarrapian,^ thou pelt, saltsouk and olive pulp, aye 
and reeking of garhc and leeks worse than a bench 
of Roman rowers ! 

{his arms still around Adelphasium and Hanno) Sir, do 
your jaws or teeth itch, affronting this gentleman ? 
Is it trouble you're after ? 

{disdainfully) Why not have a tambourine to 
accompany such talk ? Huh ! You look to me 
more like a fancy dancer than a man. 
{irate) Fancy dancer? You know what sort ? {goes 
to his door and calls) Come on out of there, lads, 
and bring some clubs 1 

{badly scared) Hey, you ! If I said something as a 
joke, don't take it seriously. 

{as Agorastocles halts the slaves at the doorway) 
Antamonides, what pleasure, pray, do you find in 
speaking rudely to our relative and father? For 



nam hie noster pater est ; hie nos cognovit mode 

et hunc sui fratris filium. 
Anta. Ita me luppiter 

bene amet, bene factum, gaudeo et volup est mihi, 

si quid lenoni optigit magni mali.^ 
Ag. Bonxun virum eccum video, se recipit domum ; ^ 

rapiamus in ius. 
Han. Minime. 

Ag. Quapropter ? 

Han. Quia 

iniuriarum ' multo induci satins est. 

V. 6. 

Lye. Decipitur nemo, mea quidem sententia, 

qui suis amicis narrat recte res suas ; 

nam omnibus amicis meis idem unum convenit, 1340 

ut me suspendam, ne addicar Agorastocli. 
Ag. Leno, eamus in ius. 
Lye. Opsecro te, Agorastocles, 

suspendere ut me Hceat. 
Han. In ius te voco. 

Lye. Quid tibi mecum autem ? 
Han. Quia hasce aio liberas 

* Leo brackets following vv., 1328-1331 : 
quomque e virtute vobis fortuna optigit. 

Ant. Credibile ecastor dicit. crede huic, mi pater. 

Han. Credo. 

Ag. Et ego credo, sed eccum lenonem Lycum. 

« Leo brackets following vv., 1333-1335 : 
Han. Quia hie est ? 
Ag. Vtrumvis est, vel leno vel Lycus. 

in servitute hie filias hahuit tuas 

et mi auri fur est. 
Han. Bellum hominem, quern noveris. 

• Corrupt (Leo) : indici A. 



this gentleman is our father. He has just now 

found us to be his daughters, and him (indicating 

Agorastocles) his nephew. 

(n-ith apparent enthusiasm^ Lord love me, now that's 

lovely! I'm pleased and delighted to see that 

pimp get hard hit.^ 

{looking dorm the street) Aha ! I see our good man, 

hying him home.^ Let's drag him to court for 


By no means. 


(smiling) Because it's much better to take him there 

for injustice. 


(to himself, grimly) No one is deceived, in my 
humble opinion, when he frankly confides his situa- 
tion to his friends. Now all my friends were quite 
agreed that the one way for me to escape being 
adjudged to Agorastocles was to hang myself. 
(stepping up) Pimp, let us be off to court ! 
Do be merciful, Agorastocles, and let me hang 

(joining them) I summon you to court ! 
You ? And what have you got against me ? 
This — I declare these girls to be free and bom free 

* Vv. 1328-1331 : And to have you get the good luck you 

That sounds believable, it really does. Do believe him, 
father dear. 
I do. 
And so do I. Aha ! bat there's pimp Lycos 1 

» Vv. 1333-1335 : 
Who is he ? 

Whichever you want — a pimp or a Lycus. He kept your 
daughters in slavery and he robbed me of my money. 
A charming acquaintance you have. 



ingenuasque esse filias ambas meas ; 

eae sunt surruptae cum nutrice parvolae. 
Lye. lam pridem equidem istuc scivi et miratus fui, 

neminem venire qui istas adsereret manu.^ 
Ag. Duplum pro furto mi opus est. 
Lye. Sume hinc quid lubet. 

Han. Et mihi suppliciis multis. 
Lye. Sume hinc quid lubet : ^ 

collo rem solvam iam omnibus, quasi baiolus.^ 

* Leo brackets following vv., 1349-1350 : 
meae quidem profecto non aunt. 

Anta. Leno, in iua eas. 

Lye. De prandio tu dicis. debetur, ddbo. 

* Leo brackets following v., 1353 : 
Anta. Et mihi quidem mina argenti. 
Lye. Sume hinc quid Ivbd. 

' Leo brackets following vv., 1355-1371 : 
Ag. Numquid recusas contra me ? 

Lye. Havd verhum quidem. 

Ag. Ite igitur intra, mulieres. sed patrue mi, 

tuam, ut dixisti, mihi desponde filiam. 
Han. Havd aliter auaim. 
Anta. Bene vale. 

Ag. Et tu bene vale. 

Anta. Leno, arrabonem hoc pro mina mecum fero. 
Lye. Perii hercle. 

Ag. Immo haud multo post, si in ius veneris. 1360 

Lye. Quin egomet tibi me addico. quid praetore opust ? 

verum obsecro te, ut liceat simplum solvere, 

trecentos Philippos ; credo conradi potest : 

eras auctionem faciam. 
Ag. Tantisper quidem 

ut sis apud me lignea in custodia. 
Lye. Fiat. 
Ag. Sequere intro, patrue mi, ut hunc festum diem 

habeamus hilare, huius mala et nostra bono. 

multum valete. multa verba fecimus ; 

malum pastremo amne ad lenonem reccidit. 

nunc, quod postremum est condimentum fabulae, 1370 

si placuit, plausum pastulat camoedia. 



and that both are my own daughters. They were 
stolen away as children with their nurse. 
As a matter of fact, I knew that long ago and won- 
dered why nobody came to claim them.^ 
You must pay me double for that theft. 
Take what you like from (tapping his neck) here. 
And you must be well punished to pay me. 
(as before) Take what you like from here.^ I'll meet 
all obhgations now with my neck, like a porter.' 

^ Vv. 134&-1350 : It is quite certain they are not mine. 
Pimp, off to court ! 
It is ianch you speak of. You're owed one, you'll get one. 

» V. 1353 : 
Yes, and you must pay me four pounds. 
Take what you like from here. 

* Vv. 1355-1397 : 
Do you object to my procedure t 
Not one word. 

Then go inside, girls. [exktjnt. 

But uncle dear, promise me year daughter as you said. 
I couldn't do otherwise. 
Good-bye, and good luck ! 
And the same to you ! 

Pimp, I take this (ahotring Ma plunder) with me as part 
payment of that four pounds. [Exrr. 

Oh Lord, I am a goner ! 

You mean you will be a little later, on coming to court. 
Oh. but I myself adjudge myself to you. What need of the 
praetor? Do please let me settle for the original sum, 
though — three hundred pounds. I think that can be raked 
together. To-morrow 1 11 hold an auction. 
Providing, of course, that you spend your time at my house 
in the stocks. 
Very well. 

Come on in with me, uncle mine, and let's take this festal 
day for making merry at his woes and our blessings, (to 
the spectators) Long life to you ! We have been long- 
winded; but all the woe has finally rained back upon this 
pimp. Now for what is the final seasoning of a play — ^if 
our comedy has pleased you, it asks for your applause. 

[bxeukt oknxs. 



Leo thinks vv. 1372-1397, printed below, were written 
as a substitute for vv. 1315-1354. 

Ag. Quam rem agis, miles ? qui Ivhet patruo meo 

loqui inclementer ? ne mirere, mulieres 
quod eum secuntur : modo cognovit filias 
suas esse hasce amhas. 

Lye. Hem, quod verbum aures meas 

tetigit t nunc perii. 
Anta. Vnde haec perierunt domo ? 

Ag. Carthaginienses sunt. 

Lye. At ego sum perditus, 

illuc ego melui semper, ne cognosceret 

eas aliquis, quod nunc factumst. vae misero mihi, 

periere, opinor, duodeviginti minae, 1380 

qui hasce emi. 
Ag. Et tute ipse periisti, Lyce. 

Han. Quis hie est ? 
Ag. Vtrumvis est, vel leno vel Lycua. 

in servitute hie filias habiiit tuas, 

et mi aurifur est. 
Han. Bellum hominem, quern noveria. 

Anta. Leno, rapacem te esse semper credidi, 

verum etiam furacem qui norunt magis. 
Lye. Accedam. per ego tuxi te genua obsecro 

et hunt, cognalum quem tuom esse intellego : 

quando boni eslis, ut bonosfacere addecet 

facialis, vestro subveniatis supplici. 1390 

torn pridem equidem istas scivi esse liberas 

et exspectabam, si qui eas assereret wajiw. 

nam nan meae sunt prosum. tum autem aurum tvxyrn 

reddam, quod apud me est, et iu^iurandum dabo, 

me maliliose nil fecisse, Agorastocles. 
Ag. Quid mihi par facere sit, ego mecum consulam. 

omitte genua. 
Lye. Mitto, si ita sententia est. 

Anta. Heus tu leno. 

Lye. Quid lenonem vis inter negotium ? 

Anta. Vt minam mi argenti reddas, prius quan^in nervom 



What are yon at, warrior f Why so fond of this rough 
language to my uncle ? You needn't wonder at the 
women's hanging about him : he has just discovered both 
these girls to be his daughters. 

ENTKK Lycua. 

(a«xde) Whew 1 What's that caught mv ear ? Now I'm 
lost ! 

Where were they lost from ? 
They are Carthaginians. 

(aside) But I'm the one that's a dead loss ! I was always 
afraid of that, of someone's recognizing them, and now it's 
happened ! {aloud) Oh dear me ! The seventy-two pounds 
I paid for them are lost, I suppose. 
And you're lost yourself, Lycus. 
Who is he ? 

Whichever you want, a pimp or a Lycus. He kept your 
daughters in slavery and he robbed me of my money. 
A charming acquaintance you have. 

Pimp, I always took you for a rapacious rascal, but those 
better informed add predaceous. 

{aside, eyeing Agorastocles) I'll up to him. {Jailing at his feet) 
By your knees, sir, I implore you and this gentleman whom 
I understand to be your relative — good men as you are, act 
as good men ought to act and show your suppliant mercy. 
As a matter of fact, I long ago knew they were free girls 
and was expecting to have someone claim them. No, 
they're not mine at all. Then as for the money of yours I 
have at home, I'll give it back, and I'll take oath, Agoras- 
tocles, that I did nothing with evil intent. 
I shall consider the proper course for me to take. Let go 
of my knees. 
{doing so) Yes, sir, if that is your mind. 

{belligerently) Hey you, pimp ! 

{coolly) What do you want of a pimp who is very 


The return of my four pounds before you are 

marched off to gaoL 



Lye. Di meliora faxint. 

Anta, Sic est : hodie cenabis foris. 14:00 

aurum argentum collum, leno, tris res nunc debes 
Han. Quid me in hac re facere deceat, egomet mecum 
si volo hunc ulcisci, litis sequar in alieno oppido, 
quantum audivi ingenium et mores eius quo pacto 
Ad. Mi pater, ne quid tibi cum istoc rei sit pessumo, 

Ant. Ausculta sorori. abi, diiunge inimicitias cum im- 

Han. Hoc age sis, leno. quanquam ego te meruisse ut 
pereas scio, 
non experiar tecum. 
Ag. Neque ego ; si aurum mihi reddes meum, 

leno, quando ex nervo emissu's — compingare in 
Lye. lamne autem ut soles ? 

Anta. Ego, Poene, tibi me purgatum volo. 1410 

si quid dixi iratus advorsum animi tui sententiam, 
id uti ignoscas quaeso; et quom istas invenisti 

ita me di ament ut mihi volup est. 
Han. Ignosco et credo tibi. 

Anta. I-.eno, tu autem amicam mihi des facito aut^ mihi 

reddas minam. 
Lye. Vin tibicinam meam habere'? 

Anta. Nil moror tibicinam ; 

nescias, utnum ei maiores buccaene an mammae 
Lye. Dabo quae placeat. 
Anta. Cura, 

Lye. Aurum eras ad te referam tuom. 



Lye. God forbid ! 

Anta. I mean it : to-day you dine out. You now owe us 

three things all at once, pimp — his money, my 

money, and your neck. 
Han. {half to himself) I wonder what I had better do in 

this matter. If I want vengeance on him, I'll be 

going to law in a strange towTi, with all I've heard 

about the spirit and customs of the place. 
Ad. Father dear, don't have any trouble with the vile 

wretch, I beg you. 
Ani. Do listen to sister. Go away, drop the quarrel 

with the wicked creature. 
Han. Pimp, your attention, please. Although I know 

that you have earned a hanging, I shall not fight it 

out with you. 
Ag. Nor I. If you return my money, pimp, once you're 

out of {glancing at Antamonides) gaol, you have my 

permission to — be put in prison. 
Li/c. {dryly) So you're acting as usual, eh ? 
Anta. (to Hanno) You, sir, from Carthage — I wish to 

apologise to you. If in my anger I said anything 

that was not to your liking, pray pardon it. And 

so help me heaven, I am really delighted that you 

have found your daughters there. 
Han. I do pardon you, sir, and believe you. 
Anta. Pimp, as for you, go on and give me a girl or give 

me back my four pounds. 
Lye. Want my flute-girl? 
Anta. No flute-girl for me ! You can hardly tell which 

are bigger, her jowls or breasts. 
Lye. You shall have one that suits you. 
Anta. See I do. 
Lye. (to Agorastocles) I'll give you yOur money to-morrow. 

* Leo brackets following auri, 



Ag. Facito in memoria habeas. 

Lye. Miles, sequere me. 

Anta. Ego vero sequor. 

Ag. Quid ais, patrue ? quando hinc ire cogitas Cartha- 

ginem ? 
nam tecum mi una ire certum est. 
Han. Vbi primum potero, ilico. 1420 

Ag. Dum auctionem facio, hie opus est aUquot ut 

maneas dies. 
Han. Faciam ita ut vis. 
Ag. Age sis, eamus, nos curemus. plaudite. 



Mind you remember that. 

(going tOTvard his house) Follow me, warrior. 

Indeed I will. [exexjnt. 

Now then, uncle ? WTien do you plan to leave for 

Carthage ? For I've decided to go along ^vith you. 

{emphatically , nith a glance at Lycus' house) As soon 

as I can, at once ! 

But you must stay here a few days, while I hold 

an auction. 

I'll do as you wish. 

(turning towards his house) Come then, please, let's 

go in and make ourselves comfortable, (to audience) 

Give us your applause. [sixEtrax omnes. 



AC. M. 







Praesentis numerat quindecim miles minas, 
Simul consignat symbolum, ut Phoenicium 
Ei det leno, qui eum cum relicuo adferat. 
Venientem caculam intervortit symbolo, 
Dicens Syrum se Ballionis, Pseudolus 
Opemque erili ita tulit ; nam Simmiae 
Leno mulierem, quem is supposuit, tradidit. 
Venit Harpax verus : res palam cognoscitur, 
Senexque argentum, quod erat pactus, reddidit. 


Calidorus iuvenis meretrieem Phoenicium 

ecflictim deperibat, nummorum indigus ; 

eandem miles, qui viginti mulierem 

minis mercatus abiit, solvit quindecim. 

scortum reliquit ad lenonem ac symbolum, 

ut qui attulisset signum simile cetero 

cum pretio, secum aveheret emptam mulierem. 

mox missus ut prehendat scortum a milite 

venit calator militaris. hunc dolo 

adgreditur adulescentis servus Pseudolus 10 

tamquam lenonis atriensis : symbolum 

aufert, minasque quinque acceptas mutuas 

dat subditicio caculae cum symbolo ; 

lenonem fallit sycophanta ^ cacula. 

scorto Calidorus potitur, vino Pseudolus. 

* sycophanta Ritschl : secophantacie corrupt (Leo). 


A soldier leaves sixty pounds, paid down in cash, and 
also his seal as a token, with a pimp who is to give Phoeni- 
cium to the person who brings him such a token and the 
balance of the money. When the soldier's henchman 
comes, Pseudolus, saying he is Ballio's Syrus, diddles him 
out of the token, so assisting his young master. For the 
pimp hands over the girl to Simmia, who is palmed off as 
the henchman. The real Harpax arrives : everything 
comes to light, and the old man pays the sum he had 
agreed to pay. 


Young Calidorus, desperately infatuated with a courtesan, 
Phoenicium, lacked the wherewithal. A soldier purchased 
this girl for eighty pounds, and paying sixty down went 
away. He left the wench with the pimp, also a token, so 
that the man who brought a similar seal and the rest of the 
money might take away the girl he had bought. Soon an 
army orderly arrives, sent by the soldier to take his wench in 
tow. This orderly is craftily approached by Pseudolus, 
the young man's slave, who pretends to be the pimp's 
major-domo. He makes off with the token, and, borrowing 
twenty pounds, gives it, together with the token, to a 
counterfeit henchman of the soldier. The pimp is fooled 
by the sham henchman. Calidorus obtains his wench, 
Pseudolus some wine. 



Ballio leno 


Charinvs adulescens 






PsEUDOLus, slave qfSimo. 

Calidorus, son of Simo. 

Ballio, a pimp. 

Simo, an old gentleman oj" Athens. 

Callipho, his friend. 

Harpax, orderly of Polymachaeroplagides. 

Charinus, a friend of Calidorus. 

A Slave Boy, belonging to Ballio. 

A Cook. 

SiMiA, slave of Charinus. 




Exporgi meliust lumbos atque exsurgier : 
Plautina longa fabula in scaenam venit. 


Pt. Si ex te tacente fieri possem certior, 

ere, quae miseriae te tarn misere macerent, 

duorum labori ego hominum parsissem lubens, 

mei te rogandi et tis respondendi mihi ; 

nunc quoniam id fieri non potest, necessitas 

me subigit ut te rogitem. responde mihi : 

quid est quod tu exanimatus iam hos multos dies 

gestas tabellas tecum, eas lacrumis lavis, 10 

neque tui partieipem consili quemquam facis ? 

eloquere, ut quod ego nescio id tecum sciam. 

Col. Misere miser sum, Pseudole. 

Ps. Id te luppiter 


Cal. Nihil hoc lovis ad iudicium attinet : 

sub Veneris regno vapulo, non sub lovis. 

Pt. Licet me id scire quid sit ? nam tu me antidhac 

supremum habuisti comitem consiliis tuis. 

Cal Idem animus nunc est. 

Ps, Face me certum quid tibist ; 

iuvabo aut re aut opera aut consiHo bono. 

* Fragmentary and post-Plautine. 


Scene: — Athens. A street in rvhich stand the houses of 
Calliphio, Simo, and Ballio : between the houses are narrow 


You had better stand and stretch your loins : a play by 
Plautus, a long one, is now to be enacted. 


ENTER Calidorus, dazed and dreary, followed by Pseudolus. 

Ps. (ironically solicitous) If your silence, master mine, 
were only able to inform me what sort of misery's 
making you so damned miserable, I should have 
been glad to save two men trouble — me in asking 
you and you in answering me. Silence seeming to 
be inadequate, I am necessarily compelled to ask 
you. (more earnestly) Answer me : why is it you've 
been going around half alive all these days, carrying 
those tablets, washing them with tears, and never 
taking a soul into your confidence .'' Out with it, 
sir, and let me know along with yourself what I 
don't know. 

Cal. Oh, I'm miserable, Pseudolus, so miserable I 

Ps. Jupiter forbid ! 

Cal. (tvith a wan smile) This case is not within the juris- 
diction of Jupiter. 'Twas Venus sentenced me to 
suffer, not Jupiter, 

P*. But can't I know about it all, sir? Why, you used 
to make me your associate-councillor-in-chief. 

Cal. (after a pause) And I intend to now. 

Ps. Do inform me what's ailing you, sir. I'll help — 
with (grinning) cash, service, or good advice. 



Cal. Cape has tabellas, tute hinc narrato tibi 20 

quae me miseria et cura contabefacit. 
Ps. Mos tibi geretur. sed quid hoc, quaeso ? 

Cal. Quid est ? 

Ps. Vt opinor, quaerunt litterae hae sibi Uberos : 

aha aham scandit. 
Cal. Ludis iam ludo tuo ? 

Ps. Has quidem pol credo nisi Sibulla legerit, 

interpretari ahum posse neminem. 
Cal. Cur inclementer dicis lepidis htteris 

lepidis tabelhs lepida conscriptis manu ? 
Ps. An, opsecro hercle, habent quas galhnae manus ? 

nam has quidem galhna scripsit. 
Cal. Odiosus mihi es. 30 

lege vel tabellas redde. 
Ps. Immo enim pellegam. 

advortito animum. 
Cal. Non adest. 

Ps. At tu cita. 

Cal. Immo ego tacebo, tu istinc ex cera cita ; 

nam istic meus animus nunc est, non in pectore. 
Ps. Tuam amicam video, Calidore. 

Cal. Vbi ea est, opsecro ? 

Ps. Eccam in tabellis porrectam : in cera cubat. 

Cal. At te di deaeque quamtumst — 
Ps. Servassint quidem. 

Cal. Quasi solstitialis herba paulisper fui : 

repente exortus sum, repentino occidi. 
Ps. Tace, dum tabellas pellego. 

Cal. Ergo quin legis ? 40 


(sHll hesitant, then tragically) Take these tablets, 

(handing them to him) and from them tell yourself 

what misery and solicitude subwhelm me ! 

Anything to oblige, (examining the writing) But 

what's this, for heaven's sake? 

What do you mean ? 

(chuckling) I judge these characters are after 

children, the way they climb on top of each other. 

(tvounded) Joking now, you jester? 

Gad, sir ! The Sibyl may be able to read this, but 

I don't believe anyone else can make it out. 

(rapturously) Ah, why do you disparage the dainty 

writing in dainty tablets indited by a dainty hand ? 

Lord save us ! Have hens got any hands ? For it 

surely was a hen wrote this. 

You annoy me ! Read the letter, or give it back. 

No, no. I'll plough through it. (preparing to read 

aloud) Give me your sole attention. 

(sighing heavily) My soul is not here. 

Well, summon it. 

No, not a word from me! Summon it yourself 

from the wax there, (indicating the tablets) For 

it is there my soul is now, and not within me. 

(tvith a start) Oh, I see your girl friend, sir ! 

(excitedly) Where ? For heaven's sake where ? 

(pointing to her name and guffawing) Look ! At full 

length on the tablets, lying in wax. 

(feebly indignant) Ugh! May all the powers 


(interrupting cheerfully) Preserve me, of course, sir. 
(tragic again) Like the summer grass I flourished 
but for a moment: quickly I sprang up and, ah, 
quickly did I wither ! 

Hush, sir, till I read these tablets through. 
Then why not read ? 


Ps. ' Phoenicium Calidoro amatori suo 

per ceram et lignum litterasque interpretes 
salutem mittit et salutem abs te expetit, 
lacrumans titubanti animo, corde et pectore.' 

Cal. Perii, salutem nusquam invenio, Pseudole, 
quam illi remittam. 

Ps. Quam salutem ? 

Cal. Argenteam. 

Ps. Pro ligneam salute vis argenteam 

remittere illi ? vide sis quam tu rem geras. 

Cal. Recita modo : ex tabellis iam faxo scies 

quam subito argento mi usus invento siet. 50 

Ps. ' Leno me peregre militi Macedonio 

minis viginti vendidit, voluptas mea ; 
et prius quam hinc abiit, quindecim miles minas 
dederat ; nunc unae quinque remorantur minae. 
ea causa miles hie reliquit symbolum, 
expressam in cera ex anulo suam imaginem, 
ut qui hue adferret eius similem symbolum, 
cum eo simul me mitteret. ei rei dies 
haec praestituta est, proxuma Dionysia.* 
eras ea quidem sunt. 

Ced. Prope adest exitium mihi, 60 

nisi quid mihi in te est auxili. 

Ps. Sine pellegam. 

Cal. Sino, nam mihi videor cum ea fabularier ; 

lege : dulce amarumque una nunc misces mihi. 

Ps. ' Nunc nostri amores mores consuetudines,^ 

compressiones artae amantum corporum, 

^ Leo brackets following v., 65 : 
iocus Indus sermo suavisaviaiio. 

V. 65 : Mirth and merriment, converse and kissingo so- 



(mth due seniimental stress) " Phoenicium to her 
lover Calidoms, through this medium of wax and 
wood and letters, sends her dearest wishes, and 
longs to have her own dearest wish from you, longs 
for it with tears in her eyes, with mind and heart 
and soul all tremulous." 

Oh, 'tis dreadful, Pseudolus ! Nowhere can I find 
her dearest wish to send back to her. 
(dryly) Her dearest wish being what ? 
(lugubriously) Something in silver. 
You want to return her dearest wishes in silver, 
when you get 'em in (holding up the tabl€ts)v,ood} 
Man, man, try to be business-Uke. 
Ah, but just read on. I warrant you will soon 
learn from the letter how rapidly I need to have 
that silver found. 

" The pimp has sold me for eighty pounds to a 
Macedonian soldier, to be taken to some strange 
land, my sweetheart. And before the soldier 
went away he paid down sixty pounds ; so all 
that delays things now is twenty pounds. Be- 
cause of this he left a token with the pimp — ^his 
own Ukeness stamped on wax with his ring — and I 
was to be sent along with the man who brought 
him a similar token. The day fixed upon for 
all this is the next Dionysia." Hm ! That's 

(gasping) My doom is close at hand, unless I find 
some help in you ! 
Let me read it through. 

Yes, yes, for it makes me feel that I am talking 
with her. Read ! Ah, the mixture of sweet and 
bitter you ser\'e me now ! 

" Now all our days and ways of love and dear 
familiarity,^ all the cuddling of beloved bodies close, 



teneris labellis molles morsiunculae,^ 

papillarum horridularum oppressiunculae, 

harunc voluptatum mi omnium atque itidem tibi 

distractio discidium vastities venit, 70 

nisi quae mihi in test aut tibist in me salus. 

haec quae ego scivi ut scires curavi omnia ; 

nunc ego te experiar quid ames, quid simules. vale.' 

Cal. Est misere scriptum, Pseudole. 

Ps. O, miserrime. 

Cal. Quin fles ? 

Ps. Pumiceos oculos habeo : non queo 

lacrumam exorare ut expuant unam modo. 

Cal. Quidita? 

Ps. Genus nostrum semper siccoculum fuit. 

Cal. Nilne adiuvare me audes ? 

Ps. Quid faciam tibi ? 

Cal. Eheu. 

Ps. Eheu ? id quidem hercle ne parsis : dabo. 

Cal. Miser sum, argentum nusquam invenio mutuom. 80 

Ps. Eheu. 

Cal. Neque intus nummus ullus est. 

Ps. Eheu. 

Cal. Ille abducturus est mulierem eras. 

Ps. Eheu. 

Cal. Istocine pacto me adiuvas ? 

Ps. Do id quod mihi est ; 

nam is mihi the saurus iugis in nostra est domo. 

CaL Actum est de me hodie. sed potes nunc mutuam 

1 Leo brackets following v., 67": 
nosirorum orgiorum — iuncvlae. 


all the soft little bites of sweet little lips, all the 
fond little squeezing and teasing of breasts — all 
these delights of mine and yours, and yours, will be 
torn away, torn asunder, ended for etemaldom, 
xmless I find my salvation in you, or you yours in 
me. I have informed you fully of all this that I 
have learned. Now I shall test the truth, or false- 
hood, of your love. Farewell." 
(jjuite dissolved) She writes so . . . (choking) wo- 
fuUy, Pseudolus! 

{irith a disgusted glance at the handwriting) Oh, so 
damned wofuUy ! 

Why are you not . . . weeping ? 
My eyes are made of pumice-stone. Can't entice 
*em to emit one solitary tear. 
How is . . . that? 

Our breed always was a lot of dry-eyes, sir. 
Are you not willing to . . . help me at all ? 
What am I to do for you ? 
Ah me! 

" Ah me "? Gad, spare no " Ah me's ": 111 
supply 'em. 

Oh dear, oh dear ! Nowhere can I find a firiend to 
. . . borrow of! 
{dolefully) Ah me ! 
And not a sixpence have I ! 
Ah me! 

And to-morrow that man will . . . take away my 
Ah me! 

Is that the way you . . . help me ? 
I give you what I've got, sir; and I've piled up 
enough " Ah me's " in our house to last for ever. 
{changing his tone to one of grim desperation) This is 
the end of me ! But can you lend me just a single 


drachumam dare unam mihi, quam eras reddam 
Ps. Vix herele, opinor, si me opponam pignori. 

sed quid ea drachuma facere vis ? 
Cal. Restim volo 

mihi emere. 
Ps. Quam ob rem ? 

Cal. Qui me faciam pensilem. 

certum est mihi ante tenebras tenebras persequi. 90 

Ps. Quis mi igitur drachumam reddet, si dedero tibi ? 

an tu te ea causa vis sciens suspendere 

ut me defraudes, drachumam si dederim tibi ? 
Cal. Profecto nullo pacto possum vivere, 

si ilia a me abalienatur atque abducitur. 
Ps. Quid fles, cucule ? vives. 

Cal. Quid ego ni fleam, 

quoi nee paratus nimunus argenti siet 

neque libellai spes sit usquam gentium ? 
Ps. Vt litterarum ego harum sermonem audio, 

nisi tu illi lacrumis fleveris argenteis, 100 

quod tu istis lacrumis te probare postulas, 

non pluris refert quam si imbrem in cribrum geras. 

verum ego te amantem, ne pave, non deseram. 

spero alicunde hodie me bona opera aut hac mea 

tibi inventurum esse auxilium argentarium. 

atque id futurum unde unde dicam nescio, 

nisi quia futurum est : ita supercilium salit. 
Cal. Vtinam quae dicis dictis facta suppetant. 



shilling now, which I shall give you back to- 


Gad ! I hardly think I could, even if I offered my 
carcase for security. But what d'ye want to do 
with the shilling ? 
I wish to buy myself a rope. 
What for? 

To make myself a swinging shape ! I am resolved 
ere darkness falls to plunge me into darkness ! 
(rvitk assumed indignation) Then who'll give me 
back my shilUng, if I've given it to you? Is this 
why you want to be so smart and hang yourself, 
so as to swindle me, once you get my shilling? 
(turning again to tears) It is plain that hfe is . . . 
perfectly impossible, if she be torn away from me 
and . . . taken off! 

(rvith contemptuous reassurance) Why weep, you 
cuckoo ? You shall hve. 

And why should I not . . . weep, without a 
sixpence to my name, or any hope of a . . . 
penny from anywhere on earth ? 
To judge from the talk in this letter, the case calls 
for your weeping out some silver tears. Trying to 
ingratiate yourself with tears Uke those does no 
more good than pouring a shower into a sieve. 
{clapping him on the shoulder) But never fear ! I 
won't desert my loving master. Somewhere to- 
day, thanks to honest effort, or to this article, (jvith 
a nave of his left hand) I have hopes of finding means 
to serve you — in silver. Where in the world it's 
coming from, however, I can't yet say ; I only 
know it's coming. The twitching of my eyebrow 
tells me that. 

I only wish the things you ... do would come 
up to the things you say. 



P*. Scis tu quidem hercle, mea si commovi sacra, 

quo pacto et quantas soleam turbellas dare. 110 

Cal. In te nunc omnes spes sunt aetati meae. 
P*. Satin est, si hanc hodie mulierem efficio tibi 

tua ut sit, aut si tibi do viginti minas ? 
Cal. Satis, si futurumst. 
Ps. Roga me viginti minas, 

ut me effecturum tibi quod promisi scias. 

roga, opsecro hercle. gestio promittere. 
Cal. Dabisne argenti mi hodie viginti minas ? 
P#. Dabo. molestus nunciam ne sis mihi. 

atque hoc, ne dictum tibi neges, dico prius : 

si neminem alium potero, tuom tangam patrem. 120 

Cal. Di te mihi semper servent. verum, si potest, 

pietatis causa — vel etiam matrem quoque. 
Ps, De istac re in oculum utrumvis conquiescito. 
Cal, Oculum anne in aurem ? 
Ps. At hoc pervolgatumst minus. 

nunc, ne quis dictum sibi neget, dico omnibus, 

pube praesenti in contione, omni poplo, 

omnibus amicis notisque edico meis, 

in hunc diem a me ut caveant, ne credant mihi. 
Cal. St, tace opsecro hercle. 

1 60 


Gad, you know yourself how things do happen, 
what fine young rumpuses I raise, once I've 
waved my sacred wand, (meditates) 
All hopes for my . . . existence now rest in you. 
{seemingly confiderd) Enough, is it, if I get this girl 
for you to-day, for your very own, or if I give you 
eighty pounds ? 

{still hopeless) Enough, yes, if it . . . happens. 
{seeming to he supremely confident) Make formal 
demand of me for eighty pounds, so as to know I'll 
fulfil my promise, {as Calidorus still remains 
uncheered) For God's sake, make your demand! 
I'm aching to promise. 

{formally, now impressed) Will you give me eighty 
pounds to-day? 

(formally) I will, {masierfolly) Now don't bother 
me any more. Yes, and so that you mayn't deny 
being told, I tell you this beforehand — if no other 
victim's to be found, I'll touch your father for it. 
{quite revived and hugging Pseudolus ecstatically) 
God for ever keep you for me ! {suddenly grave) 
But filial duty leads me to suggest that if possible 
you — {gleefolly) even try my mother too. 
As to that, you can rest easy and sleep on either 
— eye. 

Eye, do you mean, or ear ? 

Ah, but my phrase is less platitudinous, {gaily 
imitating a public crier) Now, that none may say he 
was not notified, to all men, to adults here present 
in assembly, to all the populace, I do give notice, 
and to all my friends and acquaintances I do an- 
nounce that they this day are to beware of me and 
trust me not ! 

{glancing toward Ballio's house) Sh-h ! Shut up, for 
heaven's sakel 



P$. Quid negoti est ? 

Cal. Ostium 130 

lenonis crepuit. 
Ps. Crura mavellem modo. 

Cal. Atque ipse egreditur intus, periuri caput. 


Bal. Exite, agite exite, ignavi, male habiti et male con- 

quorum numquam quicquam quoiquam venit in men- 

tem ut recte faciant, 
quibus, nisi ad hoc exemplum experior, non potest 

usura usurpari. 
neque ego homines magis asinos numquam vidi, ita 

plagis costae callent : 
quos quom ferias, tibi plus noceas ; eo enim ingenio 

hi sunt flagritribae, 
qui haec habent consilia, ubi data occasiost, rape 

clepe tene 
harpaga bibe es fuge : hoc 

est eorum opus, ut mavelis lupos apud ovis linquere, 140 
quam hos domi custodes. 
at faciem quom aspicias eorum, hau maU videntur: 

opera fallunt. 
nunc adeo hanc edictionem nisi animum advortetis 

nisi somnum socordiamque ex pectore oculisque 

ita ego vestra latera loris faciam ut valide varia sint, 
ut ne peristromata quidem aeque picta sint Cam- 

neque Alexandrina beluata tonsilia tappetia. 
atque heri iam edixeram omnibus dederamque eas 

verum ita vos estis praediti callenti ingenio improbi, 
officium vestrum ut vos malo cogatis commonerier. 150 


What's the matter ? 
I. (pulling him back into the alley) I heard the pimp's 

door snap, 

I only wish it was his legs. 
/. Yes, and there he is coming out, the fount of 

perjury ! 

Scene 2. enter Ballio, cracking a whip, and followed by 


/. {ferociously) Out with you, come on, out with you, 
good-for-nothings I'm a fool to keep and was a fool 
to buy, with never any one of 'em having any no- 
tion of doing anything right, with no jx)ssibility of 
getting anything out of 'em, unless I try this treat- 
ment ! {heats them laboriously) Men more like asses 
I never did see — ribs cudgelled callous ! WTien you 
beat them, it's yourself you hurt most. Yes, here's 
the sort these whip-wasters are, this is the word 
with them — when you get your chance, rob, filch, 
grab, loot, guzzle, stuff, run. This is the way they 
work it, and the result is you'd rather leave wolves 
in charge of sheep than these chaps in charge at 
home, {surveying them) Yet when you look 'em 
over they don't seem bad. It's the work that fails ! 
{swishing his whip) Now then ! Unless all you fellows 
pay attention to this pronunciamento, unless you dig 
the sleep and sloth out of your chests and eyes, I'll 
flog your flanks till they're perfectly p>olychrome, 
make 'em more colourful than Campanian draperies 
or clipped Alexandrian rugs with their embeastified 
embroidery ! Ugh ! I had already issued orders 
and assigned all of you your provinces yesterday, but 
you rascals are blessed with brains so callous that 
you positively require a thrashing to remind you of 
your duties, {after another exhausting round) That's 



nempe ita animati estis vos : vincitis duritia hoc 

atque me. 
hoc sis vide, ut alias res agunt. hoc agite, hoc 

animum advortite, 
hue adhibete auris quae ego loquor, plagigera genera 

numquam edepol vostrum durius tergum erit quam 

terginum hoc meum. 
quid nunc? doletne? em sic datur, si quis erum 

servos spernit. 
adsistite omnes contra me et quae loquar advortite 

tu qui urnara habes aquam ingere, face plenum 

ahenum sit coco, 
te cum securi caudicali praeficio provinciae. 
Servtis. At haec retunsast. 
Bal. Sine siet ; itidem vos quoque estis plagis ^ : 

numqui minus ea gratia tamen omnium opera utor ? 160 
tibi hoc praecipio ut niteant aedes. habes quod 

facias : propera, abi intro. 
tu esto lectisterniator. tu argentum eluito, idem 

haec, quom ego a foro revortar, facite ut offendam 

vorsa sparsa, tersa strata, lautaque unctaque omnia 

ut sint. 
nam mi hodie natalis dies est, decet emn omnis vos 

pernam callum glandium sumen facito in aqua 

iaceant. satin audis ? 
magnifice volo me viros summos accipere, ut mihi 

rem esse reantur. 
intro abite atque haec cite celerate, ne mora quae sit, 

cocus cum veniat ; 

1 Leo brackets following omnet. 


the way you're made, it certainly is : you and your 
toughness are too much for this {rvearily eyeing hit 
whip) and me. {savagely, as the slaves compare 
welts) Look at that, will you — how they're minding 
something else ! This is what to mind, this is what 
to attend to, this is where to turn your ears — to 
what I say, you assortment of crackscarriers ! 
(getting afresh grip on his whip) By the Lord, your 
hide shan't be tougher than my rawhide here, 
never ! (laying into one of them) What now ? Does 
it hurt ? There ! That for a slave that scorns his 
master ! Now all line up in front of me, (they do so) 
and pay attention to what I tell you. (to one of 
them) You there, with the pail, fetch water and 
see the cook's boiler's filled, (to another) And you 
with the axe — I appoint you Chief of the Chopster 

Slave But this axe is dull, sir. 

Bal. What if it is ? So are you fellows too, with drub- 
bings. But does that make me any less keen to get 
what good I can out of the gang of you ? (to another) 
And you — your instructions are to make the house 
shine. You have your job : hurry up, go on in ! 

[exit Slave, 
(to another) As for you, you be Lord High Couch- 
draper, (to another) You clean the silver and set 
it out. Now when I return from the forum, let 
me find all these things ready, swept, sprinkled, 
polished, draped, everything spick and span. For 
to-day's my birthday and you all ought to celebrate 
it. (to a kitchen slave) The ham, rind, sweetbreads 
and sow's udder are to he in water, mind. D'ye 
hear ? I want to entertain some high-class gentle- 
men in grand style, and make 'em think I've got 
money. Go on in and hurry all this right along, so 



ego eo in macellum, ut piscimn quidquid ibist pretio 

i, puere, prae; ne quisquam pertundat cruminam 

cautiost. 170 

vel opperire, est quod domi dicere paene fui oblitus. 
auditin? vobis, mulieres, banc habeo edictionem. 
vos, quae in munditiis, mollitiis deliciisque aetatulam 

viris cum summis, inclutae amicae, nunc ego scibo 

atque hodie experiar, 
quae capiti, quae ventri operam det, quae suae rei, 

quae somno studeat ; 
quam libertam fore mihi credam et quam venalem, 

hodie experiar. 
facite hodie ut mihi munera multa hue ab amatoribus 

nam nisi mihi penus annuos hodie ^ convenit, eras 

populo prostituam vos. 
natalem scitis mi esse diem hunc : ubi isti sunt quibus 

vos oculi estis, 
quibus vitae, quibus deliciae estis, quibus savia, 

mammia, mellillae ? 180 

maniplatim mihi munerigeruli facite ante aedis iam 

hie adsint. 
cur ego vestem, aurum atque ea quibus est vobis 

usus, praehibeo ? aut quid mi 
domi nisi malum vestra operast hodie? improbae 

vini modo cupidae estis : 
eo vos 2 vestros panticesque adeo madefactatis, quom 

ego sim hie siccus, 
nunc adeo hoc factust optumum, ut nomine quemque 

appellem suo, 

Corrupt (Leo) : poplo Lindsay. 

Corrupt (Leo) : vestrosque adeo panticis Nonius. 

1 66 


that there'll be no delay when the cook comes. 
I'm going to market myself and see what sort of 
bargain I can strike on any fish they have, (turns 
to go) 

[exeunt Slaves, zxcept a boy carrying a wallet. 
Boy, you go before me: we must watch that no 
cutpurse gets to work, (halting) Hold on, though ! 
There's something I almost forgot to say at home. 
(goes to his door and yells) D'ye hear? You 
women ! This is a pronunciamento for you ! (as his 
courtesans appear in the doornay) See here, you 
that bask away your soft young years in elegance, 
ease, and dehghts, you celebrated sweeties with 
your high-class gentlemen friends, now I'll learn, 
to-day I'll prove, which of you is looking to her 
freedom and which to her belly ; which is interested 
in her own welfare, and which in sleep. This day 
ni prove which I'm to regard as my future freed- 
woman, and which as a slave for sale. Make sure 
I see your lovers' gifts come showering in on me 
this day. For unless a year's provisions come in 
to-day, I'll put you out as conmion prostitutes to- 
morrow. This is my birthday, and you know it. 
Well then, where are those fond fools whose lights 
of eye and joys of hfe and blisses of soul and kisses 
of rapture and mummykins and honeykins you're 
supposed to be ? Right here in front of the House, 
and soon, you're to produce me whole platoons of 
present-bearers. WTiy do I furnish you with 
clothes, jewels, and the things you need? Or 
what have I to show for any work of yours to-day 
except a loss ? The only passion you jades show is 
for wine : with that you and your paunches are 
fairly irrigated, while I go dry. Now then, (glaring 
at them severally) the best thing I can do is address 



ne dictum esse aetutum sibi quaepiam vostrarum 

mihi neget : 
advortite animum cunetae. 
princjpio, Hedytium, tecum ago, quae amica es 

quibus cunctis montes maxumi^ frumenti sunt domi : 
fac sis sit delatum hue mihi frumentum, hunc annum 

quod satis, 190 

mi et famihae omni sit meae, atque adeo ut frumento 

ut civitas nomen mihi commutet meque ut praedicet 
lenone ex Ballione regem lasonem. 
Cal. Audin, furcifer quae loquitur ? satin magnificus tibi 

videtur ? 
Ps. Pol iste, atque etiam malificus. 

sed tace atque hanc rem gere. 
Bal. Aeschrodora, tu quae amicos tibi habes lenonum 

lanios, qui, item ut nos iurando, iure male male 

quaerunt rem, audi : 
nisi carnaria tria gravida tegoribus onere uberi hodie 
mihi erunt, eras te quasi Dircam olim, ut memorant, 

duo gnati lovis 
devinxere ad taurum, item ego te distringam ad 

carnarium ; 200 

id tibi profecto taurus fiet. 
Cal. Nimis sermone huius ira incendor, 

Ps. Huncine hie hominem pati 

colere iuventutem Atticam ? 
ubi sunt, ubi latent quibus aetas integra est, qui 

amant a lenone ? 
quin conveniunt ? quin una omnes peste hac populimi 

hunc liberant? 
sed nimium stultus, nimis fui 
indoctus : illine audeant 

1 68 


you each by name and so prevent any one of you 
saying by and by that she wasn't told. Attention, 
all of you! Hedytium, I'll begin with you, the 
darling of the grain dealers, who all have great big 
mountains of grain in store — you kindly see that 1 
get grain brought here, enough for this year, for 
me and my whole household, grain galore, till I'm 
so flooded with it that the city '11 change my name, 
and instead of BalUo the Pimp, proclaim me Jason ^ 
the King. 

(aside to Pseudolus) Do you hear how the jailbird 
talks? Hasn't he a magnificent air? 
Gad, yes ! Also maleficent. Hush, though, and 
attend to business here ! {nodding toward Ballio) 
Aeschrodora, Hsten here, you! Your friends are 
the chophouse keepers that compete with us pimps 
in the same damned trade of stuffing folks with 
what's damned hard to swallow. Unless the hooks 
of three meat-frames are loaded with fine big 
chines for me to-day, then to-morrow — the same as 
those two sons of Jove in days of yore are said to 
have bound Dirce to a bull — I'll stretch you out on a 
meat-frame. That'll be a bull you can count on. 
(aside to Pseudolus) Oh, it just makes me boil to 
hear him ! 

(aside to Calidorus, meaningly) The idea of our young 
Athenians letting this sort of fellow flourish here ! 
Where are they, where are they hiding, the lusty 
lads that go to the pimp for their girls? Why 
don't they get together? WTiy don't they all 
combine and rid the public of this pest ? (contemp- 
tuously) But what an ass, what a ninny I am ! They 

^ A Thessalian tjrrant. 

^ Leo brackets following actrvi. 



id facere quibus ut serviant 
suos amor cogit?^ 
Cal. Vah tace. 

Ps. Quid est? 

Cal. Male morigeru's mihi, quom sermoni huius obsonas. 
Ps. Taceo. 

Cal. At taceas malo multo quam tacere dicas. 

Bal. Tu autem, 

Xystilis, fac ut animum advortas, quoius amatores 

olivi 210 

Siivajxtv domi habent maxumam. 
si mihi non iam hue cuUeis 
oleum deportatum erit, 
te ipsam culleo ego eras faciam ut deportere — ^in 

pergulam ; 
ibi tibi adeo lectus dabitur, ubi tu hau somnum 

capias, sed ubi 
usque ad languorem — tenes 
quo se haec tendant quae loquor. 
ain, excetra tu ? quae tibi amicos tot habes tam probe 

oleo onustos, 
num quoipiam est hodie tua tuorum opera conser- 

nitidiusculum caput? aut num ipse ego pulmento 

utor magis 220 

unctiusculo ? sed scio, tu oleum hau magni pendis, 

te devincis. sine modo, 
reprehendam hercle ego cuncta una opera, nisi 

quidem hodie tu omnia 
facis effecta haec ut loquor. 
tu autem, quae pro capite argentum mihi iam iamque 

semper numeras, 
ea pacisci modo scis, sed quod pacta es non scis 




dare do that to the fellows their passions make 'em 
slaves of ?^ 
Ugh! Hush! 
What's the matter ? 

It's small service you show me, a-blathering in on 
what he (indicating Ballid) says. 
Hushed I am. 

But I had much rather see you so than hear you say 
you're so. 

Now for you, Xystilis — accord me your attention! 
Your adorers have lots and lots of oil in store, heau- 
coup oil. If I don't soon have oil delivered here by 
the leather bagful, to-morrow you'll be put in a 
leather bag yourself and delivered to the brothel 
shed. Yes, and there you'll be given a bed, where 
you'll get no sleep, but where you'll get to the faint- 
ing-point — you follow the drift of my remarks. 
So, you viper? You with all those friends simply 
overladen with oil — yet, thanks to you, has any one 
of your fellow-slaves got a head the least bit 
shinier? Or do I find my own salad any the 
oleaginouser ? But I understand — you don't think 
much of oil ; what wins the day with you is wine. 
All right, all right! By the Lord, I'll settle all 
scores at one crack, I will, unless you get all this 
done to-day j ust as I tell you ! And now for you, 
Phoenicium, you pet of the ehte, that are eternally 
going to count me out the cash for your freedom, 
that only know how to make an agreement, with 
never a notion of how to fulfil it — this is my word to 

* Vv. 206-7 : And also prevents their doing to 'em 
what they don't want. 

* Leo brackets following 
aimiU prohibei faciant adveraum eoa quod nolunt. 



Phoenicium, tibi ego haec loquor, deliciae summatum 

virum : 
nisi hodie mi ex fundis tuorum amicorum omne hue 

penus adfertur, 
eras Phoenicium poeniceo corio invises pergulam. 


Cal. Pseudole, non audis quae hie loquitur? 

Ps. Audio, ere, equidem atque animum advorto. 230 

Cal. Quid mi es auctor, huie ut mittam, ne amicam hie 

meam prostituat ? 
Ps. Nil curassis, liquido es animo : ego pro me et pro te 

lam diu ego huic bene et hie mihi volumus, et amieitia 

est antiqua : 
mittam hodie huic suo die nataU malam rem magnam 
et maturam. 
Cal. Quid opust ? 

Ps. Potin aliam rem ut cures ? 

Cal, At— 

Ps. Bat. 

Cal. Crucior. 

Ps. Cor dura. 

Cal. Non possum. 
Ps. Fac possis. 

Cal. Quonam pacto possim? 

Ps. Vince animum. 

in rem quod sit praevortaris quam in re advorsa 
animo auscultes. 
Cal. Nugae istaec sunt : non iucundumst nisi amans facit 

Ps. Pergin } 



you : unless your whole keep's brought to me here 
to-day from your friends' estates, then to-morrow 
you'll have a hide that's Phoenician purple, 
Phoeniciimi, and pay a visit to the brothel shed. 
(dismisses them and stands at the door surveying opera- 
tions Tvithin) 

Scene 3. 

Cal. (aside to Pseudolus, in great distress) Oh, Pseudolus, 

you hear what he says, don't you ? 
Ps. (meditative) Yes indeed, I hear it, sir, and I'm giving 

it good attention. 
Cal. What do you advise me to send him, so that he won't 

prostitute my sweetheart ? 
Ps. Don't bother, sir, keep cahn: I'll do the bother- 
ing for us both, (grimly) He and I have been 

exchanging good wishes this long time, and ours 

is an old-time friendship. So to-day being his 

birthday, I'll send him some big and full-blown 


(hopeless again) What's the use ? 

(impatient) Bother about something else, can't you ? 

But, but 

Tut, tut ! 

I'm suffering so! 

Steel your heart. 

Impossible ! 

Make it possible. 

But how is that possible ? 

Control your feelings. Concentrate on something 

helpful instead of letting your feeUngs conquer you 

in a crisis. 

(plaintively) That's all nonsense! Why, there's 

no fun in being a lover if you can't be foolish ! 

(disgusted) Still at it, eh ? 


Cal. O Pseudole mi, sine sim nihili, 

mitte me sis. 
Ps. Sino, modo ego abeam. 

Cal. Mane, mane, iam ut voles med esse ita ero. 
Ps. Nunc tu sapis. 240 

Bal. It dies ; ego mihi cesso. 

i prae, puere. 
Cal. Heus, abit. quin revocas ? 

Ps. Quid properas ? placide. 

Cal. At prius quam abeat. 

Bal. Quid^ malum, tam placide is, puere? 
Ps. Hodie nate, heus, hodie nate, tibi ego dico, heus, 

hodie nate, 

redi et respice ad nos. tametsi occupatu's, 

moramur. mane, em conloqui qui volunt te. 
Bal. Quid hoc est ? quis est qui moram mi occupato 

molestam optulit ? 
Ps. Qui tibi sospitalis 

Bal. Mortuost qui fuit : qui sit usust. 

Ps. Nimis superbe. 

Bal. Nimis molestus. 

Cal. Reprehende hominem, adsequere. 

Bal. I puere. 

Ps. Occedamus hac obviam. 

Bal. luppiter te 250 

perdat, quisquis es. 

* Leo brackets following hoe 


Oh, Pseudolus dear, do let me be a good-for- 
nothing, do please let me go ! 

{icily, moving away) I'll let you, only I must be off 

{seizing Mm) Wait, wait, I'll be just what you want 
me to be at once. 
Now you show sense. 

{after a last growl at those within) Time's flying, and 
here am I loitering. Go before me, boy. {they 
move off) 

{aside, ntidging Pseudolus) Hej I He's going! Why 
don't you call him back ? 

{aside, to Calidorus) What's your hurry? Go slow. 
But before he goes away ! 

{giving the boy a shove) WTiat the devil makes you 
such a slow-coach, boy? 

{stepping out and shouting to Ballio) Birthday baby ! 
hey, birthday baby ! {Ballio clearly recognizes the 
voice, but goes on) Hey, it's you I'm talking to, 
birthday baby! Come back here, look back here 
like a friend ! You may be busy, but we want you. 
Wait ! Hi ! Some people want a word with you ! 
{stopping, but not looking) What's all this? Who 
has dared pester me with this delay when I'm busy ? 
A past benefactor of yours. 

{not looking) A past one's a dead one: a present 
one's needed. 
You're mighty arrogant. 
{moving on) You're mighty pestiferous. 
Grab him ! Get after him ! 
On, boy ! 

Let's go this way and head him off! {they run out in 
front of Ballio) 

{still refusing to look) Whoever you are, I hope to 
see you damned! 



Ps. Te volo. 

Bal. At vos ego ambos. 

vorte hac te, puere. 
Ps. Non licet conloqui te? 

Bal. At mihi non lubet. 

Ps. Sin tuamst quippiam in rem ? 

Bal. Licetne, opsecro, bitere an non licet ? 
Ps. Vah, 

Bal. Omitte. 

Col. Ballio, audi. 

Bal. Surdus sum ^ profecto inanilogistae. 

Cal. Dedi dum fuit. 

Bal. Non peto quod dedisti. 

Cal. Dabo quando erit. 

Bal. Ducito quando habebis. 

Cal. Eheu, quam ego malis perdidi modis ^ 

quod tibi detuli et quod dedi. 1 

Bal. Mortua * 

verba re nunc facis ; stultus es, rem actam agis. 260 

Ps. Nosce saltem hunc quis est. 

Bal. lam diu scio 

qui fuit: nunc qui sit ipsus sciat. 

ambula tu. 
Ps. Potin ut semel modo, 

Ballio, hue cum lucro respicias ? 
Bal. Respiciam istoc pretio ; nam si sacruficem summo 

atque in manibus exta teneam, ut poriciam, interea 

si lucri quid detur, potius rem divinam deseram. 

non potest pietati opsisti huic, utut res sunt ceterae. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : inanilogista es Ital. 


I want to see (innocently emphatic) you. 
(talcing offence) But I want to see you both ! (start- 
ing off in the opposite direction) Turn round, boy, this 

(seizing him) Isn't a word with you allowable ? 
But not agreeable. 
If it's something to your advantage ? 
(trying to release himself) Is it allowable or unallow- 
able to go my way, damn it ? 
(clinging hard) There, there! Don't leave! 
Let go! 
Ballio, hsten ! 

I'm deaf — that is, to a gabblespender. 
(hurt) I gave while I could. 
I'm not after what you gave. 
And I'll give when I can. 

Then take (nith a rvave toward his house) when you 

Dear, dear ! The awful way I wasted all I brought 
you, all I gave you. 

(eyes still averted) Your assets being dead, you now 
make speeches. Poor fool, you're whipping a 
dead horse. 

At least look and see who this gentleman is. 
I've long known who he has been: who he is now 
he can know for himself, (escapes from Pseudolus' 
grip and joins the boy) Step along, you! 
Can't you give us just one friendly look, Ballio, (very 
ingratiatingly) to your own profit? 
(half aside, stopping) 1 can, at that price. Why, if 
I was sacrificing to Jove supreme, ay, with the 
organs in my hands to put on the altar, and a 
chance for profits suddenly appeared, my offering 
would be all off. Profit's a kind of piety you can't 
resist, be everything else as it may. 



Ps. Deos quidem, quos maxume aequom est metuere, 

eos minimi facit. 
Bal. Compellabo. salve multum, serve Athenis pessume. 270 
Ps. Di te deaeque ament vel huius arbitratu vel meo, 

vel, si dignu's alio pacto, neque ament nee faciant 
Bal. Quid agitur, Calidore ? 

Cal. Amatur atque egetur acriter. 

Bal. Misereat, si familiam alere possim misericordia. 
Ps. Heia, scimus nos quidem te qualis sis ; ne praedices. 

sed scin quid nos volumus ? 
Bal. Pol ego propemodum : ut male sit mihi. 

Ps. Et id et hoe quod te revocamus. quaeso animum 

Bal. Audio. 

atque in pauca, ut occupatus nunc sum, confer quid 
Ps. Hunc pudet, quod tibi promisit quaque id promisit 

quia tibi minas viginti pro arnica etiam non dedit. 280 
Bal. Nimio id quod pudet facilius fertur quam illud 
quod piget. 
non dedisse istunc pudet : me quia non accepi piget. 
Ps. At dabit, parabit : aliquot hos dies manta modo. 

nam hie id metuit, ne illam vendas ob simultatem 
Bal. Fuit occasio, si vellet, iam pridem argentum ut daret. 
Cal. Quid, si non habui? 



(aside to Calidorus) The very gods, whom men 

should most revere, are mocked by him. 

(aside) I'll speak to him. (to Pseudolus) A very 

good day to you, you scurviest slave in Athens ! 

And you be God-blessed to the full extent that he 

(indicating Calidorus) or I desire — or in case you 

deserve something different, God bless and help 

you not one bit. 

How goes it, Calidorus? 

(nith a propitiating smile) I'm in agony, in love, and 


(coldly) Very pitiful — ^if I could keep my household 

running on pity. 

There, there ! We jolly well know what you are : 

no announcement's needed. But do you know 

what we want? 

(indifferently) Yes indeed, just about — ^to see me in 

a mess. 

That, and also the thing we called you back for. 

Now please do pay attention. 

I'm listening. State what you want, and make it 

short, for this is my busy day. 

He (indicating Calidorus) feels ashamed that he 

hasn't yet paid you the eighty pounds for his girl 

that he promised you and on the day he promised it. 

(dryly) It's a great deal easier to stand feeUng 

ashamed than feehng annoyed. He feels ashamed 

at not ha\'ing paid : I feel annoyed at not being 


But he will pay, hell raise it: wait for just these 

next few days. You see, he's afraid you'll sell her, 

out of animosity. 

He had a chance to give me that money long ago, 

if he had wanted to. 

What if I didn't have it? 



Bed. Si amabas, invenires mutuom, 

ad danistam devenires, adderes faenusculum, 

surruperes patri. 
Ps. Surruperet hie patri, audacissume ? 

non periclumst ne quid recte monstres. ,, 

Bal. Non lenoniumst. 

Cat. Egon patri surrupere possim quicquam, tam cauto 

seni ? 290 

atque adeo, si facere possim, pietas prohibet. i 

Bal. Audio. 

pietatem ergo istam amplexator noctu pro Phoenicio. 

sed cum pietatem te amori video tuo praevortere, 

omnes homines tibi patres sunt? nullus est tibi 
quem roges 

mutuom argentum? 
Cal. Quin nomen quoque iam interiit mutuom. 

Ps. Heus tu, postquam hercle isti a mensa surgunt satis 
poti viri, 

qui suom repetunt, alienum reddunt nato nemini, 

postilla omnes cautiores sunt, ne credant alteri. 
Cal. Nimis miser sum, nmnmum nusquam reperire argenti 
queo ; 

ita miser et amore pereo et inopia argentaria. 300 i 

Bal. Erne die caeca hercle oUvom, id vendito oculata die : 

iam hercle vel ducentae fieri possunt praesentes 
Cal. Perii, annorum lex me perdit quinavicenaria. 

metuont credere omnes. 
Bal. Eadem est mihi lex : metuo credere. 

Ps. Credere autem? eho an paenitet te, quanto hie 
fuerit USUI? 

^ Morris' interpretation of the puzzling caeca . . . oculata 

* The lex quinavicenaria is the lex Plaetoria which 
protected minores, those under twenty-five years of age. 



{scornfully) Really in love, you'd have found a 

friendly loan, made off to a moneylender, added the 

itemette of interest, rooked your father. 

(muck shocked) He rook his father, you wicked, 

wicked man ? No danger of your giving any good 

counsel ! 

No pimp does. 

Could I rook my father of anything, when he's such 

a canny old soul? And besides, even if I could, 

filial affection forbids, 

I understand. Then at night just hug that filial 

affection, instead of Phoenicium. But seeing as I 

do that your love comes second to your filial 

affection, may I inquire if everyone is your 

father ? Is there no one you can ask for a friendly 

loan ? 

Why, nowadays the very phrase " friendly loan " 

is obsolete. 

(to Ballio) Lord, man ! After those banker chaps 

got all full up and left their places — the ones that 

called in their own money and let no h\-ing soul have 

his — after that, by gad, everyone's more cautious 

about trusting anyone. 

Oh, it's terrible, terrible ! Not a penny can I turn 

up anywhere. Such a terrible state, to be dying of 

two things — love and lack of funds ! 

Well, buy oil on credit and sell it for cash.* Why, 

you can clear up a cool eight hundred pounds in no 

time, ready money. 

But, oh dear me, I'm done for by that law regarding 

minors ! ^ Everyone's afraid of giving credit. 

The same law binds me : I am afraid of giving 


Credit? Indeed? My word, aren't you satisfied 

with all the use you've made of him ? 



Bal. Non est usu quisquam amator nisi qui perpetual 
data ; 

det, det usque : quando nil sit, simul amare desinat. 
Cal. Nilne te miseret? 
Bal. Inanis cedis, dicta non sonant. 

atque ego te vivom salvomque vellem, 
Ps. Eho an iam mortuost? 

Bal. Vtut est, mihi quidem profecto cum istis dictis mor- 
tuost : 310 

ilico vixit amator, ubi lenoni supplicat. 

semper tu ad me cum argentata accedito querimonia ; 

nam istuc quod nunc lamentare, non esse argentum 

apud novercam querere. 
Ps. Eho an umquam tu huius nupsisti patri ? 

Bal. Di melius faciant. 
Ps. Face hoc quod te rogamus, Ballio, 

mea fide, si isti formidas credere, ego in hoc triduo 

aut terra aut mari alicunde evolvam id argentum tibi. 
Bal. Tibi ego credam? 
Ps. Quor non ? 

Bal. Quia pol qua opera credam tibi, 

una opera alligem fugitivam canem agninis lactibus. 
Cal. Sicine mi abs te bene merenti male refertur gratia .'' 320 
Bal. Quid nunc vis ? 
Cal. Vt opperiare hos sex dies aliquos modo, 

ne illam vendas neu me perdas hominem amantem. 
Bal. Animo bono es. 

vel sex menses opperibor. 
Cal. Euge, homo lepidissimie. 



No lover's useful, except the kind that's a perpetual 
endowTuent. He should give, and keep on giving : 
when everything's gone, he should give up loving. 
Have you no mercy ? 

There's nothing in you ; words don't chink. And 
yet I wish you were alive and well. 
I say ! He isn't dead already ? 
Whatever he is, I certainly pronounce him dead, 
talking like that: life's over for a lover, once he 
comes to a pimp with appeals, (to Calidorus nith a 
frosty smile) Always trot up to me with any com- 
plaint that's silver-plated. As for your present 
wail that you have no money, you're complaining 
to a stepmother. 

I say ! Were you ever his father's wife ? 
God forbid! 

(urgently) Do what we ask you, Ballio. If you're 
timorous about trusting him, rely on me. Within 
the next three days, from land or sea or somewhere, 
I'll educe this money for you. 
I trust you ? 
Why not ? 

Lord ! Because I'd as soon trust you as tie up a 
runaway dog with a string of lambs' intestines. 
(very woeful) You mean to return me evil for good 
this way ? 

(refecting, then genially) What do you want 

(eagerly) For you to wait just the next six days or 
so, and not sell her and be the death of me that love 

(patting his shoulder) Cheer up ! I'll wait six 
months, even. (Pseudolus is momentarily surprised) 
(ecstatically hugging Ballio) Oh, glorious ! You 
dear, dehghtful man! 



Bal. Immo vin etiam te faciam ex laeto laetantem magis ? 

Cal. Quid iam? 

Bal. Quia enim non venalem iam habeo Phoenicium. 

Cal. Non habes ? 

Bal. Non hercle vero. 

Cal. Pseudole, ei accerse hostias, 

victumas, lanios, ut ego huic sacruficem summo lovi ; 

nam hie milii nunc est multo potior luppiter quam 
Bal. Nolo victumas : agninis me extis placari volo. 
Cal. Propera, quid stas ? ei accerse agnos. audin quid 

ait luppiter ? 330 

Ps. Iam hie ero ; verum extra portam mi etiam curren- 

dumst prius. 
Cal. Quid eo ? 
Ps. Lanios inde accersam duo cum tintinnabuHs, 

eadem duo greges virgarum inde ulmearum adegero, 

ut hodie ad Utationem huic suppetat satias lovi. 
Bal. I in malam crucem. 

Ps. Istuc ibit luppiter lenonius.^ 

Bal. Ex tua re non est, ut ego emoriar. 
Ps. Quidum ? 

Bal. Sic, quia 

si ego emortuos sim, Athenis te sit nemo nequior. 
Cal. Die mihi, obsecro hercle, verum serio hoc quod te 

rogo. 340 

non habes venalem amicam tu meam Phoenicium ? 

' Leo brackets following vv., 336-337 : 
Bal. Ex tua re est, ut ego emoriar. 

Ps. Quidum? 

Bal. Ego dicam tihi : 

quia edepol, dum ego vivos vivam, numquam eris frugi bonae. 

1 Executioners lived outside the Esquiline Gate. 

2 Vv. 336-337 : 
Bal. It'll do you good to have me dead. 



{warming up surprisingly) That's nothing. Want 
me to make your joy more joyous still ? 
{all agog) How can that be ? 

Well, because I haven't got Phoenicium for sale 
now. {Pseudolus glowers) 
You haven't? 
I haven't, by gad, really. 

{wild with joy) Go, Pseudolus ! Fetch offerings, 
victims, and them that slay them, that I may do 
sacrifice to this Jove Supreme ! Ah, yes, a much 
mightier Jove to me is he now than Jove himself! 
{modestly) No victims, pray. Some lambs' inwards 
will suffice for propitiating me. 
{to Pseudolus) Speed ! Why stand you still ? Go, 
fetch lambs ! Hear you not the words of Jove ? 
I'll be back soon ; but I've got to go out beyond the 
city gate on the run, first. 
Why there? 

{glaririg at Ballio) It's from there I'll fetch " them 
that slay," ^ two of 'em, clanking along, and at the 
same time I'll drive up two flocks of elm rods, so 
that there'll be plenty coming to this Jove to-day 
to make his sacrifice successful. 
You be hanged ! 

Precisely the fate of your pimpship Jove ^ ! 
It'll do you harm to have me dead. 
Pray how ? 

This is how — once I was dead, there 'd be no one 
in Athens more utterly useless than you. 
{bewildered) For God's sake, answer me this ques- 
tion — but in sober earnest! You haven't got my 
girl Phoenicium for sale ? 

Pray how ? 

I'll tell you : because so long as I'm alive and live, by gad, 

you'll never amount to anything. 



Bal. Non edepol habeo profecto, nam iam pridem vendidi. 

Cal. Quo modo ? 

Bal. Sine ornamentis, cum intestinis omnibus. 

Cal. Meam tu amicam vendidisti ? 

Bal. Valde, viginti minis. 

Cal. Viginti minis ? 

Bal. Vtrum vis, vel quater quinis minis, 

militi Macedonio, et iam quindecim habeo minas. 
Cal. Quid ego ex te audio ? 

Bal. Amicam tuam esse factam argenteam. 

Cal. Cur id ausu's facere ? 
Bal. Libuit, mea fuit. 

Cal. Eho, Pseudole, 

ei, gladium adfer. 
Ps. Quid opus gladio ? 

Cal. Qui hunc occidam atque me. 

Ps. Quin tu ted occidis potius ? nam hunc fames iam 

Occident. 350 

Cal. Quid ais, quantum terram^ tetigit hominum periuris- 
sume ? 

iuravistin te illam nuUi venditurum nisi mihi ? 
Bal. Fateor. 

Cal. Nempe conceptis verbis ? 

Bal. Etiam consutis quoque. 

Cal. Periuravisti, sceleste. 
Bal. At argentum intro condidi. 

ego scelestus nunc argentum promere possum domo : 

tu qui pius, istoc es genere gnatus, nummum non 
Cal. Pseudole, adsiste altrim secus atque onera hunc 

Ps. Licet. 

numquam ad praetorem aeque cursim curram, ut 
emittar manu. 

^ ierram tetigit Geppert : terra tegit corrupt (Leo). 


(with his old disdain) Lord, no! I certainly have not, 

inasmuch as I sold her long ago. 

(dazed) Eh ? How ? 

Without a wardrobe, but intestinally complete. 

(exchanging glances rvith Pseudolus, then tragically) 

You have sold my girl ? 

Exactly. For eighty pounds. 

For eighty pounds ? 

Or for four times twenty pounds — take your pick 

— to a Macedonian soldier, and sixty pounds are 

already paid me. 

What do I hear you say ? 

That your girl has been turned into silver. 

What made you dare do that ? 

My fancy. She was mine. 

(mldly) Ha ! Go, Pseudolus ! Bring a sword ! 

A sword ? WTiy that ? 

That I may end his days, and mine ! 

Why not just end your own ? For his will soon be 

ended by starvation. 

(to Ballio) Answer me, most perjured soul that 

e'er set foot on earth ! Did you not swear to sell 

her to none but me ? 

(carelessly) Admitted. 

Aye, and in formal fitting terms? 

Yes, and ones that showed trim tailoring. 

You have perjured yourself, scoundrel! 

But I have stored up cash at home. I, the scoundrel 

pimp, can now draw cash from my own coffers : you, 

the filial paragon, for all your family, haven't got a 


Pseudolus, stand on the other side of him and load 

him up with ugly names. 

(closing in on Ballio with alacrity) Right you are. I'd 

never hurry so, hurrying to the praetor to be set free. 




Ingere mala multa. 


lam ego te difFeram dictis meis. 







Dicis vera. 


Verbero. 360 


Quippini ? 








Ti'actum optume. 




Sunt mea istaec. 




Pcrge tu. 








Vetera vaticinamini. 






Permities adulescentum. 












Fraus populi. 












Cantores probos. 



Let him have a lot of bad ones. 

(to Ballio) Here's where you get talked to tatters! 

You shameless thing I 

(unperturbed^) Just so. 

Scoundrel ! 

Quite true. 

Whipping-post ! 

Of course. 

Tomb-robber ! 

To be sure. 

Gallows-bird ! 

Very good. 

Friend-swindler ! 

It all fits. 

Parricide ! 

(to Calidorus) Do proceed, you. 

Sacrilegious knave ! 



The same old songs. 

Law-breaker ! 

Powerfully put. 

Blight of the youth ! 

Very biting. 


La! La! 

Runaway ! 

La-de-da ! 

Public imposition ! 

Plain as can be. 

Impostor ! 

Filth ! 


Slime ! 

Sweet choristers. 



Cal. Verberavisti patrem atque matrem. 
Bal. Atque occidi quoque, 

potius quam cibum praehiberem : num peccavi 
quippiam ? 
Ps. In pertusum ingerimus dicta dolium, operam ludimus. 

Bal. Numquid aliud etiam voltis dicere ? 
Cal. Ecquid te pudet ? 370 

Bal. Ten, amatorem esse inventum inanem quasi cassam 
nucem ? 
verum quamquam multa malaque dicta dixistis mihi, 
nisi mihi hodie attulerit miles quinque quas debet 

sicut haec est praestituta summa ei argento dies, 
si id non adfert, posse opinor facere me offieium 
Cal. Quid id est ? 

Bal. Si tu argentum attuleris, cum illo perdidero fidem : 

hoc meum est offieium. ego, operae si sit, plus 

tecum loquar ; 
sed sine argento frustra es qui me tui misereri 

haec meast sententia, ut tu hinc porro quid agas 
Cal. lamne abis ? 

Bal. Negoti nunc sum plenus. 

Ps. Paulo post magis. 380 

illic homo meus est, nisi omnes di me atque homines 

exossabo ego ilium simulter itidem ut murenam 

nunc, Calidore, te mihi operam dare volo. 
Cat. Ecquid imperas ? 

Ps. Hoc ego oppidum admoenire, ut hodie capiatur, volo ; 

ad eam rem usust homine astuto, docto, cauto at 



You beat your father and mother ! 

Yes, killed 'em too, rather than keep feeding 'em. 

You don't feel I was at fault ? 

(to Calidorus, disgustedly) We're pouring words 

into a broken pot : our effort's wasted, 

(politely) No additional remarks you two wish to 


Are you ashamed of nothing ? 

Or you of being showTi up as a gallant that has got 

nothing, an empty nut ? But even though you two 

have treated me to all this abuse, unless the soldier 

brings me the twenty pounds he owes to-day — this 

day being the time limit set for payment — if he 

doesn't bring it, I fancy I am able to do my 


WTiat is that ? 

Bring me the money yourself, and I shall break my 

agreement >vith him: this is my duty, (turning to 

go) If I had time, I should prolong this interview. 

But without money you are absurd to be looking to 

me for pity. These are my sentiments, so you can 

proceed to shape your course accordingly. 

You're going already ? 

I have much on my hands at present. 

[exeunt Ballio and boy. 
(viciously, as they disappear) And more a little later ! 
(to Calidorus, rvith apparent confidence) I've got 
that chap, unless all gods and men desert me. 
I'll bone him, bone him the sameviise as a cook 
does a lamprey, (assuming complete authority) Now, 
Calidorus, I want your assistance. 
(rvith mock deference) And your orders, sir ? 
I want to laysiege this town (nodding in the direc- 
tion Ballio tvent) and capture it to-day. For this 
operation I need a man, a clever, knowing man, 



qui imperata ecfecta reddat,non qui vigilans dormiat. 
Cal. Cedo mihi, quid es facturus ? 
jP*. Temperi ego faxo scies. 

nolo bis iterari, sat sic longae fiunt fabulae. 
Cal. Optumum atque aequissimum oras. 
Ps. Propera,adduchominemcito. 

Cal. Fauci ex multis sunt amici, homini qui certi sient. 390 
Ps. Ego scio istuc. ergo utrumque, tibi nunc dilectum 


ex multis atque exquire illinc unum qui certus siet. 
Cal. lam hie faxo aderit. 
Ps. Potin ut abeas ? tibi moram dictis creas. 

I. 4. 

postquam illic hinc abiit, tu astas solus, Pseudole. 

quid nunc acturu's, postquam erili filio 

largitu's dictis dapsilis ? ubi sunt ea? 

quoi neque paratast gutta certi consili,^ 

neque exordiri primum unde occipias habes, 

neque ad detexundam telam certos terminos. 400 

sed quasi poeta, tabulas cum cepit sibi, 

quaerit quod nusquamst gentium, reperit tamen, 

facit illud veri simile, quod mendacium est, 

nunc ego poeta fiam : viginti minas, 

quae nusquam nunc sunt gentium, inveniam tamen.^ 

sed comprimundast vox mihi atque oratio : 

erum eccum video hue Simonem una simul 410 

cum suo vicino Calliphone incedere. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 398 : 
neque adeo argenti — neque nunc quid faciam scio. 

2 Leo brackets following vv., 406-408 : 
atque ego me iam pridem huic daturum dixeram 
et volui inicere tragulam in nostrum senem; 
verum is nescio quo pacto praesensit prius. 



sharp and sly, that carries orders through to com- 
pletion and doesn't go to sleep on duty. 

I. Tell me, what are you going to do ? 

I shall let you know in due season. I object to 
repetitions ; plays are long enough as it is. 

I. A perfectly sound and proper observation. 
Hurry, get your man here quickly. 

I. (hesitating) Few friends out of many can really be 
counted on. 

I know that. So you have a double job — make a 
selected list from the many, and then pick out one 
man that can be counted on. 

{. (going, slowly) I'll have him here soon. 

Can't you be gone .'' Your talk only delays you. 

[txiT Calidorus. 
Scene 4. 

Well, he's gone, so here you stand alone, Pseudolus. 
Now what'U you do, after having regaled the young 
master so royally with your talk? Where is that 
regalement ? Here you are without a drop of 
definite counsel,^ or any notion where first to begin 
setting up your web, or exactly where to end vour 
weaving. But the same as a poet, once his tablets 
are in hand, hunts for what is nowhere on this earth, 
yet finds it, and makes a lie look like the truth, I'll 
turn poet myself now. That eighty pounds is no- 
where on this earth now, yet I'll discover it.* (looking 
donm the street) But I must get my voice and oratory 
imder control ! There's my master Simo ambling 
up here along with his neighbour, CaUipho. He's 

^ V. 398 : No cash, of course — and no idea what to do 

* Vv. 406-^8 : Yes, and I had said I'd give it to him 
long ago and wanted to open fire on our old man. But 
somehow or other he smelled it out beforehand. 



ex hoc sepulcro vetere viginti minas 

effodiam ego hodie, quas dem erili filio. 

nunc hue concedam, unde horum sermonem legam. 


Si. Si de damnosis aut si de amatoribus 

dictator fiat nunc Athenis Atticis, 

nemo anteveniat filio, credo, meo : 

ita nunc per urbem solus sermoni omnibust, 

eum velle amicam liberare et quaerere 

argentum ad earn rem. hoc alii mihi renuntiant ; 420 

atque id lam pridem sensi et subolebat mihi, 

sed dissimulabam. 
Ps. lam illi fetet filius. 

occisa est haec res, haeret hoc negotium. 

quo in commeatum volui argentarium 

proficisci, ibi nunc oppido opsaeptast via. 

praesensit : nihil est praedae praedatoribus. 
Call. Homines qui gestant quique auscultant crimina, 

si meo arbitratu liceat, omnes pendeant, 

gestores linguis, auditores auribus. 

nam istaec quae tibi renuntiantur, filium 430 

te velle amantem argento circumducere, 

fors fuat an istaec dicta sint mendacia ; 

sed si sint ea vera, ut nunc mos est, maxume, 

quid mirum fecit ? quid novom, adulescens homo 

si amat, si amicam liberat ? 
Pt. Lepidum senem. 

Si. Vetus nolo faciat. 

Call. At enim nequiquam nevis ; 

vel tu ne faceres tale in adulescentia. 



the old tomb 111 dig eighty pounds out of to-day to 
give the young master. I'll just drop back here 
now and pick up their conversation, {nithdratvs into 
the alley) 

5. ENTER Simo AND CalUpho. 

(choleric) If they combed the ranks of the spend- 
thrifts and the rakes for a dictator now in Attic 
Athens, I do beheve no candidate would come 
before my son ! Why, it's the one thing the whole 
city's talking about — how he wants to set his mis- 
tress free and is trying to find the money for it. I 
got this report from others ; and yet it's something 
I long ago surmised myself and got scent of, with- 
out letting on, though. 

(aside) H'm ! Son smells rank to him already. 
That's a death-blow to this plan, this scheme's 
stuck. Here I wanted to go foraging for cash, and 
now find the road to the place cut off completely. 
With his premonitions, there's nothing for pillagei*s 
to pillage. 

{vigorously) If I could have my way, tale-bearers 
and their hearers would all be strung up, the 
bearers by their tongues, the hearers by their ears. 
Now those reports you get, about your son having 
an affair and wanting to waylay you for money — 
very Ukely they're a pack of Ues. But suppose 
they're true, has he done anything surprising, 
especially when moral standards are what they are 
to-day ? If a lad's in love and sets his lady free, is 
that a new thing ? 
(aside) Delightful old gentleman ! 
(doggedly) I object to his doing an old thing. 
Ah, but your objections don't count ; or else you 
shouldn't have done the same thing in your own 



probum patrem esse oportet qui gnatum suom 

esse probiorem quam ipsus fuerit postulet. 

nam tu quod damni et quod fecisti flagiti 440 

populo viritim potuit dispertirier. 

idne tu mirare, si patrissat filius ? 
Ps. 'n Ztv, quam pauci estis homines commodi. em, 

illic est pater patrem esse ut aequom est filio. 
Si. Quis hie loquitur? meus est hie quidem servos 


hie mihi corrumpit fihum, scelerum caput ; 

hie dux, hie ilU est paedagogus, hune ego 

cupio excruciari. 
Call. lam istaec insipientiast, 

iram in promptu gerere. quanto satius est 

adire blandis verbis atque exquaerere, 450 

sintne ilia necne sint quae tibi renuntiant. 

bonus animus in mala re dimidiumst mali. 
Si. Tibi auscultabo. 

Ps. Itur ad te, Pseudole. 

orationem tibi para advorsum senem. 

erum saluto primum, ut aequomst ; postea, 

si quid superfit, vicinos impertio. 
Si. Salve, quid agitur ? 

Ps. Statur hie ad hune modum. 

Si. Statum vide hominis, Callipho, quam basilicum. 

Call. Bene confidenterque adstitisse intellego. 



youth. It behooves a father to be blameless, if he 
expects his son to be more blameless than he was 
himself. As for you, your extravagances and 
enormities were numerous enough to go round the 
city, one apiece. And you're surprised if he's his 
father's son ? 

(in an undertone) Man dien ! How few ye be, ye 
men with the proper spirit! There! That's the 
sort of father a father should be to a son. (steps 

(looking about) Who's that speaking? (aside to 
Callipho) Oh, yes, it's that slave Pseudolus of mine ! 
He's the one that corrupts my son for me, the sink 
of iniquity ! He's the leader, he's the lad's tutor 
in it, he's the one I long to rack ! 
(aside to Simo, soothingly) That's nonsensical now, 
to make a display of anger. How much better to 
approach him pleasantly and inquire into the truth 
or falsehood of those reports. " III well met is 
half-ill only." 
I'll take your advice. 

(aside, as they come torvard htm) Tliey're charging 
you. Pseudolus. Get your speech ready for the old 
boy. (aloud, Jlippantly) Greetings to my master first, 
as is proper; then, if there are any left, I let the 
neighbours (nith a sweeping bow to Callipho) have 

(trying to be gracious) Ah, Pseudolus ! And what 
are you doing? 

(very dignified and commanding, hand on hip) Stand- 
ing here in the attitude you note. 
(struggling with his temper) Look at that attitude, 
Callipho — the regality of it ! 

(placatingly) Oh, an attitude of manly self-con- 
fidence, I take it. 



Ps. Decet innocentem qui sit atque innoxium 460 

servom superbum esse, apud erum potissimum. 
Call. Sunt quae te volumus percontari, quae quasi 

per nebulam nosmet scimus atque audivimus. 
Si. Conficiet iam te hie verbis, ut tu censeas 

non Pseudolum, sed Socratem tecum loqui. 
Ps. Itast, iam pridem tu me spernis, sentio. 

parvam esse apud te mihi fidem ipse intellego. 

cupis me esse nequam : tamen ero frugi bonae. 
St. Fac sis vocivas, Pseudole, aedis aurium, 

mea ut migrare dicta possint quo volo. 470 

Ps. Age loquere quidvis, tametsi tibi suscenseo. 

Si. Mihin domino servos tu suscenses ? 

Ps. Tam tibi 

mirum id videtur ? 
Si. Hercle qui, ut tu praedicas, 

cavendum est mi aps te irato ; atque alio tu modo 

me verberare atque ego te soleo cogitas. 

quid censes ? 
Call. Edepol merito esse iratum arbitror, 

quom apud te parvast ei fides. 
Si. Iam sic sino ; 

iratus sit : ego, ne quid noceat, cavero. 

sed quid ais ? quid hoc, quod te rogo ? 
Ps. Si quid vis, roga. 

quod scibo, Delphis tibi responsum dicito. 480 

Si. Advorte ergo animum et fac sis promissi memor. 

quid ais ? ecquam scis filium tibicinam. 

meum amare ? 


It befits a guileless and guiltless slave, if so he be, to 
have a proud air, in his master's presence especially. 
There are some matters about which we wish to 
question you, matters we know of and heard of 
ourselves in a cloudy sort of way. 
{to Callipho, peevishly) He'll soon talk you into 
thinking you're ha\'ing a dialogue with Socrates 
instead of Pseudolus. 

{virtuously) Just so. You've long had a poor opin- 
ion of me, I'm well aware. I know you hold me as a 
man of Uttle honesty. You want me, want me, to 
be worthless : but I will be good for something. 
{iroTiically) Kindly empty your auricular apartments, 
Pseudolus, and let my own words find suitable 

Go ahead, say what you Hke, even though I am 
incensed at you. 

You, a slave, incensed at me, your master ? 
You find that quite amazing, eh ? 
Gad ! From what you say, I must beware of you in 
your wrath. Ah, yes, you're planning to give me a 
different sort of beating than I'm in the habit of 
giving you. {to Callipho) What do you think ? 
{rvith a covert wink at Simo) By Jove, it's my opinion 
that wrath is justified when you hold him as a man 
of little honesty. 

All right, all right. Let him keep his wrath : I'll 
take good care not to suffer from it. {to Pseudolus) 
But see here, what of this matter I'm asking 
about? {jtauses) 

If you want anything, ask. Consider my reply 
your response from Delphi, {poses as a priestess) 
Then accord me your attention and mind you 
remember your promise. See here — do you know 
of my son's being in love with a music-girl ? 



jP*. Nai yap. 

Si. Liberate quam velit? 

Ps. Kat TouTO vat yap. 

Si. Ecquas viginti minas ^ 

paritas nt auferas a me ? 
Ps. Abs te ego auferam ? 

Si. Ita, quas meo gnato des, qui amicam liberet ? 

fatere, die. 
Ps. Kat TOVTO vai, xat toDto vai. 

Call. Fatetur. 

Si. Dixin, Callipho, dudum tibi ? 

Call. Memini. 
Si. Quor haec, tu ubi rescivisti ilico, 490 

celata me sunt ? quor non rescivi ? 
Ps. Eloquar. 

quia nolebam ex me morem progigni malum, 

erum ut servos criminaret apud erum. 
5t. luberes hunc praecipitem in pistrinum trahi. 

Call. Numquid peccatum est, Simo ? 
Si. Immo maxime. 

Ps. Desiste, recte ego meam rem sapio, Callipho ; 

peccata mea sunt, animum advorte nunciam 

quapropter te expertem amoris nati habuerim ^ : 

pistrinum in mundo scibam, si dixem, mihi. 
Si. Non a me scibas pistrinvum in mundo tibi, 500 

cum ea mussitabas ? 
Ps. Scibam. 

Si. Quin dictum est mihi ? 

Ps. Quia illud malum aderat, istuc aberat longius ; 

illud erat praesens, huic erant dieculae. 

* Leo brackets following v., 485 : 
per sycophantiam atque per doctos dolos. 

* Corrupt (Leo) : nati amoris te expertem Bothe. 



{oracularly) C'esi vrai. 
That he wants to set free ? 
C'est vrai aussi. 

And you are making ready to get eighty pounds out 
of me ? ^ 

{at a loss) I, sir ? Out of you ? 
{sternly) Just so — to give my son so that he can set 
his mistress free? (oj Pseudolus hesitates) Confess, 
speak up ! 

Vrai aussi, vrai aussi ! 
He confesses! 

Didn't I just tell you, Callipho? 
I remember. 

The minute you heard of all this, why was it kept 
from me ? Why didn't I hear of it ? 
{high-mindedly) This is why. Because I wasn't 
willing to father the foul practice of a slave's de- 
nouncing his master to his master, 
(to Callipho, angrily) You'd order him to be dragged 
off to the mill headlong. 
But, Simo, has anything wrong been done ? 
No, everything! 

Don't bother, Callipho. I have a rather good head 
for my own business. Any >\Tong-doing is mine, 
(to Simo, coolly) Come, accord me your attention, 
and learn why I left you uninformed of your son's 
affair. I knew if I told you, the mill was waiting 
for me. 

And you didn't know I had the mill waiting for you 
when you left things dark? 
I did know. 

Then why wasn't I told? 

Because it was a choice of evils — immediate or 
impending, present or a bit postponed. 

' V. 485 : By swiudling and clever cheating. 



Si. Quid nunc agetis ? nam hinc quidem a me non 


argentum auferri, qui praesertim senserim. 

ne quisquam credat nummum, iam edicam omnibus. 
Ps. Numquam edepol quoiquam supplicabo, dum quidem 

tu vives. tu mihi herele argentum dabis, 

abs te equidem sumam. 
Si. Tu a me sumes ? 

Ps. Strenue. 

Si. Excludito mi herele oculum, si dedero. 

Ps. Dabis. 510 

iam dico ut a me caveas. 
Si. Certe edepol scio, 

si apstuleris, mirum et magnum facinus feceris. 
Ps. Faciam. 

Si. Si non apstuleris ? 

Ps. Virgis caedito. 

sed quid, si apstulero ? 
Si. Do lovem testem tibi, 

te aetatem impune habiturum. 
Ps. Facito ut memineris. 

Si. Egon ut cavere nequeam, cui praedicitur ? 

Ps. Praedico, ut caveas. dico, inquam, ut caveas. cave. 

em istis mihi tu hodie manibus argentum dabis. 
Call. Edepol mortalem graphicum, si servat fidem. 
Ps. Servitum tibi me abducito, ni fecero. 520 

Si.^ Bene atque amice dicis. nam nunc non meu's.^ 

Ps. Vin etiam dicam quod vos magis miremini ? 

^ Call. (Leo). 

* nam nunc non men's Ritschl : nam nunc, nam mevM 
corrupt (Leo). 


{somewhat mollified) What '11 you two do now ? For 
no money's to be got out of me, that's sure, with my 
eyes ■wide open, especially. I'll serve general 
notice now not to lend a penny. 
(after a moment's cogitation) I'll never go begging to 
anyone, by gad, at least \vith you ahve. By Jove, 
you'll give me the money yourself; you're the very 
man I'll have it from. 

(indignant, but interested) You 11 have it from me ? 
Work hard! 

You can knock my eye out, by Jove, if I do give it. 
You will. I warn you now to look out for me. 
(his interest rising) Gad, if you do get it, I'll cer- 
tainly credit you with an exploit marvellous and 
I will. 

And if you fail? 

Lay on the lash. But what if I succeed ? 
Then Jove be your witness, you shall keep what you 
get for hfe, scot free. 
See you remember that. 

Am I a man unable to look out, when I've been 
forewarned ? 

(mysteriously) I do forewarn you — look out. I 
warn you to look out, I tell you. Look out ! Look ! 
(Simo almost jumps) With those very hands you'll 
give me the money to-day. 

(to Simo) Gad ! He's a masterpiece if he keeps his 

(to Callipho) You can take me for your slave if I 

(sarcastically) A nice, friendly offer! You are not 
mine now, it seems. 

Want me to add something that'll surprise you two 
still more ? 



Call. Studeo hercle audire, nam ted ausculto lubens.^ 
Ps. Prius quam istam pugnam pugnabo, ego etiam 


dabo aliam pugnam claram et commemorabilem. 
Si. Quam pugnam ? 

Ps. Em ab hoc lenone vieino tuo 

per sycophantiam atque per doctos doles 

tibicinam illam, tuos quam gnatus deperit, 

ea eircumducam lepide lenonem. 
Si. Quid est ? 

Ps. Effectum hoc hodie reddam utrumque ad vesperum. 530 

Si. Siquidem istaec opera, ut praedicas, perfeceris, 

virtute regi Agathocli antecesseris. 

sed si non faxis, numquid causaest, iUco 

quin te in pistrinum condam ? 
Ps. Non unum in diem,^ 

verum hercle in omnis, quantumst ; sed si effecero, 

dabin mi argentum, quod dem lenoni, ilico, 

tua voluntate ? 
Call. lus bonum orat Pseudolus ; 

dabo inque. 
Si. At enim scin quid mihi in mentem venit ? 

quid si hisce inter se consenserunt, Callipho, 

aut de compecto faciunt consutis dolis, 540 

qui me argento intervertant ? 
Ps. Quis me audacior 

sit, si istuc facinus audeam ? immo sic, Simo : 

si sumus compecti seu consilium umquam iniimus ^ 

aut si de ea re umquam inter nos convenimus,* 

^ Leo brackets following v., 523* : 
Si. Aijedum, iiam satis libenter te ausculto loqui. 

■^ Leo brackets following modo. 
' Leo brackets following de istac re. 
* Leo brackets following v., 544« : 
quasi in libro cum scribuntur calamo litterae. 



Gad, yes, I'm keen to hear it ; why, I love to listen 
to you.^ 

Before that fight is fought, I'm first putting up 
another fight that'll go echoing down the ages. 
\Vhat fight? 

You watch ! Your neighbour here, the pimp, shall 
fall before my stratagems and artful arts, and that 
music-girl your son is dying for, I'll relieve friend 
pimp of her in stunning style. 
What's all this ? 

And both these fights shall be recorded victories by 
dusk to-day. 

Well, well, if you accomplish those feats as you 
announce, you'll be a mightier man than King 
Agathocles. But if you fail, you have no objection 
to being stowed in the mill at once? 
And not for one day, by gad, but for all the days 
there are ! But in case I succeed, will you at once 
give me the money to give the pimp, of your own 
free ■will ? 

{to Simo) A good, fair proposition of Pseudolus. 
Say " I will." 

Ah, but do you know what occurs to me ? {eyeijig 
Pseudolus hard) What if these rascals have got 
together, or have some patchwork of tricks all pre- 
arranged to juggle the money out of me ? 
(glibly) Now who'd be a more daring man than me 
if I dared do a thing like that ? (seeing Simo is unim- 
pressed) No, I'll put it this way, Simo : (earnestly) if 
we have prearranged an}'thing or ever entered into 
any plan or ever come together for this purpose,* 

» V. 523* : Si. Out with it. Why, I really love to listen 
to your talk. 

* V. 544« : Ju3t as when letters are written in a book 
with a pen. 



stilis me totum usque ulmeis conscribito. 

Si. Indice ludos nunciam, quando lubet. 

Ps. Da in hunc diem operam, Callipho, quaeso milii, 

ne quo te ad aliud occupes negotium. 

Call. Quin rus ut irem iam heri mecum statueram. 

Ps. At nunc disturba quas statuisti machinas. 550 

Call. Nunc non abire certum est istae gratia ; 
lubidost ludos tuos spectare, Pseudole, 
et si hunc videbo non dare argentum tibi, 
quod dixit, potius quam id non fiat, ego dabo. 

Si. Non demutabo. 

Ps. Namque edepol, si non dabis, 

clamor e magno et multo flagitabere. 
agite amolimini hinc vos Intro nunciam 
ac meis vicissim date locum fallaciis. 

Call. Fiat, geratur mos tibi. 

Ps. Sed te volo 

domi usque adesse. 

Call. Quin tibi banc operam dico. 560 

Si. At ego ad forum ibo. iam hie ero. 

Ps. Actutum redi. 

suspicio est mihi nunc vos suspicarier, 
me idcirco haec tanta facinora promittere, 
quo vos oblectem, banc fabulam dum transigam, 
neque sim facturus quod factururai dixeram. 
non demutabo. atque etiam certum, quod sciam, 
quo id sim facturus pacto nil etiam scio, 
nisi quia futurumst. nam qui in scaenam provenit, 




you can take your elm-wood pen in hand and use 

my whole hide for parchment. 

{exchanging smiles rvitk Callipho and indicating his 

acceptance of the terms) Announce your games now 

as soon as you please. 

{taking charge) Callipho, I want you to devote this 

day to me, and not go and get occupied in other 


The fact is that yesterday a trip to the farm was to 

be my aim to-day. 

Well, now move your guns and aim elsewhere. 

Yes, out of interest in you I've decided not to leave 

now. I very much want to watch these games of 

yours, Pseudolus. And if I see he {indicating Simo) 

doesn't pay you the money, as he said, why, rather 

than have it fall through, I'll pay myself. 

I won't retract. 

No, by gad, for if you don't pay, it's loud and long 

that you'll be dunned. Come on now, you two, 

hoist yourselves out of here into the house, and give 

me a chance to show my tricks, for a change. 

{moving off) All right, have things your own way. 

But I want you to stay right at home. 

Yes, yes, I'm at your disposal. 

[exit Callipho into his house. 
As for me, I'm going to the forum. I'll be back 
soon. [exit Simo. 

{calling after him) You be back mighty soon ! {to 
the audience) I have a suspicion that you folks sus- 
pect me now of promising these mighty deeds just 
to amuse you during the course of this play and of 
not doing what I said I would. I won't retract. 
And as for knowing how I'll do it, I am just certain 
— of knowing just nothing, except that it'll be 
done. I tell you what, a man that appears on the 



novo modo novom aliquid inventum adferre addecet ; 

si id facere nequeat, det locum illi qui queat. 570 

concedere aliquantisper hinc mi intro lubct, 

dum concenturio in corde sycophantias. 

sed mox exibo, non ero vobis morae ; 

tibicen vos interibi hie delectaverit. 


Ps. Pro luppiter, ut mihi, quidquid ago, lepide omnia 

prospereque eveniunt : 
neque quod dubitem neque quod timeam, meo in 

pectore conditumst consilium, 
nam ea stultitiast, facinus magnum timido cordi 

credere ; nam omnes 
res perinde sunt 
ut agas, ut eas magni facias ; nam ego in meo pectore 

prius ^ 
ita paravi copias, 
duplicis triplicis dolos perfidias, ut, ubiquomque 

hostibus congrediar — 580 

maiorum meum fretus virtute dicam, 
mea industria et malitia fraudulenta — 
facile ut vincam, facile ut spoliem meos perduellis 

meis perfidiis. 
nunc inimicum ego hunc communem meum atque 

vostrorum omnium, 
Ballionem, exballistabo lepide : date operam modo ; ^ 
atque hue meas legiones adducam ; si expugno — 
fiioilem hanc rem meis civibus faciam — 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : omnes Leo. 
* Leo brackets following v., 585* : 
hoc ego oppidum admoenire, ut hodie capialur, volo. 



stage ought to bring some fresh idea worked out in 
fresh fashion. If he can't do this, he should give 
place to a man that can. (pauses) I'd like to retire, 
myself, for a bit inside, and hold a mental muster of 
my hocuspocus. I'll soon be back, though, and 
won't keep you waiting. Meantime you'll be 
entertained by the fluteplayer here. 

[exit into Simo's house. 



By Jupiter! How charmingly, how blissfully, all 
my undertakings do turn out for me ! Nothing to 
doubt, nothing to fear, with the scheme now stored 
in my chest ! Ah, the folly of entrusting a weighty 
venture to a weakUng heart! Ah, all things are 
what you make them , have the weight you give them. 
Ah, and I, the way I have my troops already mar- 
shalled in my mind, in double, triple, line of wile 
and guile, let me meet the enemy where'er I may, 
I — animated, I may say, by the noble spirit of my 
sires and by the energy and artful dodges of my 
own self — shall easily master, easily despoil, my 
foemen with my flimflam. Now for this common 
enemy of all of us, mine and yours, this Ballio — 
I'll ballistify him in fine shape. Just you watch ! i 
Aye, I'll lead my legions hither ; on taking him by 
storm — an easy matter I'll make of it for my fellow- 
citizens — 111 then next lead my troops against this 

* V. 585» : This is the town I wish to laysiege and 
capture this very day. 



post ad oppidum hoc vetus continuo meum exercitum 

protinus obducam ; 
inde me et simul participes omnis meos praeda 

onerabo atque opplebo. 
metum et fugam perduellibus meis me ut sciant 

eo sum genera gnatus : magna me facinora decet 

efficere, 590 

quae post mihi clara et diu clueant. 
sed hunc quem video ? quis hie est qui oculis meis 

obviam ignobilis obicitur ? 
lubet scire quid hie veniat cum machaera, et huic, 

quam rem agat, hinc dabo insidias. 

II. 2. 

liar. Hi loci sunt atque hae regiones quae mi ab ero sunt 

ut ego ocuUs rationem capio quam mi ita dixit erus 

mens miles, 
septumas esse aedis a porta ubi ille habitet leno, quoi 

symbolum me ferre et hoc argentum. nimis velim, 

certum qui id mihi faciat, 
Ballio leno ubi hie habitat.^ 
Ps. novo consilio nunc mihi opus est, 601 

nova res subito mi haec obiectast : 
hoc praevortar principio ; ilia omnia missa habeo, 

quae ante agere occepi. 
lam pol ego hunc stratioticum nuntium advenientem 

probe percutiam. 
Har. Ostium pultabo atque intus evocabo aliquem foras. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 600 : 
Ps. Si, lace, lace, mens hie est homo, ni omnes di atque homines 

, , deserunt. 



old town (indicating Simo's house) forthwith. With 
that, I'll load and lavish booty on myself and like- 
wise on my comrades all, on my foemen dismay and 
flight and let them know that I am I. Such is the 
stock from which I spring — for me 'tis seemly to 
succeed in weighty ventures which will leave me a 
lustrous name in far days to come, (looking donm 
the street) But who is this I see ? Who is this un- 
known thus throvvn athwart my line of vision? 
(getting out of sight hastily, and dropping his bombast) 
I'd hke to find out what he and his sword are doing 
here; I'll ambuscade him from over here and see 
what he's up to. 

cene 2. enter Harpax is semi-military costume and 


lar. (counting the houses) Yes, this is the place, this is the 
neighbourhood he described to me, if my eyes are 
any judge of what that martial master of mine said 
— it was the seventh house from the city gate where 
that pimp lived who was to get the token and this 
money from me. But I'd certainly Uke to be 
sho'wn whereabouts here pimp Ballio actually does 

(aside) It's a new plan I need now, ■with this new 
possibihty suddenly turning up. I'll begin by 
trying this one first. It's all off with those other 
schemes I had under way. Now, by gad, it's this 
armiferous envoy just arriving that I'll spear in 
grand style. 

Har. (going torvard Ballio" s house) I'll knock at the door 
and get someone out here. 

* V. 600 : Ps. Sh — h ! Quiet, quiet ! This is my man, 
unless all gods and men desert me. 



Ps. Quisquis es, compendium ego te facere pultandi 


nam ego precator et patronus foribus process! foras. 
Har. Tune es Ballio ? 

Ps. Immo vero ego eius sum Subballio. 

Har. Quid istuc verbist ? 

Ps. Condus promus sum, procurator peni. 

Har. Quasi te dicas atriensem. 

Ps. Immo atriensi ego impero. 

Har. Quid tu, servon es an liber ? 

Ps. Nunc quidem etiam servio. 610 

Har. Ita videre, et non videre dignus qui liber sies. 
Ps. Non soles respicere te, quom dicis iniuste alteri ? 

Har. Hunc hominem malum esse oportet. 
Ps. Di me servant atque amant, 

nam haec mihi incus est : procudam ego hodie hinc 
multos dolos. 
Har. Quid illic secum solus loquitur ? 
Ps. Quid ais tu, adulescens ? 

Har. Quid est ? 

Ps. Esne tu an non es ab illo milite Macedonio, 

servos eius qui hinc a nobis est mercatus mulierem, 

qui argenti ero meo lenoni quindecim dederat minas, 

quinque debet ? 
Har. Sum. sed ubi tu me novisti gentium 

aut vidisti aut conlocutu's ? nam equidem Athenas 
antidhac 620 

numquam veni, neque te vidi ante hunc diem um- 
quam oculis meis. 
Ps. Quia videre inde esse ; nam olim quom abiit, 

argento haec dies 

praestitutast, quoad referret nobis, neque dum ret- 



(stepping up Jauntily) Whoever you are, you will 

please dispense with knocking ; I have come out to 

plead for those doors and give them my personal 


(looking him over disapprovingly) Are you Ballio? 

No, no, but in me you see his Sub-Ballio. 

That meaning what ? 

I am the layinandlayout man, the superintendent 

of supphes. 

The major-domo, as you might say. 

No, no, the major-domo takes orders from me. 

What are you, a slave or free ? 

Well, just at present I am a slave. 

(tartly) So I judge, and I also judge you deserve to 

stay one. 

No habit of yours to consider your own ease when 

you run down someone else, is it ? 

(aside) He must be a bad one, this chap. 

(aside) The gods are •with me and love me ! Why, 

I've got a regular anvil here — and a nice lot of fakes 

I'll forge on it this day. 

(aside) What's he saying all to himself? 

(aloud) Look here, yoimg fellow. 

What is it ? 

Are you from that Macedonian soldier man, the 

slave of the chap that bought a girl of us here, that 

paid my master, the pimp, sixty pounds, and owes 

him twenty ? 

I am. But where on earth did you ever know or 

see or exchange a word with me ? For the fact is, 

I never came to Athens before, and not till to-day 

did I ever set eyes on you. 

Well, I judge you come from him. For when he 

left a while ago, to-day was set as the time-limit for 

getting that money to us, and it hasn't yet come. 



Har. Immo adest. 
Ps. Tun attulisti ? 

Har. Egomet. 

Ps. Quid dubitas dare ? 

Har. Tibi ego dem ? 

Ps. Mihi hercle vero, qui res rationesque eri 

Ballionis euro, argentum accepto^ et quoi debet 
Har. Si quidem hercle etiam supremi promptas then- 
sauros lovis, 
tibi libellam argenti numquam credam. 
Ps. Dum tu sternuas, 

res erit soluta. 
Har. Vinctam potius sic servavero. 630 

Ps. Vae tibi,tu inventu's vero,meam qui furcilles fidem. 

quasi mihi non sescenta tanta soli soleant credier. 
Har. Potest ut alii ita arbitrentur et ego ut ne credam 

Ps. Quasi tu dicas me te velle argento circumducere. 

Har. Immo vero quasi tu dicas quasique ego autem id 
sed quid est tibi nomen ? 
Ps. Servos est huic lenoni Surus, 

eum esse me dicam. Surus sum. 
Har. Surus ? 

Ps. Id est nomen mihi. 

Har. Verba multa facimus. erus si tuos domi est, quin 
ut id agam quod missus hue sum, quidquid est 
nomen tibi ? 
Ps. Si intus esset, evocarem. verum si dare vis mihi, 640 

^ Leo brackets following expenso. 


Oh, no, it's present, (taps Ms rvallet) 

(holding out his hand) So you have brought it, eh ? 

Yes, I. 

Then why so slow to hand it over ? 

To you ? I ? 

(surprised) To me, of course. Lord, yes ! Why, I'm 

in charge of master Balllo's affairs and accounts. I 

take in money, pay out money, for him all the time. 

(impervious) Lord, man ! You may be treasury 

clerk to Jove on high, even, but not one farthing 

^^-ill I ever trust to you. 

(reaching for the wallet) Why, it will all be settled 

with us in a wink. 

(drawing back) I prefer to keep it all settled with 

me in a wallet. 

Ugh! Curse you! So you have turned up to 

pillorize my probity ! As if I wasn't trusted with 

hundreds of times that siun right along and all 


(coldly) It is possible for others to hold you in such 

esteem without my trusting you. 

The same as your saying I wanted to swindle you 

out of the money ! 

Oh, no, indeed! The same as your saying that, 

and my, well, my suspecting that. But what's 

your name ? 

(aside) The pimp has a slave called Surus. I'll say 

I'm him. (aloud) I am Surus. 

Surus, eh? 

That is my name. 

This is idle talk. Whatever your name is, if your 

master is at home, why not summon him, so that I 

may do the business I was sent here for ? 

If he was at home, I'd call him out. But if you 

wish to give me the money, your business will be 



magis erit solutum, quasi ipsi dederis. 
Har. At enim sein quid est ? 

reddere hoc, non perdere erus me misit. nam certo 

hoc febrim tibi esse, quia non licet hue inicere 

ego, nisi ipsi Ballioni, nummum credam nemini. 
Ps. At illic nunc negotiosust : res agitur apud iudicem. 

Har. Di bene vortant. at ego quando eum esse censebo 
rediero. tu epistulam hanc a me accipe atque illi 

nam istic sumbolust inter erum meum et tuom de 
Ps. Scio equidem : ^ qui argentum adferret atque ex- 

pressam imaginem 
suam hue ad nos, cum eo aiebat velle mitti 

mulierem. 650 

nam hie quoque exemplum reliquit eius. 
Har. Omnem rem tenes. 

Ps. Quid ego ni teneam ? 

Har, Dato istunc sumbolum ergo illi. 

Ps. Licet. 

sed quid est tibi nomen ? 
Har. Harpax. 

Ps. Apage te, Harpax, hau places ; 

hue quidem hercle haud ibis intro, ne quid apira^ 
Har. Hostis vivos rapere soleo ex acie ; eo hoc nomen 

mihi est. 
Ps. Pol te multo magis opinor vasa ahena ex aedibus. 

Har. Non ita est. sed scin quid te oro, Sure ? 
Ps. Sciam si dixeris. 

Hot. Ego devortor extra portam hue in tabernam tertiam, 

* Leo brackets following vi. 


settled more than if you gave it to him. (reaches 

again for the tvallet) 

(backing away) Ah, yes, but don't you get the 

point ? My master sent me to pay this, not lose it. 

You see, I'm sure that what makes you so feverish 

is the fact you can't dig your claws into it. Not a 

person will I trust with a penny but Balho himself. 

But he's busy now : a case is on at court. 

God grant it turn out well. But as for me, as soon 

as I think him to be at home, I shall be back. 

(producing a letter) You take this letter from me and 

give it to him. For there is the token your master 

and mine agreed upon regarding the girl. 

(taking it) Yes, yes, I know. He said he wanted 

the girl sent with the man that brought the money 

here to us and a seal stamped with his own Ukeness. 

He left a copy of it here also, you see. 

You have the whole thing. 

And why shouldn't I have it ? 

Give that token to him, then. 

Very well. But what is your name ? 


(in feigned alarm) Avaunt, Harpax ! You like me 

not ! By gad, you shan't get into this house, that's 

sure ! No harpy acts here ! 

(with hauteur) I am wont to snatch my foemen 

from the battle line alive : hence this name of 


(snorting) Huh! Much more likely you snatched 

brass pots from other folks' houses ! 

(somewhat subdued) That is not so. But d'ye know 

what I desire of you, Surus } 

I shall, if you tell me. 

I'm stopping outside the gate here, at the third 



apud anum illam doliarem, claudam crassam, 
Ps. Quid nunc vis ? 

liar. Inde ut me arcessas, erus tuos ubi venerit. 660 

Ps. Tuo arbitratu, maxume. 

Har. Nam ut lassus veni de via, 

me volo curare. 
Ps. Sane sapis et consilium placet. 

sed vide sis ne in qtiaestione sis, quando arcessam, 
Har. Quin ubi prandero, dabo operam somno. 
Ps. Sane censeo. 

Har. Numquid vis ? 
Ps. Dormitum ut abeas. 

Har. Abeo. 

Ps. Atque audin, Harpage? 

iube sis te operiri : beatus eris, si consudaveris. 

II. 3. 

di immortales, conservavit me illic homo adventu 

sue viatico redduxit me usque ex errore in viam. 
nam ipsa mi Opportunitas non potuit opportunius 
advenire quam haec allatast mi opportune epistula. 670 
nam haec allata cornu copiaest, ubi inest quidquid 

volo : 
hie doli, hie fallaciae omnes, hie sunt sycophantiae, 
hie argentum, hie amica amanti erili filio. 
atque ego nunc me ut gloriosum faciam et copi 

pectore : 
quo modo quicque agerem, ut lenoni surruperem 

iam instituta ornata cuncta in ordine, animo ut 

certa deformata habebam ; sed profecto hoc sic erit : 



inn, the place of that old dame built like a barrel, 

limping, lumbering — Chrysis. 

Weil, what now ? 

Go and get me from there when your master comes. 

As you like, by all means. 

My trip here has tired me, you see, and I need 


Sound sense, that, and I quite approve. But kindly 

take care I don't have to hunt you up when I go to 

get you. 

No fear. After a bit of lunch, 111 have a good sleep. 

A very happy thought. 

(turning to go) Nothing else you wish ? 

(pleasantly) Only for you to go and have your nap. 

I am going. [exit. 

Scene 3. 

(calling after him) Oh, and listen, Harpax ! Do 
have plenty of bed-clothes. It'll set you up to get 
a good sweat, (soliloquizing gleefully) Ye immortal 
gods ! That chap's arrival has been the salvation 
of me. Here I was far, far off the road, and he 
brought me back and paid my fare. Why, Time- 
liness herself couldn't arrive at a timelier moment 
for me than the timely way this letter came to hand. 
(gloating over it) Why, this is a perfect cornucopia 
that's come, with everything I want inside. Here 
are tricks, here are all sorts of devices, here are 
fairy tales, here's money, here's the mistress for 
fond young master, (pauses, then refectively) And 
yet the idea of my being so boastful and full- 
chested now ! Already I had my plans all arranged 
and equipped to the last detail, just as I wanted 'em, 
in final and proper shape for each step in the pro- 
cess of getting the girl away from the pimp. But 



centum doctum hominum consilia sola haec devincit 

Fortuna. atque hoc verum est : proinde ut quisque 

Fortuna utitur, 
ita praecellet atque exinde sapere eum omnes 

dicimus. 680 

bene ubi quoi scimus consilium accidisse, hominem 

eum esse declaramus, stultum autem ilium quoi 

vortit male, 
stulti hau scimus, frustra ut simus, quom quid 

cupienter dari 
petimus nobis, quasi quid in rem sit possimus 

certa mittimus, dum incerta petimus ; atque hoc 

in labore atque in dolore, ut mors obrepat interim, 
sed iam satis est philosophatum. nimis diu et 

longum loquor. 
di immortales, aurichalco contra non carum fuit 
meum mendacium, hie modo quod subito commentus 

quia lenonis me esse dixi. nunc ego hac epistula 690 
tris deludam, erum et lenonem et qui banc dedit mi 

euge, par pari aliud autem quod cupiebam contigit : 
venit cecum Calidorus, ducit nescio quem secum 

II. 4. 
Cal. Dulcia atque amara apud te sum elocutus omnia : 

scis amorem, scis laborem, scis egestatem meam. 
Char. Commemini omnia : id tu modo, me quid vis 

facere, fac sciam.* 

^ Leo brackets following vv., 696»-696'> : 
Cal. Quom haec tibi alia sum elocutus, vix rem scis de symholo. 

Char. Omnia, inquam. tu modo quid me facere vis fac ut sciam, 


this is surely how things go — a hundred smart men's 
schemes are all inferior to one lone goddess, Luck. 
Yes, this is the truth : it's the way a man uses luck 
that brings him eminence and makes us all pro- 
nounce him wise. When we know that someone's 
project came off well, we declare him to be a 
shrewd fellow, while the man's a fool whose project 
comes to grief. We are fools not to know what folly 
we show in eagerly seeking for some boon or other, 
as if we could tell what was beneficial. Certainties 
we forsake, uncertainties to take. And it all comes 
to this, that while we are scurrying and worrying, 
up creeps death upon us. But enough of this 
philosophizing now. I'm talking too long and too 
much, {surveying the letter again) Ye immortal gods ! 
It was worth its weight in gold, that lie of mine I 
hit upon impromptu now, when I said I belonged 
to the pimp. I'll trap three people with this letter 
now — master, the pimp, and the man that gave it 
to me. {looking dorvn the street) Grand! If here 
isn't just such another thing as I hankered for 
happening! Yes, sir, there comes Calidorus, 
bringing someone or other along with him. {with- 
draws into the alley) 

Scene 4. enter Calidorus and Charinus. 

Cal. Now I have told you everything, sweet and bitter 
both. You know of my affection, my affliction, my 

Char. I have everything well in mind : all I want to know 
is what you want me to do.^ 

> Vv. 696»-696b : 
Cal. I told you of these other matters, bat yoa hardly know 

about the token. 
Char. Eveiything, I say, I only want to know what you want me 

to do. 



Cal. Pseudolus mi ita imperavit ut aliquem hominem 

benevolentem adducerem ad se. 
Char. Servas imperium probe ; 

nam et amicum et benevolentem ducis. sed istic 

novos mihist. 
Cal. Nimium est mortalis graphicus,^ heuretes mihi est. 700 

is mihi haec sese ecfecturum dixit quae dixi tibi. 
Ps. Magnufice hominem compellabo. 

Cal. Quoia vox resonat ? 

Ps. lo, 

io te te, turanne, te te ego, qui imperitas Pseudolo, 

quaero, quoi ter trina triplicia, tribus modis tria 

artibus tribus tris demeritas dem laetitias, de tribus 

fraude partas per malitiam et per dolum et falla- 
ciam ; 

in libello hoc obsignate ad te attuli pauxillulo. 
Cal. Illic homost. 

Char. Vt paratragoedat carnufex. 

Ps. Confer gradum 

contra pariter, porge audacter ad salutem bracchium. 
Cal. Die utrum Spemme an Salutem te salutem, Pseu- 

Ps. Immo utrumque. 

Char. Vtrumque, salve, sed quid actumst ? 

Ps. Quid times ? 710 

Cal. Attuli hunc. 
Ps. Quid, attulisti ? 

Cal. Adduxi volui dicere. 

Ps. Quis istic est ? 

Cal. Charinus. 

Ps. Euge. iam x'^P'-^ toi'tw iroiov. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : evp-qn^s Palmer. 


Pseudolus ordered me to bring some energetic sort 

of person who wished me well. 

You follow orders excellently ; for it's a friend and 

well-wisher you are bringing. But that Pseudolus 

is a new one to me. 

(tvarmly) Oh, he's a perfect marvel, he's my homme 

de ressource. And he told me he'd put through the 

things I told you of. 

(aloud) I'll address him in the grand manner. 

Whose resounding voice is that ? 

(struts toward them ; to Calidorus, in mock-tragic style] 

lo ! lo ! Thee, thee, Sire, do I seek, thee, thee, 

who dost give orders unto Pseudolus, that I may 

give thee joys thrice, threefold and triple, three 

joys in three ways, three delights by three arts won, 

from three men fraudulently gained by guile and 

stratagem. All this have I brought thee in this 

sealed docimient so tiny, (holds it up) 

That's the man. 

How he tragedizes, the rapscallion ! 

Match thy step with mine and meet me face to face, 

boldly stretch forth thine arm to (tvaving the letter) 

wish welcome. 

Tell me, Pseudolus — am I to wish you welcome as 

Wish Welcome or Wish Come True ? 

Ah, well, as both. 

Greetings, Both! But what have you done? 

What fear you ? (looks Charinus over) 

(to Pseudolus, with a nod toward Charinus) He's the 

man I caught. 

What? Caught? 

Brought, I should say. 

Who is he ? 


Bravo ! Now pas de charite de Charin. 



Char, Quin tu si quid opust, mi audacter imperas ? 

Ps. Tam gratiast. 

bene sit tibi, Charine. nolo tibi molestos esse nos. 
Char. Vos molestos milii ? molestumst mi id quidem. 
Ps. Txmi igitur mane. 

Cal. Quid istuc est ? 

Ps. Epistulam modo banc intercepi et sumbolum. 

Cal. Sumbolum ? quem sumbolum ? 
Ps. Qui a milite allatust modo. 

eius servos qui hunc ferebat cum quinque argenti 

tuam qui amicam hinc arcessebat, ei os sublevi 
Cal. Quo modo ? 
Ps. Horum causa haec agitur spectatorum fabula : 720 

hi sciunt, qui hie adfuerunt ; vobis post narravero. 
Cal. Quid nunc agimus .'' 

Ps. Liberam hodie tuam amicam amplexabere. 

Cal. Egone ? 
Ps. Tu istic ipsus, inquam, si quidem hoc vivet caput ; 

si modo mihi hominem invenietis propere. 
Char. Qua facie ? 

Ps. Malum, 

callidum, doCtum, qui quando principium prehen- 

porro sua virtute teneat quid se facere oporteat; 

atque qui hie non visitatus saepe sit. 
Char. Si servos est, 

numquid refert ? 
Ps. Immo multo mavolo quam liberum. 

Char. Posse opinor me dare hominem tibi malum et doctum 

qui a patre advenit Carysto nee dum exiit ex 
aedibus 730 



Come, command me freely, if anything 's needed. 
(shaking his head) Thanks just as much. Good luck 
to you, Charinus. But we must not bother you. 
Bother me? You? Such an attitude of mind does 
bother me. 

Well then, wait, {surveying the letter with much com- 
What's that? 

This letter and token I just intercepted. 
Token ? What token ? 

The one just brought from the soldier. His slave 
who was bringing this with twenty pounds in cash 
and was coming to carry off your girl — him have I 
just bamboozled. 
Just how ? 

(severely) This play is being acted for the benefit of 
these spectators : they know how, having been 
here. You two I shall inform later. 
What are we to do now ? 

You are to hug your girl who this day gets her 
(elated) I? 

Yes, you your very self there, if so be this head of 
mine survives — if only you two will find me a man in 
a hurry. 

Of what description ? 

Sly, canny, clever, the kind that, once he gets a 
good grip on fundamentals, can keep hold and 
carry on as he ought of his own abiUty. Yes, and 
one not often observed here. 

(after a moment's thought) If he's a slave, that 
doesn't matter? 

(Jirmly) No, I much prefer a slave to a free man. 
I do beheve I can furnish you your sly, clever chap 
from home, one that came from my father in 



quoquam neque Athenas advenit umquam ante 
hesternum diem. 
P*. Bene iuvas. sed quinque inventis opus est argenti 

mutuis, quas hodie reddam : nam huius mihi debet 
Char. Ego dabo, ne quaere aliunde. 
Ps. O hominem opportunum mihi. 

etiam opust chlamyde et machaera et petaso. 
Char. Possum a me dare. 

Ps. Di immortales, non Charinus mihi hie quidem, sed 

sed istic servos, ex Carysto qui hie adest, ecquid 
sapit ? 
Char. Hircum ab ahs. 
Ps. Manuleatam tnnicam habere hominem addecet. 

ecquid is homo habet aceti in pectore ? 
Char. Atque acidissumi. 

Ps. Quid, si opus sit ut dulce promat indidem, ecquid 

habet ? 
Char. Rogas ? 740 

murrinam, passum, defrutum, mellam, mel quoivis- 

modi ; 
quin in corde instruere quondam coepit panto- 
Ps. Eugepae, lepide, Charine, meo me ludo lamberas. 

sed quid nomen esse dicam ego isti servo ? 
Char. Simiae. 

Ps. Scitne in re advorsa vorsari ? 

Char. Turbo non aeque citust. 

Ps. Ecquid argutust ? 

Char. Malorum facinorum saepissime. 

Ps. Quid cum manifesto tenetur? 



Carystus and hasn't yet gone anywhere outside the 
house or ever come to Athens before yesterday. 

Ps. You are a great help. But I need to find twenty 

pounds as a friendly loan which I shall pay back 
to-day — his father (indicating Calidorus) being in- 
debted to me. 

Char. I'll give it to you, don't look elsewhere. 

Ps. Ah, what a timely man for me ! I also need a 

military cloak and a sword and a broad-brinmied 

Char. I can supply you myself. 

Ps. Ye immortal gods ! I see this is not Chariness, but 
Profusion. But that slave who is here from 
Carystus — has he any sense ? 

Char. A strong one of goat in the armpits. 

Ps. A long-sleeved tunic would be becoming to that 

chap. But sharpness — has he any of that on tap ? 

Char. Yes, and it's like concentrated acid. 

Ps. Ah, and what if there was need of his drawing 

something sweet from the same cellar — has he 


Char. Sweet, eh? Myrrh syrup, raisin wine, grape- 
juice, honey water, honey in every form — why, 
once he tried setting up a Bon Marche inside 

Ps. Marvellous ! How delightfully you do de-skin me 

at my own game, Charinus! But by what name 
does that slave go ? 

Char. Simia. 

Ps. When affairs take a bad turn can he make a quick 

Char. Faster than a top. 

Ps. Damned sly, eh ? 

Char. Yes, and damned for a lot of things worse than that. 

Pt. When he is caught in the act, what then ? 



Char. Anguillast, elabitur. 

Ps. Ecquid is homo scitust? 

Char. Plebi scitum non est scitius. 

Ps. Probus homo est, ut praedicare te audio. 

Char. Immo si scias, 

ubi te aspexerit, narrabit ultro quid sese velis. 750 

sed quid as acturus ? 
Ps. Dicam. ubi hominem exornavero, 

subditivom fieri ego ilhim militis servom volo ; 
sumbolum hunc ferat lenoni cum quinque argenti 

mulierem ab lenone abducat : em tibi omnem 

ceterum quo quicque pacto faciat, ipsi dixero. 
Cal. Quid nunc igitur stamus ? 

Ps. Hominem cum ornamentis omnibus 

exornatum adducite ad me iam ad trapezitam 

sed properate. 
Cal. Prius illi erimus quam tu, 

Ps. Abite ergo ocius. 

quidquid incerti mi in animo prius aut ambiguom 

nunc liquet, nunc defaecatumst cor mihi ; nunc 

perviumst : 760 

omnes ordine sub signis ducam legiones meas, 
avi sinistra, auspicio liquido atque ex mea sententia ; 
confidentia est inimicos meos me posse perdere. 
nunc ibo ad forum atque onerabo meis praeceptis 

quid agat, ne quid titubet, docte ut hanc ferat 

iam ego hoc ipsum oppidum expugnatum faxo erit 



Char. He's an eel, slips away. 

Ps. Astute, is he ? 

Char. Astute as a statute. 

Ps. An admirable chap, to listen to your account. 

Char. Man, man ! If you only knew him ! The moment 
he sets eyes on you, he'll go ahead and state what 
you want him for. But what's your plan ? 

Ps. This. When I have him all got up, I want him to 
pass himself oflP as the soldier's slave. He is to 
bring this token and the twenty pounds to the pimp, 
and from the pimp he is to take away the girl. 
There ! There you have the whole plot. As for 
the rest, how he is to handle details, I shall instruct 
him personally. 

Cal. {restively to Charinus, who manis more information) 
Then why are we standing here now? 

Ps. This man, get-up and got-up all complete, is to be 

brought to me directly at banker Aeschinus'. 
{waving them off) But hurry ! 

Cal. {pulling along Charinus) We'll be there before you. 


Ps. {calling after them) Then show some speed in start- 

ing, {elated) Now any uncertainty or doubt I had 
before is clarified, now my mind is settled; now 
it's a broad highway. On I'll lead my legions all, 
in hne beneath their standards, a bird on my left, 
my auspices clear and quite to my liking. I'm 
confident that I can finish off my foemen. Now 
I'll go to the foriun and load up Simia with instruc- 
tions for his job, so that he'll make no slip but carry 
off this trick like a man of training. Under my 
command we'll full soon take by storm this town of 
Pimpville. [exit. 



Pner Cui servitutem di danunt lenoniam 

puero, atque eidem si addunt turpitudinem, 

ne illi, quantum ego nunc corde conspicio meo, 

malam rem magnam multasque aerumnas danunt. 770 

velut haec mi evenit servitus, ubi ego omnibus 

parvis magnisque miseriis praefulcior: 

neque ego amatorem mi invenire ullum queo, 

qui amet me, ut curer tandem nitidiuscule. 

nunc huic lenoni hodie est natalis dies : 

interminatus est a minimo ad maximum, 

si quis non hodie munus misisset sibi, 

eum eras cruciatu maximo perbitere. 

nunc nescio hercle rebus quid faciam meis ; 

neque ego illud possum, quod illi qui possunt 

Solent. 780 

nunc, nisi lenoni munus hodie misero, 
eras mihi potandus fructus est fullonius. 
eheu, quam illae rei ego etiam nunc sum parvolus. 
atque. edepol, ut nunc male eum metuo miser, 
si quispiam det qui manus gravior siet, 
quamquam illud aiunt magno gemitu fieri, 
comprimere dentes videor posse aliquo modo. 
sed comprimenda est mihi vox atque oratio : 
erus eccum recipit se domum et ducit coquom. 

III. 2. 

Bal. Forum coquinum qui vocant, stulte vocant, 790 

nam non coquinum est, verum furinum est forium. 



Boi/ (ruefully) When the gods give a boy the job of 
slaving it for a pimp, and on top of that make him 
an ugly boy, then so far as I can size up the situation, 
they certainly do give him a lot of terrible trials 
and tribulations. Take my case and the slavery 
I'm let in for here, where miseries of every sort, 
small and big, are my mainstay. And I can't find 
a single lover to love me, so that I'd finally be kept 
spruced up a bit. And now to-day's the birthday 
of this pimp. My word, how he did threaten us all, 
from first to last, that whoever didn't send him a 
present to-day would perish in awful agony to- 
morrow ! Oh, Lord, I don't know what to do now 
in a fix like mine ! I can't do the thing that's 
generally done by those that can. So now, unless 
I send the pimp a present to-day, to-morrow I'll 
have to swallow the stuff that fullers use. Oh, dear, 
how tiny I am for that even now ! Lord, Lord ! 
And yet I'm so fearfully, frightfully afraid of master 
now, if someone put something in my hand that 
made it heavier — no matter if they do say doing it 
makes you groan awfully — it does seem as if I 
could control my teeth somehow, (looking donm the 
street) But it's my voice and tongue I must control. 
There's master coming back home and bringing a 
cook. [exit. 

Scene 2. enter Ballio and his boy slave, followed by a 
COOK and his helpers with utensils and provisions. 

Bal. (peevishly) Cooks' Square ! A fool name to name 
that place ! Why, it's Crooks' Square, not Cooks'. 


nam ego si iuratus peiorem hominem quaererem 

coquom, non potui, quam hunc quem duco, ducere, 

multiloquom gloriosum insulsum inutilem. 

quin ob earn rem Orcus recipere ad se hunc noluit, 

ut esset hie qui mortuis cenam coquat ; 

nam hie solus illis coquere quod plaeeat potest. 

Coc. Si me arbitrabare isto pacto, ut praedieas, 
cur conducebas ? 

Bal. Inopia : alius non erat. 

sed cur sedebas in foro, si eras coquos, 800 

tu solus praeter alios ? 

Coc. Ego dicam tibi : 

hominum vitio ego sum factus improbior coquos, 
non meopte ingenio. 

Bal. Qua istuc ratione ? 

Coc. Eloquar. 

quia enim, cum extemplo veniunt conductum 

nemo ilium quaerit qui optimus et carissimust : 
ilium conducunt potius qui vilissimust. 
hoc ego fui hodie solus obsessor fori, 
illi drachmissent miseri : me nemo potest 
minoris quisquam nummo ut surgam subigere. 
non ego item cenam condio ut alii coqui, 810 

qui mihi condita prata in patinis proferunt, 
boves qui convivas faciunt herbasque oggerunt, 
eas herbas herbis aliis porro condiunt : 
indunt coriandrum, feniculum, alium, atrirni holus, 
apponunt rumicem, brassicam, betam, blitum, 
eo laserpici libram pondo diluont, 
teritur sinapis scelera, quae illis qui terunt 
prius quam triverunt oculi ut extillent facit. 
ei homines cenas ubi coquont, cum condiunt, 
non condimentis condiunt, sed strigibus, 820 

vivis convivis intestina quae exedint, 



Why, even if I had sworn to hunt one up, a worse 
specimen than this cook I'm bringing is unbringable 
— blathering, boastful, witless, useless ! The only 
reason Pluto hasn't wanted him in hell is so that 
there 'd be someone left on earth to cook oblations 
for the dead. Why, he's the one man can cook 
things to their taste. 

(stiffly) If you thought me the sort you say, why 
did you hire me ? 

Dearth. No one else to be had. But why were 
you sitting in the Square, if you were a cook, you 
alone, you only ? 

This is why : a defect of human nature, no fault of 
mine, makes me a less desirable cook. 
How d'ye figure that out ? 

You shall hear. This is the point — once folks 
come to hire a cook, not a soul looks for the best 
and most expensive : instead, they hire the cheap- 
est. That explains my besetting the Square alone 
to-day. Those poor boobies are one-bobbers : no 
man alive can have me off my haunches for less than 
two bob. I am a man who seasons a dinner 
differently than other cooks, who season me whole 
plantations and put 'em on the platters and make 
oxen out of guests, pile on the fodder, and then 
proceed to season that fodder with more fodder. 
They serve them sorrel, cabbage, beets, spinach, 
flavoured with coriander, fennel, garlic, parsley, 
pour in a pound of assafcetida, grate in murderous 
mustard that makes the graters' eyes ooze out be- 
fore they have it grated. When these chaps 
season the dinners that they come and cook, they 
use for seasoning no seasonings, but screech-awls, 
to eat the entrails out of living guests. This, this. 



hoc hie quidem homines tarn brevem vitam colunt, 

quom hasce herbas huius modi in suom alvom con- 

formidulosas dictu, non essu modo. 

quas herbas pecudes non edunt, homines edunt. 
Bal. Quid tu ? divinis condimentis utere, 

qui prorogare vitam possis hominibus, 

qui ea culpes condimenta ? 
Coc. Audacter dicito ; 

nam vel ducenos annos poterunt vivere 

meas qui essitabunt escas quas condivero. 830 

nam ego cocilendrum quando in patinas indidi 

aut cepolendrum aut maccidem aut secaptidem, 

eaepse sese ^ fervefaciunt ilico. 

haec ad Neptuni pecudes condimenta sunt : 

terrestris pecudes cicimahndro condio, 

hapalocopide aut cataractria. 
Bal. At te luppiter 

dique omnes perdant cum condimentis tuis 

cumque tuis istis omnibus mendaciis. 
Coc. Sine sis loqui me. 

Bal. Loquere, atque i in malam crucem. 

Coc. Vbi omnes patinae fervont, omnis aperio : 840 

is odos dimissis manibus in caelum volat. 
B(U. Odos dimissis manibus ? 
Coc. Peccavi insciens. 

Bal. Quidum ? 
Coc. Dimissis pedibus volui dicere. 

eum odorem cenat luppiter cottidie. 
Bal. Si nusquam is coctum, quidnam cenat luppiter? 
Coc. It incenatus cubitum. 
Bal. I in malam crucem. 

istacine causa tibi hodie nummum dabo ? 
Coc. Fateor equidem esse me coquom carissumum ; 

^ Leo brackets following patinae. 


explains why people here have such short lives — 
filling their bellies full of fodder of this sort, ghastly 
to mention, not merely to eat. Fodder that cattle 
will not eat, men do eat. 

(contemptuously) And yourself? Use celestial season- 
ings, do you, that let you prolong men's Uves, you 
that are so censorious of these seasonings ? 
(gravely) You may say that with confidence. Why, 
those that fare on food that I have seasoned are 
enabled to live as much as two hundred years. 
Why, when I have put a dash of cinnatopsis in the 
pans, or clovitopsis, or sageolio, or allspiceria, they 
heat up automatically and instantaneously. These 
are my seasonings for Neptune's cattle : terrestrial 
cattle I season with cassitopsis, pepitilis or cap- 

Ugh! May all the powers above annihilate you 
and your seasonings, and all those lies of yours 
together ! 

Kindly allow me to continue. 
Continue, and be hanged ! 

Wlien all the pans are hot, I open them all up : the 
odour from 'em flies to heaven with outstretched 

An odour with outstretched arms, eh? 
Ah, I made a careless slip. 
How so ? 

I meant to say, with outstretched feet. And this 
odour Jupiter has each day for dinner. 
In case you don't go out to cook, how does Jupiter 
contrive to dine ? 
He goes to bed without dining. 
You go and be hanged ! Am I to give you two bob 
to-day for that ? 
I of course admit that I am a very expeiisive cook. 



verum pro pretio facio ut opera appareat 

mea quo conductus venio. 
Bal. Ad furandum quidem. 850 

Coc. An tu invenire postulas quemquam coquom 

nisi miluinis aut aquilinis ungulis ? 
Bal. An tu coquinatum te ire quoquam postulas, 

quin ibi constrictis ungulis cenam coquas ? 

nunc adeo tu, qui meus es, iam edico tibi, 

ut nostra properes amoliri omnia, 

turn ut huius oculos in oeulis habeas tuis : 

quoquo hie spectabit, eo tu spectato simul ; 

si quo hie gradietur, pariter progredimino ; 

manum si protoUet, pariter proferto manum : 860 

suom si quid sumet, id tu sinito sumere ; 

si nostrum sumet, tu teneto altrinsecus. 

si iste ibit, ito, stabit, astato simul ; 

si conquiniscet istic, conquiniscito. 

item his discipulis privos custodes dabo. 
Coc. Habe modo bonum animum. 
Bal. Quaeso, qui possum, doce, 

bonum animum habere qui te ad me adducam 
domum ? 
Coc. Quia sorbitione faciam ego hodie te mea, 

item ut Medea Peliam concoxit senem, 

quem medicamento et suis venenis dicitur 870 

fecisse rursus ex sene adulescentulum, 

item ego te faciam. 
Bal. Eho, an etiam es veneficus ? 

Coc. Immo edepol vero hominum servator. 
Bal. Ehem, 

quanti istuc unum me ^ coquinare perdoces ? 
Coc. Quid ? 

Bal. Vt te servem, ne quid surripias mihi. 

Coc. Si credis, nummo; si non, ne mina quidem. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : subdoces A. 


But in any house I go to, I make sure that the cost 
of hiring me shows in the way I work. 

Bal. Ah, yes, pilfering. 

Cook (failing to out-glare BalUo, then amiably) Can it be 
you expect to find any cook without a kite's or 
eagle's claws ? 

Bal. Can it be you expect to go a-cooking anywhere 
unless your claws are clamped while you cook your 
dinner ? (to Boy) Now then, you that belong to me ! 
I hereby give you notice to hustle all our stuff out 
of range, and then keep your eyes on his eyes : 
wherever he looks, you look there too ; if he roams 
about, you roam along with him ; if his hand goes 
out, out goes yours beside it ; if he picks up any- 
thing that's his, let him have it ; if it's ours, you get 
a grip on the other side. If he moves, you move ; 
stands, you stand there too ; if he stoops, stoop with 
him. Yes, and each of these understrappers shall 
have his own private watchman. 

Cook (suavely) Just you rest easy. 

Bal. Rest easy ? Lord, man, how can I, tell me that, 
when I'm bringing you into my house ? 

Cook Ah, but my potage ! What I shall do for you to-day 
with that ! Why, just hke old Medea boiled Pehas 
and made him new, so they say, from an old hunks 
to a fresh young blood, with drugs and potions — 
that is just what I shall do for you. 

Bal. Potions, eh ? Are you a poisoner too ? 

Cook No, no, good heavens, no! I am the saviour of 

Bal. Hm ! What's your charge for teaching me that 
one culinary feat? 

Cook What one ? 

Bal. Sa\ing, saving you from the sin of pilfering from me. 

Cook Two shillings ifyou trust me; if not, four poimdsis 



sed utrum tu amicis hodie an inimicis tuis 

daturu's cenam ? 
Bal. Pol ego amicis scilicet. 

Coc. Quin tuos inimicos potius quam amicos vocas ? 880 

nam ego ita convivis cenam conditam dabo 

hodie atque ita suavi suavitate condiam : 

ut quisque quicque conditum gustaverit, 

ipsus sibi faciam ut digitos praerodat suos. 
Bal. Quaeso hercle, prius quam quoiquam convivae dabis, 

gustato tute prius et discipulis dato, 

ut praerodatis vostras furtificas manus. 
Coc. Fortasse haec tu nunc mihi non credis quae loquor. 
Bal. Molestus ne sis, nimium ^ tinnis ; non taces ? 

em illic ego habito. intro abi et cenam coque. 890 

Puer Quip tu is accubitum, et convivas cedo, 

corrumpitur iam cena. 
Bal. Em, subolem sis vide : 

iam hie quoque scelestus est, coqui sublingulo. 

profecto quid nunc primum caveam nescio, 

ita in aedibus sunt fures, praedo in proxumo est. 

nam mi hie vicinus apud forum paulo prius, 

pater Calidori, opere edixit maxumo, 

ut mihi caverem a Pseudolo servo suo, 

ne fidem ei haberem. nam eum circum ire in hunc 

ut me, si posset, muliere intervorteret ; 900 

eum promisisse firmiter dixit sibi, 

sese abducturum a me dolis Phoenicium. 

nunc ibo intro atque edicam familiaribus, 

profecto ne quis quicquam credat Pseudolo. 

^ Leo brackets following iam. 



too cheap. But are you giving this dinner to-day 
to your friends or enemies ? 

3al. I ? Gad, to friends, of course ! 

>o/t \STiy not invite your enemies instead of friends ? 
For the dinner I set before your guests this day 
will be so savoury, seasoned so lusciously, so 
lusciously — once a man tastes a dish seasoned by 
me I shall have him gnawing off the ends of his own 

3al. Then for God's sake, before you serve a single 
guest, take a taste yourself first and give one to 
your understrappers, so that you'll all gnaw off the 
ends of your own light-fingered hands. 

Cook Perhaps you do not believe what I tell you now. 

Sal. {with gruff Jinality) Don't be a nuisance! You 
cackle too much. Shut up, will you? There! 
(pointing) That's my house. Be off inside with 
you and cook dinner. Move ! 

Cook's Boy (to BaUio,jiippantly) Go take your place, and get 
your guests in : dinner's spoiling already, [exeunt. 

Bal. (glon'ering after the Boy) Huh ! Just look at that 
young limb, will you ! He's already a rapscallion 
too, the cook's underlickprater. What to guard 
against first now, I absolutely don't know. Here 
I am with thieves in my house and a highwayman 
(gloTpering at Simo's house) next door. For my 
neighbour here, Calidorus' father, gave me most 
emphatic notice, a little while ago at the forum, to 
guard against his slave Pseudolus and put no trust 
in him. Said he was on the hunt all this day trj'ing 
to see if he couldn't do me out of my girl ; had 
vowed up and down to him he would diddle 
Phoenicium away from me. Now Fll go in and 
give notice to my household that not a soul is to put 
the slightest trust in Pseudolus. [exit. 




Ps. Si umquam quemquam di immortales voluere esse 

auxilio adiutum, 
turn me et Calidorum servatum volunt esse et 

lenonem extinctum, 
quom te adiutorem genuerunt mihi tam doctum 

hominem atque astutum. 
sed ubi illic est? sumne ego homo insipiens, qui 

haec mecum egomet loquar solus? 
dedit verba mihi hercle, ut opinor : 
malus cum malo stulte cavi. 
tiun pol ego interii, homo si ille abiit, neque hoc 

opus quod volui hodie efficiam. 
sed eccum video verbeream statuam: ut it, ut 

magnifice infert sese. 
ehem, te hercle ego circumspectabam, nimis 
metuebam male, ne abiisses. 
Sim. Fuit meum officium ut facerem, fateor. 
Ps. Vbi restiteras ? 

5tni. Vbi mihi Ubitum est. 

Ps. Istuc ^ ego satis scio. 

&'»!. Quor ergo quod scis me rogas ? 

Ps. At hoc volo monere te. 

Sim. Monendus ne me moneas. 

Ps. Nimis tandem ego aps te contemnor. 

&m. Quippe ego te ni contemnam, 
stratioticus homo qui cluear ? 
Ps. lam hoc volo quod occeptumst agi. 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : istuc ipsus Lindsay. 



ENTER Pseudolus. 

(over his shoulder, ingratiatingly) If the everlasting 
gods ever wished any man to be assisted by aid 
divine, they certainly wish me and Calidorus saved 
and the pimp extinguished, with their producing 
such a clever, wily chap as you for my assistant. 
(pauses, then turns around) But where is the fellow ? 
Am I getting feeble-minded, to converse with my- 
self this way all alone ? (worried) By Jove ! He 
has come one over me, I do believe ! Both of us so 
sharp, and I so dull a watchman ! Good Lord ! If 
that chap has slipped me, then I'm a goner and 
can't put through this job I wanted done to-day. 
(looking down the street) Ah, but there he comes, the 
statue of cowhide ! See the step of him, the lordly 
strut! (calling, as pleasantly as possible) Well, my 
word ! Gad, man, I was looking all about for you. 
I was most awfully afraid you had given me the slip. 

ENTER Simia, swaggering along in military 


A function quite fitting for me, I confess. 

Where was it you stopped ? 

(readjusting his cloak) Where I chose. 

I'm well enough aware of that. 

Then why ask me what you are aware of .^ 

But I want to give you some advice. 

None for me from a man that needs it so. 

Really, you're treating me with |X)sitive contempt. 

Contempt for you ? Why not, I being a celebrated 

army man? 

But I want this job we've begun done at once. 



Sim. Numquid agere aliud me vides ? 

Ps. Ambula ergo cito. 

Sim. Immo otiose volo. 920 

Ps, Haec ea occasiost : dum ille dormit, volo 

tu prior ut occupes adire. 
Sim. Quid properas ? placide, ne time. 

ita ille faxit luppiter, 

ut ille palam ibidem adsiet, 

quisquis illest, qui adest a milite. 

numquam edepol erit ille potior 

Harpax quam ego. habe animum bonum : 

pulchre ego hanc explicatam tibi rem dabo. 

sic ego ilium dolis atque mendaciis 

in timorem dabo militarem advenam, 

ipsus sese ut neget esse eum qui siet 

meque ut esse autumet qui ipsus est. 
Ps. Qui potest ? 930 

Sim. Occidis me, cum istuc rogitas. 

Ps. O hominem lepidum. 

Sim. Te quoque etiam dolis atque mendaciis, 

qui magister mihi es, antidibo, ut scias. 
Ps. luppiter te mihi servet. 

Sim. Immo mihi. 

sed vide, ornatus hie me satin condecet ? 
Ps. Optume habet. 

Sim. Esto. 

Ps. Tantum tibi boni di immortales duint quantum tu 

tibi optes ; 

nam si exoptem, quantum dignu's tantum dent, 
minus nihilo sit. 

neque ego hoc homine quemquam vidi magis 
malum et maleficum. 
Sim. Tun id mihi ? 



(busy rvith his accoutrements) D'ye see me doing any- 
thing else ? 

Then step along quickly. 
Oh, no, a leisurely pace for me. 
(urgently) This is our chance : while that chap's 
asleep I want you to steal a march on him and 
present yourself first. 

\Vhy rush ? Take it calmly, keep cool. I hope to 
heaven that chap shows up and presents himself 
there too, that chap, whoever he is, from the 
soldier's. Gad ! Never will that chap beat me at 
being Harpax. Rest easy. I am the man to fix 
this up in fine shape for you. WTiat with my tricks 
and lies, I shall give that chap, our military stranger, 
such a scare that he will deny his own identity and 
declare me to be himself. 
How can you ? 

(irritably) You will be the death of me with such 

(soothingly) Oh, you wonderful man! 
Yes, and you yourself, my teacher, in tricks and 
lies I shall get ahead of you, too, just to show you. 
God preserve you for me ! 

No, for myself, (parading) But look — does this uni- 
form become me as it should ? 
"Tis well. 

(enthusiastically) May the immortal gods grant you 
every good thing you can desire for yourself; for 
if I should desire 'em to give you every good thing 
you deserve, (trying to conceal his venom rvith a 
grin) that would be less than nothing. As a bad 
man, bad in every act, I have yet to see this fellow's 
(in mocking appreciation) This to me from you ? 



Ps. Taceo. 

sed ego quae tibi bona dabo et faciam, si banc 

sobrie rem accurassis. 
Sim, Potin ut taceas ? memorem immemorem facit qui 

monet quod memor meminit. 940 

teneo, omnia in pectore condita sunt, meditati sunt 

mihi doli docte. 
Ps. Probus est hie homo. 

Sim. Neque hie est neque ego. 

Ps. At vide ne titubes. 

Sim. Potin ut taceas ? 

Ps. Ita me di ament — 

Sim. Ita non facient : mera iam mendacia fundes. 

Ps. Vt ego ob tuam, Simia, perfidiam te amo et metuo 

et magni facio. 
Sim. Ego istuc aliis dare condidici : mi optrudere non 

potes palpum. 
Ps. Vt ego accipiam. te hodie lepide, ubi efFeceris hoc 

Sim. Ha ha hae. 

Ps. Lepido victu, vino, unguentis et inter pocula 

pulpamentis ; 
ibidem una aderit mulier lepida, tibi savia super 

savia quae det. 
Sim. Lepide accipis me. 

Ps. Immo si efficies, tum faxo magis id dicas. 

Sim. Nisi efFecero, cruciabiliter carnifex me accipito. 950 

sed propera mihi monstrare, ubi sit os lenonis 

Ps. Tertium hoc est. 
Sim. St, tace, aedes hiscunt. 



(dryly) I'm shut up. {glowingly') But I — the good 
things I'll give you and do for you, if you'll only 
give this matter serious attention. 
{arrogantly) Can you shut up ? It makes a mindful 
man unmindful to be reminded of what he re- 
members and has in mind. I know it all, every- 
thing is stored in my chest, my schemes have been 
given competent consideration. 
A fine fellow, this ! 
This meaning neither him nor me. 
But do see there's no slip-up. 
Can you shut up ? 

{earnestly) So help me God 

{interrupting) Which He wiU not : now comes a flood 

of falsehoods unalloyed. 

(continuing) 1 love you, Simla, and hold you in awe 

and honour, you're such a liar. 

I am a master at handing out that stuff to others : 

you can pass off no such pap on me. 

(undaunted) Ah, the wonderful treat ni give you 

this day when you've put this job through 

Haw ! Haw ! Haw ! 

(continuing) Wonderful food, wine, perfumes, and 
goodies to go with our drinks ! Yes, and a wonder- 
ful girl will be there too, to kiss you and kiss you, 
the nicest way. 

(interested) You are giving me a wonderful treat ! 
That's nothing. Put this through, and I'll give 
you more cause to say so. 

(thrilled) If I don't put it through, hangman, treat 
me to a halter ! But hurry, show me the vent of 
the house of the pimp ! 
(pointing) The third one here. 
(as the door opens) Sh-h ! Shut up The bouse is 



Ps- Credo, animo malest 


Sim. Quid iam ? 

P-1. Quia edepol ipsum lenonem evomunt. 

Sim. lUicinest ? 

Ps. lUic est. 

Sim. Mala mercist.^ 

Ps. Illuc sis vide, 

ut transversus, non proversus cedit, quasi cancer 


IV. 2. 

Bal. Minus malum hunc hominem esse opinor quam esse 
censebam coquom, 
nam nihil etiam dum harpagavit praeter cyathum et 
Ps. Heus tu, nunc occasio est et tempus. 

Sim. Tecum sentio. 

Ps. Ingredere in viam dolose : ego hie in insidiis ero. 

Sim. Habui numerum sedulo : hoc est sextum a porta 

proxumum 960 

angiportum, in id angiportum me devorti iusserat; 
quotumas aedis dixerit, id ego admodum incerto 
Bal. Quis hie homo chlamydatus est aut unde est aut 
quern quaeritat ? 
peregrina facies videtur hominis atque ignobilis. 
Sim. Sed eccum qui ex incerto faciet mihi quod quaero 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : Pseudole, Bothe. 


(drarving Simia into a recess) It's a house that's feel- 
ing ill, I fancy. 
How so ? 

Because it's spewing out the pimp himself, by gad ! 
So that's the fellow? 
That is. 

He's a poor piece of goods. 

(as Ballio sidles slyly about his doorrvay observing 
operations tvithin) Just see that, will you, how he 
travels sideways instead of straightways, as a crab 
does I 

Scene 2. enter Ballio from doorway. 

Bal. (to himself, grimly) I do believe this chap is less 
dishonest than I supposed a cook could be. Why, 
not a thing has he cabbaged so far except a ladle 
and tankard. 

Ps. (aside to Simia) Hey, you ! Here's your chance and 

Sim. I agree with you. 

Ps. Get into action now, and make it sly: I'll be in 
ambush here. 

Sim. (aloud, stepping out and studying the neighbourhood) 
I've been careful about the number: this is the 
sixth alley from the city gate, and that's the 
alley where he told me to turn in. But how many 
houses he said is something I'm quite uncertain 

Bal. (aside, seeing him) Who's this chap in the mihtary 
cloak ? Where's he from ? Who's he hunting for ? 
Seems to be a foreigner from his looks, and no one 
I know. 

Sim, (turning toward Ballio) Ah, but there's someone 
who'll make this doubtful quest of mine less 



Bal. Ad me adit recta, unde ego hominem hunc esse 

dicam gentium ? 
Sim. Heus tu, qui cum hirquina barba stas, responde quod 

Bal. Eho. an non prius salutas ? 

Sim. Nulla est mihi salus dataria. 

Dal. Nam pol hinc tantumdem accipies. 

Ps. lam inde a principio probe. 970 

Sim. Ecquem in angiporto hoc hominem tu novisti ? te 

Dal. Egomet me. 

Sim. Pauci istuc faciunt homines quod tu praedicas, 

nam in foro vix decumus quisque est qui ipsus sese 

Ps. Salvos sum, iam philosophatur. 

Sim. Hominem ego hie quaero malum, 

legirupam, impurum, peiurum atque impium. 
Bal. Me quaeritat, 

nam ilia mea sunt cognomenta ; nomen si memoret 

quid est ei homini nomen ? 
Sim. Leno Ballio. 

Bal. Scivin ego ? 

ipse ego is sum, adulescens, quem tu quaeris. 
Sim. Tune es Ballio ? 

Dal. Ego enim vero is sum. 
Sim. Vt vestitu's, es perfossor parietum. 980 

Bal. Credo, in tenebris, conspicatus si sis me, apstineas 

Sim. Erus meus tibi me salutem multam voluit dicere. 

hanc epistulam accipe a me, hanc me tibi iussit 

Bal. Quis is homost qui iussit ? 

Ps. Perii, nunc homo in medio lutost; 

nomen nescit, haeret haec res. 



(aside) He's headed straight for me. I wonder 
where on earth the fellow's from. 
(to Ballio) I say, you, standing there with the billy- 
goat beard, answer me this. 

(glaring) Oh, indeed ! And no "good-day " first, eh ? 
I have no good day spareable. 

Gad ! Then you'll find me equally generous, (turns 
anay and looks in his door) 

(aside) Here's a fine first round to start with ! 
Know anyone in this alley, do you ? (Ballio pays no 
attention) I am asking (very loudly) you. 
(over his shoulder) I know myself. 
You claim knowledge which few persons possess. 
Why, at the forum you can find hardly one man in 
ten who knows himself. 
(aside) Saved ! Now he's philosophizing. 
I am looking for a man here, a bad one, a law- 
breaker, foul, faithless, godless. 
(aside) Hm ! It's me he's looking for, those being 
my surnames. Now if he'd only mention my other 
name, (aloud) What is the other name of this man ? 
Pimp Ballio. 

Didn't I know it ? (aloud) I am the person you look 
for, myself, young fellow. 

(surveying him unappreciatively) So you are BalUo? 
I certainly am. 

Those clothes make you look like a burglar. 
(dryly) Yes, if you spied me in the dark you prob- 
ably wouldn't hold me up. 

My master wished me to extend his cordial greet- 
ings. Here, take this letter; he ordered me to 
give it to you. (fumbles about for it) 
Who's the man that ordered you } 
(aside, observing Simia's almost imperceptible confusion) 
Oh, Lord ! Now he's in a hole ! He doesn't know 
the name! We're stuck! 



Bal. Quern hanc misisse ad me autiimas ? 

Sim. Nosce imaginem : tute eius nomen memorato mihi, 

ut sciam te Ballionem esse ipsum. 
Bal. Cedo mi epistulam. 

Sim. Accipe et cognosce signum. 
Bal. Oh, Polymachaeroplagides 

purus putus est ipsus. novi. heus, Polymachaero- 

nomen est, 
Sim. Scio iam me recte tibi dedisse epistulam, 990 

postquam Polymachaeroplagidem elocutus nomen 
Bal. Quid agit is ? 
Sim. Quod homo edepol fortis atque bellator probus. 

sed propera hanc pellegere quaeso epistulam — ita 
negotium est — 

atque accipere argentum actutum mulieremque 

nam necessest hodie Sicyoni me esse aut eras 
mortem exsequi, 

ita erus meus est imperiosus. 
Bal. Novi, notis praedicas. 

Sim. Propera pellegere epistulam ergo. 
Bal. Id ago, si taceas modo. 

* miles lenoni BalHoni epistulam 

conscriptam mittit Polymachaeroplagides, 

imagine obsignatam quae inter nos duo 1000 

convenit olim.' sumbolust in epistula,^ 

1 Leo brackets following vv., 1002-1008 : 

video, et cognosco signum. sed in epistula 

nullam salutem mittere scriptam solet f 
Sim. Ita militaris disciplinast, Ballio : 

manu salutem mittunt benevolentibus ; 

eadem malum rem mitlunt malevolentibua. 

sed, ut occepisti, perge opera experirier 

quid epistula ista narret. 
Bal. Ausculta modo. 



(reaching for the letter, slightly suspicious) Who sent 
me this, according to you ? 

{holding it out of Ballio's reach, seal toward him) See 
if you know the Ukeness. Tell me his name your- 
self, so as to prove you are really Ballio. 
Give the letter here. 
Take it and identify the seal. 

(aside, after a glance) Oho, it's Polymachaero- 
plagides himself, plain as a pikestaflP! I know him. 
(aloud) Hey, you! His name is Polymachaero- 

(relieved) Ah, I see I did right in giving you the 
letter, now that you have come out with the name 
And what is he doing ? 

(giving his cloak a hitch) Ha ! Deeds that befit a 
gallant gentleman and noble warrior. But I must 
ask you to make haste and read this letter through 
— that is imperative — then take the money at once 
and turn over the girl. For I must be at Sicyon 
to-day or submit to murder to-morrow. That is 
my master's style, peremptory. 
(wryly) I know ; I am acquainted with him. 
Then read the letter without wasting time. 
(opening it) So I am, if you'd only shut up. (reading) 
" Polymachaeroplagides, warrior, to Ballio, pimp, 
indites and sends this letter sealed with the Uke- 
ness before agreed upon between us both." (half 
aside) The token is on the letter.^ (reading) " 'Tis 

* Vv. 1002-1008: I see and recognize the seal. But 
is he in the habit of sending letters that bring no wish for 
one's well-being ? 

'Tis a way we have in the army, Ballio. "lis the sword of a 
soldier brings well-being to those that wish him well, and the 
selfsame sword brings ill to those that wish him ill. But go 
on and finish, test for yourself the contents of that letter. 
Well then, listen. 


' Harpax calator meus est, ad te qui venit — * 

tun es is Harpax ? 
Sim. Ego sum, atque ipse apira^ quidem. 1010 

Bal. ' Qui epistulam istam fert ; ab eo argentum aecipi, 

cum eo simitu mulierem mitti volo. 

salutem scriptam dignum est dignis mittere : 

te si arbitrarem dignum, misissem tibi.* 
Sim. Quid nunc ? 

Bal. Argentum des, abducas mulierem. 

Sim. Vter remoratur ? 

Bal. Quin sequere ergo intro. 

Sim. Sequor. 

IV. 3. 

Ps. Peiorem ego hominem magisque vorsute malum 

numquam edepol quemquam vidi, quam hie est 

Simia ; 
nimisque ego ilium hominem metuo et formido 

ne malus item erga me sit ut erga ilium fuit, 1020 

ne in re secunda nunc mi obvertat cornua, 
si occasionem capsit qui sit mihi malus ; 
atque edepol equidem nolo, nam ilh bene volo. 
nunc in metu sum maximo, triplici modo : 
primum omnium iam hunc comparem metuo meum, 
ne deserat med atque ad hostis transeat ; 
metuo autem, ne erus redeat etiam dum a foro, 
ne capta praeda capti praedones fuant. 
quom haec metuo, metuo ne ille hue Harpax 

advenat 1030 

prius quam hinc hie Harpax abierit cum muliere. 
perii hercle, nimium tarde egrediuntur foras. 
cor conligatis vasis expectat meum, 
si non educat mulierem secum simul, 
ut exulatum ex pectore aufugiat meo. 
victor sum, vici cautos custodes meos. 



my orderly, Harpax, who comes to you " {to 

Simia) So you're this Harpax ? 

Sim. I am, yes, Harpyacts in person. 

Bal. (reading) " and bears this letter. I wish you to re- 
ceive the money from him, and with him send along 
the wench. Tis fitting in a letter to send good 
wishes to persons they befit : I had sent you such, 
did I think that they befitted you." 

Sim. (hiding a grin) What now ? 

Bal. (sourly) Give me the money, take the girl. 

Sim. Which of us delays things ? 

Bal. (going toward his door) Come, follow me inside, then. 

Sim. I follow. [exeunt. 

Scene 3. 

Ps. A worse and wilier rascal than this Simia I never did 
see anywhere, by gad! Lord! The fellow's got 
me scared! I'm frightfully afraid* he'll try his 
rascahty on me, too, the same as on him, and now 
that things are going well, turn his horns in my 
direction, if he gets a chance to play me some 
rascally trick. And, gad, I certainly don't want 
that, for I wish the man well, (anxiously eyeing 
Ballio's door) Oh, the fearful funk I'm in now, a 
triple funk. First of all, I fear this pal of mine's 
deserting me and crossing over to the enemy. Then 
too, I fear master's returning from the forum yet 
and seizing the looters with the loot they've seized. 
And on top of these fears, I fear that other Harpax 
will get here before this Harpax gets out of here 
with the girl. Oh, damnation ! How slow they 
are coming out ! My heart has its luggage tied, 
ready to fly my chest for foreign parts, if he 
doesn't bring the girl along with him ! (as Simia and 
Phoenicium appear in the doorway) Victory ! I have 
vanquished my wary watchmen ! 



IV. 4. 

Sim. Ne plora, nescis ut res sit, Phoenicium, 

verum baud multo post faxo scibis accubans. 

non ego te ad ilium duco dentatum virum 1040 

Macedoniensem, qui te nunc flentem facit : 

cuiam esse te vis maxime, ad eum ducere : 

Calidorum baud multo post faxo amplexabere. 

Ps. Quid tu intus quaeso desedisti quam diu ? 

mibi cor retunsumst oppugnando pectore. 

Sim. Occasionem reppex'isti, verbero, 

iibi perconteris me, insidiis hostilibus ? 
quin bine metimur gradibus militariis ? 

Ps. Atque edepol, quamquam nequam bomo es, recte 

mones. 1050 

ite bac triumpbi ad cantbarum recta via. 

IV. 5. 

Bal. Habae, nunc demum mi animus in tuto est loco, 
postquam iste bine abiit atque abduxit mulierem. 
iube nunc venire Pseudolum, scelerum caput, 
et abducere a me mulierem fallaciis. 
conceptis bercle verbis, satis certo scio, 
ego periurare me mavellem miliens, 
quam mi ilium verba per deridiculum dare, 
nunc deridebo bercle bominem, si convenero ; 
verum in pistrino credo, ut convenit, fore. 1060 

nunc ego Simonem mi obviam veniat velim, 
ut mea laetitia laetus promiscam siet. 

IV. 6. 

Si. Viso quid rerum meus Vlixes egerit, 

iamne habeat siffnum ex arce Ballionia. 

^ Who took the Palladium from the citadel of Troy. 


5cene 4. enter Simia, and Pkoenicium in tears. 

I. (in an undertone) Don't cry. You don't under- 
stand things, Phoenicium, but I'll see you do a 
little later on the dining couch. I'm not taking 
you to that sabre-toothed Macedonian hero that's 
causing these tears of yours. You're going to the 
man whose you most want to be : very soon I'll 
have you hugging Calidorus. 

Lord, man ! \^Tiat made you loll around in there so 
long ? My heart has been banging my chest till it's 

I. {severely) You take this occasion, hangdog, to 
question my conduct, with the enemy all about us ? 
Why don't we step it out of here, double time ? 
A good suggestion, too, by gad, even though it 
comes from a bad specimen, {draws Simia' s sword 
and heads a parade) Forward, march ! Straight to 
the tankard of victory ! [exeunt. 

?ne 5. ENTER Ballio from his house. 

/. {comfortably) Ho, ho, hum ! At last I feel secure 
now that chap's gone and taken the girl away. 
Now tell Pseudolus, the fount of iniquity, to come 
and flimflam me out of her ! One thing I know for 
sure — I'd rather take oath in solemn terms, by gad, 
and perjure myself a thousand times than be that 
fellow's fool and laughing-stock. Now the laugh 
will be against him, by gad, once I meet him — I 
trust he'll be in what they thought his meet place, 
in the mill. I only wish I could come across Simo 
now, to let him share the joy that I'm enjoying. 

Scene 6. enter Simo from the forum. 

Si. Now to see what my Ulysses^ has accomplished, 

whether he has yet got the image from the Ballion- 

iau citadeL 



Bal. O fortunate, cedo fortunatam manum, 

Si. Quid est ? 

Bal. lam — 

Si. Quid iam ? 

Bal. Nihil est quod metuas. 

Si. Quid est? 

venitne homo ad te ? 
Bal. Non. 

Si. Quid est igitur boni ? 

Bal. Minae viginti sanae et salvae sunt tibi, 

hodie quas aps te est instipulatus Pseudolus. 
<St. Vehm quidem hercle. 

Bal. Roga me viginti minas, 1070 

si ille hodie ilia sit potitus muliere 

sive earn tuo gnato hodie,. ut promisit, dabit,^ 

omnibus modis tibi esse rem ut salvam scias ; 

atque etiam habeto mulierem dono tibi. 
Si. Nullum periclumst, quod sciam, stipularier, 

ut concepisti verba : viginti minas 

dabin ? 
Bal. Dabuntur. 

Si. Hoc quidem actumst hau male.^ 

quid est? quid non metuam ab eo? id audire 

1 Leo brackets following v., 1073 : 

roga opsecro hercle, gesiio promittere. 

* Leo brackets following vv., 1079-1086 : 

sed convenistin hominem ? 
Bal. Immo ambo simul. 

Si. Quid ail? quid narrat? quaeso, quid dixit tibi? 

Bal. Nugas theatri, verba quae in comoediis 

Solent lenoni did, quae pueri sciunt : 

malum et scelestum et peiurum aibat esse me. 
Si. Pol hau mentitust. 

Bal. Ergo haud iratxis fui : 

nam quanti refert ei nee recte dicere, 

qui nihilifaciat quique infitias rum eat f 



{rushing up) Oh, lucky man ! Out with that lucky 
hand, Simo ! {seizing it) 
What's all this ? 


Now what? 

You have nothing to fear. 

WTiat's all this ? Has he come to you ? 


What's the good news, then? 

It's safe and sound, your eighty pounds that 

Pseudolus engaged to get from you to-day. 

Egad ! I only wish it were. 

{supremely confident) Come, make formal demand 

that I pay you eighty pounds, if he gets hold of that 

girl this day or gives her to your son this day, as he 

agreed to do.'- I want you to feel absolutely 

assured your money's safe. Yes, and you can have 

the girl too as a gift for yourself. 

There's no risk, so far as I see, in taking you up on 

the terms you've set. {formally) You will pay me 

eighty pounds ? 

I will. 

{aside) Not such a bad piece of work, this.* {aloud) 

But what's all this? Why shouldn't I fear him? 

I'm eager to hear. 

* V. 1073 : Demand it, come on, demand it : I yearn 
to promise it. 

» Vv. 1079-1086 : But did you meet the feUow ? 
Well, both of 'em together. 

What did he say? What was his story? C!ome, come, 
what did he tell you ? 

Oh, stage patter, the regular line of abuse a pimp gets in 
the comedies, stuff boys know : told me I was vile and 
villainous and perjured. 
Gad, and he told no lie. 

Consequently I took no offence. For what's the good of 
calling a man hard n mes when he doesn't mind 'em and 
doesn't deny 'em t 



Bal. Quia numquam abducet mulierem iam, nee potest, 

a me. meministin tibi me dudum dicere, 

eam veniisse militi Macedonio ? 1090 

Si. Memini. 

Bal. Em illius servos hue ad me argentum attulit 

et obsignatum sumbolum, 
Si. Quid postea ? 

Bal. Qui inter me atque ilium militem convenerat : 

is secum abduxit mulierem hau multo prius. 
Si. Bonan fide istuc dicis ? 

Bal. Vnde ea sit milii ? 

Si. Vide modo, ne illic sit contechnatus quippiam. 

Bal. Epistula atque imago me certum facit ; 

quin illam ^ in Sicyonem ex urbe abduxit modo. 
Si. Bene hercle factum, quid ego cesso Pseudolum 

facere ut det nomen ad molas coloniam ? 1100 

sed quis hie homo est chlamydatus ? 
Bal. Non edepol scio. 

nisi ut observemus quo eat aut quam rem gerat. 

IV. 7. 

Har. Malus et nequam est homo qui nihili eri imperium 

sui servos facit, 
nihilist autem suom qui officium facere immemor 

est, nisi est admonitus. 
nam qui liberos ^ ilico se arbitrantur, 
ex conspectu eri si sui se abdiderunt, 
luxantur, lustrantur, comedunt quod habent, ei 

nomen diu 
servitutis ferunt. 

nee boni ingeni quicquam in is inest, 
nisi ut improbis se artibus teneant.' 1110 

1 Leo brackets following quidem iam. 

2 Leo brackets following esse. 

' Corrupt (Leo) : nisi ut improbis artibus enileant Leo. 



Bal. Because he never will, and never can, get the girl 

away now from me. You remember my telling 

you previously that she was sold to a Macedonian 

soldier ? 
Si. I remember. 

Bal. Well now, his slave brought me the money and the 

sealed token 

Si. (interrupting) What then ? 

Bal. That the soldier and I had agreed on : (triumphantly) 

and a little while ago he took the girl ofiF with him. 
Si. You tell me this in good faith ? 

Bal. (grinning happily) Where should I get that ? 
Si. (a bit doubtful) Just be sure our friend hasn't been 

up to some art-work. 
Bal. (easily) Oh, the letter and Ukeness are absolutely 

convincing. He just took her away from the city 

to Sicyon, I tell you. 
Si. (assured) Well, well ! Now to make Pseudolus sign 

up at once as an emigrant to Millcolonia. (glancing 

down the street) But who's this chap in the miUtary 

cloak ? 
Bal. (looking) Gad, I don't know. But let's watch where 

he goes, or what he does, (draws Simo back) 

Scene 7. enter Harpax. 

Har. (smugly) A useless rascal is what he is, the fellow 
that's a slave and yet makes his master's orders of 
no account, yes, and he's a no-account fellow him- 
self, that forgets to do his duty unless he'sreminded. 
I tell you what, the ones that think they're free the 
minute they've got out from under their master's 
eyes, and go in for high-jinks and harlotry and con- 
simiing all they have — it's a long time the name of 
slave '11 stick to them. Not a single good trait have 
they, except their persistence in evil ways. Con- 



cum his mihi nee locus 

nee sermo convenit neque is umquam nobilis fui. 

ego, ut mi imperatumst, etsi abest, hie adesse 

erum arbitror. 
nunc ego ilium metuo, 
quom hie non adest, ne quom adsiet metuam. ei 

rei operam dabo. 
nam in taberna usque adhuc, si veniret Syrus, 
cui dedi sumbolum, mansi, uti iusserat : 
leno ubi esset domi, me aibat arcessere ; 
verum ubi is non venit nee vocat, 
venio hue ultro, ut seiam quid rei sit, ne illic homo 

me ludificetur. 1120 

neque quicquamst melius, quam ut hoc pultem 

atque aliquem evocem hinc intus. 
leno argentum hoc volo 

a me aecipiat atque amittat muUerem mecum 
Bal. Heus tu. 
Si, Quid vis ? 

Bal. Hie homo meus est. 

Si. Quidum ? 

Bal. Quia praeda haee meast : 

scortum quaerit, habet argentum. iam admordere 
hunc mihi lubet. 
Si. lamne ilium eomessurus es ? 

Bal. Dum recens est 

dator, dum calet, devorari deeet iam. 
boni me viri pauperant, improbi augent; 
poplo strenui, mi improbi usui sunt. 
Si. Malum quod tibi dabunt, sic scelestu's. 1130 

Har. Me nunc commoror, quom has foris non ferio, ut 

sciam, sitne Ballio domi. 
Bal. Venus mi haec bona dat, quom hos hue adigit 



sorting or talking with such chaps I don't approve 
of, and I never made their acquaintance. Person- 
ally, I do what I'm told, and think my master's 
about even when he's away. I fear him now when 
he's not about, so as not to fear him when he is 
about, (glancing at his irallef) This job must be 
attended to. I followed instructions and stayed 
at the inn all this time expecting that Syrus I gave 
the token to. Said he'd simnmon me when the 
pimp was at home. But now that he neither came 
nor called me, I've come here uncalled to find out 
what the matter is and not let that fellow make a 
fool of me. {surveying Ballio's house) Well, there's 
nothing better than to knock at the door and call 
someone out from inside here. I want the pimp to 
take this money from me and tell the girl to go 
along vnth me. 

(aside to Simo, eagerly) Hey, you ! 
\\Tiat d'ye want .'' 
This man is mine. 
Ah ? How so ? 

Because he's game for me. He's after a wench, he 
has money. Oh, I long to set my teeth in him at 

Eh ? You'll eat that fellow up at once ? 
Yes, you should swallow a spender at once, while 
he's fresh, while he's hot. Good men make me 
j)oor, the worthless fat; your brisk fellows have 
their public use, but it's the worthless I find useful. 
And hard use you'll get from the gods, scoxmdrel 
that you are. 

I'm wasting time now, not knocking at this door to 
find out if Ballio's home, (steps up to the house) 
(aside to Simo, rvith a smirk) It's Venus grants me 
these blessings, dri\ing up such gainshunners, loss- 



lucrifugas, damnicupidos, qui se suamque aetatem 

bene curant, 
edunt, bibunt, scortantur: illi sunt alio ingenio 

atque tu, 
qui neque tibi bene esse patere at illis quibus est 
Har. Heus ubi estis vos ? 

Bnl. Hie quidem ad me recta habet rectam viam.^ 

bene ego ab hoc praedatus ibo ; novi, bona 
scaevast mihi. 
Har. Ecquis hoc aperit ? 

Bal. Heus chlamydate, quid istic debetur tibi ? 

Har. Aedium dominuni lenonem Ballionem quaerito. 1140 

Bal. Quisquis es, adulescens, operam fac compendi 

Har. Quid iam? 
Bal. Quia tute ipsus ipsum praesens praesentem 

Har. Tune is es ? 
Si. Chlamydate, cave sis tibi a curvo infortunio 

atque in hunc intende digitum : hie leno est. 
Bal. At hie est vir bonus, 

sed, tu, bone vir, flagitare saepe clamore in foro, 
quom libella nusquamst, nisi quid leno hie subvenit 
Har. Quin tu mecum fabulare ? 

Bal. Fabulor. quid vis tibi ? 

Har. Argentum accipias. 
Bal. lamdudum, si des, porrexi manum. 

* Leo brackets following v., 1137 : 
Har. Heus ubi estis vos ? 
Bal. Heus adulescens, quid istic debetur tibi? 

1 V. 1137: 
Har. (knocking) Hullo ! Where are you ? 
Bal. Hullo, young fellow ! What are you after there ? 



lovers, that see they get a good time out of life, and 
eat and drink and wench, {halefullt/) They're a 
different sort from you, that won't give yourself a 
good time, yet envy those that do. {leaves Simo and 
steps out) 

(knocking) Hullo ! Where are you ? 
(aside, gloating) Aha ! He's coming straight to me, 
straight to me ! ^ I'll loot him well before we part ; 
I know it, my omens are good, (advances) 
(knocking again) Open up here, someone, will you? 
(aloud) Hullo, you in the cloak! What are you 
after there? 

(turning) I am looking for the master of the house, 
pimp Ballio. 

WTioever you are, young fellow, save yourself the 
Why so? 

Because you're here and he's here and you see him. 
(Simo saunters up rvith dignity) 
(to Simo, innocently) Are you Ballio ? 
(affronted) You there in the cloak, just you look out 
for trouble, (shaking his stick) crooked trouble. He's 
the man (indicating Ballio) to point the finger of 
scorn at : he's the pimp. 

(sarcastically, with a nod toward Simo) WTiile he's the 
good man. But it's you, good man, that get 
dunned in the forum loud and often, and can't 
find a sou, unless this same pimp comes to your 

(impatient) Why not do your talking with me ? 
(leaving Simo, who himself withdraws a bit) I am. 
What do you want ? 

(holding out the wallet) Take the money. 
(reaching for it) I had my hand out long ago, wait- 
ing for it. 



Har. Aceipe : hie sunt quinque argenti lectae numeratae 

hoc tibi erus me iussit ferre Polymachaeroplagides, 1150 

quod deberet, atque ut mecum mitteres Phoe- 
Bal. Erus tuos — 
Har. Ita dico. 

Bal. Miles — 

Har. Ita loquor, 

Bal. Macedonius — 

Har. Admodum, inquam. 

Bal. Te ad nie misit Polymachaeroplagides ? 

Har. Vera memoras. 

Bal. Hoc argentum ut mihi dares? 

Har. Si tu quidem es 

leno BalHo. 
Bal. Atque ut a me mulierem tu abduceres ? 

Har. Ita. 

Bal. Phoenicium esse dixit ? 

Har. Recte meministi. 

Bal. Mane. 

iam redeo ad te. 
Har. At maturate propera, nam propero : vides 

iam diem nmltum esse. 
Bal. Video : hunc advocare etiam volo ; 

mane modo istic, iam revertar ad te. quid nunc 
fit, Simo ? 

quid agimus ? nianufesto hunc hominem teneo, qui 
argentum attulit. 1160 

Si. Quidum ? 

Bal. An nescis quae sit haec res ? 

Si. luxta cum ignarissimis. 

Bal. Pseudolus tuos allegavit hunc, quasi a Macedonio 

mihte esset. 
Si. Haben argentum ab homine? 



Take it. Here is twenty pounds counted out in 
honest coin. I was to bring this to you, the sum he 
owed, so my master Polymachaeroplagides said, 
and you were to send Phoenicium away with me. 

(blankly) Your master 


The soldier 


The Macedonian 

lar. Certainly, quite so. 

You were sent to me by Poljinachaeroplagides ? 
Jar. Correct. 

To give me this money ? 

If you are really Ballio the pimp. 

And you were to get a girl from me ? 

Just so. 

Phoenicium, he said it was ? 

Your memory serves you. 

{seeing a great light) Wait ! (going toward Simo) 111 

soon be back. 

But hurry fast, for I am in a hurry : you see how late 

it is already. 
tal. (over his shoulder) I see. I only want a little advice 

from him. (indicating Simo) Just you wait there : 

I'll soon rejoin you. (aside to Simo, elated) What 

now, Simo ? WTiat next ? I've caught him in the 

act, this chap that brought the money. 

How's that ? 

(superior) So you don't see through all this ? 

No better than a blind man. 

Your Pseudolus has deputed him to play the 

Macedonian soldier's man. 

(interested) Have you got the fellow's money? 



Bal. Rogitas quod vides? 

Si. Heus, memento ergo dimidium istinc mihi de 

praeda dare : 
commune istuc esse oportet. 
Bal. Quid, malum ? id totimi tuom est. 

Hot. Quam mox mi operam das ? 

Bal, Tibi do equidem. quid nunc mi es auctor, Simo ? 

Si. Exploratorem hunc faciamus ludos suppositicium, 

adeo donicum ipsus sese ludos fieri senserit. 
Bal. Sequere. quid ais ? nempe tu illius servos es ? 
Har. Planissurfte. 

Bal. Quanti te emit ? 

Har. Suarum in pugna virium victoria. 1170 

nam ego eram domi imperator summus in patria 

Bal. An etiam umquam ille expugnavit carcerem, 

patriam tuam? 
Har. G^ntumeliam si dices, audies. 
Bal. Quotumo die 

ex Sicyone hue pervenisti ? 
Har. Altero ad meridie. 

Bal. Strenue mehercle iisti. 

Si. Quamvis pernix hie est homo : 

ubi suram aspicias, scias posse eum — gerere crassas 

Bal. Quid ais? tune etiam cubitare solitu's in cunis 

puer ? 
Si. Scihcet. 

Bal. Etiamne facere solitus es — scin quid loquar ? 

Si. Scilicet solitum esse. 

Har. Sanine estis? 



You have eyes and ask that? (dangling the tvalld) 

I say, just you remember, then, to let me have half 

that loot : it should be shared. 

What the deuce? It's all yours. 

{calling to Ballio impatiently) How soon do I get your 

attention ? 

{casually) You're getting it this minute, {aside to 

Simo) What do you recommend now, Simo ? 

Let's have some fun with this counterfeit scout, till 

he sees for himself how funny he is. 

Come along, {to Harpax derisively, as they both join 

him) Well now ? So you're the soldier's slave, are 



What did he pay for you ? 

{haughtily) The price of his valour and victory in 

combat. For 'twas I commanded all the forces 

where I came from. 

Eh ? What ? Did he ever storm the lock-up where 

you came from ? 

{sternly) If you speak abusively, you shall hear 


How many days did it take you to come from 

Sicyon ? 

One and a half. 

My word! You are a brisk traveller. 

{to Ballio) Oh, he's a nimble chap, very nimble. A 

look at his calves would show you he can — wear 

fine big fetters. 

I say ! Tell me, when you were a boy did you use 

to Ue in a cradle ? 

Of course. 

And tell me, did you use to — ^you know what? 

Of course he did. 

Are you men crazy ? 



Bal. Quid hoc quod te rogo ? 

noctu in vigiliam quando ibat miles, quom tu ibas 
siniul, 1180 

conveniebatne in vaginam tuam machaera itiilitis ? 
Har. I in malam crucem. 

Bal. Ire licebit tamen tibi hodie temperi. 

Har. Quin tu mulierem mi emittis, aut redde argentum. 
Bal. Mane. 

Har. Quid maneam ? 

Bal. Chlamydem banc commemora quanti conductast. 

Har. Quid est ? 

Si. Quid meret machaera ? 

Har. Elleborum hisce hominibus opus est. 

Bal. Eho, 

Har. Mitte. 

Bal. Quid mercedis petasus hodie domino demeret ? 

Har. Quid domino ? quid somniatis ? mea quidem haec 
habeo omnia, 

meo peculio empta. 
Bal. Nempe quod femina summa sustinent. 

Har, Vncti hi sunt senes, fricari sese ex antique volunt. 1190 
Bal. Responde, opsecro hercle, vero serio hoc quod te 
rogo : 

quid meres ? quantillo argento te conduxit Pseu- 
dolus ? 
Har. Quis istic Pseudolust ? 
Bal. Praeceptor tuos, qui te banc fallaciam 

docuit, ut fallaciis bine mulierem a me abduceres. 
Har. Quem tu Pseudolum, quas tu mihi praedicas 
fallacias ? 

quem ego hominem ^ nuUius coloris novi. 

* Corrupt (Leo). 



And answer me this question. At night when the 

warrior went on guard and you went along with 

him, was his blade a good fit for your scabbard ? 

(angrily) You be hanged ! 

A likely outcome — for you, that is, and in due time 


Here you, send the girl out to me or else return the 


Wait, {fingering Harpax' cloak) 

Why should I wait.'' 

This cloak — come, tell us how much it cost to hire ? 

(jmszled) What do you mean ? 

(examining the kilt of Harpax' sword) What's the 

charge for borrowing this blade ? 

(half aside) These men need a dose of hellebore. 

Oh, la ! (reaching for Harpax' hat) 

(drawing back) Let go ! 

And how much money does the travelling hat make 

to-day for its owner ? 

What? Owner? What are you two dreaming 

about ? All these things I have are mine, mine, 

paid for out of my personal property. 

Situated above your upper thighs, I take it. 

(gathering himself together for action) These old 

codgers are all oiled and want a good old-fashioned 


(getting at a safer distance and dropping his levity) 

Come now, for heaven's sake, do answer me this 

question in sober earnest. WTiat do you earn? 

How little did Pseudolus hire you for ? 

Pseudolus ? Who is he ? 

Your tutor that primed you for this trick, to get 

the girl away from me with your trickery. 

What Pseudolus ? What trickery are you talking 

about ? There is no such man aUve I know, 



Bal. Non tu istinc abis ? 

nihil est hodie hie sucophantis quaestus : proin tu 

nunties abduxisse alium praedam, qui occurrit prior 
Har. Is quidem edepol Harpax ego sum. 

Bal. Immo edepol esse vis. 

purus putus hie sucophanta est. 
Har. Ego tibi argentum dedi 1200 

et dudum, adveniens extemplo, sumbolum servo 

eri imagine obsignatam epistulam, hie ante 
Bal. Meo tu epistulam dedisti servo? quoi sei*vo? 
Har. Suro. 

Bal. Non confidit sycophanta hie ^ nugis : meditatus 
nam illam epistulam ipsus verus Hai-pax hue ad me 
Har. Harpax ego vocor, ego servos sum Macedonis 

militis ; 1210 

ego nee sycophantiose quicquam ago nee malefice, 
neque istum Pseudolum mortalis qui sit novi neque 
Si. Tu, nisi mirumst, leno, plane, perdidisti mulierem. 

Bal. Edepol ne istue magis magisque metuo, quom 
verba audio, 
mihi quoque edepol iamdudum ille Surus cor per- 

sumbolum qui ab hoc accepit. mira sunt ni 

^ Leo brackets following veqvam est. 

2 Leo brackets following vv., 1205-1207 : 
edepol hominem verberonem Pseudolum, ut docie dolum 
commentust : iantundem argenti quantum miles dehuit 
dedit huic atque hominem exornavit, mulierem qui abduceret. 


(threatemngly) Get out of here, will you ! There 
are no pickings here to-day for swindlers. So you 
just report to Pseudolus that another party has 
taken off the plunder, a Harpax that got here first. 
Heavens, man, but I am this Harpax myself! 
{mockingly) Heavens, man, you merely want to be. 
(to Simo) He's a swindler pure and simple. 
(jirmltf) I gave you the money, and in front of this 
very door a while ago, when I first arrived, I gave 
your servant the token, a letter sealed with the 
likeness of my master. 

(startled) You gave a letter to my slave.'' What 
slave ? 

(to Simo, trying to seem undisturbed) This swindler 
doesn't rely on nonsense ; he has made a bad 
move.^ For that letter was brought here to me 
by the real Harpax in person, 
(nith indignant vigour) My name is Harpax ; the 
NIacedonian soldier is my master. There is neither 
swindlering nor impropriety in any act of (rvith 
special emphasis) mine. And who on earth that 
Pseudolus is I do not know and have no notion. 
(impartially) Well, pimp, it'll be a wonder if you 
haven't lost your girl for good. 
(in distress) Oh, Lord ! That's j ust what I 'm getting 
worse and worse afraid of, when I hear him. Oh, 
Lord ! That Surus frigidified my heart, too, a 
while ago, that Surus who got the token from him. 
It's a wonder if it isn't Pseudolus. (to Harpax) Hi, 

1 Vv. 1206-1207 : Gad ! That whipping-poat of a 
Pseudolus ! How cleverly he contrived this scheme ! 
Gave this chap just the sum the soldier owed and fitted him 
out to carry off the girl. 



eho tu, qua facie fuit, dudum quoi dedisti sum- 
bolum ? 
Har. Rufus quidam, ventriosus, crassis suris, subniger, 
magno capite, acutis oculis, ore rubicundo, ad- 

magnis pedibus. 
Bal. Perdidisti, postquam dixisti pedes. 1220 | 

Pseudolus fuit ipsus. actumst de me. iam morior, 
Har. Hercle te hau sinam emoriri, nisi mi argentum 
viginti minae. 
jS«. Atque etiam mihi aliae viginti minae. 

Bal. Auferen tu id praemium a me, quod promisi per 

iocum ? 
Si. De improbis viris auferri praemium et praedam 

Bal. Saltern Pseudolum mihi dedas. 
Si. Pseudolum ego dedam tibi ? 

quid deliquit? dixin, ab eo tibi ut caveres, 
centiens .'' 
Bal. Perdidit me. 

Si. At me viginti modicis multavit minis. 

Bal. Quid nunc faciam ? 

Har. Si mi argentum dederis, te suspendito. 

Bal. Di te perdant. sequere sis me ergo hac ad forum, 

ut solvam. 
Har. Sequor. 1230 

Si. Quid ego? | 

Bal. Peregrinos absolvam, eras agam cum civibus. 

Pseudolus mihi centuriata habuit capitis comitia, 

^ The Comitia Centuriata served as a court of appeal in 
capital cases. 



you ! What did he look hke, that fellow you gave 
the token to some time ago ? 

{thinking) A red-haired chap . . . pot belly . . . 
thick calves . . . swarthy . . . big head . . . 
sharp eyes . . . ruddy face . . . and tre- 
mendous feet. 

(in despair) Oh, you've wrecked me, with that word 
" feet " ! It was Pseudolus himself! It's all over ! 
I'm a dying man, Simo ! 

{half dratving his sword) By the Lord, I'll not let you 
die entirely, unless I get the money back, eighty 
pounds of it ! 

{lifting his stick) Yes, and I too, another eighty 
pounds ! 

{agonized) You'll take that, plunder me of what I 
promised as a joke ? 

Plundering reprobates and taking their pillage is a 
moral obligation, 

{savagely) At least, hand over Pseudolus to me. 
I hand Pseudolus over to you ? What harm has he 
done ? Didn't I tell you a hundred times to look 
out for him ? 
He has ruined me ! 

Well, he has mulcted me of a modest eighty pounds. 
Oh, what shall I do now ? 

After giving me my money, you can go hang your- 

Ugh ! Heaven ruin you ! {pauses, then sullenly) 
Come, kindly follow me to the forum, then, and I'll 
settle up. 

{rdth emphasis) Follow you I will. 
What about me ? 

{gruffly) Aliens' cases settled to-day, citizens' 
to-morrow, {half to himself) Oh, it was a death ^ 
sentence Pseudolus secured against me, deputing 



qui ilium ad me hodie adlegavit, mulierem qui 

sequere tu. nunc ne expectetis, dum hac domum 

redeam via ; 
ita res gestast : angiporta haec certum est consec- 
Har. Si graderere tantum quantum loquere, iam esses 

ad forum. 
Bal. Certumst mi hunc emortualem facere ex natali die. 

IV. 8. 

Si. Bene ego ilium tetigi, bene autem servos inimicum 


nunc mihi certum est alio pacto Pseudolo insidias 

quam in aliis comoediis fit, ubi cum stiraulis aut 
flagris 1240 

insidiantur : at ego iam intus promam viginti 

quas promisi si efFecisset ; obviam ei ultro deferam. 

nimis illic mortalis doctus, nimis vorsutus, nimis 
malus ; 

superavit dolum Troianum atque Vlixem Pseudolus. 

nunc ibo intro, argentum promam, Pseudolo in- 
sidias dabo. 


Ps. Quid hoc ? sicine hoc fit, pedes ? statin an non ? 

an id voltis, ut me hinc iacentem aliquis toUat ? 
nam hercle si cecidero, vestrum erit flagitium. 
pergitin pergere ? ah, serviendum mihi 



that fellow to come to me to-day and take off the 
girl, (to Harpax) Follow me, you. (to the audience, 
gloomily) You needn't wait for me to return home 
by this street. Under the circumstances, I have 
decided to take to the back alleys. 

Har. (giving him a shove) If you walked at the rate you 
talk, you would be at the forum already. 

Bal. I have decided to make this my death-day instead 
of my birthday. [exeunt. 

Scene 8. 

Si. (chuckling) That was a beauty I gave him, and 

wasn't it a beauty my slave landed on his enemy ! 
Now I have decided to he in wait for Pseudolus in 
another style than you see in other comedies where 
they do their waiting with clubs or whips. But I — 
in I go this instant to produce the eighty pounds I 
promised, if he accomplished this; I'll bring it 
straight to him unasked. What a fellow he is — 
so clever, so shifty, so damned artful! Ulysses 
and that Trojan dodge are quite outclassed by 
Pseudolus. Well, I'll go in, produce the cash, and 
lie in wait for the Uar. [exit. 

(Several hours later.) 

enter Pseudolus, trNSTEADY AND 

dishevelled, wearing a garland. 

Pt. (resentfully) What's this? Is this the . . . way 
to act, feet ? You standing or . . . not ? Want 
someone to find me . . . lying here, do you, and 
carry me off? Now mark my words, if I fall 



hodie est ; magnum hoc vitium vino est : 1250 

pedes captat primum, luctator dolosust. 

profecto edepol ego nunc probe habeo madulsam : 

ita victu excurato, ita magnis munditiis et dis 

itaque in loco festivo sumus festive accepti. 
quid opust me multas agere ambages ? hoc 
est homini quam ob rem vitam amet, 
hie omnes voluptates, in hoc omnes venustates 

sunt : 
deis proximum esse arbitror. 
nam ubi amans complexust amantem, ubi ad labra 

labella adiungit, 
ubi alter alterum bilingui manifesto inter se pre- 

hendunt, 1260 

ubi mammam mammicula opprimit aut, si lubet, 

corpora conduplicantur, 
manu Candida cantharum dulciferum propinat 

amicissima amico : 
ibi iam neque esse alium alii odiosum 
nee molestum nee sermonibus morologis uti, 
unguenta atque odores, lemniscos, corollas 
dari dapsiles, non enim parce promi, 
victum ceterum ne quis me roget : 
hoc ego modo atque erus minor hunc diem sump- 

simus pro thyme, 
postquam opus meiun omne ut volui perpetravi 

hostibus fugatis. 1270 

illos accubantis, potantis, amantis 
cum scortis reliqui, et meum scortum ibidem, 
suo cordi atque animo opsequentes. sed postquam 
exurrexi, orant med ut saltem. 
ad hunc me modum intuU ilUs satis facete, 



down, then . . . shame on you ! {lurching badly) 
Going to ... go on, are you ? {recovering himself) 
There ! You've got to . . . mind my orders to- 
day, {to the audience, sagely) The one big trouble 
with wine is it . . . catches you by the . . . feet 
first, it's a . . . wTCstler, wily one. {ecstatically) 
Lord, Lord ! If I'm not having just the lovehest 
. . . boozywoozy. Such exquisite things to eat, 
such . . . elegance, tiptop, fit for the gods, such a 
jolly place, such . . . jolly party they did give us ! 
But what's the use ofa lot of . . . circumlocutions? 
This is what makes a . . . man love life, here's 
everything to . . . cheer you, here's everything 
to charm you. I think it's . . . next to the gods. 
Ah, when a . . . lover's hugging the girl he loves, 
when her little . . . Hps are fixed to his lips, when 
they catch each other with . . . double tongues 
clear as can be, when breast and . . . breastlet 
are pressed togeth»er, or if they . . . hke, they 
turn two-bodied . . . dearest girUe with her white 
hand gives a drink from the . . . melhferous 
tankard to her dear boy — ah, no folks boring each 
other . . . there, no annoying, no driveUing talk 
. . . unguents, perfumes, ribbons, chaplets pro- 
vided in . . . profusion, no stingy servings — no 
one to ask me . . . rest of the food. This is how 
I and young master spent this day, in complete 
. . . felicity, after my job was all wound up to suit 
me, and the enemy . . . put to flight. I left 'em 
lying there . . . drinking, loving, with their 
hussies, and my own . , . hussy, too, having just 
the nice sort of time they . . . liked best. After 
I was on my . . . feet, though, they begged me to 
. . . dance. Did some rather . . . frisky Uttle 
movements for 'em, this fashion, {illustrating) that 



nimis ex discipulina, quippe ego qui 

probe lonica perdidici. sed palliolatim amictus 

sic haec incessi ludibundus. 

plaudunt et ' parum ' clamitant mi, ut revertar. 

oceepi denuo, hoc modo : nolui 

idem ; amicae dabam me meae, 

ut me amaret : ubi circumvortor, cado : 

id fuit naenia ludo. 

itaque dum enitor, prox, iam paene inquinavi 

nimiae tum voluptati edepol 

fui ob casum. datur cantharus : bibi. 1280a 

commuto ilico pallium, illud posivi ; 
inde hue exii, crapulam diun amoverem. 
nunc ab ero ad erum meum maiorem venio foedus 

aperite, aperite, heus, Simoni me adesse aliquis 



Si. Vox viri pessumi me exciet foras. 

sed quid hoc ? quo modo ? quid video ego ? 
Ps. Cum corona ebrium Pseudolum tuom. 

5Sr. Libere hercle hoc quidem. sed vide statum. 

nvun mea gratia pertimescit magis ? 

cogito, saeviter blanditerne adloquar. 1290 

sed me hoc votat vim facere nunc 

quod fero, si qua in hoc spes sitast mihi. 



showed good . . . training, for I've been a very 
. . . successful student of the Ionic School. Well, 
with my mantle . . . draped about me, I gave 
'em some steps hke . . . this, {illustrating again) 
sportive-Uke. They clapped and yelled " Klore! " 
so I'd . . . return. I began all over again . . . 
(illustrating) this way : wanted something different. 
I was just going to let my . . . sweetie love me — 
when spinning round I went . . . flop ! That was 
the death dirge of the show. And so while I'm 
struggling to get up — s-s-s-boom ! — and there's my 
.... mantle almost gone to pot! Lord, Lord! 
the fun I furnished 'em by my . . . accident ! 
They gave me the tankard: I . . . drank it. 
Changed my mantle in a . . . hurry, took that one 
off. Then I left for here so as to get over my . . . 
intoxication, (staggering toward Simo's door) Now 
I'm coming from master to master . . . senior, to 
remind him of the . . . treaty, (shouting) Open 
up, open up ! Hi, there ! Someone announce to 
Simo that ... I am here ! 

Scene 2. E>rrER Simo into his doorway, trying to keep 

OUT OF sight a wallet SLUNG ON HIS SHOL'LDER. 

(trith assumed ire) It's the voice of a consummate 
villain brings me out! (observing Pseudolus' state) 
But what's this ? How is this ? WTiat do I see ? 
(posing) Man with a garland . . . soused, your 
own slave Pseudolus. 

Now overflo^ving with freedom, (aside) But note 
that attitude ! Not much intimidated by me, is he ? 
(worried) I wonder what hne to take with him, 
rough or smooth. But this thing I have here 
(fondly weighing the rvallet) forbids violent methods 
now, if there's any hope for me in him. 



Ps. Vir malus \iro optumo obviam it. 

Si. Di te ament, Pseudole. fu i in malam crucem. 

Ps. Cur ego adflictor ? 

Si. Quid tu, malum, in os igitur mi ebrius inructas ? 

Ps. Molliter sic tene me, cave ne cadam : 

non vides mie ut madide madeam ? 
Si. Quae istaec audaciast, te sic interdius 

cum corolla ebrium incedere ? 
Ps. Lubet. 

Si. Quid, lubet ? pergin ructare in os mihi ? 

Ps. Suavis ructus mihi est. sic sine, Simo. 

Si. Credo equidem potesse te, seel us, 

Massici montis uberrumos quattuor 

fructus ebibere in hora una. 
Ps. Hibema addito. 

Si. Hau male mones, sed die tamen, 

unde onustam celocem agcre te praedicem ? 
Ps, Cum tuo filio perpotavi modo. 

sed, Simo, ut probe tactus Ballio est ! 

quae tibi dixi, ut efFecta reddidi ! 
Si. Pessumu's homo. 

Ps. Mulier haec facit. 

cum tuo filio libera accubat. 

^ The Roman hour then being shorter. 


(reeling up to Simo) Bad man presents himself to 

. . . best of men, sir. (seizes his hand) 

(trying to he gracious) God bless you, Pseudolus. 

(encountering a hiccough) Phew ! Get to hell out of 

here ! (gives him a shove) 

(closing in on him again) Why's this . . . knocking 

me about ? 

What the deAil do you mean, then, by your drunken 

belching in my face ? 

Hold me up . . . gently, (encircling Simo's neck) 

so. Look out I don't drop. Don't you see I'm 

just . . . soaking soaked? 

(trying to shake him off) To get drunk and go 

rambling around hke this with a chaplet on in tlie 

daytime — how dare you ? 

It's (again too close to Simo's nose) nice. 

Nice, eh ? (shoving him atvay vigorously) You will 

keep belching in my face, will you ? 

I've got a . . . fragrant belch. Don't be . . . 

bothered by it, Simo. 

You scoundrel ! I verily believe you're capable of 

guzzhng four whole vintages of Monte Massico, 

and record ones, in a single hour. 

Make it . . . winter ^ hour. 

(smiling) A sound suggestion. But tell me, though 

— from what port am I to say you're saiHng this 

well-laden craft ? 

I've just had . . . large drinks with your son. 

(eyeing the rvallet) But, Simo, how . . . gloriously 

Balho did catch it ! How I did . . . put through 

what I told you! 

(slyly shifting the rvallet behind him) Villain that you 

are ! 

It's all the . . . girl's doing. She's free, and with 

your son ... on a couch. 



Si. Omnia, ut quicque egisti, ordine scio. 

Ps. Quid ergo dubitas dare mi argentum? 

Si. lus petis, fateor. tene. 

Ps. At negabas daturum esse te mihi. 

onera hunc hominem atque me consequere hac. 
Si. Egone istum onerem? 

Ps. Onerabis, scio. 

Si. Quid ego huie homini faciam ? satin ultro et 

argentum aufert et me inridet? 
Ps. Vae victis. 

Si. Vorte ergo umerum. 

Ps. Em. 

Si. Hoc ego numquam ratus sum 

fore me, ut tibi fierem supplex. 
heu heu heu. 
Ps. Desine. 

Si. Doleo. 

Ps. Ni doleres tu, ego dolerem. 132C 

Si. Quid? hoc auferen, Pseudole mi, aps tuo ero? 

Ps. Lubentissimo corde atque animo. 

Si. Non audes, quaeso, aliquam partem mihi gratiam 

facere hinc argenti ? 
Ps. Non: me dices avidum esse hominem nam hinc 

numquam eris nummo divitior; 

neque te mei tergi misereret, si hoc non hodie 



I know every single detail of your performance. 

Then why so slow in giving me the . . . money? 

(after painful inward debate) You claim your rights, 

I admit. Take it. {turns for Pseudolus to unsling the 


But you said you wouldn't . . . give it to me. 

Now you {grinning maliciously) load up this chap 

{tapping his shoulder) and follow me this way. 

{pointing in the direction he came) 

{indignantly) I load him, I ? 

You will, I know you . . . will. 

{half aside) What shall I do with the fellow ? Togo 

ahead and take my money and laugh at me, to boot ! 

Woe to the . . . vanquished ! 

{after more debate) Then turn your shoulder round. 

(doing so) There ! {Simo very reluctantly transfers the 


(suddenly clasping Pseudolus' knees and eyeing the 

wallet piteously) I never thought I should come to 

this, and be a suppHant to you. (wailing) Oh dear, 

oh dear, oh dear ! 

(coldly) Oh, stop that. 

But I'm suffering! 

If you weren't suffering, I'd . . . be suffering. 

(pulls away) 

What? You'll take this from your own master, 

Pseudolus dear? 

With the greatest . . . satisfaction of heart and 


Do let me off some part of this money, won't you 

please, please, agree ? 

I won't. You can call me a . . . greedy man, for 

never a penny richer will . . . you be from this. 

You'd have shown no mercy to my . . . hide, if I 

hadn't put this through to-day. 




Erit ubi te ulciscar, si vivo. 


Quid minitare ? habeo tergum. 


Age sane igitur. 




Quid redeam ? 


Redi modo : non eris deceptus. 




Simul mecum i potatum. 


Egone earn ? 


Fac quod te iubeo : 

si is, aut dimidium aut plus etiam faxo hir 

10 feres. 


Eo, due me quo vis. 


Quid nunc ? numquid iratus es aut mihi 
propter has res, Simo ? 

aut filio 


Nil profecto. 


I hac. 


Te sequor. quin vocas spectatores simul ? 


Hercle me isti hau solent 

vocare, neque ergo ego istos ; 

verum si voltis adplaudere atque adprobare 

hunc gregem et fabulam, 

in crastinum vos vocabo. 




(losing control of himself) I'll have my chance to 

get square \v-ith you, sure as I'm alive ! 

(undisturbed) WTiat's the use of . . . threats ? I've 

got a hide. 

All right, then, go ahead ! (walks away) 

(authoritatively) Come back ! 

(halting, hopefully) Gjmeback? Why? 

Just you come back. I won't . . . fool you. 

(returning) Back I come. 

You and I are going on a . . . spree together. 

(outraged) I am, I ? 

Do what I . . . tell you. If you do, I'll see you 

get half, or even . . . more, of this, (leering at the 


(summoning the remains of his endurance) 111 go, 

take me where you wish. 

(ogling the wallet, then Simo, quizzically) Well now ? 

You're not at all . . . angry at me or your son 

because of this, Simo ? 

(earnestly) Oh, no, not a bit. 

(turning dojvn the street) Come this way. 

Coming, sir. Why don't you invite the spectators 


Lord ! Those chaps never think of inviting . . . 

me, so I won't them, (to audience) Oh, well, 

though, if you . . . want to give this company and 

play your . . . applause and approval, I'll invite 

you to . . . to-morrow's performance. [exeunt. 






Reti piscator de mari extraxit vidulum, 
Vbi erant erilis filiae crepundia, 
Dominum ad lenonem quae subrepta venerat. 
Ea in clientelam suipte inprudens patris 
Naufragio electa devenit : cognoscitur 
Suoque amico Plesidippo iungitur. 


AncrvRvs prologus 

sceparnio servus 

Plesidippvs adulescens 

Daemones senex 

. } puellae 


Ptolemocratia sacerdos veneris 


Labrax leno 
Charmides senex 


Gripvs piscatoe 



A fisherman hauled from the sea in his net a trunk 
•which contained some toys belonging to his master's 
daughter who had been stolen and had become the 
slave of a pimp. Ship^^TCcked and cast ashore, the 
girl was protected by her own father ^vithout know- 
ing who he was. After they recognize one 
another she is married to her lover, Plesidippus 


Arcturus, the Prologue. 

ScEPARNio, slave of Daemones. 

Plesidippus, a young gentleman of Cyrene. 

Daemones, an old gentleman living near Cyrene. 

Palaestra / , . , r. t i 

Ampelisca ! ^'''^'^ ^'■^ "/ ^^^'■«^- 

Ptolemocratla, a priestess of Venus. 


Trachalio, slave of Plesidippus. 

Lab rax, a pimp. 

Charmides, a friend ofLabrax. 

Overseers, slaves of Daemones. 

Gripus, a fisherman, slave of Daemones. 

Scene : — A rcild, rough pari of the African coast not 
very far from Cyrene. In the background, obscured 
by a tangle of vegetation, stand a temple, an altar in 
front of it, and the cottage of Daemones. On the right 
is the rocky shore-line; off stage toward the left lie the 
harbour and city of Cyrene. 




Qui gentes omnes mariaque et terras movet, 

eius sum civis civitate caelitum. 

ita sum, ut videtis, splendens stella Candida, 

signum quod semper tempore exoritur suo 

hie atque in caelo : nomen Arcturo est mihi.^ 

qui est imperator divom atque hominum luppiter, 

is nos per gentis alium alia disparat, 10 

qui facta hominum, mores, pietatem et fidem 

noscamus, ut quemque adiuvet opulentia. 

Qui falsas litis falsis testimoniis 
petunt quique in iure abiurant pecuniam, 
eorum referimus nomina exscripta ad lovem ; 
cotidie ille scit quis hie quaerat malum : 
qui hie litem apisci postulant peiurio 
mali, res falsas qui impetrant apud iudicera, 
iterum ille eam rem iudicatam iudicat ; 
maiore multa multat quam litem auferunt. 20 

Bonos in aliis tabulis exscriptos habet. 
atque hoc scelesti in animum inducunt suom, 
lovem se placare posse donis, hostiis : 
et operam et sumptum perdunt ; id eo fit quia 
nihil ei acceptumst a periuris supplici ; 
facilius si qui pius est a dis supplicans, 

1 Leo brackets following vv., 6-8 : 
noctu sum in caelo clarus atqxie inter deos, 
inter mortalis amhulo interdius. 
at alia signa de caelo ad terrain accidunt. 




SPOKEN BY Arcturus. 

In company with Him who sways all peoples and 
the seas and lands, a citizen am I of the celestial 
city. Agleam with shining star, {touching the star 
on his forehead) in me you see a constellation which 
for ever rises in its season here and in the skies. 
Arcturus is my name.^ 'Tis Jupiter, the lord of 
gods and men, that doth assign us each our different 
posts among the peoples, that we may learn of the 
deeds and ways of men, their reverence and loyalty, 
and how well each doth fare. 

All who bring to court false cases supported by 
false ^\•itness, all who before the magistrate deny 
on oath their honest debts, them we note and take 
their names to Jove. Day by day He knows who 
they be that do seek e\\\ here on earth. WTien the 
■nicked here expect to win their suits by perjury, or 
press false claims before the judge, the case ad- 
judged is judged again by Him. And the fine He 
fines them far exceeds their gains in courts of law.^ 

The good are enrolled by Him on other tablets. 
Yet scoundrels think to placate Jove by gifts and 
offerings. Their time and money both are wasted ; 
for he takes not tribute from a guilty hand. The 
righteous man will find God's grace by prayer more 

^ Vv. 6-8 : By night I dwell in splendour in the skies 
and amongst the gods : by day I walk amongst mankind. 
Yet other constellations also do descend from heaven to 



quam qui scelestust, inveniet veniam sibi. 
idcirco moneo vos ego haec, qui estis boni 
quique aetatem agitis cum pietate et cum fide : * 
retinete porro, post factum ut laetemini. 30 

Nunc, hue qua causa veni, argumentum eloquar. 
primumdum Iiuic esse nomen urbi Diphilus 
Cyrenas voluit. illic habitat Daemones 
in agro atque villa proxima propter mare, 
senex, qui hue Athenis exul venit, hau malus; 
neque is adeo propter malitiam patria caret, 
sed dum alios servat se impedivit interim, 
rem bene paratam comitate perdidit. 
huic filiola virgo periit parvola. 

eam de praedone vir mercatur pessumus, 40 

is eam hue Cyrenas leno advexit virginem. 
adulescens quidam civis huius Atticus 
eam vidit ire e ludo fidicinio domum, 
amare occepit : ad lenonem devenit, 
minis triginta sibi puellam destinat 
datque arrabonem et iure iurando alligat. 

Is leno, ut se aequom est, flocci non fecit fidem 
neque quod iuratus adulescenti dixerat. 
ei erat hospes par sui, Siculus senex 
scelestus, Agrigentinus, urbis proditor; 50 

is illius laudare infit formam virginis 
et aliarum itidem quae eius erant mulierculae. 
infit lenoni suadere, ut secum simul 
eat in Siciliam : ibi esse homines voluptarios 
dicit, potesse ibi eum fieri divitem.^ 

Persuadet. navis clanculum conducitur, 
quidquid erat noctu in navem comportat domo 

^ Leo notes lacuna here in A. 
* Leo brackets following v., 56 : 
ibi esse quaestum maximum meretricibus. 



readily than will the knave. This do I therefore 
urge upon you, who are good men and lead lives of 
righteousness and honour : hold fast to your course, 
that so ye may abide in joy. 

{more familiarly) Now for our argument, the reason 
I appear here. First of all, Diphilus wished that 
this city (pointing) be Cyrene. On the farm yonder 
in that cottage so close to the sea lives Daemones, 
an old gentleman who came as an exile here from 
Athens — no bad sort, Daemones. No, and it is not 
a case of his being banished for offence ; but by 
helping others he entangled himself, and lost 
through his kindliness an honestly earned fortune. 
He lost his daughter, too, a dear little girl : the 
man who stole her sold her to the worst sort of 
blackguard, a pimp, who brought the maiden to 
Cyrene here. Now a certain young Athenian, a 
compatriot of hers, saw her on her way home from 
music school and fell in love with her. Off he posts 
to the pimp, arranges to buy the girl for one hun- 
dred and twenty pounds, making part-payment, 
and binds the pimp to the bargain by an oath. 

This pimp, true to type, cared not a straw for his 
promise or the oath he had given the young fellow. 
Visiting him was a Sicilian from Agrigentum, an 
old scoundrel of his own sort, the kind that would 
sell his city ; and this fellow begins telhng him how 
exquisite that maiden is and what a fine lot his 
other girls are, too. Then he begins pressing the 
pimp to pack off to Sicily along with him. " People 
go in for a gay life there," says he. " There's 
where you can make your fortune." ^ 

This was too tempting. Secretly chartering a 
ship, the pimp at night stows all he owned on board 

^ y. 66 : " There's the place for profits with courtesans." 



leno ; adulescenti qui puellam ab eo emerat 

ait sese Veneri velle votum solvere — 60 

id hie est Veneris fanum — et eo ad prandium 

vocavit adulescentem hue. ipse hinc ilico 

conscendit navem, avehit meretriculas. 

adulescenti alii narrant ut res gesta sit, 

lenonem abiisse. ad portum adulescens venit : 

illorum navis longe in altum abscesserat. 

Ego quoniam video virginem asportarier, 
tetuli ei auxilium et lenoni exitium simul : 
increpui hibernum et fluctus movi maritimos. 
nam Arcturus signum sum omnium acerrimum : 70 

vehemens sum exoriens, cum occido vehementior. 

Nunc ambo in saxo, leno atque hospes, simul 
sedent eiecti : navis confracta est eis. 
ilia autem virgo atque altera itidem ancillula 
de navi timidae desuluerunt in scapham. 
nunc eas ab saxo fluctus ad terram ferunt 
ad villam illius, exul ubi habitat senex, 
cuius deturbavit ventus tectum et tegulas ; 
et servos illic est eius, qui egreditur foras. 
adulescens hue iam adveniet, quern videbitis, 80 

qui illam mercatust de lenone virginem. 
valete, ut hostes vestri diffidant sibi. 


Seep. Pro di immortales, tempestatem cuius modi 
Neptunus nobis nocte hac misit proxima. 



her. He tells the young fellow who had bought 
the girl that he wants to pay a vow to \^enus — that 
is her temple there — (pointing) and accordingly 
in\ited him here to lunch. Then he himself 
straightway embarks and proceeds to sail off with 
his Httle stock of coiu-tesans. The young fellow is 
informed by others of these happenings and the 
pimp's departure. He goes to the harbour : their 
ship was far, far out at sea. 

Then it was that I, beholding the maiden borne 
away, came to her rescue, and also came with ruin 
to the pimp. I raised a blustering gale and waked 
the waters of the deep. For Arctm-us, the fiercest 
constellation of them all, am I, tempestuous when 
I rise, and when I set more tempestuous still. 

So now side by side upon a rock are seated pimp 
and guest, a pair of castaways : their ship is 
wrecked. That maiden, however, and another 
slave girl like^^ise, were terrified and jumped from 
the ship into a boat. And now the waves are 
dri\-ing them from the rock toward shore, at the 
spot where that old exile dwells in this cottage, the 
roof and tiles of which were torn off by the storm. 
{as Scepamio appears in Daemones' doorrvay) Ah, 
that is his slave who is coming out. Soon you will 
see arriving the young man who bought the maiden 
from the pimp. Fare ye well — so well that your 
foes lose heart. [exit. 


ENTER Scepamio, carrying a spade, froh the 
COTTAGE OF Daemones. 

(groTvling) Oh, my God ! What a hurricane Nej>- 
time turned loose on us last night ! The wind took 



detexit ventus villam — quid verbis opust ? 
non ventus fuit, verum Alcumena Euripidi, 
ita omnis de tecto deturbavit tegulas ; 
inlustrioris fecit fenestrasque indidit. 


Pies. Et vos a vestris abduxi negotiis 

neque id processit qua vos duxi gratia, 90 

neque quivi ad portum lenonem prehendere. 

sed mea desidia spem deserere nolui : 

eo vos, amici, detinui diutius. 

nunc hue ad Veneris fanum venio visere, 

ubi rem divinam se facturum dixerat. 
Seep. Si sapiam, hoc quod me mactat concinnem lutum. 
Pies. Prope me hie nescio quis loquitur. 
Daem. Heus, Sceparnio. 

Seep. Qui nominat me ? 

Daem. Qui pro te argentum dedit. 

Seep. Quasi me tuom esse servom dicas, Daemones. 
Daem. Luto usust multo, multam terram confode. 100 

villapi integundam intellego totam mihi, 

nam nunc perlucet ea quam cribrum crebrius. 
Pies. Pater salveto, amboque adeo. 
Daem. Salvos sis. 

Seep, Sed utrum tu masne an femina es, qui ilium patrem 

voces ? 

^ What sort of violence is alluded to in this lost play 
is not certain. 



the roof right off the house. Wind, did I sav ? 
That wasn't any wind. It was an Alcmena^ of 
Euripides, the way it stripped every single tile off. 
Well, it has left the house lighter with the new 
windows it blew in. (moves along, wearily looking for 
a place to dig) 

Scene 2. enter Plesidippus with three 











(distressed) And I've taken you away from your 
own affairs, and failed in what I took you for, and 
missed catching the pimp at the harbour. But I 
hated to give up hope j ust for lack of energy' enough. 
That's why I've detained you all this time, friends. 
(moving on) Now for a look at the shrine of Venus 
here where he said he was going to offer sacrifice. 
(reluctantly preparing to dig) If I was wise, I'd get 
this plaguy clay ready. 

Eh ! Someone talldng near by ! (looks around 
tvithout seeing Scepamio) 

ENTER Daemones from his cottage. 

(sharply, approaching Scepamio) Hey ! Scepamio ! 

(digging zealously) Who's calling me? 

The man that paid out money for you. 

That's a good deal like calling me your slave, sir. 

We need lots of clay : dig deep. My whole house 

has to be roofed over, I see, for now it's perfectly 

transparent — nothing but one great grating. 

(coming up) Good-day to you, father — to both of 

you, in fact. 

(brusquely) And to yourself. 

(looking up from his digging rvith a growl) See here, 

are you male or female, calling him " father " ? 



Pies. Vir sum equidem. 

Seep. Quaere vir porro patrem. 

Daem. Filiolam ego unam habui, earn unam perdidi. 

virile sexus numquam ullum habui. 
Pies. At di dabunt. 

Seep. Tibi quidem hercle, quisquis es, magnum malum, 

qui oratione ^ hie occupatos oceupes. 
Pies. Isticine vos habitatis ? 
Seep. Quid tu id quaeritas ? 110 

quon furatum mox venias, vestigas loca ? 
Pies. Peculiosum esse addecet servom et probum, 

quem ero praesente ^ praetereat oratio 

aut qui inelementer dicat homini libero. 
Seep. Et impudicum et impudentem hominem addecet 

molestum ultro advenire ad alienam domura, 

cui debeatur nil. 
Daem. Tace, Sceparnio. 

quid opust, adulesccns ? 
Pies. Istic infortunium, 

qui praefestinet, ubi erus adsit, praeloqui. 

sed nisi molestumst, paueis percontarier 120 

volo ego ex te. 
Daem. Dabitur opera, atque in negotio. 

Seep. Quin tu in paludem is exicasque harundinem, 

qui pertegamus villam, dum sudumst ? 
Daem. Tace. 

tu si quid opus est dice. 
Pies. Die quod te rogo, 

ecquem tu hie hominem crispum, incanum videris, 

malum, periurum, palpatorem — 

^ Leo brackets following nos. 
^ Corrupt (Leo) : praetrahat Lindsay, 


I'm a man, of course. 

(digging again) Look for your father further, man. 
(tvith a scowl at Sceparnio) I did have one little 
daughter, sir. But I lost her, my only one. I 
never had a son. 

(rvith hasty encouragement) Oh, well, the gods will 
give you one. 

Yes, and they'll give you one, by Jove — a blister- 
ing big one, whoever you are, bothering us busy 
men with your babble. 
{to Daemones) Do you live in that house ? 
What do you want to know for ? Spotting the place, 
are you, so as to come and loot it later ? 
{severely) A slave must have money and merit to 
be so free of speech in his master's presence and in- 
sult a gentleman. 

And your gentleman must have beastly bad 
manners to come to a stranger's house >vithout 
being asked and make himself a nuisance where 
nothing's owed him. 

That will do, Sceparnio. What do you want, young 

{eyeing Sceparnio irately) A flogging for that fellow 
who's so keen to have first say, although his master's 
present. But I do -wish to ask you a few short 
questions, sir, unless I am a nuisance. 
Very well — even though I am occupied. 
Aw, go on down to the swamp and cut some 
reeds so that we can roof the cottage while it's 

Silence ! {to Plesidippus) And you, sir, if you want 
anything, speak. 

Tell me this, then — have you seen a curly -haired 
fellow here, a hoary old rascal full of lies and 














nam ego propter eius modi viros vivo miser. 
Hie dico, in fanum Veneris qui mulierculas 
duas secum adduxit, quique adornaret sibi 
ut rem divinam faciat, aut hodie aut heri. 130 

Non hercle, aduleseens, iam hos dies complusculos 
quemquam istic vidi sacruficare, neque potest 
clam me esse si qui sacruficat : semper petunt 
aquam hinc aut ignem aut vaseula aut cultrum aut 

aut aulam extarem, aut aliquid — quid verbis opust ? 
Veneri paravi vasa et puteum, non mihi. 
nunc intervallum iam hos dies multos fuit. 
Vt verba praehibes, me periisse praedicas. 
Mea quidem hercle causa salvos sis licet. 
Heus tu, qui fana ventris causa circumis, 140 

iubere meliust prandium ornari domi. 
Fortasse tu hue vocatus es ad prandium, 
ille qui vocavit nullus venit ? 

Nullumst periclum te hinc ire inpransum domum : 
Cererem te meliust quam Venerem sectarier : 
amori haec curat ; tritico curat Ceres. 
Deludificavit me illic homo indignis modis. 
Pro di immortales, quid illuc est, Sceparnio, 
hominum secundum litus ? 

Vt mea est opinio, 
propter viam illi sunt vocati ad prandium. 150 



{bitterly) Plenty of them. Why, worthies of that 
description have \^Tecked my life for me. 
Here, I mean — a fellow that brought along two 
girls to the temple of Venus, and was preparing to 
offer sacrifice — to-day or yesterday? 
No, I certainly have not seen anyone sacrificing 
there for several days now, young man, and no one 
can do so without my kno^\^ng it. They're for 
ever coming to my house for water, or coals, or 
dishes, or a knife, or a spit, or a pot to cook tripe in, 
or something. It would seem, in short, that I got my 
kitchenware and well for Venus, not myself. But 
I've had a respite now for quite a number of days. 
(grimly) Your words make it evident that every- 
thing's ended for me ! 
Heavens, man, you can feel safe enough as far as I 


I say, you — hanging around the temple for the sake 

of your belly — better let 'em get up a lunch for you 

at home. 

You have been in\-ited here to lunch, perhaps, and 

your host has failed to appear ? 

(brooding) Exactly. 

Oh, go on home without it : we don't mind. You 

ought to be chasing up Ceres, instead of Venus. 

It's love she's in charge of; it's Ceres that's in 

charge of food. 

(still brooding) The infamous way that fellow has 

made a joke of me ! 

(glancing toward the sea, then suddenly) Good God! 

Who are those men by the shore, Scepamio? 


Looks to me as if they'd been invited to a farewell 


WTiy so? 



Seep. Quia post cenam, credo, laverunt heri, 

Daem. Confracta navis in mari est illis. 

Seep. Ita est. 

at hercle nobis villa in terra et tegulae. 
Daem. Hui, 

homunculi quanti estis. eiecti ut natant. 
Pies. Vbi sunt i homines, obsecro ? 
Daem. Hac ad dexteram — 

viden ? — secundum litus. 
Pies. Video, sequimini. 

utinam is sit quem ego quaero, vir sacerrimus. 

Seep. Si non moneas, nosmet meminimus. 

sed, o Palaemon, sancte Neptuni comes, 

qui Herculis socius esse diceris,^ 

quod facinus video. 
Daem Quid vides ? 

Seep. Mulierculas 

video sedentis in scapha solas duas. 

ut adflictantur miserae. euge euge, perbenc, 

ab saxo avortit fluctus ad litus scapham, 

neque gubernator umquam potuit rectius. 

non vidisse undas me maioris censeo. 

salvae sunt, si illos fluctus devitaverint. 

nunc, nunc periclumst. unda eiecit alteram. 

at in vadost, iam facile enabit. eugepae,^ 

surrexit, horsum se capessit. salva res. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : Sociennus Parous. 
^ Leo brackets following v., 171 : 

viden alteram illam ut fluctus eiecit foras? 


Well, I judge they've had a wet night ^ of it. 
Their ship has been wrecked at sea! 
(rvearily surveying his spade) Just so. And our 
cottage on land, tiles and all, confound it ! 
Ah, you poor little mannikins ! Thrown over- 
board, and how they swim! 
I say, I say, where are those men ? 
{pointing) There at the right, see them — near the 
shore ? 

I see them ! (to his friends, excitedly) Come on ! Oh, 
if it's only the fellow I'm looking for, the infernal 
scoundrel! (to Daemones and Scepamio) Take care 
of yourselves ! 

[exeunt Plesidippus and his friends toward shore. 

(as they disappear) We don't need your advice to 
remember that, (startled, as he looks toward another 
part of the coast) But oh, Palaemon, Neptune's holy 
friend and Hercules' companion, so they say! 
WTiat's this I see? 
Well, what? 

Two girls sitting all alone in a boat I How they're 
tossed about, poor things ! Good ! Good ! Grand ! 
A wave drove the boat away from the rocks toward 
the beach! No pilot could ever have steered it 
better! What a siu-f! I don't believe I ever saw 
it heavier. They're all right if they only dodge 
those breakers ! Now ! Now's the time ! One's 
overboard! Where it's shallow, though! Shell 
swim out easily, now ! Splendid l^ She's on her 
feet! She's coming this way! She's safe! The 

* A qiiip difficult to reproduce closely, even if the custom 
alluded to were well understood. 

* V. 171 : Did you see that other one — how the wave 
threw her out T 



desiluit haec autem altera in terram e scapha. 

ut prae timore in genua in undas concidit. 

salvast, evasit ex aqua, iam in litore est. 

sed dextrovorsum avorsa it in malam crucem. 

hem, errabit illaec hodie. 
Daem. Quid id refert tua ? 

Seep. Si ad saxum quo capessit, ea deorsum cadit, 

errationis fecerit compendium. 180 

Daem. Si tu de illarum cenaturus vesperi es, 

illis curandum censeo, Sceparnio, 

si apud me essurus, mihi dari operam volo. 
Seep. Bonum aequomque oras. 

Daem. Sequpre me hac ergo. 

Seep. Sequor. 


Pal. Nimio hominum fortunae minus miserae memor- 

1 experiundo iis datur acerbum. 

1 hoc deo complacitumst, me hoc omatu omatam in 

regiones timidam eiectam ? 

hancine ego ad rem natam esse me miseram 
memorabo ? 

hancine ego partem capio ob pietatem praecipuam ? 190 

nam hoc mi baud laborist, laborem hunc potiri, 

si erga parentem aut deos me impiavi; 

sed id si parate curavi ut caverem, 

tum hoc mi indecore, inique, inmodeste 

datis, di ; nam quid habebunt sibi signi impii posthac, 

si ad hunc modum est innoxiis honor apud vos ? 

nam me si sciam in vos fecisse aut parentis 

sceleste minus me miserer ; 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : giiam noscunt experiundo, ubi is datur 
acerbum. nam praeter spem hoc Leo. 


other one, though — ^jumped out of the boat toward 
the shore ! Look ! Fallen on her knees in the water, 
for fear! That's it! She's out! Now she's on 
land ! Turned off to the right, though — too bad, 
too bad! Dear, dear! Now she'll get lost! 
(turning to go) What's that to you? 
If she falls down that chff she's making for, she'll 
get lost quicker ! 

(sharply) If you expect to dine at their expense, 
Scepamio, I suppose you owe them your attention, 
but if you intend to eat at my house, I wish your 
services myself. 

(reluctantly turning away) Quite right and reason- 
able, sir. 

(going) This way, then, come. 
(JolloTving him) Coming. [exeunt. 

Scene 3. enter Palaestra drenched, exhausted and 


Ah, the lot of human beings is ever so much less 
dreadful in the telling than in the actual experience 
of those that suffer. Is it really the ^vill of God that 
I should be cast on a strange shore in this pitiable 
plight and frightened so ? Oh dear, oh dear ! Am 
I to think that I was bom for this? Is this my 
reward for trying my best to do right? WTiy, I 
can suffer this and not think it suff"ering, if I have 
sinned against a parent or against the gods. But 
if I have been careful as could be not to do so, then, 
gods, you are treating me unfittingly, unfairly, 
unjustly. For how will the guilty be marked out 
by you now, if this is the way you honour the inno- 
cent ? Why, if I knew that I or my parents had 
acted wickedly in your sight, I should not pity 



sed erile scelus me soUicitat, eius me impietas male 

is navem atque omnia perdidit in mari : 
haec bonorum eius sunt reliquiae ; etiam quae 

simul 200 

vecta mecum in scaphast, excidit. ego nunc sola 

quae mihi si foret salva saltem, labor 
lenior esset hie mi eius opera. 

nunc quam spem aut opem aut consili quid capessam? 
ita hie sola solis locis compotita sum. 
hie saxa sunt, hie mare sonat, 
neque quisquam homo mihi obviam venit.'- 
hoc quod induta sum, summae opes oppido. 
nee cibo nee loco tecta quo sim scio : 
quae mihist spes, qua me vivere velim ? 
nee loci gnara sum, nee vidi aut hie fui. 210 

saltem aliquem velim qui mihi ex his locis 
aut viam aut semitam monstret, ita nunc 
hae an iliac earn, incerta sum consili ; 
nee prope usquam hie quidem cultum agrum con- 

algor, error, pavor, me omnia tenent. 
haec parentes mei haud scitis miseri, 
me nunc miseram esse ita uti sum. 
Ubera ego prognata fui maxume, nequiquam fui. 
nunc qui minus servio, quam si serva forem nata ? 
neque quicquam umquam illis profuit qui me sibi 



Amp. Quid mihi meliust, quid magis in remst, quam a cor- 

pore vitam ut secludam ? 220 

ita male vivo atque ita mihi multae in pectore sunt 

curae exanimales. 



myself so much ; but it is my master's vrickedness 
afflicts me, his guilt that brings me misfortune. 

And now his ship is sunk and all he o^vned; 
(survey insf herself despairingly) here's everything 
that's left him; even the girl with me in that 
boat fell overboard. And now I'm all alone ! Oh, 
if only she were safe, she'd help to make these 
troubles more bearable ! But as it is, what hope 
or counsel can I find? Oh, to be alone in this 
lonely place ! Nothing but those rocks and that 
roaring sea, and not a living soul in sight ! 

These clothes that I have on are absolutely every- 
thing I OAvn, and where to go for food and shelter 
I can't see. What have I left to live for now ? I 
don't know this place, never saw it, never came 
here. If there was only someone at least to show 
me a road or a path out of here ! As it is now, I 
can't tell whether to go this way, or that. And 
there's no land about here anywhere that looks 
cultivated, either. I'm cold, and lost, and fright- 
ened — tormented every way ! Ah, my poor dear 
parents, you know nothing of all this, know nothing 
of what your poor daughter is undergoing. No 
matter how freebom I was, there's no help in that. 
How am I less a slave now than if I had been bom 
in slavery? Ah, little good I've ever done those 
that brought me up ! (sinks to the ground sobbing) 

Scene 4. enter Ampelisca, dragging herself from another 

PART of the shore. 

Amp. \\Tiat's better for me, what's more fitting than to 
end it all myself? Life's dreadful as it is, and I'm 
half dead as it is, with all these frightful fears. The 

* Leo notes lactma here in A. 


ita res se habent : vitae hau parco, perdidi spem qua 

me oblectabam. 
omnia iam circumcursavi atque omnibus latebris 

quaerere conservam, voce oculis auribus ut pervesti- 

neque earn usquam invenio neque quo earn neque 

qua quaeram consultumst, 
neque quem rogitem responsorem quemquam 

interea convenio, 
neque magis solae terrae solae sunt quam haec loca 

atque hae regiones ; 
neque si vivit, earn viva umquam quin inveniam 
Pal. Quoianam vox mihi prope hie sonat ? 
Amp. Pertimui, quis hie loquitur prope ? 230 

Pal. Spes bona, obsecro, subventa mihi, 

exime ex hoc miseram metu. 
Amp. Certo vox muhebris auris tetigit meas. 
Pal. Mulier est, muhebris vox mi ad auris venit. 

num Ampehsca obsecro est ? 
Amp. Ten, Palaestra, audio? 

Pal. Quin voco, ut me audiat, nomine illam suo? 

Amp. Hem quis est ? 

Pal. Ego, Palaestra.^ 

A77ip. Die ubi es ? 

Pal. Pol ego nunc in malis plurimis. 

A7np. Socia sum, nee minor pars meast quam tua. 

sed videre expeto te. 
Pal. Mihi es aemula. 240 

Amp. Consequamur gradu vocem. ubi es ? 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : Amp. obsecro Seyffert. 



way things are I have no \\'ish to live, now that I've 
lost the hope that cheered me. I've run around 
everywhere already, crept into every cranny search- 
ing for that other slave girl, and called and looked 
and listened, trying to track her out. And I can't 
find her anywhere, and I can't think where to go 
and hunt for her, and all this time I haven't met a 
soul to tell me what I want to know, and no desert's 
more deserted than it is here and all about here. 
(resolutely taking up her search again) And if she's 
alive, and I'm alive, I'll never give up until I find 

(roused and alarmed) Whose voice is that I hear 
near by ? 

(startled) Dear me ! That scared me ! Who's that 
talking near by ? 

Kind Hope, oh, please do help me! Oh, do, do 
end these dreadful fears ! 

Surely that was a woman's voice that reached my 

A woman! It was a woman's voice I heard! 
Ampelisca ? Oh, can it be ? (rises, still frightened) 
Palaestra ? Is it you I hear ? 
Why not call out her name so that she can hear me ? 
{in a quavering voice) Ampelisca ! 
Oh, oh! Who is it? 

I Palaestra ! 

(not seeing her) Tell me where you are. 

(looking about her) Oh, dear me ! In trouble, awful 


I'm in it with you, just as much. Oh, but I want to 

see you! 

No more than I do you. 

Let's follow up the sound of each other's voice. 

(calling) Where are you ? 



Pal. Ecce me. 

accede ad me atque adi contra. 
Amp. Fit sedulo. 

Pal. Cedo manum. 
Amp. Accipe. 

Pal. Die, vivisne ? obsecro. 

Amp. Tu facis me quidem ut vivere nunc velim, 

quom mihi te licet tangere. ut vix mihi 

credo ego hoc, te tenere. obsecro, amplectere, 

spes mea. ut me omnium iam laborum levas. 
Pal. Occupas praeloqui quae mea oratiost. 

nunc abire hinc decet nos. 
Amp. Quo, amabo, ibimus ? 

Pal. Litus hoc persequamur. 
Amp. Sequor quo lubet. 250 

sicine hie cum uvida veste grassabimur ? 
Pal. Hoc quod est, id necessarium est perpeti. 

sed quid hoc, obsecro, est ? 
Amp. Quid ? 

Pal. Viden, amabo, 

fanum ^ hoc ? 
Amp. Vbi est ? 

Pal. Ad dexteram. 

Amp. Video decorum dis locum viderier. 
Pal. Haud longe abesse oportet homines hinc, ita hie 
lepidust locus. 

quisquis est deus, veneror ut nos ex hac aerumna 

miseras inopis aeriminosas ut aliquo auxilio adiuvet. 


Ptol. Qui sunt qui a patrona preces mea expetessunt ? 

nam vox me precantum hue foras excitavit. 260 

^ Leo brackets following videane. 


Here I am ! This way. Come, come meet me ! 

{advancing hesitantly) I'm doing my best, {they meet) 

(hardly able to believe her eyes) Give me your . . . 



Tell me, tell me — you're really alive ? 

Ah, it's you that make me wish to be so, now that 

I can touch you ! Dear, dear ! I can hardly 

beheve it, that I'm holding you ! Oh, hug me, 

hug me, you blessed thing ! Oh, how you lessen all 

these troubles for me ! 

You're taking the words right out of my mouth ! 

{rcitk ajinal squeeze) Now we ought to get out of 


Yes, but where to, pray ? 

Let's follow along the shore here. 

I'll follow where you please. Shall we tramp along 

as we are with these wet clothes ? 

One has to take things as they come, {they make for 

the shore; Palaestra suddenly stops) Good heavens, 

though ! What's this ? 


Don't you see it, dear — this shrine ? 

\Miere ? 

{pointing) At the right! 

The place seems fit for the gods, I see that. 

Human beings can't be far away, with a pretty 

place like that here, {reverently) Whoever this god 

be, I entreat him to bring some rehef to us poor, 

helpless, wretched women and rescue us from all 

this wretchedness. 

Scene 5. enter Ptolemocratia from the temple. 

Ptol. {not seeing the girls) WTio are they who are pleading 
for the favour of my patroness ? It was the sound 



bonam atque obsequentem deam atque baud grava- 

patronam exsequontur benignamque multiun. 
Pal. lubemus te salvere, mater. 
Ptol. Salvete, 

puellae. sed unde 

vos ire ^ dicam, obsecro, tarn maestiter vestitas ? 
Pal. Ilico bine imus, baud longule ex boo loco ; 

verum longe bine abest unde advectae buc sumus. 
Ptol. Nempe equo bgneo per vias caerulas 

estis vectae ? 
Pal. Admodum. 

Ptol. Ergo aequius vos erat 

candidatas venire hostiatasque. ad hoc 270 

fanum ad istunc modum non veniri solet. 
Pal. Quaene eiectae e mari simus ambae, obsecro, 

unde nos bostias agere voluisti buc ? 

nunc tibi amplectimur genua egentes opum, 

quae in locis nesciis nescia spe sumus, 

ut tuo recipias tecto servesque nos 

miseriarumque te ambarum uti misereat, 

quibus nee locust uUus nee spes parata, 

neque boc amplius,^ quod vides, nobis quicquamst. 
Piol. Manus mibi date, exurgite a genibus ambae. 280 

misericordior nulla me est femiriarum. 

sed baec pauperes res sunt inopesque, puellae : 

egomet meam vix vitam colo ; Veneri cibo meo 
Amp. Veneris fanum, obsecro, boc est ? 
Ptol. Fateor. ego buius fani sacerdos clueo. 

verum, quidquid est, comiter fiet a me, 

quo nunc copia valebit. 

ite bac mecum. 

1 Leo brackets following cum uvida vesie. 
* Leo brackets following qitam. 


of voices raised in prayer that brought me out here. 
The goddess they seek is good and kind, no grudg- 
ing mistress, but a very gracious one. 
(approaching humbly) Good-day to you, mother. 
And to you, my girls, (surveying them) But 
heavens ! Where can you have come from so 
sorrowly attired? 

We've just come from close by here, no long dis- 
tance : but the place we were brought here from is 
a long way off. 

Brought by " wooden steed across the azure main," 
I suppose ? 
Indeed we were. 

Then it had been more fitting for you to come 
dressed in white and bringing offerings. It is not 
customary to visit this temple in such a state. 
But, oh dear, where would you have us bring 
offerings from — two girls who have been cast up by 
the sea ? (they sink to the ground before her) We now 
clasp your knees, and in our utter need, not know- 
ing where we are or what to expect, we entreat 
you to shelter us and save us and take pity on us in 
this pitiful state of ours, •with no place to go to, no 
hope, nothing in the world but what you see ! 
(moved) Come, give me your hands and get up off 
your knees, both of you! (they rise) I'm just as 
compassionate as any woman can be. But my 
means are small, it's little I have, girls. I can 
barely keep body and soul together; it's at my 
own expense that I serve Venus. 
Oh, this is a shrine of Venus, then ? 
It is. I am known as the priestess of the shrine. 
Poor as I am, though, I shall do whatever I can to 
make you welcome. Come this way with me. 
(moves toward temple) 


Pal. Amice benigneque honorem, 

mater, nostrum habes. 
Ptol. Oportet. 


Pise. Omnibus modis qui pauperes sunt homines miseri 
praesertim quibus nee quaestus est, nee didicere 

artem uUam : 
necessitate quidquid est domi id sat est habendum, 
nos iam de ornatu propemodum ut locupletes simus 

scitis : 
hisce hami atque haec harundines sunt nobis 

quaestu et cultu. 
cottidie ^ ex urbe ad mare hue prodimus pabulatum : 
pro exercitu gymnastico et palaestrico hoc habemus ; 
ecliinos, lopadas, ostreas,balanoscaptamus, conchas, 
marinam urticam, musculos, plagusias striatas ; 
post id piscatum hamatilem et saxatilem aggre- 

cibum captamus e mari : si eventus non evenit 
neque quicquam captumst piscium, salsi lautique 

domum redimus clanculum, dormimus incenati. 
atque ut nunc vahde fluctuat mare, nulla nobis spes 

nisi quid conclarum capsimus, incenati sumus pro- 

nunc Venerem hanc veneremur bonam, ut noslepide 

adiuerit hodie. 

II. 2. 

Track. Animum adversavi sedulo, ne erum usquam 
praeterirem ; 
nam cum modo exibat foras, ad portum se aibat ire, 


'a/. It's a friendly, kind reception you give us, mother. 
Hoi And so it should be. [exeitot. 



''ishermen Poor folks have a hard life of it every way, es- 
pecially if they haven't any regular business and 
never learnt a trade. Whatever they have, that 
has simply got to do for 'em. As for us, you can 
just about tell what plutocrats we are from one 
look at our get-up. These hooks and rods here — 
that's how we subsist and flourish. Day in and 
day out, we foot it over from the city to the sea 
here to do some foraging : that's our exercise, our 
physical culture and wrestling. The parties we get 
a hold on are sea-urchins and limpets and oysters 
and shell-fish and snails and sea-nettles and mussels 
and fluted scallops. Then we take to fishing — the 
hook and rock kind. We haul our food from the 
sea. If we have no luck, no haul at all, well, we 
slink back home nicely cleaned and salted, and go 
to sleep omitting supper. And there's no chance 
for us now with a heavy sea like this running : un- 
less we find some shell-fish, we're certainly a 
supperless lot. Now let's go and show good Venus 
here we're godly men so that she'll be gracious and 
help us out to-day. {they approach the temple) 

'cene 2. enter Trachalio, looking about disappointedly. 

^rach. I've taken no end of pains not to pass master any- 
where. When he went out awhile ago, he said he 
was going to the harbour and told me to come to 

*■ Cotidie Camerarius : Leo notes lacuna here. 


me hue obviam iussit sibi venire ad Veneris fanum. 

sed quos percenter commode eccos video astare. 

salvete, fures maritimi, conchitae atque hamiotae, 

famelica hominum natio. quid agitis ? ut peritis ? 
Pise. Vt piscatorem aequomst, fame sitique.^ 
Track. Ecquem adulescentem 

hue, dum hie astatis, strenua facie rubicundum 

qui tres secum homines duceret chlamydatos ciun 

vidistis vos venire ? ^ 
Pise. Nullum istac facie ut praedicas venisse hue scimus. 
Track. Ecquem 

recalvom ac Silanum senem, statutum, ventriosum, 

tortis superciliis, contracta fronte, fraudulentum, 

deorum odium atque hominum, malum, mali viti 
probrique plenum, 

qui duceret mulierculas duas secum satis venustas ? 
Pise. Cum istius modi virtutibus operisque natus qui sit, 

eum quidem ad carnificem est aequius quam ad 
Venerem commeare. 
Track. At si vidistis, dicite. 
Pise. Hue profecto nuUus venit. 

Track. Valete. credidi : factum est quod suspicabar, 

data verba ero sunt, leno abit scelestus exulatum, 

in navem ascendit, mulieres avexit : hariolus sum. 

is hue erum etiam ad prandium vocavit, sceleris 

^ Leo brackets following speque and notes lacuna here, and 
at beginning of next line. 
^ Leo notes lacuna here. 



meet him at the temple of Venus here, (catching 
sight of the fishermen) Hullo, though! This is 
lucky. I see some folks over there I can inquire of. 
Here goes, {approaching fishermen, bumptiously) 
WTiat ho ! ye maritime marauders, ye Shell- 
and-Hookemites, ye of the starveling brood ! How 
is hfe going with you? How is death coming to 

{looking at him disapprovingly) In the regular way, 
for fishermen — by hunger and thirst. 
Have you seen a young fellow come along while 
you've been standing here, a lusty chap with a wide- 
awake look and a fresh complexion? Had three 
men with him — wearing cloaks and swords ! 
No one of that description has come this way, that 
we know of. 

Or have you seen an old Silenus with a bald fore- 
head, a good-sized fellow ^vith a fat belly and beetle 
brows and a scowl, a detestable swindler that smells 
to heaven, curse him, chock-full of cursed \ice and 
villainy, that had a couple of rather sweet young 
things in tow? 

{moving off) Really, now, a man gifted with a list of 
virtues and a record like that ought to be on his way 
to the hangman's instead of the temple of Venus. 
But tell me if you've seen him. 
No one has come this way, that's sure. Good-day. 

[exexjnt Fishermen, 
(calling after them) Good-day ! (indignantly) I 
thought so ! Just what I suspected ! Master's 
been bamboozled, the pimp has skipped the 
country, the rascal ! Taken ship and taken off the 
girls J I'm a •wizard, I am. Invited master here to 
lunch, too, the fount of infamy ! Well now, what 


nunc quid mihi meliust, quam ilico hie opperiar 

erum dum veniat? 
eadem, sacerdos Veneria haec si quid amplius scit, 
si videro, exquisivero : faciet me certiorem. 330 

II. 3. 

Amp. Intellego: hanc quae proxuma est villain Veneris 

pulsare iussisti atque aquam rogare. 
Track, Cuia ad auris 

vox mi advolavit ? 
Amp. Obsecro, quis hie loquitur ? quem ego video ? 

Track. Estne Ampelisca haec quae foras e fano egreditur ? 
A7np. Estne hie 

Traehalio, quem conspicor, calator Plesidippi? 
Track. East. 

A7np. Is est. Traehalio, salve. 

Track. Salve, Ampelisca. 

quid agis tu ? 
Amp. Aetatem haud malam male. 

Track. Melius ominare. 

Amp. Verum omnes sapientes deeet conferre et fabulari. 

sed Plesidippus tuos erus ubi, amabo, est ? 
Track. Heia vero, 

quasi non sit intus. 
Amp. Neque pol est neque hue quidem ullus venit. 340 

Track. Non venit ? 
A77ip. Vera praedieas. 

Track. Non est meum, Ampelisca. 

sed quam mox coctum est prandium ? 
Amp. Quod prandium, obsecro te ? 

Track. Nempe rem divinam facitis hie. 
Amp. Quid somnias, amabo? 


!cene 3. 



can I do better than wait right here till master 
comes ? Yes, and if this priestess knows anything 
more, and I see her, I'll make inquiries. She'll 
inform me. 

ENTER Ampelisca, carrying a pitcher, into 


(to priestess n-itkin) I understand: I'm to knock at 

the cottage here next to the temple of Venus and 

ask for some water. 

(striking a tragic pose) Hist ! Whose winged words 

were those ? 

(looking about) My goodness! WTio was that 

speaking here? Who's that I see? 

Is that Ampehsca coming out of the temple ? 

Is that Trachalio I'm looking at, Plesidippus' man? 

It is! 

It is ! Ah, how are you, Trachalio ? 

And you, Ampelisca ? What of you ? 

(snappishly) I'm finding youth's glad season bad. 

Don't say a thing like that. 

All sensible people should state and communicate 

facts. But your master Plesidippus, where is he, 

my good sir? 

Oh, come now ! Just as though he weren't inside ! 

(indicating the temple) 

Indeed he is not, and he has not been here at all, 


Hasn't been here? 

And that's the truth you're telling. 

WTiich is not a habit of mine, Ampelisca. But how 

soon will lunch be ready ? 

Lunch? Why, what lunch? 

Well, of coiu-se you folks are sacrificing here. 

Man ahve, what's this dream of yours ? 



Track. Certe hue Labrax ad prandium vocavit Plesidippum 

erum meum erus vester. 
Amp. Pol haud miranda facta dicis ; 

si deos decepit et homines, lenonum more fecit. 
Track. Non rem divinam facitis hie vos neque erus ? 
Amp. Hariolare, 

Track. Quid tu agis hie igitur ? 
Amp. Ex malis multis metuque summo 

capitalique ex periculo orbas auxilique opumque 

recepit ad se Veneria haec sacerdos me et Palae- 
Track. An hie Palaestrast, obsecro, eri mei amica ? 
Amp. Certo. 

Track. Inest lepos in nuntio tuo magnus, mea Ampelisca. 

sed istuc periclum perlubet quod fuerit vobis scire. 
Amp. Confracta est, mi Trachalio, hac nocte navis nobis. 
Track. Quid navis ? quae istaec fabulast ? 
Amp. Non audivisti, amabo, 

quo pacto leno clanculum nos hinc auferre voluit 

in Siciliam et quidquid domi fuit in navem im- 
posivit ? 

ea nunc perierunt omnia. 
Track. Oh, Neptune lepide, salve, 

nee te aleator nullus est sapientior ; profecto 

nimis lepide iecisti bolum : periurum perdidisti. 

sed nunc ubi est leno Labrax ? 
Amp. Periit potando, opinor. 

Neptunus magnis poculis hac nocte eum invitavit. 
Track. Credo hercle anancaeo datum quod biberet. ut ego 
amo te, 

mea Ampelisca, ut dulcis es, ut mulsa dicta dicis. 



VflcA. Surely your master, Labrax, in\ited my master, 

Plesidippus, to lunch here. 
rnp. Oh, well, there's nothing surprising in that. If he 

has cheated gods and men, it's all in the day's work 

for a pimp. 
Vach. You're not offering sacrifice here, you or your 

master ? 

You're a clairvoyant. 

Then what are you doing here ? 

When we were in awful trouble, and mortal terror 

and danger of death, absolutely helpless and desti- 
tute, the priestess of Venus here saved us and took 

us in — Palaestra and me. 
HrocA. Palaestra ? Master's girl .'' You mean to say she's 

here ? 
Imp. Certainly. 
'^rach. You dear thing, what perfectly delightful news ! 

But that danger of yours — I'd very much like to 

hear about it. 
Imp. (impressively) Last night, Trachalio mine, our ship 

was wrecked. 

Hey ? Ship ? What's this wild tale ? 

Why, mercy on us, haven't you heard how the pimp 

wanted to get us quietly off to Sicily and loaded a 

ship with everything he owned ? And now it's all 


(elated) Ah, Neptune, you're a beauty, bless you ! 

You're an expert with the dice, none better ! Lord, 

Lord, that was a beautiful throw of yours ! You 

laid a liar low. But where is pimp Labrax at 

present ? 

He died of drink, I fancy. Those were real bumpers 

Neptune treated him to last night. 

Gad ! A case of no heeltaps ! (hugging her) Oh, 

how I love you, Ampelisca dear, how sweet you are, 



sed tu et Palaestra quomodo salvae estis ? 
Amp. Scibis faxo. 

de navi tiinidae ambae in scapham insiluimus, quia 

ad saxa navem ferrier; properans exsolvi restim, 
dum illi timent ; nos cum scapha tempestas dextro- 

diflPert ab illis. itaque nos ventisque fluctibusque 
iactatae exemplis plurimis miserae perpetuam 

noctem ; 
vix hodie ad litus pertulit nos ventus exanimatas. 
Track. Novi, Neptunus ita solet, quamvis fastidiosus 

aedilis est : si quae improbae sunt merces, iactat 
Amp. Vae eapiti atque aetati tuae. 

Track. Tuo, mea Ampelisca. 

scivi lenonem facere hoc, quod fecit, saepe dixi ; 
capillum promittam optimumst oeeipiamque hario- 
Amp. Cavistis ergo tu atque erus ne abiret, cum scibatis ? 
Track. Quid faceret ? 

Amp. Si amabat, rogas, quid faceret ? adservaret 

dies noctesque, in custodia esset semper, verum 

ut multi fecit ita probe curavit Plesidippus. 
Track. Cur tu istuc dicis ? 
Amp. Res palam est. 

Track. Scin tu ? etiam qui it lavatum 

in balineas, cum ibi sedulo sua vestimenta servat, 
tamen surripiuntur, quippe qui quem illorum 

observet falsust ; 
fur facile qui observat videt: custos qui fur sit 

sed duee me ad illam ubi est. 



what words of Avine and honey ! But how were you 

and Palaestra saved? 

{importantly, releasing herself) It was this way. We 

were both frightened and jumped into the ship's 

boat, on seeing the ship driven toward the rocks. 

I hurried and unhitched the rope in the general 

fright, and the storm carried us and the boat off to 

the right, away from them. So the whole livelong 

night we were tossed about by the wind and waves, 

and oh, what didn't we go through ! The wind 

finally did bring us ashore this morning more dead 

than alive. 

{unfeelingly) I see. Just hke old Neptune ! He's 

a most conscientious market inspector : all trashy 

goods go overboard. 

(indignantly) Bad luck to you ! 

(grinning) To you, Ampehsca dear! (complacently) 

I knew the pimp was up to this. Just what I said, 

time and again. I ought to let my hair grow and 

set up for a fortune-teller. 

(sarcastic) So you and your master took care that he 

shouldn't get away, knowing that ? 

What could he have done ? 

Done, you say ? If he loved her ? He should have 

kept watch day and night. He should have been 

on guard always. The fine care Plesidippus took 

of her quite matches his affection, yes, indeed. 

WTiat makes you say that? 

The plain facts. 

(protestingly) But don't you see ? Why, even a man 

that goes to the baths to bathe, and keeps a sharp 

eye on his clothes, has 'em stolen just the same, not 

being sure which of the crowd to watch. The thief 

can easily see the man that's watching : the man 

that's keeping watch can't spot the thief. But 

take me to where she is. 


Amp. I sane in Veneris fanum hue intro, 

sedentem flentemque opprimes. 
Track. Vt iam istue mihi molestumst. 

sed quid flet? 
Amp. Ego dicam tibi : hoc sese excruciat animi, 

quia leno ademit cistulam ei, quam habebat ubique 

qui suos parentis noscere posset : earn veretur 390 

ne perierit. 
Track. Vbinam ea fuit cistellula ? 

Amp. Ibidem in navi. 

conclusit ipse in vidulum, ne copia asset eius, 

qui suos parentes nosceret. 
Track. O facinus impudicum. 

quam liberam esse oporteat servire postulare. 
Ainp. Nunc eam cum navi scilicet abiisse pessum in altum. 

et aurum et argentum fuit lenonis omne ibidem. 
Track. Credo aliquem immersisse atque eum excepisse. 
A77ip. Id misera maestast, 

sibi eorum evenisse inopiam. 
Track. Iam istoc magis usus factost, 

ut eam intro consolerque eam, ne sic se excruciet 
animi ; 

nam multa praeter spem scio multis bona 
evenisse. 400 

Amp. At ego etiam, qui speraverint spem decepisse 

Track. Ergo animus aequos optimum est aerumnae 

ego eo intro, nisi quid vis. 
Amp. Eas. ego quod mihi imperavit 

sacerdos, id faciam atque aquam hinc de proximo 
rogabo ; 

nam extemplo, si verbis suis peterem, daturos 




Just go into the temple of Venus here ; youTl find 
her sitting there crying. 

Dear, dear, now I don't like that ! What's she 
crying about, though ? 

Well, she's frightfully upset because the pimp took 
away a casket she kept, in which she kept some 
things that would help her to discover her parents. 
She's afraid that it's lost. 
Ah, and where was this little casket ? 
There on the ship. Master put it away in his trunk 
so that she wouldn't have any means of discovering 
her parents. 

Oh, what a dirty trick — to claim a girl's his slave 
when she ought to be free ! 

Now it has gone to the bottom of the sea along with 
the ship, of course. And all the pimp's gold and 
silver was in it too. 

(encouragingly) I dare say someone has dived down 
and got it. 

That's what distresses her, poor dear — having those 
things got away from her. 

Then that's all the more reason for my going in and 
cheering her up so that she won't be so frightfully 
upset. For " many a stroke of luck has come to 
many a hopeless man " — I know that. 
But " many a hopeful man has hope beguiled "— 
that's something I know. 

Well then, " self-control best sweetens trouble." 
I'm going in, if there's nothing I can do for 

Go on. [exit Trachalio into temple. 

I'll do as the priestess ordered and ask for some 

water at the house next door here. She told me 

they'd give it to me at once if I mentioned her 



neque digniorem censeo vidisse anum me quem- 

cui deos atque homines censeam bene facere magis 

ut lepide, ut liberaliter, ut honeste atque baud 

timidas egentes uvidas eiectas exanimatas 
accepit ad sese, baud secus quam si ex se simus 

natae ; 
ut eapse sic suecincta aquam calefactat, ut 

nunc ne morae illi sim, petam bine aquam, unde mi 

beus ecquis in villast ? ecquis boc recludit ? ecquis 
prodit ? 
II. 4. 
Seep. Quis est qui nostris tarn proterve foribus facit 

iniuriam ? 
Ajnp. Ego sum. 
Seep. Hem, quid boc boni est ? eu edepol specie 

lepida muUerem. 
Amp. Salve, adulescens. 

Seep. Et tu multum salveto, adulescentula. 

Amp. Ad vos venio. 

Seep. Accipiam bospitio, si mox venies vesperi,^ 

item ut adfectam ; nam nunc nibil est qui te mane 

sed quid ais, mea lepida, bilara ? 
Amp. Aba, nimium familiariter 

me attrectas. 
Seep. Pro di immortales, Veneris effigia 

baec quidem est. 

^ vesferi Libri Veteres : Leo notes lacuna here. 

* inane munerem Hildebrand : Leo writes manem and 
notes lacuna. 


name. I think I never did see a dearer old lady, 
one I think more deserving of all the good things 
gods and man can give. How sweetly and kindly 
and graciously and gladly she took us in, poor, wet, 
frightened castaways that we were, only half alive. 
She acted just as if we were her own daughters. 
And then her tucking up her clothes that way and 
heating water for our bath ! (moving on) But I 
mustn't delay her, I'll ask for the water here where 
she said, {knocks at Daemones' door) Hello! Is 
anyone at home? Open the door, won't you? 
Won't somebody come? 

Scene 4. 

Seep. {gruffly i nithin) Who's that making so devilish free 

•with our door? 
Amp. {sweetly) It's me. 

ENTER Scepamio rapidly. 

Seep. Oho ! WTiat good luck is this ? {ogles her apprecia- 
tively) Hurray! A woman, a pretty woman, 
upon my soul ! 

Amp. {tvith dignity) Good-morning, sir. 

Seep. And a very good one to yourself, my Uttle lady. 

Amp. I've come to your house ■ 

Seep. And I'll entertain you like a regular queen if youll 
come a little later, in the evening. \VTiy, in these 
morning hours I can't treat you properly. Well, 
how about it, my gay httle beauty ? (tries to embrace 

Amp. {pulling away) The idea, sir! You're much too 
familiar with your hands ! 

Seep. Ye immortal gods ! She's the very image of Venus. 
Just see that merry twinkle in her eye ! My word ! 



ut in ocellis hilaritudo est, heia, corpus cuius modi, 
subvolturium — illud quidem, subaquilum volui 

vel papillae cuius modi, turn quae indoles in saviost. 
Amp. Non ego sum pollucta pago. potin ut me abstineas 

manum ? 
Seep. Non licet saltern sic placide bellam belle tangere ? 
Amp. Otium ubi erit, tum tibi operam ludo et deliciae 
dabo ; 
nunc quam ob rem hue sum missa, amabo, vel tu 
mi aias vel neges. 
Seep. Quid nunc vis ? 

Amp. Sapienti ornatus quid velim indicium facit. 

Seep. Meus quoque hie sapienti ornatus quid velim in- 
dicium facit. 
Amp. Haec sacerdos Veneris hinc me petere aquam iussit 

a vobis.^ 
Seep. At ego basilicus sum : quern nisi oras, guttam non 
nostro ilium puteum periclo et ferramentis fodimus. 
nisi multis blanditiis a me gutta non ferri potest. 
Amp. Cur tu aquam gravare, amabo, quam hostis hosti 

commodat ? 
Seep. Cur tu operam gravare mihi quam civis civi com- 
modat ? 
Amp. Immo etiam tibi, mea voluptas, quae voles faciam 

Seep. Eugepae, salvos sum, haec iam me suam voluptatem 
dabitur tibi aqua, ne nequiquam me ames. cedo mi 
Amp. Cape. 

propera, amabo, efferre. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : sibi Leo. 


And that complexion ! A beauty, a real doughnut 
— no, no, I mean chestnut — beauty ! Will you look 
at that bust ! And those lovely lips ! (seizes her) 
(struggling to free herself) I'm no ploughland picnic ! 
Do keep your hands off me, can't you ? 
Can't a fellow even give a nice little girl a nice 
little squeeze — real gentle, like that ? 
(pretending to acquiesce) Yes, yes, we'll have a per- 
fectly lovely time together when I'm not busy. 
But just at present do please say yes or no to what 
I was sent here for. 

And what do you want j ust at present ? 
(showing the pitcher) A sensible person could see 
what I want from what I'm carrying. 
Yes, and a sensible person could see what I want 
from the way I 'm carrying on. 
I was told to come to you for some water, told by 
the priestess of Venus here. 

But I'm the one that's Lord High Everything here. 
Unless you coax me, you won't get a drop. We 
dug that well at our own cost with our owti tools. 
Not a drop do you get unless you say all sorts of 
nice things to me. 

My dear man, why grudge me a little water, when 
strangers are free enough with that ? 
Why grudge me a Uttle favour, when friends are 
free enough ■with them ? 

Oh, but I don't, sweetheart. I'll do anything for 
you, anything you please. 

(aside) Fine, fine! I'm getting on! Now she's 
calling me her sweetheart ! (aloud) You shall have 
your water ; I won't let you love me all for nothing. 
Hand me the pitcher. 

Here, (gives it to him and he goes toward house) Do 
hurry with it, there's a dearl 



Seep. Manta, iam hie ero, voluptas mea. 

Amp. Quid sacerdoti me dicam hie demoratam tarn diu ? 440 
ut etiam nunc misera timeo, ubi oculis intueor mare, 
sed quid ego misera video proeul in htore ? 450 

meima erum lenonem Siciliensemque hospitem, 
quos periisse ambos misera eensebam in mari. 
iam illud mali plus nobis vivit quam ratae. 
sed quid ego cesso fugere in fanum ae dicere haec 
Palaestrae, in aram ut confugiamus prius quam hue ^ 
scelestus leno veniat nosque hie opprimat ? 
confugiam hue, ita res suppetit subitaria.^ 

II. 5. 

Seep. Pro di immortales, in aqua numquam eredidi 

voluptatem inesse tantam. ut hanc traxi lubens. 

nimio minus altus puteus visust quam prius. 460 

ut sine labore hanc extraxi ! praefiscine ! 

satin nequam sum, ut pote qui hodie amare in- 
ceperim ? 

em tibi aquam, mea tu belliata. em sic volo 

te ferre honeste, ut ego fero, ut placeas mihi. 

sed ubi tu es, delicata ? cape aquam hanc sis. ubi es ? 

amat hercle me, ut ego opinor. delituit mala. 

ubi tu es ? etiamne hanc urnam acceptura es ? 
ubi es ? 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : prius in aram ut confugiamus quam hue 
* subitaria Ussing : Leo writes sitbit and notes lacuna. 


'cep. Stay here. I'll be back in just a minute — {fondly) 
sweetheart ! [exit Sceparruo. 

mp. WTiat excuse shall I give the priestess for having 
stopped here so long ? (glancing toward the coast- 
line) Oh dear, how frightened I do get even now 
when I catch sight of the sea ! (rvith a start) But 
good heavens ! WTiat's that away down the shore 
there ? It's my master, the pimp, and his friend 
from Sicily ! Oh-oh ! And I thought the both of 
them were drowned ! Now that means more 
trouble for us than we counted on ! But I must run 
to the temple and tell Palaestra so that we can run 
to the altar for refuge before that dreadful pimp 
comes and catches us here ! (hurrying away) Yes, 
I'll take refuge here, it's all so sudden ! 

[exit into temple. 

cene 5. re-enter Scepamio with the pitcher. 

'cep. {aside, very blithe) Ye immortal gods ! I never 
dreamt there was anything so wonderful about 
water. WTiat fun it was drawing this up ! The 
well didn't seem anything like as deep as it used to 
be. ^^^ly, it was no work at all drawing this up. 
Lord save us, but ain't I just the de\il of a fellow 
with this flirtation I've got into to-day ! (aloud) 
Here you are ! Here's your water, my prettikins ! 
(putting the pitcher an-kwardly on his head) There ! 
■riiat's how I want you to carry it — graceful, just 
hke me. That's the way to make me love you. 
(looking about) But where are you, frisky? Take 
the water here, won't you? \Miere are you? 
(aside) She's in love with me! By Jupiter! I do 
believe she is. Playing hide and seek, the rogue. 
(aloud) Where are you? See here, aren't you 
going to take this pitcher? Where are you? 


commodule ludis. tandem vero serio, 
etiam acceptura es urnam banc ? ubi tu es gentium ? 
nusquam hercle equidem illam video, ludos me facit. 
adponam hercle urnam iam ego hanc in media via. 
sed autem, quid si hanc hinc abstulerit quispiam, 
sacram urnam Veneris ? mi exhibeat negotium. 
metuo hercle ne ilia mulier mi insidias locet, 
ut comprehendar cum sacra uma Veneria. 
nempe optimo me iure in vinclis enicet 
magistratus si quis me hanc habere viderit. 
nam haec litteratast, eapse cantat cuia sit. 
iam hercle evocabo hinc hanc sacerdotem foras, 
ut hanc aceipiat urnam. accedam hue ad fores. 
heus exi, Ptolemocratia, cape hanc urnam tibi : 
muliercula hanc nescio quae hue ad me detulit. 
intro ferundast. repperi negotium, 
siquidem his mihi ultro adgerunda etiam est aqua. 

II. 6. 

Lahr. Qui homo sese miserum et mendicum volet,^ 
Neptuno credat sese atque aetatem suam : 
nam si quis cum eo quid rei commiscuit, 
ad hoc exemplum amittit ornatum domum. 
edepol, Libertas, lepida es, quae numquam pedem 
voluisti in navem cum Hercule una imponere. 
sed ubi ille meus est hospes, qui me perdidit ? 
atque eccum incedit. 

^ Corrupt (Leo) : hominem sese Bothe. 

* The sllosion is obscure. 


You smart little tease! Oh, I say now, really, 
seriously ! See here, aren't you going to take this 
pitcher? Where on earth are you? I don't see 
her anywhere, I certainly don't, dash it ! She's 
making fun of me. I'll put this pitcher right dowTi 
in the middle of the road this minute, by Jupiter ! 
Hold on, though, what if someone carried it off — 
the sacred pitcher of Venus ? That would make a 
mess for me. Oh Lord ! I'm afraid that woman is 
setting a trap so that I'll get caught with Venus' 
sacred pitcher on me. Sure enough, the magis- 
trate would have a perfect right to tie me up and 
take my head off, if anyone saw me vriih it. (looks 
pitcher over and sees inscription on it) Ha ! A lettered 
pitcher ! It lets out who its owner is itself, (nearly 
collapses) My goodness! I'm going to call this 
priestess out at once and have her take her pitcher. 
I'll just step up to the door here, (knocking fran- 
tically) Hey ! Ptolemocratia ! Come on out and 
get vour pitcher here, (yelling more loudly) Some 
wench brought it over to me ! I don't know who 
she was. (waits a moment, then disgustedly) It's got 
to be carried in. A nice job I've struck, if I've 
actually got to go ahead and lug their water for 'em, 
too. [exit into temple. 

6. ENTER Labrax, wet and dejected. 

If anyone's looking for blight and beggary, just let 
him trust himself, body and soul, to Neptune. I 
tell you what, if anyone gets mixed up in any deal- 
ings with him, he's sent back home in a mess hke 
this. My word, Liberty, you're a clever one — 
never wanting to set foot on board ship along with 
Hercules ! ^ But where 's that guest of mine that has 
been the ruination of me ? (looks back n-ith a snort of 
anger) Ah, there he is, sauntering along. 



Charm. Quo malum properas, Labrax? 

nam equidem te nequeo consequi tam strenue. 
Lahr. Vtinam te prius quam oculis vidissem meis, 

malo cruciatu in Sicilia perbiteres, 

quem propter hoc mihi optigit misero mali. 
Charm. Vtinam, quom in aedis me ad te adduxisti tuas, 

in careere illo potius cubuissem die. 

deosque immortales quaeso, dum vivas uti 

omnes tui similes hospites habeas tibi. 500 

Lahr, Malam fortunam in aedis te adduxi meas. 

quid mihi scelesto tibi erat auscultatio, 

quidve hinc abitio quidve in navem inscensio ? 

ubi perdidi etiam plus boni quam mihi fuit. 
Charm. Pol minime miror, navis si fractast tibi, 

scelus te et sceleste parta quae vexit bona. 
Lahr. Pessum dedisti me blandimentis tuis. 
Charm. Scelestiorem cenam cenavi tuam, 

quam quae Thyestae quondam aut posita est Tereo. 
Lahr. Perii, animo irale fit. contine quaeso caput. 510 

Charm. Pulmoneum edepol nimis velim vomitum vomas. 
Lahr. Eheu, Palaestra atque Ampelisca, ubi estis nunc ? 
Charm. Piscibus in alto, credo, praebent pabulimi. 
Lahr. Mendicitatem mi optulisti opera tua, 

dum tuis ausculto magnidicis mendaciis. 

^ The bodies of their own sons. 


ENTER Charmides, wet and cold, but nonchalant. 
Where the deuce are you rushing to, Labrax? 
Really, you know, I can't keep up with you at such 
a gait. 

{shaking his fist) Oh, if you had only been hung for 
a damned rascal in Sicily before I ever set eyes on 
you, you that got me into this damned fix, poor 
\^Tetch that I am ! 

{mockingly) Oh, if I had only made my bed in jail 
instead, that day you took me to your house ! I 
pray the everlasting gods that all the guests you 
have for evermore may be just such specimens as 

It was Bad Luck I took into my house when I took 
you there. Oh, why was I such a cursed fool as to 
listen to you ? WTiy did I leave home ? Why did 
I go on board that ship? Where I've lost all I 
owned and more, too ! 

Gad! I don't wonder at all that your ship was 
wrecked, \Nith a rascal like you and your rascally 
gains aboard. 

It was those alluring lies of yours that did for me. 
Yes, and the food you fed me was more accursed 
than that ^ once served to Thyestes or Tereus. 
{affecting nausea at the allusion) Oh dear, oh dear ! I 
feel sick ! Do please hold my head ! 
Let 'er go, lungs and all! Lord! Just what I'd 

{rvailing) Oh dear, oh dear! Oh, Palaestra, Am- 
pelisca, where are you now ? 

{cheerfully) Furnishing food to fish in the sea, 

Ugh, thanks to you! It's listening to you and 
your flattering flimflam that has left me flat. 



Charm. Bonam est quod habeas gratiam merito mihi, 

qui te ex insulso salsum feci opera mea. 
Lahr. Quin tu hinc is a me in maxumam malam crucem ? 
Charm. Eas. easque res agebam commodum. 
Lahr. Eheu, quis vivit me mortalis miserior ? 520 

Charm. Ego multo tanto miserior quam tu, Labrax. 
Labr. Qui ? 

Charm. Quia ego indignus sum, tu dignus qui sies. 

Labr. O scirpe, scirpe, laudo fortunas tuas, 

qui semper servas gloriam aritudinis. 
Charm. Equidem me ad velitationem exerceo, 

nam omnia corusca prae tremore fabulor. 
Lahr. Edepol, Neptune, es balineator frigidus : 

cum vestimentis postquam aps te abii, algeo. 
Charm. Ne thermipolium quidem ullum instruit, 

ita salsam praehibet potionem et frigidam. 530 

Lahr. Vt fortunati sunt fabri ferrarii, 

qui apud carbones adsident : semper calent. 
Charm. Vtinam fortuna nunc anetina uterer, 

ut quom exiissem ex aqua, arerem tamen. 
Lahr. Quid si aliquo ad ludos me pro manduco locem ? 
Charm. Quapropter? 

Lahr. Quia pol clare crepito dentibus. 

Charm. lure optumo me elavisse arbitror. 
Lahr. Qui ? 
Charm. Qui una auderem tecum in navem ascendere, 

qui a fundamento mi usque movisti mare. 



Charm. You ought to be extremely grateful to me : you 

used to be an old dryasdust, and now, thanks to 

me, you're positively wetty. 

You just get to the devil out of here and leave me 

alone ! 

Yes, do. Precisely what I was about to suggest. 

Oh-h-h ! What man ahve's more miserable than me ? 

I am, Labrax — ever so much more. 


Charm. Because I don't deserve misery and you do. (wringing out his clothes) Ah, bulrush, bulrush, 

you're in luck, to always stay so gloriously dry ! 
Charm, (snnnging his arms to get warm) I must be training 

for the . . . infantry. I'm shivering so that 

everything I say has . . . rattles. 
Labr. Lord, Neptune ! You're a cold . . . bathman ! 

I've been . . . freezing ever since I left you, even 

with my clothes on. 
Charm. And he doesn't set up any hot-drinks counter, 

either. The kind of hquor he serves is . . . salty 

Labr. Ah, blacksmiths are fortunate fellows, round a . . . 

fire all the time, always . . . warm ! 
Charm. Oh, for the luck of a . . . duck ! To come out 

of the water, yet not be . . . wet ! 
Labr. Howabouthiringmyself out atsomefair asa . . . 

wild man ? 
Charm. Why that? 
Labr. Gad! Because of the grand way I . . . gnash 

my teeth. 
Charm. I suppose it serves me right to get . . . cleaned 

out like this. 
Labr. How so? 
Charm. For having consented to go on board a ship with 

. . . you, that completely upset the sea for me. 



Labr. Tibi auscultavi, tu promittebas mihi 540 

illi esse quaestum maximum meretricibus, 

ibi me conruere posse aiebas ditias. 
Charm. lam postulabas te, impurata belua, 

totam Siciliam devoraturum insulam ? 
Labr. Quaenam ballaena meum voravit vidulum, 

aurum atque argentum ubi omne compactum fuit ? 
Charm. Eadem ilia, credo, quae meum marsuppium, 

quod plenum argenti fuit in sacciperio. 
Labr. Eheu, redactus sum usque ad unam banc tuni- 

et ad hoc misellum pallium, perii oppido. 550 

Charm. Vel consociare mihi quidem tecum licet : 

aequas habemus partes. 
Labr. Saltem si mihi 

mulierculae essent salvae, spes aliquae forent. 

nunc si me adulescens Plesidippus viderit, 

quo ab arrabonem pro Palaestra acceperam, 

iam is exhibebit hie mihi negotium. 
Charm. Quid, stulte, ploras ? tibi quidem edepol copiast, 

dum lingua vivet, qui rem solvas omnibus. 

II. 7. 

Seep. Quid illuc, opsecro, negotist quod duae mulierculae 

hie in fano Veneris signum flehtes amplexae tenent, 560 
nescio quem metuentes miserae? nocte hac aiunt 

se iactatas, atque eiectas hodie esse aiunt e marl. 

Labr. Opsecro hercle, adulescens, ubi istaec sunt quas 
memoras mulieres ? 

Seep. Hie in fano Veneris. 

Labr. Quot sunt ? 

Seep. Totidem quot ego et tu sumtis. 



Labr. It was your ad\'ice I followed. You kept promising 

there'd be all sorts of money in slave girls there ; 

I could just rake in the cash, according to you. 
Charm. So you counted on swallo^Wng down the whole 

island of Sicily at one gulp, you dirty beast ? 
Labr. (lugubriously) I wonder what whale has swallowed 

my trunk, packed with all my gold and silver. 
Charm, (lightly) Probably the same one that got the purse 

full of silver that was in my bag. 
Lahr. Oh dear me! I'm down to this one poor little 

tunic and this wretched rag of a cloak! I'm 

ruined, utterly ruined! 
Charm. Yes, and I might very well go into partnership with 

you : we're both on the same basis. 
Labr. Oh, if I only had the girls safe anyhow, there'd be 

some hope ! (groaning) As it is, if young Plesidip- 

pus sees me, me that took part payment for 

Palaestra from him, he'll make trouble for me 

instantly ! 
Charm. Why blubber, you ninny ? Lord, man, you've got 

enough to pay off everyone, so long as that tongue 

of yours will wag. 

ENTER Sceparmo from temple. 

Scene 7. 

Seep. (soliloquizing) WTiat the devil's it all about — two 
girls here in the temple of Venus crying and clinging 
to her statue, and scared to death of someone ? 
Say they were tossed about by the storm last night 
and cast ashore this morning, so they say. 

Labr. (rushing up) My goodness ! Look here, young 
fellow, where are those women you mention? 

Seep. (brusquely) Here in the temple of Venus. 

Labr. How many are there? 

Seep. As many as you and I, so many. 



Lahr. Nempe meae ? 
Seep. Nempe nescio istuc. 

Labr. Qua sunt facie ? 

Seep. Scitula. 

vel ego amare utramvis possum, si probe adpotus 
Labr. Nempe puellae ? 

Seep. Nempe molestus es. i vise, si lubet. 

Labr. Meas oportet intus esse hie mulieres, mi Charmides. 
Charm. luppiter te perdat, et si sunt, et si non sunt tamen. 
Labr. Intro rumpam iam hue in Veneris fanum. 
Charm. In barathrum mavelim. 570 

opsecro, hospes, da mihi aliquid ubi condormiscam 
Seep. Istic ubi vis condormisce ; nemo prohibet, publicum 

Charm. At vides me ornatus ut sim vestimentis uvidis : 

recipe me in tectum, da mihi vestimenti aliquid 

dum arescunt mea; in aliquo tibi gratiam referam 
Seep. Tegillum eccillud, mihi unum id aret ; id si vis, 
dabo : 
eodem amictus, eodem tectus esse soleo, si pluit. 
tu istaec mihi dato : exarescent faxo. 
Charm. Eho an te paenitet, 

in mari quod elavi, ni hie in terra iterum eluam ? 
Seep. Eluas tu an exunguare, ciccum non interduim. 580 

tibi ego numquam quicquam credam, nisi si accepto 



Mbr. {eagerly) They're mine, surely ! 

cep. I surely don't know that. 

xibr. WTiat do they look like ? 

'cep. Pretty neat. I'd manage to make love to either 
one of 'em myself — if I was good and drunk. 

.abr. Surely, they're young ones.'' 

'cep. You're surely a pest. Go and have a look, if you 

.abr. (ecstatic) They're my women ! They must be my 
women in here, Charmides, old chap ! 

'harm. Whether they are or are not, in either case you 
be damned ! 

abr. I'll burst into this temple of Venus this minute ! 

'harm. Wish it were into the bottomless pit ! 

[exit Labrax into temple. 
(to Sceparnio) I say, mine host, let me have some 
sort of place where I can go to sleep. 

icep. Go to sleep there, wherever you like; nobody's 
stopping you : it's a thoroughfare. 

'harm. But you see my fix, dressed in these dripping 
clothes. Take me into your house and give me 
something dry to put on while my own things are 
drying. I'll do as much for you some time. 

)cep. {picking up a coarse mat from the ground) There's a 
rush blanket; it's the only dry thing I've got. 
Take it, if you want. It's what I use for a cloak, 
it's what I wrap round me when it rains. Give me 
those things of yours. Til get 'em well dried. 
{tries to strip Charmides) 

Charm, (pushing him off) Hold on there! Now that I've 
been cleaned out at sea, aren't you content with- 
out my being cleaned out ashore here too .'' 

Seep. (turning away disgustedly) I don't care a peppercorn 
whether you're cleaned out or wped out. Never a 
thing '11 I trust to a man like you, unless I get 



tu vel suda vel peri algu, vel tu aegrota vel vale, 
barbarum hospitem mi in aedis nil moror, sat 

Charm. lamne abis ? venalis illic ductitavit, quisquis est ; 

non est misericors. sed quid ego hie asto infelix 

uvidus ? 
quin abeo hue in Veneris fanum, ut edormiscam 

banc crapulam, 
quam potavi praeter animi quam libuit sententiam ? 
quasi vinis Graecis Neptunus nobis suffudit mare, 
itaque alvom prodi speravit nobis salsis poculis ; 
quid opust verbis ? si invitare nos paulisper pergeret, 590 
ibidem obdormissemus : nunc vix vivos amisit 

nunc lenonem quid agat intus visam, convivam 



Daem. Miris modis di ludos faciunt hominibus : * 
ne dormientis quidem sinunt quiescere. 
velut ego hac nocte quae praecessit proxima 
mirum atque inscitum somniavi somnium. 
ad hirundininum nidum visa est simia 
ascensionem ut faceret admolirier ^ 

neque eas eripere quibat inde. postibi 600 

videtur ad me simia adgredirier, 
rogare scalas ut darem utendas sibi. 
ego ad hoc exemplum simiae respondeo,^ 
natas ex Philomela ^ atque ex Progne esse hirun- 

ago cum ilia, ne quid noceat meis popularibus. 

1 Leo brackets following v., 594 : 
miriftque exemplis soninia in somnis danunt. 
^ Leo notes lacuna here in A. 
3 Corrupt (Leo) : Attica Schoell. 



security. You can sweat or freeze to death, get 
sick or well. I'll have no guests from foreign parts 
in the house. And that's final. 

[exit Scepamio into cottage. 
(calling after him) So you're going, eh ? (dryly, as he 
disappears) That fellow has been a slave-trader, 
whoever he is — perfectly heartless. Well, what's 
the use of standing around in this cursed state, 
dripping ? Why not drop into Venus' temple here 
and sleep off this souse, which has been a bigger one 
than I really cared for? Neptune poured sea 
water into us as though we were Greek wines — 
hoped to settle our stomachs that way, by giving 
us a dose of salts. And how he did it ! If he had 
kept on entertaining us a Httle longer we'd have 
dropped asleep on the spot. As it is, he let us go 
home aUve, barely. Now for a look in here at the 
doings of the pimp, my pot companion. 

[exit into temple. 


enter Daemones from his cottage. 

The gods do produce strange plays for us humans.^ 
They don't even let us sleep in peace. Take my 
OAftTi case — ^just this past night I dreamed a strange, 
uncanny dream. I seemed to see a monkey trying 
to climb up to some swallows' nest. But she 
couldn't pull them out. After a while the monkey 
approached me, so it seemed, and asked for the 
loan of a ladder. I answered her to the effect that 
swallows were descendants of Philomela and Procne : 
I pleaded with her not to inj ure my compatriots. At 

^ The strange sorts of dreams they send as in oar sleep. 



III. 2. 




atque ilia animo iam fieri ferocior ; 

videtur ultro mihi malum minitarier. 

in ius vocat med. ibi ego nescio quo modo 

iratus videor mediam arripere simiam ; 

conclude in vincla bestiam nequissimam. 610 

nunc quam ad rem dicam hoc attinere somnium, 

numquam hodie quivi ad coniecturam evadere. 

sad quid hie in Veneris fano meae viciniae 

clamoris oritur ? animus miratur meus. 

Pro Cyrenenses populares, vostram ego imploro 

agricolae, accolae propinqui qui estis his regionibus, 
ferte opem inopiae atque exemplum pessumum pes- 

sum date, 
vindicate, ne impiorum potior sit pollentia 
quam innocentum, qui se scelere fieri nolunt nobiles. 
statuite exemplum impudenti, date pudori prae- 

facite hie lege potius liceat quam vi victo vivere. 
currite hue in Veneris fanum, vostram iterum 

imploro fidem, 
qui prope hie adestis quique auditis clamorem 

ferte suppetias qui Veneri Veneriaeque antistitae 
more antiquo in custodelam suom commiserunt 

praetorquete iniuriae prius collum quam ad vos 

Quid istuc est negoti ? 

Per ego haec genua, te optestor, senex, 
quisquis es — 

Quin tu ergo omitte genua et quid feit mi expedi 
quod tumultues. 



that her insolence increased ; she seemed to grow 
aggressive and threatened to thrash me. She 
summoned me to court. Then somehow or other, 
growing angry, it seemed I grabbed the monkey 
around the middle and put the vile beast in chains. 
Now what I'm to take this dream to mean, I haven't 
been able to divine all day. {the noise of a scuffle in 
the temple) But what's that racket right over there 
in the temple of Venus ? Astonishing ! 

ne 2. ENTER Trachalio excitedly from temple. 

Track, {harvling out in rrild burlesque of the tragic style) Ho ! 
Ye citizens of Cyrene! Save us, I implore you! 
Ye rustics, ye who dwell in the vicinity of this 
locality, succour the succourless, and give a devil 
hell ! Help ! Help ! Let not the power of the im- 
pious be more potent than that of the innocent 
creatures who wish not the notoriety of being 
victims of villainy ! Make an example of impu- 
dence and give pudency its recompense ! See ye 
to it that men may hve here under law, and not as 
objects of oppression ! Here, to the fane of Venus, 
run ! Again I implore your aid, ye who are hard 
by and hear my cries ! Bring assistance to those 
who, according to ancient custom, have consigned 
themselves to the custody of Venus and the 
ministress of Venus ! Wring the neck of iniquity 
before it reaches yourselves ! 

Daem. (mystified) What's all that about? 

Track, (throning his arms around Daemones' legs) I beseech 
you by these your knees, old gentleman, whoever 
you be 

Daem. (trying to extricate himself) Come, come, now, let go 
my knees and hurry up and tell me what it is you're 
roaring about. 



Track. Teque oro et quaeso, si speras tibi 

hoc anno multum futurum sirpe et laserpicium 
eamque eventuram exagogam Capuam salvam et 

atque ab lippitudine usque siccitas ut sit tibi,^ 
ut te ne pigeat dare operam mihi quod te orabo, 
Daem. At ego te per crura et talos tergumque obtestor 
ut, tibi ulmeam ni deesse speres virgidemiam 
et tibi eventuram hoc anno uberem messem mah, 
ut mi istuc dicas negoti quid sit, quod tumultues. 
Track. Qui lubet maledicere ? equidem tibi bona optavi 

Daem. Bene equidem tibi dico, qui te digna ut eveniant 

Track. Obsecro, hoc praevortere ergo. 
Daem. Quid negotist ? 

Track. Mulieres 

duae innocentes intus hie sunt, tui indigentes 

quibus advorsum ius legesque insignite iniuria hie 
facta est fitque in Veneris fang ; tum sacerdos 

indigne adflictatur. 
Daem. Quis homo est tanta confidentia, 

qui sacerdotem violare audet ? sed eae mulieres 
quae sunt ? aut quid is iniqui fit ? 
Track. Si das operam, eloquar. 

Veneris signum sunt amplexae. nunc homo auda- 

eas deripere volt, eas ambas esse oportet liberas. 

^ Leo brackets following v., 633 : 
Daem. Sanun es ? 
Trach. Sen tibi confidia Jore multam magudarim. 



(still struggling with Daemones' knees) I beg and en- 
treat you, if you hope to have a good supply of 
silphium and silphium juice this year and to ensure 
its exportation safe and sound to Capua, and so 
that you may enjoy a perpetual drouth in respect 
to bleary eyes,^ that you will not be loath to do me 
the service which I am about to ask of you, old 
gentleman ! 

(angrily) Yes, and I beseech you by your shanks 
and heels and hide, that, if you don't hope to have 
a bad supply of birch rods and ensure a bounteous 
crop of welts this year, that you tell me what you're 
roaring about. 

(sobered) What makes you abuse me? I only 
wished you everything that's good. 
I'm only a-blessing you — praying you'll get what 
you deserve. 

Now do see to this, for mercy's sake ! 
What is the matter ? 

Two innocent women are inside here and they need 
your help. They've been injured infamously here 
against all law and justice, and it's going on in the 
temple of Venus. And the priestess of Venus is 
being outrageously treated, too. 
(indignantly) Who's the man reckless enough to 
dare lay hands on the priestess ? But who are 
those women? How are they being injured? 
Listen and I'll tell you. They're clinging to the 
statue of Venus. And now a barefaced rascal 
wants to tear them away. And the both of them 
ought to be free by right. 

1 V. 633 : 
Are you in your senses T 
Or if you expect to have a large supply of silphium seed. 



Daem. Quis istic est qui deos tam parvi pendit? paucis 

Track. Fraudis sceleris parricidi periuri plenissimus, 
legirupa impudens impurus inverecundissimus, 
uno verbo absolvam, lenost : quid ilium porro prae- 
dicem ? 
Daem. Edepol infortunio hominem praedicas donabilem. 
Track. Qui sacerdoti scelestus faucis interpresserit. 
Daem. At malo cum magno suo fecit hercle. ite istinc 
Turbalio, Sparax. ubi estis ? 
Track. I obsecro intro, subveni 

Daem. Iterum haud imperabo. sequimini hac. 
Track. Age nunciam, 

iube oculos elidere, itidem ut sepiis faciunt coqui. 
Daem. Proripite hominem pedibus hue itidem quasi occisam 

Track. Audio tumultum. opinor, leno pugnis pectitur. 

nimis velim improbissimo homini malas edentaverint. 
sed eccas ipsae hue egrediuntur timidae e fano 

III. 3. 

Pal. Nunc id est cum omnium copiarum atque opum, 
auxili, praesidi viduitas nos tenet, 
nulla nunc speculast quae salutem aiferat, 
nee quam in partem ingredi persequamur 


Who is that man that so scorns the gods ? Make it 


A cheat and villain, a perjured, parricidal monster, 

lawless, impudent, impure, impious past all telling — 

in one word, a pimp. Why describe him further ? 

Bless my soul ! From your description he ought to 

be presented with a hanging. 

A criminal who would choke a priestess ! 

But he shall pay for it in full, by heaven ! (shouting 

at the door of his cottage) Turbalio ! SparaxI Come 

out here ! Where are you ? v 

Go in and save them, for mercy's sake! 

{shouting again) I won't repeat my orders ! 


Step along — this way ! (goes rvtth slaves toward 


(trotting at a safe distance behind them) And see here 

now, tell them to beat his eyes out the same as cooks 

do to cuttle-fish. 

(to the slaves) Pitch him out here by the heels like a 

stuck pig. 

[exeunt Daemones and slaves into temple. 
(listening) Aha! A disturbance ! Methinks they're 
tanning the pimp with their fists. I only hope 
they've knocked the teeth out of his jaws, the dirty 
scoundrel ! 

enter Palaestra and Ampelisca from the temple. 
Hullo, though ! Here come the women themselves 
in a fright. 

Scene 3. 

Pal. Nothing is left us now, not a single resource, no one 
to help us or protect us ! Not the slightest hope of 
safety have we, and we don't know where to try to 



scimus : tanto in metu nunc sumus ambae, 

tanta importunitas tantaque iniuria 

facta in nos est modo hie intus ab nostro ero, 670 

qui scelestus sacerdotem anum praecipes 

reppulit propulit perquam indignis modis 

nosque ab signo intimo vi deripuit sua. 

sed nunc sese ut ferunt res fortunaeque nostrae, 

par moriri est. neque est melius morte in malis, 

rebus miseris. 
Track. Quid est ? quae illaec oratiost ? 

cesso ego has consolari? heus, Palaestra, 
Pal. Qui vocat? 

Track. Ampelisca. 

Amp. Obsecro, quis est qui vocat ? 

Pal. Quis is est qui nominat.'' 
Track. Si respexis, scies. 

Pal. O salutis meae spes. 
Track. Tace ac bono animo es. 

me vide. 
Pal. Si modo id liceat, vis ne opprimat, 680a 

quae vis vim mi afFeram ipsa adigit. 
Track. Ah, desine, nimis inepta es. 

Pal. Desiste dictis nunciam miseram me consolari ; 

nisi quid re praesidium apparas, Trachalio, acta 
haec res est. 
Amp. Certumst moriri quam hunc pati saevire lenonem 
in me. 

sed muliebri animo sum tamen : miserae quom 
venit in mentem 

mihi mortis, metus membra occupat. edepol ^ hunc 
Track. Bonum animum habete. 
Pal. Nam, obsecro, unde animus mi invenitur ? 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : edepol nunc datur acerbum 



go ! Oh, it's so dreadful for us both, master was so 

rough and brutal with us in there just now ! Why, 

the ruthless monster threw the poor old priestess 

about every way in perfectly outrageous fashion, 

and dragged us away from the statue in the very 

inmost shrine by main strength ! But seeing how 

things are and how fate treats us, death is welcome. 

Desperate, distracted creatures can do nothing 

better than die. 

(aside) Eh? What sort of language is that? I 

must go cheer them up. (approaching from behind) 

Hey ! Palaestra ! (the girls cower) 

Who's calling? 

Ampelisca ! 

For mercy's sake, who is it calUng? 

Who is it spoke my name ? 

Look round and you'll learn. 

(turning) Oh, my hope, my hope of safety ! 

"There, there, be quite easy ! (throning out his chest) 

Leave it all to me ! 

Ah, yes, if I could only be relieved from fear of 

violence — violence that forces me to do violence on 


Oh, stop it ! You're absolutely silly. 

You stop trying to talk me into good spirits at 

an awful time Uke this. You must actually do 

something to protect us, Trachalio, or it's all 


One thing's sure. 111 die sooner than let this pimp 

vent his rage on me ! And yet I have a woman's 

feelings, after all — when the thought of dving 

comes to me it's terrible, I tremble all over. Oh, 

dear, dear ! This dreadful day 1 

Keep up your courage, girls. 

Ah, but where on earth can I find any courage ? 


Track. Ne, inquam, timete ; adsidite hie in ara. 
Amp. Quid istaec ara 

prodesse nobis plus potest quam signum in fano hie 

V'eneris, quod amplexae modo, unde abreptae per 

vim miserae ? 690 

Track. Sedete hie modo, ego hinc vos tamen tutabor. 

aram habete hane 
vobis pro castris, moenia hinc ego vos defensabo ; 
praesidio Veneris mahtiae lenonis eontra incedam. 
Pal. Tibi auscultamus et, Venus alma, ambae te obse- 

aram amplexantes hane tuam laerumantes, genibus 

in custodelam nos tuam ut reeipias et tutere ; 
illos seelestos, qui tuom fecerunt fanum parvi, 
fae ut uleiseare nosque ut hane tua pace aram 

patiare : elautae ambae sumus opera Neptuni 

ne invisas habeas neve ideireo nobis vitio vortas, 700 
si quippiamst, minus quod bene esse lautum tu 

Track. Venus, aequom has petere intellego : deeet abs te 

id impetrari ; 
ignoscere his te eonvenit : metus has id ut faeiant 

te ex eoneha natam esse autumant, cave tu harum 

conchas spernas. 
sed optume cecum exit senex, patronus mihique et 

III. 4. 
Daem. Exi e fano, natum quantum est hominum sacri- 

vos in aram abite sessum. sed ubi sunt? 


ach. Don't be afraid, I tell you. Sit by the altar here. 
{leads them to the altar) 

ip. How can that altar help us any more than the 
statue inside the temple of Venus here? That's 
what we poor girls were clinging to just now — and 
we were dragged away by brute strength. 

ack. (very bold and superior) Just you sit down here. 
From this position I'll defend you, come what may. 
Regard this altar as your camp, {squares off) Here 
I stand to champion you, this arm your rampart. 
With Venus' aid \^ill I defy the pimp's iniquity. 

:/. Yes, yes, we will ! And kindly Venus, we two girls 
do tearfully entreat thee, as we kneel and clasp this 
altar of thine, to take us in thy custody and defend 
us. Wreak vengeance on the wicked men who 
have scorned thy shrine, and in thy good grace let 
this altar be our refuge. We were both stripped 
clean last night by Neptune, so be not offended 
with us, hold us not at fault for this, if there be 
anything about us which thou dost think uncleanly. 

'■ach. {airily) Venus, I consider this a perfectly fair re- 
quest ; it's one you ought to grant. The proper 
thing for you to do is pardon them : it's fear compels 
'em to act this way. Folks say you were bom of 
an oyster : don't be above mothering these pearls. 
{the temple door opens) Here's luck, though ! There 
comes the old man that has been the friend of us 

Scene 4. enter Daemones followed by Labrax in the 

GRIP of the slaves. 

aem. {to Labrax) Come on out of the temple, you godless 
enormity ! And you girls go sit down at the altar. 
WTiere are they, though ? 



Track. Hue respice. 

Daevi. Optume, istuc volueramus. iube modo accedat 

tun legirupionem hie nobis cum dis facere postulas ? 

pugnum in os impinge. 
Labr. Iniqua haec patior eum pretio tuo. 710 

Daem. At etiam minitatur audax ? 
Labr. lus meum ereptum est mihi, 

meas mihi ancillas invito me eripis. 
Track. Cedo iudicem 

de senatu Cyrenensi quemvis opulentum virum, 

si tuas esse oportet nive eas esse oportet liberas 

nive in carcerem compingi te est aequom aeta- 
temque ibi 

te usque habitare, donee totum carcerem contriveris. 
Labr. Non hodie isti rei auspicavi, ut cum furcifero fabuler. 

te ego appello. 
Daem. Cum istoc primum, qui te novit, disputa. 

Labr. Tecum ago. 
Track. At qui mecum agendumst. suntne illae 

ancillae tuae ? 
Labr. Sunt. 
Track. Agedum ergo, tange utramvis digitulo minimo 

modo. 720 

Labr. Quid si attigero ? 
Track. Extemplo hercle ego te follem pugilatorium 

faciam et pendentem incursabo pugnis, periurissime. 
Labr. Mihi non hceat meas ancillas Veneris de ara 

abducere ? 
Daem. Non licet : est lex apud nos — 



Here, sir! Look! (points to them) 

Very good ! Quite as we wished. Just let him go 

near them ! (to Labrax) Expect us to look on, do you, 

with you lawbreaking against the gods ? (to a slave, 

as Labrax makes for the altar) Let him have one in 

the jaw! 

(to Daemones, as the slave obeys) I'll make you smart 

for my being put upon so ! 

What ? Threatening me, the brazen scoundrel ? 

I'm robbed of my rights ! You're robbing me of 

my owTi slave girls, in spite of me ! 

Bring on any senator of Cyrene, any responsible 

person, to decide whether these girls ought to be 

yours or ought to be free, and whether you shouldn't 

be clapped in a cell and left there for life till you've 

worn the whole place out. 

(scornfully) It was not my purpose to-day to gossip 

with a gallows-bird, (to Daemones) I'm addressing 


{pointing to Trachalio) There's your man. Have it 

out with a fellow that knows you, first. 

You're the one I'm concerned with. 

But I'm the one you've got to be concerned with. 

So those are your slave girls, eh ? 

Yes, they are. 

(making sure the slaves are handy) Come on, then ! 

Just touch either one of them with the tip of your 

little finger 

(bristling) What if I do ? 

(edging closer to the slaves) I'll make a punching-bag 

of you the next minute, by heaven, 111 hang you 

up and hammer you, you big liar ! 

(to Daemones) Can't I take my own slave girls away 

from the altar of Venus ? 

You cannot. We have a law 



Lahr. Mihi cum vestris legibus 

nil quicquamst commerci. equidem istas iam 

ambas educam foras. 
tu, senex, si istas amas, hue arido argentost opus ; 
si autem Veneri complacuerunt, habeat, si argentum 
Daem. Det tibi argentum ? nunc adeo meam ut seias sen- 
occipito modo illis adferre vim ioculo pausillulum, 
ita ego te hinc ornatum amittam, tu ipsus te ut non 

noveris. 730 

vos adeo, ubi ego innuero vobis, ni ei caput exocu- 

quasi murteta iunci, item ego vos virgis circum- 
Labr. Vi agis mecum. 

Track. Etiam vim probro das,^ flagiti flagrantia? 

Labr. Tun, trifurcifer, mihi audes inclementer dicere ? 
Track. Fateor, ego trifurcifer sum, tu es homo adprime 
probus : 
numqui minus hasce esse oportet liberas ? 
Labr. Quid, hberas ? 

Track. Atque eras tuas quidem hercle, atque ex germana 
Graecia ; 
nam altera haec est nata Athenis ingenuis paren- 
Daem. Quid ego ex te audio ? 

Track. Hanc Athenis esse natam liberam. 

Daem. Mea popularis, obsecro, haec est ? 

Track. Non tu Cyrenensis es ? 740 

Daem. Immo Athenis natus altusque educatusque Atticis. 
Track. Opsecro, defende cives tuas, senex. 
Daem. O fllia 

* probro das Leo : proporias MSS. 



Your laws mean nothing at all to me. I'm going to 
take both of them off this instant, I certainly am. 
As for you, old chap, if they've caught your fancy, 
you can hand over some hard cash. Yes, or let 
Venus keep 'em, if they suit her — provided she 
pays the bill. 

She pay bills to you ? Listen here now, and learn 
my ideas on the subject — you so much as begin 
using the least bit of violence with them even for a 
joke, and I'll send you home with such"decorations 
that you won't know yourself, (to the slaves) Look 
here, you ! Unless you knock the eyes out of his 
head when I give you the signal, I'll wind whips 
round you hke rush twine rovmd a bunch of myrtle. 
{feebly) This is violence ! 

You censure violence, you scandalous scoundrel ? 
{making a jump at him) You dare be uncivil to me, 
you vile jailbird? 

(shrinking) Granted. I'm a vile jailbird and you're 
a highly estimable gentleman. Does that make it 
any less fitting for these girls to be free ? 
What's that? Free? 

Yes, and your betters, too, by Jupiter, and girls 
that come from Greece proper. Why, this one 
here (points to Palaestra) was born in Athens, born 
of good citizen stock. 
Eh ? What's that you say ? 
That this girl is a freebom Athenian. 
Good Lord ! A compatriot of mine, is she ? 
Aren't you a Cyrenian ? 

Not I. I was bom and bred and reared in Athens, 
Attic Athens. 

For mercy's sake, sir, protect yoiur own fellow- 
citizens ! 
(aside, with emotion) Ah, daughter dear, absent 



mea, quom banc video, mearum me absens mis- 

eriarum commones ; 
trima quae periit mihi, iam tanta esset, si vivit, scio. 
Lahr. Argent am ego pro istisce ambabus cuiae crant 
domino dedi ; 
quid mea refert, haec Athenis natae an Thebis sient, 
dum mihi recte servitutem serviant? 
Track. Itane, impudens ? 

tune hie, feles virginalis, liberos parent.ibus 
sublectos habebis atque indigno quaestu conteres ? 
nam huic alterae quae patria sit profecto nescio, 750 
nisi scio probiorem banc esse, quam te, impura- 
Lahr. ^ Tuae istae sunt. 

Track. Contende ergo, uter sit tergo — verior: 

ni offerumentas habebis pluris in tergo tuo, 
quam uUa navis longa clavos, turn ego ero menda- 

cisvimus : 
postea aspicito meum, quando ego tuom inspecta- 

vero : 
ni erit tarn sincerum, ut quivis dieat ampuUarius 
optimum esse operi faciundo corium et sincerissi- 

quid causae est quin virgis te usque ad saturitatem 

sauciem ? 
quid illas spectas ? quas si attigeris, oculos eripiam 
Lahr. At qui, quia votas, utramque iam mecum abducam 

simul. 760 

Daem. Quid facies ? 

Lahr. Volcanum adducam, is Venerist adversarius. 

Track. Quo ilUc it ? 

Lahr. Heus, ecquis hie est? heus. 

Daem. Si attigeris ostium, 

iam hercle tibi messis in ore fiet mergis pugneis. 
^ Corrupt (Leo) : nugae Bentley. 


though you are, you remind me of my sorrow when 
I look at this girl ! Three years old when I lost her, 
and now the size of this lass, no doubt, if she's alive ! 
I paid out money to their owner for the pair of 'em. 
What's the odds to me whether they were bom in 
Athens, or in ThebeS, so long as they're duly 
sla\-ing it as slaves of mine ? 

Indeed, you brazen rascal ? So you're our maiden 
mouser, eh, and count on keeping children snapped 
up from their parents, and wearing them out in 
your vile trade ? Now as for this other girl, 
(indicating Ampelisca) I admit I don't know her 
birthplace, but I do know she's better than you are, 
dirty beast. 

(ironically) They're clearly yours. 
(angrily) Come on, then, let's see whose back is the 
dirtier — har's ! If there aren't more weals on 
yours than nails in a warship, then I'm a perjurer 
complete. After I've inspected yours, examine 
mine. If it isn't so flawless that any flask-maker '11 
say it's the best possible hide for his business, 
absolutely right and tight, what's the reason I 
shouldn't take a whip and slash you till I'm sick of 
it ? What are you ogling those girls for ? You 
touch them and I'll tear your eyes out for you ! 
{looking about) Yes, but I'll soon take 'em both 
away with me, just because you say I can't. 
What are you going to do ? 

(making Jbr Daemones' cottage) Fetch Vulcan: he's 
at odds ^ >\'ith Venus. 
Where's he going? 

(shouting at the door) Hey ! Anyone here ? Hey ! 
You touch that door and, by the Lord, I'll make hay 
in your face the next minute — •with a fist for a fork ! 

* Because of her infidelity. 


Titus maccius plautus 

Lor. Nullum habemus ignem, ficis victitamus aridis. 
Daem. Ego dabo ignem, siquidem in capite tuo conflandi 

Labr. Ibo hercle aliquo quaeritatum ignem. 
Daem. Quid quom inveneris ? 

Labr. Ignem magnum hie faciam. 

Daem. Quin ^ inhumanum exuras tibi ? 

Labr. Immo hasce ambas hie in ara ut vivas comburam, 

id volo. 
Daem. lam hercle ego te barba continuo arripiam, in ignem 
teque ambustulatum obiciam magnis avibus pabu- 
lum. 770 
quom coniecturam egomet mecum facio, haec illast 

quae has hirundines ex nido volt eripere ingratiis, 
quod ego in somnis somniavi. 
Track. Scin quid tecum oro, senex ? 

ut illas serves, vim defendas, dum ego erum adduco 
Daem. Quaere erum atque adduce. 
Track. At hie ne — 

Daem. Maximo malo suo, 

si attigerit sive occeptassit. 
Track. Cura. 

Daem. Curatumst, abi. 

Track. Hunc quoque adserva ipsum, ne quo abitat; nam 
carnufici aut talentum magnum aut hunc hodie 
Daem. Abi mode, ego dum hoc eurabo recte. 
Track. lam ego revenero. 

* Corrupt (Leo) : ut humanum P. 


IverseerVfe haven't any coals — we live on dried figs. 

Daem. I'll give you some coals — if you give me a chance to 
kindle 'em on your cranium. 

Labr. {turning away from the door) I'm going somewhere 
else to look for coals, by heaven ! 
And when you've found them, what? 
I'll build a big fire here. 
To burn out your venom, eh ? 

No, to burn up this pair at the altar here alive, that's 
what I want. 

Daem. Ah yes, and then I shall forthwith catch you by the 
beard and throw you into your fire, and when 
you're half- roasted toss you to the vultures to feed 
on. (aside) Now that I come to consider it, this 
must be the monkey of that dream I dreamed — 
wanting to pull these swallows from their nest in 
spite of me. 

Track, (to Daemones) Do you know what I want of you, 
sir? Look after those girls and keep 'em out of 
harm's way, while I fetch my master. 
Go look for him and bring him here. 

But take care this fellow 

(nith assurance) Things will be extremely unpleasant 
for him if he does touch them, or tries to. 
Mind now ! 

It is minded. Off with you! 

And see he doesn't slip away, either. We've 
promised the hangman two hundred pounds if we 
don't produce him to-day. 

Be off, be off! I'll manage this properly mean- 
I'll soon be back. 

[exit Trachalio with a farewell salute to 


III. 5. 

Daem. Vtrum tu, leno, cum malo lubentius 780 

quiescis an sic sine malo, si copiast ? 
Lahr. Ego quae tu loquere flocci non facio, senex. 

meas quidem te invito at Venere et summo love 

de ara capillo iam deripiam. 
Daem. Tange dum. 

Lahr. Tangam hercle vero. 

Daem. Agedum ergo, accede hue mode. 

Lahr. lube dum recedere istos ambo illuc modo. 
Daem. Immo ad te accedent. 

Labr. Non hercle equidem censeo. 

Daem, Quid ages, si accedent propius ? 
Labr, Ego recessero. 

verum, senex, si te umquam in urbe offendero, 

numquam hercle quisquam me lenonem dixerit, 790 

si te non ludos pessimos dimisero. 
Daem. Facito istuc quod minitare ; sed nunc interim, 

si illas attigeris, dabitur tibi magnum malum. 
Labr. Quam magnum vero ? 

Daem. Quantum lenoni sat est. 

Lahr. Minacias ego flocci non faciam tuas, 

equidem has te invito iam ambas rapiam. 
Daem. Tange dum. 

Lahr. Tangam hercle vero. 



Scene 5. 

Daem. (as Lahrax seems restive) Pimp, do you prefer to be 

quieted by a drubbing or quiet without one, as at 

present, if you have the choice ? 
Labr. I don't care a straw what you say, old fellow, not I. 

They're my girls and I'll haul 'em away from the 

altar by the hair this minute, despite you and Venus 

and Jupiter on high ! 

Well, touch them. 

Indeed I will touch them, by gad ! 

(coolly pointing toward the girb) Proceed, then. 

Just step this way. 

Well, just you tell those two brutes there (indicating 

slaves tvho stand beside the girls) to step the other 


Nay, nay, they shall step your way. 

(tvitk an attempt at confidence) Oh, no, they won't. I 

hardly think so. 

What will you do if they do step over your way ? 

(glaring, then nryly) I'll step — a-way. (savagely) 

But, oh Lord, if I ever catch you in the city, old boy, 

no one shall ever call me pimp again if I don't make 

a holy show of you before I let you go ! 

(easily) Do your worst. But now in the meantime, 

if you touch those girls, you shall get a good hard 


(impudently) Really now? How hard? 

Hard enough to do for a pimp. 

I shan't care a straw for your threats. I'm going to 

drag 'em both off this minute in spite of you, I 

surely am. (ta/ces one cautious step in direction of 


Well, touch them. 

Indeed I will touch them, by gad ! 



Daem. Tanges, at scin quo modo ? 

i dum, Turbalio, curriculo, adferto domo 
duas clavas. 

Labr. Clavas ? 

Daem. Sed probas. propera cito. 

ego te hodie faxo recte acceptum, ut dignus es. 

Labr. Eheu, scelestus galeam in navi perdidi ; 

nunc mi opportuna hie esset, salva si foret. 
licet saltern istas mi appellare ? 

Daem. Non licet. 

ehem, optime edepol eccum clavator advenit. 

Labr. Illud quidem edepol tinnimentum est auribus. 

Daem. Age accipe illinc alteram clavam, Sparax. 
age, alter istinc, alter hinc adsistite. 
adsistite ambo. sic. audite nunciam: 
si hercle illic illas hodie digito tetigerit 
invitas, ni istunc istis invitassitis 
usque adeo donee qua domum abeat nesciat, 
periistis ambo. si appellabit quempiam, 
vos respondetote istinc istarum vicem; 
sin ipse abire hinc volet, quantum potest 
extemplo amplectitote crura fustibus. 

Labr. Etiam me abire hinc non sinent ? 

Daem. Dixi satis, 

et ubi ille servos cum ero hue advenerit, 
qui erum accersivit, itote extemplo domum. 
curate haec sultis magna diligentia. 




You will, eh? Know the results, though? Here! 

Turbaho ! Run to the house and get a couple of 


{fveakly) Clubs ? 

Stout ones, mind. Quick ! Step lively ! 

[exit Turbalio i>fTO cottage. 
I shall see you get the rousing reception you de- 
serve this day. 

{dryly) Oh Lord, and I lost my helmet on the ship, 
confound it! It would come in handy here, if I 
only had it. (to Daemones) I can speak to the 
girls, anyhow, can't I ? 
You cannot. 


Aha ! Very good, by Jove ! Look ! Here comes 
our clubman. 

My stars ! That certainly makes my ears buzz ! 
Come now, Sparax, take one of those clubs. 
(Sparax obeys) Come now ! One of you stand there, 
the other one here, (stations them on either side of 
Labrax) Stand there, both of you. (steps back to 
survey arrangements) That's it. Now then, atten- 
tion ! In case that fellow ever lays a finger on 
those girls against their will, if you don't lay 
those clubs against his carcass so hard that he won't 
know the way home, by heaven, I'll murder the 
pair of you ! If he speaks to either of them, you 
answer for them from where you stand. And if 
he wants to clear out, himself, catch him round the 
legs with your sticks just as fast as you know how. 
What ? They won't let me go away from here ? 
{to Labrax) Enough said, (to slaves) And when that 
slave who went for his master gets back here with 
him, you hurry home. Now mind you follow these 
instructions to the letter. 

[exit Daemones into cottage. 


Lahr. Heu hercle, ne istic fana mutantur cito : 

iam hoc Herculi est, Veneris fanum quod fuit, 

ita duo destituit signa hie cum clavis senex. 

non hercle quo hinc nunc gentium aufugiam scio, 

ita nunc mi utrumque saevit, et terra et mare. 

Lor. Quid vis ? 

Labr. Apage, controversia est, 

haec quidem Palaestra, quae respondit, non mea est. 

heus, Ampelisca. 
Lor. alter Cave sis infortunio. 

Labr. Vitro te. signa ut homines satis recte monent. 

sed vobis dico, heus vos, num molestiaest, 830 

me adire ad illas propius ? 
Lor. Nil nobis quidem. 

Labr. Numquid molestum mihi erit ? 
Lor. Nil, si caveris. 

Labr. Quid est quod caveam ? 

Lor. Em, a crasso infortunio. 

Labr. Quaeso hercle, abire ut liceat. 
Lor. Abeas, si velis. 

Labr. Bene hercle factum, habeo vobis gratiam. 

^ accedam potius. 
Lx)r. Illic astato ilico. 

Labr. Edepol proveni nequiter multis modis. 

certumst hasce hodie usque obsidione vincere. 

^ Leo brackets preceding non. 


Labr. {with a rueful glance at the slaves and their cudgels) 
Oh, my Lord! How fast these here temples do 
change hands ! This used to be a shrine of Venus, 
and now its patron saint is Hercules, judging from 
the two club-bearing statues the old fellow has set 
up here. My goodness ! I don't know where in the 
world to make for now, the way everything's raging 
against me, land and sea both, (after a pause) 
Palaestra ! 

Spar ax (in a feminine voice) What is it? 

Labr. Oh, I say ! I protest. That's not my Palaestra 
answering. Hey ! Ampehsca ! 

Turhalio (in feminine voice) Just you look out for trouble. 

Labr. Aw, stop it ! (thoughtfully surveying the clubs) 
Statues like men give rather good counsel, (to 
slaves, placatingly) But I say, you ! Hey ! You 
fellows! Any harm in my going nearer to those 

Overseers (in unison) No indeed — not for us. 

Labr. Will it do me any harm ? 

Overseers Oh no — if you look out. 

Labr. Look out for what ? 

Overseers (sTvinging their clubs in his vicinity) See ? That 
you don't get badly hurt. 

Labr. (nervous) Oh, for God's sake, do let me go away 
from here ! 

Overseers Go away, if you like. 

Labr. (moving off) My word, that's good of you ! I do 
thank you ! (as they come after him) No, I'll go your 
way. (steps back toward the girls) 

Overseers (clubs in action) Stop right where you are ! 

Labr. Good Lord, the beastly bad luck I've had every 
way! (dryly) My policy's settled: I'll go on and 
beat 'em by blockade. 



III. 6. 

Pies. Meamne ille amicam leno vi, violentia 

de ara deripere Veneris voluit ? 
Track. Admodum. 840 

Pies. Quin occidisti extemplo ? 
Track. Gladius non erat. 

Pies. Caperes aut fustem aut lapidem. 
Track. Quid? ego quasi canem 

hominem insectarer lapidibus nequissimum ? 
Labr. Nunc pol ego perii, Plesidippus eccum adest. 

converret iam hie me totum cum pulvisculo. 
Pies. Etiamne in ara tunc sedebant mulieres, 

quom ad me profectu's ire ? 
Track. Ibidem nunc sedent. 

Pies. Quis illas nunc illic servat ? 
Track. Nescio quis senex, 

vicinus Veneris ; is dedit operam optumam. 

is nunc cum servis servat. ego mandaveram. 850 

Pies. Due me ad lenonem recta, ubi illic est homo ? 
Labr. Salve. 
Pies. Salutem nil moror. opta ocius : 

rapi te obtorto collo mavis an trahi ? 

utrum vis opta, dum licet. 
Labr. Neutrum volo. 

Pies. Abi sane ad litus curriculo, Trachalio, 

iube illos in urbem ire obviam ad portum mihi, 

quos mecum duxi, hunc qui ad carnificem traderent. 

post hue redito atque agitato hie custodiam. 



Scene 6. enter Plesidipptu and Trachalio. 

Pies. (indignant) That pimp laid violent hands on my 
girl, tried to drag her from the altar of Venus by 
violence ? 

Track. Just so, sir. 

Pies. Why didn't you kill him on the spot? 

Track, (after a pause) I had no sword, sir. 

Pies. You might have taken a club or a stone. 

Track, (virtuously) What, sir ? Chase a human being, vile 
as he is, with stones like a dog — I ? 

Labr. (aside, seeing them) My goodness! I'm in for it 
now! There's Plesidippus! He'll clean me up 
entire in no time, last speck and all. 

Pies. So the girls were sitting by the altar when you 
went for me ? 
And sitting there still, sir. 
Wlio's there now to keep them safe? 
Some old man, sir, a near neighbour of Venus. 
He has been aAn^fuUy accommodating. They're 
safe now with him and his slaves. He had his 
instructions from me. 

Take me straight to the pimp. Where is the 
fellow ? (follows Trachalio toward temple) 
(stepping up, ingratiatingly) Good-morning. 
(viciously) Don't you good-morning me! Quick 
now, choose I Would you rather be hauled off 
with your neck in a noose, or dragged off? Take 
your choice while you have the chance. 
(smirking) Neither suits me. 

Now then, Trachalio, run down to the shore and 
tell 'em to go to the city and meet me at the 
harbour, the friends I brought with me, to hand 
this fellow over to the hangman. Then come 



ego hunc scelestum in ius rapiam exulem. 

age, ambula in ius. 
Lahr. Quid ego deliqui ? 

Pies. Rogas, 860 

quin arrabonem a me accepisti ob mulierem 

et earn hinc abduxti ? 
Ldhr. Non avexi. 

Pies. Cur negas ? 

Labr. Quia pel provexi : avehere non quivi miser. 

equidem tibi me dixeram praesto fore 

apud Veneris fanum : num quid muto ? sumne ibi ? 
Pies. In iure causam dicito, hie verbum sat est : 

Labr. Obsecro te, subveni mi, Charmides. 

rapior optorto coUo. 
Charm. Quis me nominal ? 

Labr. Viden me ut rapior ? 

Charm. Video, atque inspecto lubens. 

Labr. Non subvenire mi audes ? 

Charm. Quis homo te rapit ? 870 

Labr, Adulescens Plesidippus. 
Charm. Vt nanctu's, habe. 

bono animo meliust te in nervom conrepere. 

tibi optigit quod plurimi exoptant sibi. 
Labr. Quid id est ? 

Charm. Vt id quod quaerant inveniant sibi. 

Labr. Sequere, obsecro, me. 
Charm. Pariter suades qualis es 



back and stand guard here. As for me. 111 haul 

this rascal off to court, the outlaw. 

[exit TrackaUo. 

(to Lahrax) Come ! Step along to court. 

\\Tiat harm have I done ? 

You ask? Aren't you the man that took part 

payment on the girl from me and then carried 

her off? 

I didn't take her off. 

Why deny it ? 

Gad, because I only took her on, not off — couldn't, 

worse luck ! See here, I told you I'd be ready 

for you at Venus' temple. Held to it, haven't I ? 

Here, ain't I ? 
Pies. Tell your story to the judge. No talk here! 

Come along, {slips a rope around him) 
Lahr. {struggling) Help, help, for heaven's sake, Char- 

mides ! I'm being dragged off with my neck in a 


ENTER Ckarmides into doorway of temple. 

Charm. Who's calUng me ? 

Labr. Don't you see how I'm being dragged off? 

Charm, (yanming) Yes, I see. A gratifying spectacle. 

Labr. Won't you help me ? 

Charm. Who's the man dragging you ? 

Labr. {fighting for every inch of ground) Young Plesi- 

dippus ! 
Charm. Findings keepings! You had better slink away 

to jail cheerfully. You've obtained what most 

people pray for. 

What's that ? 

To get what suits them. 

Oh, please do go along with me ! 
Charm. Just like yourself, that advice. Dragged off to 



tu in nervom rapere, eo me obsecras ut te sequar. 

etiam retentas ? 
Lahr. Perii. 

Pies. Verum sit velim. 

tu, mea Palaestra et Ampelisca, ibidem ilico 

manete, dum ego hue redeo. 
Lnr. Equidem suadeo, 

ut ad nos abeant potius, dum recipis. 
Pies. Placet, 880 

bene facitis. 
Labr. Fures mi estis. 

Lor. Quid, fures ? rape. 

Lahr. Oro obsecro, Palaestra. 
Pies. Sequere, carnufex. 

Labr. Hospes — 

Charm. Non sum hospes, repudio hospitium tuom. 

Labr. Sicine me spernis ? 

Charm. Sic ago : semel bibo. 

Labr. Di te infelicent. 
Charm. Isti capiti dicito. 

credo alium in aliam beluam hominem vortier : 

illic in columbum, credo, leno vortitur, 

nam in collumbari collus haud multo post erit ; 

in nervom ille hodie nidamenta congeret. 

verum tamen ibo, ei advocatus ut siem, 890 

si qui mea opera citius addici potest. 


Still holding 


I jail, and won't I please go there too ! 

f back, eh ? 

Lahr. {as Plesidippus gets a new hold) I'm done for ! 

Pies. I >vish you were ! Palaestra dear, you and Ampe- 

lisca wait in that very same spot till I come back. 
Overseer! say, sir, they'd better go over to our house till 

you get back, that's my advice. 
Pies. A good idea ! Very kind of you ! 
Labr. You robbers, you ! 
Or er^eer Robbers, eh? Drag him off! 
Lahr. Palaestra, I beg you. I beseech you ! 
Pies. (ptilling) Come on, you criminal! 

Labr. (to Charmides) Dear friend 

Charm. I'm not your dear friend. None of your dear 

friendship for me, thanks. 


{rvildlif) You'll throw me over that way ? 
Yes, that way. One drink's enough. 
God's curse on you ! 
Ask it for your owti use. 

[exeunt Plesidippus and Lahrax toward city, 


It does seem true that men are changed into 
different kinds of animals. That pimp, it seems, 
is being changed to a ringdove : he'll shortly 
have a wrung neck, anyhow, and build a coop in 
the cooler. But I'll go along, though, so as to 
give him legal advice and see if I can't do some- 
thing to get him — sentenced sooner. 





Daem. Bene factum et volup est, me hodie his mulierculis 
tetulisse auxilium. iam clientas repperi, 
atque ambas forma scitula atque aetatula. 
sed uxor scelesta me omnibus servat modis, 
ne quid signifieem quippiam mulierculis. 
sed Gripus servos noster quid rerum gerat 
miror, de nocte qui abiit piscatum ad mare, 
pol magis sapisset, si dormivisset domi, 
nam nunc et operam ludos facit et retia, 900 

ut tempestas est nunc atque ut noctu fuit. 
in digitis hodie percoquam quod ceperit, 
ita fluctuare video vehementer mare, 
sed ad prandium uxor me vocat. redeo domum. 
iam meas opplebit aures ^ vaniloquentia. 

IV. 2. 

Gr. Neptuno has ago gratias meo patrono, 

qui salsis locis incolit pisculentis, 
quom me ex suis locis pulchre ornatum 

^ templis reducem, plurima praeda onustum, 
salute horiae, quae in mari fluctuoso 910 

piscatu novo me uberi compotivit ; 
miroque modo atque incredibili hie piscatus mihi 

lepide evenit, 
neque piscium ullam unciam hodie pondo cepi, nisi 
hoc quod fero hie in rete. 

^ aures sua vaniloquentia corrupt (Leo) : sua deleted (Quietus). 
^ Corrupt (Leo) : reducem et tempulis Leo. 




ENTER Daemones from his cottage, much 


lem. That was a good stroke of mine helping these girls 
to-day — delightful! Here we are now with some 
protegees, delicious little darlings too, the both of 
'em ! But that blessed wife of mine keeps her 
eye on me all the while, so that I can't even give 
'em a \nnk. (looking out to sea) I wonder what that 
fellow Gripus of mine is doing, though, with his 
midnight fishing trip ? Gad ! He would have 
shown more sense by staying abed at home. 
Why, the way it's blowing now and blew last night, 
he's fooling away his time and nets both. I'll fry 
on my fingers this day anything he catches with 
such a heavy sea as this running, (listening) But 
there's •wife calling me to lunch, (starts for house) 
Home we go. Now she'll be stuffing my ears 
with gabble. 

[exit Daemones. 

Scene 2. enter Gripus, carrying a basket and dragging 

A NET containing A TRUNK. 

(ecstatic) Glory be to Neptune for this, my patron 
Neptune, who doth reside in salty, fishy spots, for 
speeding me homeward from his sacred quarters 
fixed up gorgeously, laden with a splendid lot of 
booty, and the smack all sound that brought me 
this strange, rich haul in a raging sea ! Oh, it's 
wonderful, it's unbelievable, the famous luck I've 
had in fishing ! And not a single ounce of fish 
did I catch, either, only what I've got here in 
my net. 



nam ut de nocte multa impigreque exurrexi, 
lucrum pracposivi sopori et quieti : 
tempestate saeva experiri expetivi, 
paupertatem eri qui et meam servitutem 
tolerarem, opera haud fui parous mea. 
nimis homo nihilist quis piger est nimisque id genus 

odi ego male, 
vigilare decet hominem qui volt sua temperi con- 

ficere officia. 
non enim ilium expectare oportet, dum erus se 
ad suom suscitet officium. 

nam qui dormiunt libenter, sine lucro et cum 
male quiescunt. 
nam ego nunc mihi, qui impiger fui, 
repperi ut piger, si velim, siem: 
hoc ego in mari ^ repperi. 
quidquid inest, grave quidem inest; aurum 
hie ego inesse reor ; 
nee mihi consciust uUus homo, 
nunc haec tibi occasio, Gripe, optigit, ut liber sit 
nemo ex populo praeter te. 
nunc sic faciam, sic consilium est : ad erum veniam 

docte atque astute, 
pauxillatim pollicitabor pro capite argentum, ut 

sim liber, 
iam ubi liber ero, igitur demum instruam agrum 

atque aedis, mancipia, 
navibus magnis mercaturam faciam, apud reges rex 

post animi causa mihi navem faciam atque imitabor 

oppida circumvectabor. 
ubi nobilitas mea erit clara, 
oppidum magnum communibo, ei ego urbi Gripo 
indam nomen, 



Ah, when I jumped smartly out of bed at mid- 
night, I put profit ahead of sleep and rest, I did. 
There was a howling gale, but I was set on trying 
to make things easier for poor master — also for 
his slave — and I didn't spare myself a bit. How 
useless a lazy fellow is, how I do hate and despise 
that kind! The man that wants to get his jobs 
done in time had better keep awake. He has no 
business waiting till his master routs him out to 
do his work, I should say not. Yes, sir, fellows 
that love their sleep snooze away their chances of 
everything but trouble. Why, here's my case — 
up and doing, and now I've made such a find that 
I can do nothing if I choose. This is the find I 
made (indicating the trunk) in the sea. Whatever 's 
in it, there's something heavy in it. There's gold 
in it, that's what I think. And not a soul knows 
about it but me ! Here you are, Gripus, here's 
your chance to be as free as any man alive ! 

Now this is what I'll do, this is my scheme : I'll 
go up to master, real sharp and sly, and offer him 
money, Uttle by little, to set me free. After that, 
when I am free, then I'll get me a house and land 
and slaves, and have big ships and be a merchant, 
and known as a king of kings. Then I'll build me 
a yacht, just for fim, and be a second Stratonicus^ 
— sail all round everywhere. And when I've made 
a grand name for myself, I'll build a great big 
city with walls round it, and call it Gripusburg to 

* A famous mnsician-erraiit of the time of Alexander the 

^ Leo brackets following quidquid itieat. 



monimentum meae famae et factis, ibi qui regnum 

magnum instituam. 
magnas res hie agito in mentem instruere. nunc 

hune vidulum condam. 
sed hie rex cum aceto pransurust et sale, sine bono 


IV. 3. 

Track. Heus, mane. 

Gr. Quid maneam ? 

Track. Dum hanc tibi, quam 

trahis, rudentem complico. 
Gr. Mitte modo. 
Track. At pol ego te adiuvo nam bonis quod 

bene fit baud perit. 
Gr. Turbida tempestas heri fuit, 910 

nil habeo, adulescens, piscium, ne tu mihi esse 

postules ; 
non vides referre me uvidum rete, sine squamoso 

Track. Non edepol piscis expeto quam tui sermonis sum 

Gr. Enicas iam me odio, quisquis es. 
Track. Non sinam ego abire hinc te. mane. 

Gr. Cave sis malo, quid tu, malum, nam me retrahis ? 
Track. Audi. 



immortalize my glorious career, and found a great 
big empire there. Ah, these are big things I'm 
busying my head with here ! Now I'll hide this 
trunk, (looking in his lunch basket as he puts it down) 
Hm! His majesty '11 have his lunch seasoned 
with sour wine and salt, without any tasty relish. 
(begins dragging off the trunk in the net, one of the 
ropes dangling behind him) 

Scene 3. enter Trachalio. 

Trach. (observing with interest the contents of the net) Hi, 

there ! Wait ! 
Gr. Wait? What for? 
Trach. (casually picking up the end of the rope) Till I coil 

up this rope you're trailing. 
Gr. {g^i^ffly) Here you I Hands off! 
Trach. (genially) Heavens, but I'm helping you! " Good 

turns done to the good never go for naught," you 

know, (coils up the rope, getting nearer the net) 
Gr. (very uneasy) There was a wild gale last night. I 

have no fish at all, young fellow, and you needn't 

think I have. Don't you see I'm bringing back a 

wet net and not a one of (forcing a grin) the scaly 

Trach, Lord, man, I'm not so anxious for your fish as 

hungry for your conversation, (still coiling the rope 

and eyeing the trunk) 
Gr. You're boring me to death, whoever you are. 

(moves on, dragging the net) 
Trach, (pulling on the rope) Ah, but I won't let you leave 

me. Wait. 
Gr. (turning on him angrily) Just look out or you'll get 

hurt ! What the devil do you mean, holding me 

Trach. Listen. 





















Non audio. 

At pol qui audies post. 

Quin loquere quid vis, 
Eho mane dum, est operae pretium quod tibi ego 

narrare volo. 
Eloquere quid id est ? 

Vide num quispiam consequitur prope nos. 
Eequid est quod mea referat ? 

sed boni consili eequid in te mihi est ? 
Quid negoti est, modo dice. 

Dicam, tace, 
si fidem modo das mihi te non fore infidum. 
Do fidem tibi, fidus ero, quisquis es. 

fui-tum ego vidi qui faciebat ; 
noi'am dominum, id cui fiebat, 
post ad furem egomet devenio 
feroque ei condicionem hoc pacto : 
' ego istuc furtum scio cui factum est ; 
nunc mihi si vis dare dimidium, 
indicium domino non faciam.' 
is mihi nihil etiam respondit. 
quid inde aequom est dari mihi ? dimidium 
volo ut dicas. 

Immo hercle etiam amplius, 
nam nisi dat, domino dicundum 

Tuo consilio faciam. 
nunc advorte animum ; namque hoc omne 
attinet ad te. 

Quid factumst ? 
Vidulum istum cuiust novi ego hominem iam pridem. 

Quid est ? 
Et quo pacto periit. 




I won't listen ! 

(significantly) Ah, but you shall listen, later. 
(trying to seem indifferent) Well, well, say what you 
want, (gets afresh grip on his rope) 
(doing the same) Oho! Now you just wait! It's 
worth attention, what I want to tell you. 
Out with it, then, will you! 

(coming closer, and looking about warily) See if 
anyone's near, trailing us. 

(nervously) Has it got anything to do with me ? 
Rather. But have I got in you a man of dis- 
cretion ? 

What's it all about ? Only tell me ! 
Hush, hush ! I will tell you, if you'll only promise 
me to play fair. 

I promise, I'll play fair, whoever you are. 
Listen. I saw a person commit a theft. (Gripus 
is visibly relieved) I knew the owner of the property, 
and afterwards approached the thief, and put the 
proposition to him in this way. " I know the 
man you stole that from," says I. " Now if you 
want to go halves with me, I won't inform the 
owner." Not a blessed thing did the fellow 
answer. Now what's my fair share of it ? I hope 
you'll say half. 

Half! Good Lord, yes, and more too! And 
unless you get it, the owner ought to be told, 
that's what I think. 

I'll follow your advice. Now pay attention; for 
all this affects you. 
(startled) Eh ? How's that ? 

That trunk there — I've known its owner for a long 

Eh? What? 
And I know how it was lost. 



Gr. At ego quo pacto inventust scio 

et qui invenit hominem novi et dominus qui nunc 

est scio. 
nihilo pol pluris tua hoc quam quanti illud refert 

mea : 
ego ilium novi cuius nunc est, tu ilium cuius antehac 

hunc homo feret a me nemo, ne tu te speres potis. 
Track. Non ferat si dominus veniat ? 
Gr. Dominus huic, ne frustra sis, 

nisi ego nemo natust, hunc qui cepi in venatu meo. 970 
Track. Itane vero ? 

Gr. Ecquem esse dices in mari piscem meum ? 

quos cum capio, siquidem fcepi, mei sunt ; habeo 

pro meis, 
nee manu adseruntur neque illinc partem quisquam 

in foro palam omnes vendo pro meis venalibus. 
mare quidem commune certost omnibus. 
Track. Adsentio : 

qui minus hunc communem quaeso mi esse oportet 

vidulum ? 
in mari inventust communi. 
Gr. Esne impudenter impudens ? 

nam si istuc ius sit quod memoras, piscatores peri- 

quippe quom extemplo in macellum pisces prolati 

nemo emat, suam quisque partem piscium poscant 

sibi, 980 

dicant, in mari communi captos. 
Track. Quid ais, impudens? 

ausu's etiam comparare vidulum cum piscibus ? 
eadem tandem res videtur ? 
Gr. In manu non est mea 



(indignant) Well, I know how it was found, and I 
know who found it, and I know who owns it now. 
And this is no more your business than that is 
mine, by gad! I know the man it belongs to 
now, you know the man it used to belong to. 
Nobody alive 's going to get this away fi-om me, 
and you needn't hope you can. 
Not even the owner, if he came alongr ? 
Owner? Don't you fool yourself! No mother's 
son owns this but me, that caught it, fishing. 
{ironically) Really, now? 

Would you call any fish mine while it's in the sea ? 
When I catch them, supposing I do, then they are 
mine ; I have them for my own, and no one lays 
claim to them or expects any part of them. And 
I sell them all in the public market as my wares. 
\Miy, the sea's common to all, that's certain. 
Agreed. Then why shouldn't I have a common 
right to this trunk, tell me that? It was found 
in the common sea. 

Well, of all the cheeky cheek I Why, if the law was 
hke what you say, it would finish fishermen. Why, 
the minute fish were carried to market, no one 
would buy, but all crowd up and claim their share, 
contending they were caught in the common sea. 
How's that, you cheeky rascal ? So you've got the 
cheek to compare trunks with fish, eh? Really 
now, does it seem the same to you ? 
(doggedly) It's a thing I can't control. When I 



ubi demisi rcte atque hamuni, quidquid haesit 

meum quod rete atque hami nancti sunt, meum 
Track. Immo hercle baud est, siquidem quod vas excepisti. 
Gr. Pbilosopbe. 

Track. Sed tu enumquam piscatorem vidisti, venefice, 

vidulum piscem cepisse aut protuHsse ullum in 

foi'um ? 
non enim tu hie quidem oceupabis omnis quaestus 

quos voles : 
et vitorem et piscatorem te esse, impure, postulas. 990 
vel te mihi monstrare oportet piscis qui sit vidulus, 
vel quod in mari non natum est neque habet 
squamas ne feras. 
Gr. Quid, tu numquam audisti esse antehae vidulum 

piscem ? 
Track. Seelus, 

nullus est. 
Gr. Immo est profecto ; ego, qui sum piscator, scio ; 

verum raro capitur, nullus minus saepe ad terram 
Track. Nil agis, dare verba speras mihi te posse, furcifer. 
Gr. Quo colore est, hoc colore capiuntur pauxilluli ; 
sunt alii puniceo corio, magni item ; atque atri. 
Track. Scio. 

tu hercle, opino, in vidulum te bis convertes, nisi 

caves : 
fiet tibi puniceum corium, postca atrum denuo. 1000 
Gr. Quod seelus hodie hoc inveni. 
Track. Verba facimus, it dies, 

vide sis, cuius ai'bitratu nos vis facere. 



let doAvn my net and hook, I pull up whatever's 
stuck to 'em. Anything my net and hooks get 
hold of is mine, yes, sir, mine. 

Track. No, by gad, it isn't, not if you've hauled up some 
utensil, anyhow. 

Gr. {scornfully) Professor ! {attempts to go) 

Track, (pulling on the rope) Look here, poisoner, did you 
ever see a fisherman catch a trunk-fish or carry 
one to market ? You shan't monopolize all the 
trades you want in these parts, now I tell you — 
trying to pass for trunk-maker and fisherman 
both, you dirty thing. You've got to show me 
what a trunk- fish is like, or else you shan't make 
off wth something that wasn't bom in the sea 
and has no scales. 

Gr. {patronizingly) What? You never heard tell of 
the trunk-fish before? 

Track. There's no such thing, scoundrel! 

Gr. Indeed? Of course there is. I'm a fisherman 
and I know. They're scarce, I grant you ; there's 
not a fish landed less often. 

Track. Rot! You hope you can fool me, you gallows- 

Gr. {tkougktfully surveying ike trunk) As for the colour 
— it's generally Uttle fellows they catch the colour 
of this one; there are others with red skins — 
they're big ones Uke mine. You find black ones, 

Track, {menacingly) Precisely. And I fancy you'll be 
turning into a trunk yourself, by gad, a double 
turn, if you don't look out ! Your skin '11 first 
turn red and then turn black. 

Gr. {aside) What a cursed mess I've got into here! 

Track. This is idle talk. Time's fl}ing. Kindly name 
some judge you want to decide this for us. 



Gr. Viduli. 

arbitratu.^ ita enim vero. 
Track. Stultus es. 

Gr. Salve, Thales. 

Track. Tu istunc hodie non feres, nisi das sequestrum aut 
quoius haec res arbitratu fiat. 
Gr. Quaeso, sanus es ? 

Track. Elleborosus sum. 

Gr. At ego cerritus, hunc non amittam tamen. 

Track. Verbum etiam adde inium, iam in cerebro colaphos 
apstrudam tuo ; 
iam ego te hie, itidem quasi peniculus novos 

exurgeri solet, 
ni hunc amittis, exurgebo quidquid umoris tibist. 
Gr. Tange : adfligam ad terram te itidem ut piscem 
soleo polypum. 

VIS pugnare 

Track. Quid opust ? quin tu potius praedam divide. 

Gr. Hinc tu nisi mahnn frunisci nil potes, ne postules. 

abeo ego hinc. 
Track. At ego hinc offlectam navem, ne 

quo abeas. mane. 
Gr. Si tu proreta isti navi es, ego gubernator ero. 

mitte rudentem, sceleste. 
Track. Mittam : omitte vidulum. 

Gr. Numquam hercle hinc hodie ramenta fies for- 

Track. Non probare pernegando mihi potes, nisi pars 
aut ad arbitrum reditur aut sequestro ponitur. 
Gr. Quemne ego excepi in mari — 

^ Leo notes lacuna here : Trach. liane ? Gr. SeyfEert. 

1 One of the " seven wise men " of Greece. 


Gr. Judge Trunk. Yes, sir, Judge Trunk. 

Track. You idiot! 

Gr. Greetings, you Thales.^ (tries again to go) 

Track, {holding fast to the rope) You shan't get away with 
that this day •without appointing some trustee or 
referee to referee the matter. 

Gr. See here, are you sane ? 

Track, {vehemently) No, I'm beside myself! 

Gr. {more vehemently) Well, I'm raving! I won't let 
go of this, for all you say ! 

Track, (roaring) You add just one more word and I'll 
bury my fists in your brains ! If you don't let go 
of this, here and now I'll squeeze out all the juice 
that's in you, the way they squeeze out a new 


Gr. {ckanging his tone to one of grim ferocity) You touch 

me, and I'll beat the ground M-ith you the way I 

do with a pol}-pus ! D'ye want to fight? 
Track, {much less belligerent) Aw, what's the use ? Come 

on, let's share the spoils, instead. 
Gr. All you'll get out of this is trouble, make up your 

mind to that. I'm going along, {tugs at the net) 
Track, {encircling him rvitk the rope and turning him around) 

But I'm going to put the ship about so that you 

won't be going. Avast there ! 
Gr. {circling Trachalio with his rope) If you're the 

look-out on that craft, I'll be helmsman. Drop 

the rope, you lubber ! 
Track. I'll drop the rope: you drop the trunk. 
Gr. You'll never be a blessed bit the richer for this 

find, confound you ! 
Track, {tightening his hold) No number of noes mil weigh 

with me. You'll need to go shares or else leave 

it to a referee or give security. 
Gr. Hey ? A trunk I caught in the sea 



Track. At ego inspectavi e litore. 

Gr. Mea opera, labore et rete et horia ? 

Track. Numqui minus, 1020 

si veniat nunc dominus cuiust, ego qui inspectavi 

te hunc habere, fur sum quam tu ? 
Gr. Nihilo. 

Track. Mane, mastigia : 

quo argumento socius non sum, et fur sum ? fac 
dum ex te sciam. 
Gr. Nescio, neque ego istas vestras leges urbanas scio, 

nisi quia hunc meum esse dico. 
Track. Et ego item esse aio meum. 

Gr. Mane, iam repperi quo pacto nee fur nee socius 

Track. Quo pacto ? 
Gr. Sine me hinc abire, tu abi tacitus tuam viam; 

nee tu me cui(|uam indicassis neque ego tibi quic- 
quam dabo ; 

tu taceto, ego mussitabo : hoc optimum atque 
aequissimum est. 
Track. Ecquid condicionis audes ferre ? 
Gr. Iam dudum fero : 1030 

ut abeas, rudentem amittas, mihi molestus ne sies. 
Track. Mane, dum refero condicionem. 
Gr. Te, opsecro hercle, aufer modo. 

Track. Ecquem in his locis novisti ? 

Gr. Oportet vicinos meos. 

Track. Vbi tu hie habitas ? 

Gr. Porro iUic longe usque in campis ultimis. 

Track. Vin qui in hac villa habitat, eius arbitratu fieri ? 



While I saw you from the shore. 

Single-handed and unaided with my own net and 


Supposing its owner comes along now, am I — 

that stood by and saw you with it — any less a 

thief than you ? 

{eagerly) Not a bit less ! 

Hold on, you \illain ! How do you make me out 

a thief without being a partaker? Just explain 

that to me. 

{taken aback) I don't know, I don't understand those 

city laws of yours, anyway. All I say is, this is mine. 

Yes, and I maintain it is mine. 

{suddenly illuminated) Hold on! Now I see how 

vou needn't be a thief, or partaker, either. 


You let me go my way, and you go yours and 

keep your mouth shut. Don't you give me away 

to anyone, and I won't give anything away to 

you. You keep still, and I'll keep mum. That's 

perfectly fair and square, {tries to go) 

{tightening the rope again) Do you intend to make 

me some offer? 

I made you one long ago — that you get out, drop 

the rope, and let me alone, {pulls at the net) 

{holding him fast as before) Wait, while I make you 

a counter offer. 

For God's sake, offer to be off! 

Know anyone in these parts, do you? 

Ought to know my neighbours. 

Where about here do you live ? 

{pointing vaguely) Away over there, ever so far, 

clear at the end of the meadows. 

Want to let the man that Uves in this cottage 

{pointing to house of Daemones) be our referee ? 



Gr. Paulisper remitte restem, dum concede et consulo. 
Track. Fiat. 

Gr. Euge, salva res est, praeda haec perpetua est 

ad meum erum arbitrum vocat me hie intra prae- 

sepis meas : 
numquam hercle hodie abiudicabit ab suo trio- 

ne iste baud scit quam condicionem tetulerit. 
ibo ad arbitrum. 1040 

Track. Quid igitur ? 
Gr. Quamquam istuc esse ius meum certo scio, 

fiat istuc potius, quam nunc pugnem tecum. 
Track. Nunc places. 

Gr. Quamquam ad ignotum arbitrum me appellis, si 
adhibebit fidem, 
etsist ignotus, notus : si non, notus ignotissimust. 

IV. 4. 

Daem. Serio edepol, quamquam vobis volo quae voltis, 
metuo, propter vos ne uxor mea med extrudat 

quae me paelices adduxe dicet ante oculos suos. 
vos confugite in aram potius quam ego. 
Puellae Miserae periimus. 

Daem. Ego vos salvas sistam, ne timete. sed quid vos 
prosequimini ? quoniam ego adsum, faciet nemo 

iniuriam ; 1050 

ite, inquam, domum ambo nunciam ex praesldio 




Gr. {hiding his satisfaction) Ease off on the rope a 
minute while I turn aside and think it over. 

Track, (doing so) There you are ! 

Gr. (aside, triumpkantly) Hurray! It's all safe now! 
I've got this prize for good ! Inviting me to make 
my own master the referee, right here in my own 
stall! Gad! WTiy, with him as judge, not a 
single sixpence ■will ever leave the family. Lord! 
That chap doesn't know what an offer he has 
made. A referee ? Rather ! 
Well, how about it ? 

{resignedly) Although I'm positive it's mine by 
rights, I'll give in, sooner dian go on and have a 
row with you. 
That's the way to talk ! 

Although it's an unknown referee you force on 
me, still, if he's square, I'll know him, even if I 
don't: otherwise, I'll never never know him, even 
if I do. 

Scene 4. enter Palaestra and Ampelisca in tears from the 
COTTAGE, Daemones hesitantly coming after them. 


Daem. (very nervous) Oh, good Lord, girls! I want to 
do what you want, I really do, but I'm afraid my 
wife will run me out of the house on account of 
you. She'll say I paraded my mistresses right in 
front of her face. I'd rather you fled to the altar 
than do so myself. 

Girls Oh dear, dear, dear ! 

Daem. I'll see you're safe, never fear, (noticing the over- 
seers) But why are you escorting us out ? No 
one will harm them now that I am here. Inside 

at once, 
guard ! 

I tell you, both of you! Guards off 

[exeunt Overseers. 


Gr. O ere, salve. 

Daem. Salve, Gripe, quid fit? 

Track. Tuosne hie servos est ? 

Gr, Haud pudet. 

Track. Nil ago tecum. 

Gr. Ergo abi hinc sis. 

Track. Quaeso responde, senex : 

tuos hie servost ? 
Daem. Meus est. 

Track. Em istue optime, quando tuost. 

Iterum te saluto. 
Daem. Et ego te. tune es qui haud multo prius 

abiisti hinc erum accersitum ? 
Track. Ego is sum. 

Daem. Quid nunc vis tibi ? 

Track. Nempe hie tuos est? 
Daem. Meus est. 

Track. Istuc optime, quando tuost. 

Daem. Quid negotist? 

Track. Vir scelestus illic est. 

Daem. Quid fecit tibi 

vir scelestus ? 
Track. Homini ego isti talos subfringi volo. 

Daem. Quid est ? qua de re litigatis nunc inter vos ? 
Track. Eloquar. 1060 

Gr. Immo ego eloquar. 

Track. Ego, opinor, rem facesso. 

Gr. Si quidem 

sis pudicus, hinc facessas. 
Daem. Gripe, animum advorte ac tace. 



(calling) Oh, master! Good-morning! 
(approaching them, the girls going to the altar) Good- 
morning, Gripus. How goes it? 
(to Daemones, in surprise) Is this fellow your slave, 

And not ashamed to be. 
(to Gripus, icily) I'm not concerned with you. 
Then kindly get out of here, 
(to Daemones) Do please answer me, sir. Is this 
fellow your slave ? 
Yes, mine. 

Well, well, that's fine, his being yours! Good- 
morning to you again, sir ! 

The same to you. (looking at him more closely) 
Aren't you the man that left here not long ago to 
call your master? 
I'm the man, sir. 
WTiat do you want now ? 
So this fellow's really yours? 
Yes, mine. 

That's fine, his being yours! (glares hatefully at 

What's the matter ? 
He's an outrage of a man ! 

And what has this outrage of a man done to you ? 
I want his legs broken for him ! 
What's the matter? What are you rowing about 
now, you two ? 
I'll explain, sir. 
No, you won't! I'll explain. 
(coldly) I am on the stand here, I believe. 
You'd be on the move out of here, if you only had 
some decency. 

(sternly) Your attention, Gripus, and none of your 



Gr. Vtin istic prius dicat ? 

Daem. Audi, loquere tu, 

Gr. Alienon prius 

quam tuo dabis orationem ? 
Track. Vt nequitur comprimi. 

ita ut occepi dicere, ilium quern dudum e fano foras 
lenonem extrusisti, hie eius vidulum eccillum tenet. 
Gr. Non habeo. 

Track. Negas quod oculis video ? 

Gr. At ne videas velim. 

habeo, non habeo : quid tu me curas quid rerum 
geram ? 
Track. Quo modo habeas, id refert, iurene anne iniuria. 
Gr. Ni istum cepi, nulla causa est quin me condones 

cruci ; 1070 

si in mari reti prehendi, qui tuom potiust quam 
meum ? 
Track. Verba dat. hoc modo res gesta est ut ego dico. 
Gr. Quid tu ais ? 

Track. Quod primarius vir dicat : comprime hunc sis, si 

Gr. Quid ? tu idem mihi vis fieri quod erus consuevit 
tibi ? 
si ille te comprimere solitust, hie noster nos non 
Daem. Verbo illo modo ille vicit. quid nunc tu vis ? die 

Track. Equidem ego neque partem posco mi istinc de 
istoc vidulo 
neque meum esse hodie umquam dixi ; sed isti 
inest cistellula 



What ? And let him sp>eak first ? 
(to Gripus) Listen, (to Trachalio) Out with it, you. 
You'll let an outsider's slave have the first word 
before your own? 

(to Daemones, n-ith a superior nod torvard Gripus) How 
hard it is to plug him up ! But as I was about to 
say, sir, that pimp you ran out of the temple a 
while ago — this chap has got hold of his teimk, 
I haven't! 

You deny what I see with my own eyes ? 
Ugh ! I only wish you'd lose 'em ! Whether I 
have it or haven't it, what makes you meddle with 
my affairs ? 

The important point is how you have it, rightfully 
or wrongfully. 

(to Daemones) If I didn't haul it up, I have noth- 
ing against your handing me to the hangman, {to 
Trachalio) If I caught it in my net in the sea, how 
is it yours instead of mine ? 

(to Daemones) He's bluffing, sir. The case is just 
as I state it. 
Hey? WTiat'sthat? 

My rights as first speaker ! If that fellow's yours, 
sir, kindly plug him up. 

So ? Want me to be handled the same way your 
master handles you, eh? Yours may be used to 
plugging you up, but ours doesn't use us that 

(to Trachalio, chuckling) He got the best of you 
that time. Well now, what do you want? "Tell 

I'm neither claiming any part of what's in that 
trunk there, nor did I ever say it was mine at all, 
no, sir. But inside it is a little casket belonging 



huius mulieris, quam dudum dixi fuisse liberam. 
Daem. Nempe tu banc dicis quam esse aiebas dudum 

popularem meam ? 1080 

Track. Admodum ; et ea quae olim parva gestavit cre- 

istic in ista cistula insunt, quae isti inest in vidulo. 

hoc neque isti usust, et illi miserae suppetias 

si id dederit, qui suos parentis quaerat. 
Daem. Faciam ut det. tace. 

Gr. Nil hercle ego sum isti daturus. 
Track. Nil peto nisi cistulam 

et crepundia. 
Gr. Quid si ea sunt aurea ? 

Track. Quid istuc tua ? 

aurum auro expendetur, argentum argento exae- 
Gr. Fac sis aurum ut videam, post ego faciam ut videas 

Daem. Cave malo ac tace tu, tu perge ut occepisti 

Track. Vnum te obsecro, ut ted huius commiserescat 

mulieris, 1090 

si quidem hie lenonis eiust vidulus, quern suspicor ; 

hie, nisi de opinione, certum nil dico tibi. 
Gr. Viden ? scelestus aucupatur. 
Track. Sine me ut occepi loqui. 

si scelesti illius est hie, cuius dico, vidulus, 

haec poterunt novisse : ostendere his iube. 
Gr. Ain ? ostendere ? 

Daem. Haud iniquom dicit. Gripe, ut ostendatur vidulus. 
Gr. Immo hercle insignite inique. 
Daem. Quidum ? 

Gr. Quia, si ostendero, 

continuo hunc novisse dicent scilicet. 



to this girl that I previously told you was freeborn. 
Daem. I suppose you mean the girl you previously said 

was a compatriot of mine ? 
Trtich. Exactly, sir. And the toys she used to have as a 

child are there inside that casket that's there 

inside the trunk. It's of no use to him, and he'll 

be helping that poor girl if he gives her this means 

of identifying her parents. 
Daem. I'll see he does, (to Gripus) No talk! 
Gr. Not a thing will I give him, by heaven ! 
Track. Not a thing do I ask for but the casket and toys. 
Gr. What if they're gold."* 
Track. What's that to you? You'll get gold for gold, 

silver for silver, same weight and same value. 
Gr, Just you let me see your gold, and then I'll let 

you see the casket. 
Daem. (to Gripus) Look out for trouble and hold your 

tongue ! (to Trachalio) Go on, you, with what you 

were saying. 
Track. The one thing I beg of you, sir, is to take pity on 

this girl, if this is really the pimp's trunk, as I 

suspect it is. I'm only guessing so far, not telling 

you anything for certain. 
Gr. Hear that ? He's setting a trap, the villain ! 
Track. Let me go on with what I was saying. If this 

trunk does belong to that villain I say, these 

girls can recognize it. Make him show it to 

Gr. Hey? Show it? 
Daem. There's nothing unfair in his request, Gripus, that 

the trunk be shown. 
Gr. Lord save us ! It's utterly unfair ! 
Daem. How so ? 
Gr. Why, once I show it, they'll instantly say they 

recognize it, of course they will. 



Track. Scelerum caput, 

ut tute es, item omnis censes esse, periuri caput ? 
Gr. Omnia istaec ego facile patior, dum hie hinc a me 

sentiat. 1100 

Track. At qui nunc abs te stat, verum hinc cibit ^ testi- 
Daem. Gripe, advorte animum. tu paucis expedi, quid 

Track. Dixi equidem, sed si parum intellexti, dicam denuo. 
hasce ambas, ut dudum dixi, ita esse oportet 

liberas : 
haec Athenis parva fuit virgo surpta. 
Gr. Die mihi, 

quid id ad vidulum,^ servae sint istae an fuerint 
hberae ? 
Track. Omnia iterum vis memorari, scelus, ut defiat dies. 
Daem. Apstine maledictis et mihi quod rogavi dilue. 
Track. Cistellam isti inesse oportet caudeam in isto 
ubi sunt signa qui parentes noscere haec possit 

suos, 1110 

quibuscum periit parva Athenis, sicuti dixi prius. 
Gr. luppiter te dique perdant. quid ais, vir venefice ? 
quid, istae mutae sunt, quae pro se fabulari non 
queant ? 
Track. Eo tacent, quia tacitast mehor muher semper 

quam loquens. 
Gr. Tum pol tu pro portione nee vir nee muher mihi es. 
Track. Quidum ? 

Gr. Quia enim neque loquens es neque tacens 

umquam bonus, 
quaeso, enumquam hodie licebit mihi loqui ? 

^ cibit Acidalius : ihi MSS. 

• Leo brackets following pertinet. 


Track. You fount of iniquity ! D'ye suppose everyone's 

like yourself, you fount of perjury ? 
Gr. All that sort of talk's easy to put up with, so long 

as master here is on my side. 
Track. It may be on your side he's standing now, but he'll 

take e\'idence from this side, {indicating tke girls) 
Daem. (as Gripus fumes) Attention, Gripus ! (to Trachalio) 

And you, state briefly what you want. 
Track. Why, sir, I've told you, but if it isn't clear, I'll tell 

you a second time. Both these girls, as I told 

you a while ago, ought to be free. This one 

(pointing to Palaestra) was stolen from Athens as a 

Gr. And what has it got to do with the trunk whether 

they're slaves or were free, tell me that ? 
Track. You want everj'thing repeated, rascal, so as to 

kill time. 
Daem. Drop your abuse and explain what I've asked 

Track, (patiently) Inside that trunk there should be a 

casket made of rushes, containing some things by 

which she can recognize her parents, things she 

had with her when she vanished from Athens in 

childhood, as I said before. 
Gr. I wish to God you'd vanish from earth! Look 

here, poisoner! Tell me, are those girls dumb, 

that they can't do their own chattering? 
Track. They're silent because a woman's always worth 

more seen than heard. 
Gr. Gad ! Then I take it you aren't fully qualified as 

a man or woman either. 
Track. How so ? 
Gr. Why, because, seen or heard either, you're always 

worthless, (to Daemones) I say, ain't I ever going 

to get a chance to speak to-day ? 



Daem. Si praeterhac 

unum verbum faxis hodie, ego tibi comminuam 


Track. Vt id occepi dicere, senex, earn te quaeso cistulam 

ut iubeas hunc reddere illis ; ob earn si quid 

postulat 1120 

sibi mercedis, dabitur : aliud quidquid ibi est 
habeat sibi. 
Gr. Nunc demum istuc dicis, quoniam ius meum esse 
intellegis : 
dudum dimidiam petebas partem. 
Track. Immo etiam nunc peto. 

Gr. Vidi petere tniluom, etiam cum nihil auferret 

Daem. Non ego te comprimere possum sine malo ? 
Gr. Si istic tacet, 

ego tacebo ; si iste loquitur, sine me pro parte 
Daem. Cedo modo mihi vidulum istum, Gi*ipe. 
Gr. Concedam tibi, 

ac, si istorum nil sit, ut mihi reddas. 
Daem. Reddetur. 

Gr. Tene. 

Daem. Audi nunciam, Palaestra atque Ampelisca, hoc 
quod loquor. 
estne hie vidulus ubi cistellam tuam inesse aiebas ? 
Pal. Is est. 1130 

Gr. Perii hercle ego miser, uti, prius quam plane 
aspexit, ilico 
eum esse dixit. 
Pal. Faciam ego hanc rem ex procliva 

planam tibi. 
cistellam isti inesse oportet caudeam in isto vidulo. 
ibi ego dicam quidquid inerit nominatim : tu mihi 
nullum ostenderis ; si falsa dicam, frustra dixero, 



Just one more word from you to-day, and I'll 
smash your skull ! 

As I was saying, sir, I do wish you'd make him 
give this casket back to them. If he claims a 
reward for it, he shall have one : and let him keep 
for himself anything else that's in it. 
{sneering) Yes, finally you say that, now you realize 
I have a right to it. A while ago you were after 
a half of it. 

Well, and I'm after it still. 

I've seen a kite after something, and still get 
nothing, though. 

{to Gripus) Can't I plug you up without making 
trouble ? 

If he shuts his mouth, I'll shut mine. If he goes 
on talking, let me have my say. 
Here, Gripus, give me that trunk. 
{after an inward debate) I'll give it up to you — I 
to get it back, if none of that stuff's in it. 
You shall get it back. 
{tugging it up to Daemones) There you are ! 
{calling to the girls) Palaestra! Ampelisca, too! 
Now then, listen to what I say. {they approach) Is 
this the trunk {to Palaestra) you said your casket 
was in? 

{eagerly) Yes, it is ! 

Oh, damnation! I'm done for! The way she 
said it was the one, at once, without even giving 
it c good look ! 

{to Daemones) It does look doubtful, sir, but I'll 
make my claim clear to you. There in that trunk 
should be a rush casket. I'll name every article 
in it, one by one : you're not to show me a single 
thing. If I make mistakes, that makes my claim 
void, and you can disregard me and keep what- 



vos tamen istaec, quidquid istic inerit, vobis 

habebitis ; 
sed si erunt vera, turn opsecro te, ut mea mi 
Daem. , Placet. 

ius merum oras nieo quidem animo. 
Gr. At meo hercle iniiiriam. 

quid si ista aut superstitiosa aut hariolast atque 

quidquid insit, vera dicet ? anne habebit hariola ? 1140 
Daem. Non feret, nisi vera dicet : nequiquam hariola- 
solve vidulum ergo, ut quid sit verum quam primum 
Gr. Hoc habet, solutust. 

Daem. Aperi. video cistellam. haecinest ? 

Pal. Istaec est. o mei parentes, hie vos conclusos gero, 
hue opesque spesque vestrum cognoscendum 
Gr. Turn tibi hercle deos iratos esse oportet, quisquis es, 
quae parentis tarn in angustum tuos locum com- 
Daem. Gripe, accede hue ; tua res agitur. tu, puella, 
istinc pi-ocul 
dicito quid insit et qua facie, memorato omnia, 
si hercle tantillum peccassis, quod posterius 

postules 1150 

te ad verum convorti, nugas, mulier, magnas 
Gr. Ius bonum oras. 

Track. Edepol haud te orat, nam tu iniuriu's. 

Daem. Loquere nunciam, puella. Gripe, animum advorte 
ac tace. 



ever is in there for yourselves. But if I don't 
make mistakes, then do please let me have my 
own things back. 

Agreed. Yes, I call those terms perfectly fair. 
But I call 'em perfectly unfair, by heaven ! What 
if she's a witch or fortune-teller, and names every- 
thing in it rightly? Is a fortune-teller going to 
get it ? 

She gets nothing unless she does name things 
rightly. Fortune-telling won't help her. So un- 
fasten the trunk and let me learn the facts as soon 
as possible. 

(rvith assumed confidence as he unfastens it) Here's 
the end of her ! (to Daemones) It's unfastened. 
Open it. (Gripus does so, glances inside, falls back, 
choking) I see a casket! {hands it to Palaestra) Is 
this it ? 

It is ! Oh, my dear parents, here I hold you 
enclosed within! Here I've stored all means and 
hopes of knowing you ! 

Then, by gad, you ought to catch it from the 
gods, whoever you are, for cooping up your parents 
in such narrow quarters. 

(taking the casket and motioning Palaestra to stand 
aside) Gripus, step up here; it's your case that's 
on. As for you, girl, name and describe, from 
away over there, what's inside here, and mind 
you mention everything. If you make the slightest 
shp and suppose you can correct yourself later, let 
me tell you it won't be of the least use, young 

(pleased) That's putting it straight! 
Gad! It's not you he's putting: you're crooked. 
(opening the casket) Now then, girl, speak up. 
Gripus, pay attention and keep your mouth shut. 



Pal. Sunt crepundia. 

Daem. Ecca video. 

Gr. Peril in primo proelio. 

mane, ne ostenderis. 
Daem. Qua facie sunt ? responde ex ordine. 

Pal. Ensiculust aureolus primum litteratus. 
Daem. Dice dum, 

in eo ensiculo litterarum quid est ? 
Pal. Mei nomen patris. 

post altrinsecust securicula ancipes, itidem aurea 

litterata : ibi matris nomen in securiculast. 
Daem. Mane. 

die, in ensiculo quid nomen est paternum ? 
Pal. Daemones. 1160 

Daem. Di immortales, ubi loci sunt spes meae ? 
Gr. Immo edepol meae ? 

Track. Pergite, opsecro, continue. 

Gr. Placide, aut i in malam crucem. 

Daem. Loquere matris nomen hie quid in securicula siet. 
Pal. Daedalis. 

Daem. Di me servatum cupiunt. 

Gr. At me perditum. 

Daem. Filiam meam esse banc oportet. Gripe. 
Gr. Sit per me quidem. 

qui te di omnes perdant, qui me hodie oculis 
vidisti tuis, 

meque adeo scelestum, qui non circumspexi 

prius me ne quis inspectaret quam rete extraxi 
ex aqua. 



There's a chain of toys. 

(letting Gripus see it) Yes, here it is ! 

(aside, morosely) Finished in the first round! (to 

Daemones) Hold on ! Don't show it her ! 

What sort of toys ? Answer in detail. 

First, there's a tiny little gold sword with an 


(finding it) Come then, what's the inscription on 

this little sword? (looks for it) 

The name of my father. Then on the other side 

there's a little two-headed axe, also made of gold 

and inscribed: it's my mother's name there on 

the axe. 

(startled at rvhat he sees) Wait! Tell me, what's 

this name on the sword, your father's name ? 


(half aside, much agitated) Good God ! These hopes 

of mine ! 

(ruefully) Huh ! And mine ! Oh, Lord ! 

(to Palaestra and Daemones) Get on, for heaven's 

sake, keep at it ! 

(to Trachalio, indignantly) Gro easy there ! Or else 

go hang ! 

(after examining the axe) And your mother's name 

here on the little axe — tell me that ! 


(eagerly studying Palaestra's face) Ah, this is help 

from Heaven! 

Yes, but hell for me ! 

Gripus, this must be my daughter ! 

Let her be, for all I care ! (to Trachalio) Ugh ! 

God curse you for setting eyes on me to-day ! 

Yes, and me for being an infernal fool that didn't 

look around a hundred times to see nobody was 

watching before I pulled my net out of the water ! 



Pal. Post sicilicula argenteola et duae conexae mani- 
culae et 
Gr. Quin tu i dierecta, cum sucula et cum porculis. 1170 

Pal. Et bulla aurea est, pater quam dedit mi natali 

Daem. Ea est profecto. contineri quin complectar non 
filia mea, salve, ego is sum qui te produxi pater, 
ego sum Daemones, et mater tua eccam hie intus 
Pal. Salve, mi pater insperate. 

Daem. Salve, ut te ampleotor libens. 

Track. Volup est cum istuc ex pietate vestra vobis con- 

Daem. Cape dum, hunc si potes fer intro vidulum, age, 

Track. Ecce Gripi scelera. cum istaec res male evenit tibi, 

Gripe, gratulor. 
Daem. Age eamus, mea gnata, ad matrem tuam, 

quae ex te poterit argumentis hanc rem magis 

exquirere, 1180 

quae te magis tractavit magisque signa pernovit 
Track. Eamus intro omnes, quando operam promiscam 

Pal. Sequere me, Ampelisca. 

Amp. Cum te di amant, voluptati est mihi. 

Grip. Sumne ego scelestus, qui illunc hodie excepi 
vidulum ? 
aut cum excepi, qui non alicubi in solo abstrusi 

credebam edepol turbulentam praedam eventuram 



Then there's a tiny little silver sickle and a tiny 

pair of clasped hands, and a windlass 

Go to Hades with your wind, lass, and take along 

your little windpipe ! 

And there's a gold locket, too, that my father 

gave me on my birthday. 

{looking at it) She is, she certainly is ! I can't 

keep from hugging her any longer! (throivs his 

arms about her) Ah, my own daughter! I am the 

father that reared you ! I am Daemones myself, 

and look, inside here is your mother, Daedalis ! 

Ah, dear father, father unhoped for ! 

Ah, the joy of having you in my arms ! 

It's grand seeing you good folks get the luck you 

deserve ! 

Come, Trachalio, just see if you can't take this 

trunk and carry it inside. 

{blithely laying hold of it) Look at poor old Gripus ! 

Hard luck, Gripus ! I want to express my — 


{to Palaestra) Come, let's go to your mother, my 

child. She can make further inquiries and test 

you better, having had more to do with you and 

knowing more about those tokens of yours. 

{carefully excluding Gripus) Let's all go in together, 

sir, seeing we've all got a part in it. 

[exeunt Trachalio and Daemones. 
Come along wdth me, Ampelisca. 
I 'm so glad that God has been good to you ! 

{very Ion;) Now ain't I a damned fool, to have 
fished up that trunk to-day ? Or not to have 
hidden it some place out of sight when I did fish 
it up? Oh Lord! I fancied I'd have a wild wild 
time with this catch, catching it in such wild wild 



quia ilia mihi tam turbulenta tempestate evenerat. 
credo edepol ego illic inesse ai'genti et auri largiter. 
quid meliust, quam ut hinc Intro abeam et me 

suspendam clanculum, 
saltem tantisper dum abscedat haec a me aegri- 

mnnin ? 

IV. 5. 

Daem, Pro di immortales, quis me est fortunatior, 
qui ex improviso filiam inveni meam ? 
satin si cui homini dei esse bene factum volunt, 
aliquo illud pacto optingit optatum piis ? 
ego hodie neque speravi neque illud credidi : 
is improviso filiam inveni tamen ; 
et eam de genere summo adulescenti dabo 
ingenuo, Atheniensi et cognato meo. 
ego eum adeo arcessi hue ad me quam primum 

iussique exire hue servom eius, ut ad forum 1200 

iret ; nondum egressum esse eum, id miror tamen. 
nccedam, opinor, ad fores, quid conspicor? 
uxor complexa collo retinet filiam. 
nimis paene inepta atque odiosa eius amatiost. 

IV. 6. 

Aliquando osculando meliust, uxor, pausam fieri ; 
atque adorna, ut rem divinam faciam, cum intro 

Laribus familiaribus, cum auxerunt nostram fami- 

sunt domi agni et porci sacres. sed quid istum 

mulieres, Trachalionem ? atque optime cecum exit 

for as. 



weather! Oh Lord! And there's all sorts of 
silver and gold in it, I fancy. Well, the best I 
can do is go inside and hang myself, on the quiet 
— at least for a while, till I feel better. 


(Scene 5. enter Daemones from his house, much pleased 

WITH life. 

lem. Ye immortal gods! Who's a luckier man than I 
am — discovering my daughter so unexpectedly ? 
Isn't it a fact that if the gods wish to help a man, 
it does somehow come about that the prayers of 
the pious are answered? Here I was, never 
hoping or believing it could happen : yet here I 
am with my daughter unexpectedly discovered. 
And I'm going to marry her to a fine young fellow 
of one of the best families in Athens, related to 
me, too. I certainly want to have him summoned 
here at once ; {glancing about impatiently) yes, and 
that slave of his had my orders to come out and 
nm over to the forum. Odd he hasn't come out 
yet, though. I'd better go to the door, (looking 
into the house) Eh ? \Miat's this I see ? My wife, 
arms around her daughter's neck, clinging to her ! 

^ene Comes precious near being a silly nuisance, all 
6. her fondling! (shouting) Wife! Better call a halt 
on that kissing some time ! Yes, and get things 
ready for me to make an offering to the household 
gods when I return, seeing they've augmented 
our household. We have lambs and pigs for 
sacrifice. See here, you women ! What are you 
keeping that Trachalio for ? Ah ! Here he comes ! 



Track. Vbi ubi erit, iam investigabo et mecum ad te 

adducam simul 1210 

Daem. Eloquere ut haec res optigit de filia ; 

eum roga, ut relinquat alias res et hue veniat. 
Track. Licet. 

Daem. Dicito daturum meam illi filiam uxorem. 
Track. Licet. 

Daem. Et patrem eius me novisse et mi esse cognatum. 
Track. Licet. 

Daem. Sed propera. 
Track. Licet. 

Daem, lam hie fac sit, cena ut curetur. 

Track. Licet. 

Daem. Omnian licet? 
Track. Licet, sed scin quid est quod te volo ? 

quod promisisti ut memineris, hodie ut liber sim. 
Daem. Licet. 

Track. Fac ut exores Plesidippum, ut me manu emittat. 
Daem. Licet. 

Track. Et tua filia facito oret : facile exorabit. 
Daem. Licet. 

Track. Atque ut mi Ampelisca nubat, ubi ego sim liber. 
Daem. Licet. 1220 

Track. Atque ut gratum mi beneficium factis experiar. 
Daem. Licet. 

Track. Omnian licet ? 
Daem. Licet : tibi rursimi refero gratiam. 

sed propera ire in urbem actutum et recipe te hue 



ENTER Trackalio. 
(to Palaestra inside, patronizingly) I'll hunt up 
Plesidippus for you at once and bring him back 
with me, no matter where he is. 
(to Trackalio, urgently) Tell him all that happened 
about my daughter; ask him to drop everything 
else and come here. 
(nonchalantly) Right. 
Sav he shall marry my daughter. 

And that I know his father, and that he's a relative 
of mine. 

But be quick, man! 

Make him hurry up, so that we can see to dinner. 
Right, (saunters off) 
" Right " to everything, eh? 

(over his shoulder) Right, (halting) But you know 
what it is I want of you ? To remember your 
promise that I'd be freed to-day. 
(quizzically) Right. 

See you get Plesidippus to give me up. 

And see that your daughter gets in her word : 
she'll get it out of him easily. 

And that Ampelisca marries me when I'm free. 

And that I get real pay for a real service. 

(grinning) " Right " to everything, eh? 
(loudly) Right! I'm paying you back in your 
own coin. But move ! Hurry along to the city 
and then retxim here. 



Track. Licet. 

iam hie ero. tu interibi adorna ceterum quod 
Daem. Licet. 

Hercules istum infelicet cum sua licentia ; 

ita meas replevit auris, quidquid memorabam, 
IV. 7. 

Gr. Quam mox licet te compellare, Daemones ? 
Daem. Quid est negoti, Gripe ? 
Gr. De illo vidulo : 

si sapias, sapias ; habeas quod di dant boni. 
Daem. Aequom videtur, tibi, ut ego, alienum quod est, 1230 

meum esse dicam ? 
Gr. Quodne ego inveni in mari ? 

Daem. Tanto illi melius optigit qui perdidit ; 

tuom esse nihilo magis oportet vidulum. 
Gr. Isto tu pauper es, quom nimis sancte pius. 
Daem. O Gripe, Gripe, in aetate hominum plurimae 

fiunt trasennae, ubi decipiuntur dolis. 

atque edepol in eas plerumque esca imponitur : 

quam si quis avidus poscit escam avariter, 

decipitur in trasenna avaritia sua. 

ille qui consulte, docte atque astute cavet, 1240 

diutine uti bene licet partum bene. 

mihi istaec videtur praeda praedatum irier, 

ut cum maiore dote abeat quam advenerit. 

egone ut quod ad me allatum esse alienum sciam, 

celem ? minime istuc faciet noster Daemones. 

semper cavere hoc sapientis aequissimumst, 




Track, (more loudly) Right ! I'll be here soon. Meantime 
attend to other necessary things yourself. 


Daem. {yelling after him) Right! {to himself) And pray 
Hercules make the fellow all wrong with his all 
Right ! The way he filled my ears, whatever I 
said, with " Right " ! 

Scene 7. enter Gripus from the house, furtively. 

Gr. How soon will a word with you be all right, sir? 

Daem. {nith a start at the " right ") What's the matter, 
Gripus ? 

Gr. {sidling up to him) About that trunk, sir — if you'd 

show sense, you'd show sense ; you'd keep the 
good things God gives you. 

Daem. So you think it fair for me to claim another 
person's property, eh? 

Gr. Something I found in the sea ? 

Daem. So much the luckier for the man that lost it. 
That doesn't make the trunk yours any the more. 

Gr. {morosely) There ! That's why you're poor — you're 
too blessed pious. 

Daem. {meditatively) Ah, Gripus, Gripus, this life of ours 
is full of traps that cheat and catch mankind. Ay, 
and very often they are baited too. Then if some 
grasping soul snaps greedily at this bait, he's 
caught, trapped by his own greed. But the man 
that's careful to act with forethought, prudence 
and discernment can long take honest pleasure in 
his honest gains. Loot such as that, methinks, is 
on the road to being looted, and to leaving with a 
larger dowTj' than it brought, {very self-righteous) 
I to receive property I know to be another's, and 
conceal it ? Not I ! None of that for friend 
Daemones ! It highly befits wise masters to take 



ne conscii sint ipsi malefici suis. 

ego mihi conlusim ^ nil moror ullum lucrum. 
Gr. Spectavi ego pridem comicos ad istune modum 

sapienter dicta dicer e atque eis plaudier, 1250 

cum illos sapientis mores monstrabant poplo : 

sed cum inde suam quisque ibant divorsi domum, 

nullus erat illo pacto ut illi iusserant. 
Daem. Abi intro, ne molestu's, linguae tempera. 

ego tibi daturus nil sum, ne tu frustra sis. 
Gr. At ego deos quaeso, ut quidquid in illo vidulost, 

si aurum si argentum est, omne id ut fiat cinis. 
Daem. Illuc est quod nos nequam servis utimur. 

nam illic cum ^ servo si quo congressus foret, 

et ipsum sese et ilium furti adstringeret ; 1260 

dum praedam habere se censeret, interim 

praeda ipsus esset, praeda praedam duceret. 

nunc hinc intro ibo et sacrificabo, postibi 

iubebo nobis cenam continuo coqui. 
IV. 8. 

Pies. Iterum mihi istaec omnia itera, mi anime, mi Tra- 

mi liberte, mi patrone potius, immo mi pater. 

repperit patrem Palaestra suom atque matrem ? 
Track. Repperit. 

Pies. Et popularis est ? 
Track. Opino. 

Pies. Et mihi nuptura est? 

Track. Suspicor. 

^ conlusim Exon : mihi cum lust MSS. 
* Corrupt (Leo) : conservo Lindsay. 


constant care never to be partners in crime with 
their owti slaves. Q)llusional lucre has no attrac- 
tions for me. 

ir. (quite unchastened) I've seen actors in comedies 
talk in that wise way before now, and get clapped 
after preaching those rules of wisdom to the people. 
But when folks left and they each went away 
home, not a one of 'em acted as those actors told 

^aem. Be off inside and don't annoy me ! Control your 
tongue ! I shall give you nothing, make no 
mistake about that. 

JT. {grumbling as he goes) Well, I hope to heaven that 
whatever's in that trunk, gold or silver, all turns 
to dust and ashes ! 


^aem. There you are! That's how it is we have such 
rascally slaves. Why, if he had fallen in \^ith 
some other slave, he'd have involved the both of 
them in theft. Thinking he had loot, he'd be the 
loot himself, and loot would have led loot captive. 
Well, now I'll go in and offer sacrifice, and then 
order our dinner to be cooked at once. 


»cene 8. enter Plesidippus, his arm around Trachalio. 

°les. (in transports) Again now ! Tell me all that again 
now, my darling, my Trachalio, my freedman, I 
mean my patron, no. no, my very father ! Palaestra 
has found her father and mother, found them ? 

Track, (bored) Found them. 

Pies. And she's my compatriot? 

Track. I believe so. 

Pies. And she's to marry me? 

Track. I suspect as much. 



Pies. Censen hodie despondebit earn mihi, quaeso? 

Track. Censeo. 

Pies. Quid ? patri etiam gratulabor cum illam invenit ? 

Track. Censeo. 1270 

Pies. Quid matri eius ? 

Track. Censeo. 

Pies. Quid ergo censes ? 

Track. Quod rogas. 

Pies. Die ergo quanti censes ? 

Track. Egone ? censeo. 

Pies. Adsum equidem, ne censionem semper facias. 
Track. Censeo. 

Pies. Quid si curram } 
Track. Censeo. 

Pks. An sic potius placide ? 

Track. Censeo. 

Pies. Etiamne earn adveniens salutem ? 
Track. Censeo. 

Pies. Etiam patrem ? 

Track. Censeo. 

Pies. Post eius matrem ? 

Track. Censeo. 

Pies. Quid postea? 

etiamne adveniens complectar eius patrem ? 
Track. Non censeo. 

Pies. Quid matrem ? 
Track. Non censeo. 

Pies. Quid eampse illam ? 

Track. Non censeo. 

Pies. Perii, dilectum dimisit. mmc non censet, cmn 

^ The following play on Censeo, with its political allnsions, 
can hardly be reproduced. The translator s best is very bad. 



And you gather* that he'll promise her to me 

to-day ? Tell me ! 

So I gather. 

And look here ! Shall I congratulate her father 

on finding her? 

So I gather. 

And her mother, eh ? 

So I gather. 

(silly with joy) Well, what do you gather? 

What you ask, I gather. 

Well, how much do you gather ? 

I ? Oh, I gather. 

I'm here, man, here ! Must you always gather 


So I gather. 

{glancing at Daemones' house) Should I nm ? 

So I gather. 

Or step along sedately hke this, rather ? 

So I gather. 

Should I greet her, too, when I arrive ? 

So I gather. 

And her father, too ? 

So I gather. 

Then her mother ? 

So I gather. 

What next ? Should I hug her father too, when I 

arrive ? 

I gather not. 

How about her mother ? 

I gather not. 

How about my girl herself? 

I gather not. 

Oh, damn! He has adjourned the assembly! 

Now I want him to gather, he gathers not ! 



Track. Sanus non es, sequere. 

Pies. Due me, mi patrone, quo libet. 1280 


Lahr. Quis me est mortalis miserior qui vivat alter hodie, 
quem ad recuperatores modo damnavit Plesi- 

dippus ? 
abiudicata a me modo est Palaestra, perditus 

nam lenones ex Gaudio credo esse procreates, 
ita omnes mortales, si quid est mali lenoni, gaudent. 
nunc alteram illam quae mea est visam hue in 

Veneris fanum, 
saltern ut earn abducam, de bonis quod restat 
V. 2. 

Gr. Numquam edepol hodie ad vesperum Gripum 
inspicietis vivom, 
nisi vidulus miihi redditur. 
Lahr. Perii, cum mentionem 

fieri audio usquam viduli : est ^ quasi palo pectus 
tundat. 1290 

Gr. Istie seelestus liber est : ego qui in mari prehendi 
reti atque excepi vidulum, ei dare negatis quic- 
Lahr. Pro di immortales, suo mihi hie sermone arrexit 

Gr. Cubitum hercle longis litteris signabo iam usque- 
si quis perdiderit vidulum cum auro atque argento 

ad Gripum ut veniat. non feretis istum, ut 

^ est Lindsay : Leo notes lacuna. 


Track. You're crazy. Come along. 

[exit into Daemones' house. 
Pies. (Jollotving) Lead me where thou likest, patron 



ENTER Labrax, in poor spirits. 
Labr. Who's a more unlucky wretch than me in all this 
world, with Plesidippus getting the judges to 
decide against me now? Now I'm sentenced to 
lose Palaestra! I'm ruined! Why, I do believe 
we pimps are the sons of Joy, the way every 
mortal soul considers our troubles so enjoyable. 
Well, now I'll go into the temple of Venus here 
and see to the other one I own, and at least get 
away with her, the remaining remnant of my 

Scene 2. enter Gripus gloomily polishing a rusty spit. 

(soliloquizing bitterly) No, sir, by Jove ! You folks 
shan't set eyes this night on a living Gripus, 
unless I'm given back that trunk. 

Labr. (aside) Oh dear! Anywhere I hear that word 
" trunk," it's like pounding my chest with a pole. 

Gr. There that villain's free — and me, the man that 
caught the trunk in the sea with my net and 
pulled it up, not one thing will you give to him ! 

Labr. (aside, edging closer) Ye immortal gods ! His talk 
has got my ears on end ! 

Gr. By heaven, I'll post notices ever}'Avhere now, in 
letters a foot and a half high, that if anyone has 
lost a trunk full of gold and silver, he's to apply 
to Gripus. You folks shan't get it as you count 
on doing. 



Labr. Meum hercle illic homo vidulum scit qui habet, 

ut ego opinor. 
adeundus mihi illic est homo, di, quaeso, sub- 

Gr. Quid me intro revocas ? hoc volo hie ante ostium 

nam hoc quidem pol e robigine, non est e ferro 

factum, 1300 

ita quanto magis extergeo, rutilum atque tenuius 

^ nam quidem hoc venenatumst verum : ita in 

manibus consenescit. 
Lahr. Adulescens, salve. 

Gr. Di te ament cum inraso capite. 

Labr. Quid fit? 

Gr. Verum extergetur. 
Labr. Vt vales ? 

Gr. Quid tu ? num medicus, quaeso, es ? 

Labr. Immo edepol una littera plus sum quam medicus. 
Gr. Tum tu 

mendicus es ? 
Labr. Tetigisti acu. 

Gr. Videtur digna forma. 

sed quid tibi est ? 
Labr. Hac proxima nocte in mari elavi, 

confracta est navis, perdidi quidquid erat miser ibi 

Gr. Quid perdidisti ? 

Labr. Vidulum cum auro atque argento multo. 

Gr. Ecquid meministi, in vidulo qui periit quid ibi 

infuerit ? 1310 

Labr. Quid refert, qui periit tamen ? sine hoc, aliud 

Gr. Quid si ego sciam qui invenerit ? volo ex te scire 




(aside) By gad, that chap knows who has my 

trunk, I do beheve ! I must approach him ! {walks 

up) Now Heaven be with me ! 

(thinking he hears a summons from the house) What 

are you calling me in for ? {polishing vigorously) I 

want to clean this up out in front here. Good 

Lord ! WTiy, this thing's made of rust instead of 

iron ! The more I rub it, the redder and thinner 

it gets ! Why, this cursed spit's bewitched : see 

how it's wasting away in my hands ! 

{genially) Good-day, young man. 

{polishing, savagely) God bless you, in your need 

of a haircut. 

How goes it? 

Spit's a-polishing. 

How are you feeling? 

See here, you! Tell me this, are you in the 

medical line ? 

Lord, no ! I'm two letters more than medical. 

Oh, mendicant, then? 

You've hit it. 

You look it. But what's wrong with you? 

{casually) The sea cleaned me out last night. 

Ship was wrecked, lost every thing I had in it, 

worse luck ! 

{interested) What did you lose ? 

A trunk full of gold and silver. 

{excited) D'ye remember what was in it, in the 

trunk that's gone ? 

Oh, what's the odds, seeing it's gone ? Enough 

of that. Let's talk of something else. 

What if I know who found it? I want you to 

prove your property. 

* Corrupt (Leo) : nam hoc quidem Bothe. 



Labr. Nummi octingenti aurei in marsuppio infuerunt, 

praeterea centum minaria Philippa in pasceolo 

Gr. Magna hercle praedast, largiter mercedis indi- 

piscar ; 
di homines respiciunt : bene ego hinc praedatus 

profecto huius est vidulus. perge alia tu expedire. 
Labr. Talentum argenti commodum magnum inerat in 

praeterea sinus, cantharus, epichysis, gaulus, 

Gr. Papae, divitias tu quidem habuisti luculentas. 1320 

Labr. Miserum istuc verbum et pessimum est, habuisse, 

et nihil habere. 
Gr. Quid dare velis, qui istaec tibi investiget indicet- 

eloquere propere celeriter. 
Labr. Nummos trecentos. 

Gr. Tricas. 

Labr. Quadringentos. 
Gr. Tramas putidas. 

Labr. Quingentos. 

Gr. Cassam glandem. 

Labr. Sescentos. 

Gr. Curculiunculos minutos fabulare. 

Labr. Dabo septingentos. 

Gr. Os calet tibi, nunc id frigefactas. 

Labr. Mille dabo nummum. 
Gr. Somnias. 

Labr. Nihil addo. 

Gr. Abi igitur. 

Labr. Audi : 

si hercle abiero hinc, hie non ero. vin centum et 




Well, there were eight hundred pounds in it, in a 

wallet, besides a hundred sovereigns in a leather 

bag, all by itself. 

(aside) My Lord, what loot! What a reward I'll 

get! The gods are good to men — I'll loot him 

handsomely before we part. The trunk's certainly 

his. (aloud) Go on with the rest of the contents. 

There were two hundred pounds in silver — good 

honest coin — in a purse, and a bowl, too, and a 

tankard and a pitcher and a jug and a ladle. 

Whew ! You surely had a grand big pile ! 

That's a dismal word, the very worst of words, 

" had," when what you have is nothing. 

(looking about suspiciously) WTiat would you be 

willing to give a man for finding it all and informing 

you ? Speak up, quick now, hurry I 

(enthusiastically) Thirty pounds. 

(snorting) Rubbish! 


Rotten cobwebs ! 


Nutshells ! 


Mites and maggots ! 

I'll give seventy. 

That's cool of a man that's full of hot air! 

Well, I'll make it a hundred pounds. 

You're dreaming! 

(firmly) That's my limit. 

(polishing again) Then leave. 

Listen: once I do leave here, by gad, I won't — 

be here ! (Gripus continues polishing) How about a 

hundred and ten? 



Gr. Dormis. 

Labr. Eloquere quantum postules. 

Gr. Quo nihil invitus addas : 

talentum magnum. non potest triobolum hinc 

proin tu vel aias vel neges. 
Labr. Quid istic ? necessum est, video : 

dabitur talentum. 
Gr. Accede dum hue : Venus haec volo adroget te. 

Labr. Quod tibi libet id mi impera. 

Gr. Tange aram hanc Veneris. 

L(U>r. Tango. 

Gr. Per Venerem hanc iurandum est tibi. 
Labr. Quid iurem ? 

Gr. Quod iubebo. 

Labr. Praei verbis quidvis. id quod domi est, numquam 

ulli supplicabo. 
Gr. Tene aram hanc. 
Labr. Teneo. 

Gr. Deiera te mi argentum daturum 

eodem die, tui viduli ubi sis potitus. 
Labr. Fiat. 

Gr, Venus Cyrenensis, testem te tester mihi, 

si vidulum ilium, quern ego in navi perdidi, 

cum auro atque argento salvom investigavero 

isque in potestatem meam pervenerit, 

turn ego huic Gripo, inquito, et me tangito — 
Labr. Tum ego huic Gripo — dico, Venus, ut tu audias — 

talentum argenti magnum continue dabo. 
Gr. Si quid fraudassis, die ut te in quaestu tuo 

Venus eradicet, caput atque aetatem tuam. 

tecum hoc habeto tamen, ubi iuraveris. 



Fast asleep ! 

{disgustedly) Come, state your price. 

Two hundred pounds. You needn't add a bit to 

that unless you like. And you can't subtract a 

sixpence. So just say yes or no. 

Oh, very well! Needs must, I see. I'll give two 


(drarving him to the altar) Step this way, then. I 

want Venus here to take you in charge. 

Anything you please, command me. 

Put your hand on this altar of Venus. 

(doing so) All right. 

Now you must swear by Venus here. 

Swear what ? 

^\^lat I say. 

Dictate anything you like, (aside) Swearing's 

easy : I'll never beg for any help at that. 

(as Labrax casually uses his altar hand to scratch 

himself) Keep hold of this altar. 

(obeying) I am. 

(solemnly) Now swear you will give me the money 

the same day you get possession of your trunk. 

(lightly) So be it ! 

(unsatisjied, dictating) " Venus of Cyrene, be my 

witness that if that trunk I lost at sea is found 

safe with its gold and silver, and is put in my 

possession, then I will give to this man Gripus " — 

say that, and touch me 

(slyly minatory in tone and touch) Then I will give 
to this man Gripus — I speak so that you may hear 
me, Venus — two hundred pounds forthwith. 
And say that if you try any tricks, you hope 
Venus will send you to smash, body and soul and 
business, (aside) And may the curse hold, anyhow, 
once you've sworul 



Labr. lUaec advorsum si quid peccasso, Venus, 

veneror te ut omnes miseri lenones sient. 
Gr. Tamen fiet, etsi tu fidem servaveris. 1350 

tu hie opperire, iam ego faxo exibit senex ; 

eum tu continue vidulum reposcito. 
Labr. Si maxime mi ilium reddiderit vidulum, 

non ego illi hodie debeo triobolum. 

meus arbitratust, lingua quod iuret mea. 

sed conticiscam : cecum exit et ducit senejn. 

V. 3. 

Gr. Sequere hac. 
Daem. Vbi istic lenost ? 

Gr. Heus tu. em tibi, hie habet vidulum. 

Daem. Habeo et fateor esse apud me, et, si tuos est, habeas 
omnia, ut quidquid infuit, ita salva sistentur tibi. 
tene, si tuost. 
Labr. O di immortales, meus est. salve, vidule. 1360 

Daem. Tucsne est ? 
Labr. Rogitas ? si quidem herele lovis fuit, 

meus est tamen. 
Daem. Omnia insunt salva ; una istine eistella excepta 
est modo 
cum crepundiis, quibuscum hodie filiam inveni 
Labr. Quam ? 


Lahr. {more or less dutifully) If I do anything to violate 
that, \^enus, I pray you that all pimps may come 
to grief. 

Gr. (aside) They will, anyhow, even if you keep your 
word, (aloud) You wait here : I'll have the old 
man out at once. Then you go ahead and demand 
back the trunk from him. 

[exit Gripus INTO house. 

Lahr. (gloTvering after him) Huh ! No matter if he does 
get me back that trunk, I don't owe him a single 
sixpence. My tongue may swear, but I act as I 
please, (as Daemones' door opens) Hush, though ! 
Here he comes with the old man in tow. 

Scene 3. enter Gripus, and Daemones. 

Gr. This way, sir. (approaches Lahrax) 

Daem. WTiere is that pimp ? 

Gr. (to Labrax) Hey, you ! There's your man, (pointing 

to Daemones) he has the trunk. 
Daem. I have, and admit I have it, and if it is yours, you 

shall have it. (nods to Gripus to get it) 

[exit Gripus. 

It shall be put in your hands intact, just as it was, 

with everything in it. 

re-enter Gripus tugging the trunk. 
Take it, if it's yours, (pointing) 

Labr. (jubilant) O ye immortal gods, it is mine ! Ah 
there, trunk! 

Daem. Is it yours ? 

Lahr. (grabbing it) Do you ask that ? Lord, man, no 
matter if it even belonged to Jove, it's mine. 

Daem. Everything inside is intact — except for our re- 
moving a little casket of toys which enabled me 
to find my daughter to-day. 

Lahr. Daughter ? ^IVTio ? 



Daem. Tua quae fuit Palaestra, ea filia inventast mea. 
Labr. Bene mehercle factum est. cum istaec res tibi ex 

pulchre evenit, gaudeo. 
Daem. Istuc facile non credo tibi. 

Labr. Immo hercle, ut scias gaudere me, mihi triobolum 

ob eam ne duis, condono te. 
Daem. Benigne edepol facis. 

Labr. Immo tu quidem hercle vero. 
Gr. Heus tu, iam habes vidulum. 

Labr. Habeo. 
Gr. Propera. 

Labr. Quid properabo ? 

Gr. Reddere argentum mihi. 1370 

Labr. Neque edepol tibi do, neque quicquam debeo. 
Gr. Quae haec factio est ? 

non debes ? 
Labr. Non hercle vero. 

Gr. Non tu iuratus mihi es ? 

Labr. Iuratus sum, et nunc iurabo, si quid voluptati est 
mihi : 

ius iurandum rei servandae, non perdendae con- 
ditum est. 
Gr. Cedo sis mihi talentum magnum argenti, periuris- 

Daem. Gripe, quod tu istum talentum poscis ? 
Gr. luratust mihi 

Labr. Libet iurare. tun meo pontifex peiurio es ? 

Daem. Qua pro re argentum promisit hie tibi ? 
Gr. Si vidulum 

hunc redegissem in potestatem eius, iuratust dare 

mihi talentum magnum argenti. 



That Palaestra you used to have proves to be my 


{rvith seeming heartiness) Good business, by Jove ! 

So everything has turned out finely just to suit 

you! I'm glad! 

\dryly) Yes, it's easy for me to believe you are not. 

No, by Jove, I am, and to show I'm glad I'll let 

you off from paying me a single sixpence for her. 

\as before) My word ! Kind of you ! 

No, by Jove, of you, it really is ! 

(to Labrax, suggestively, as Daemones turns to go) I 

say, you, now you have the trunk. 
Labr. (frigidly) I have. 
Gr. Hurry up. 
Labr. Hurry up what? 
Gr. And pay me my money. 
Labr. Lord, man ! I'll neither pay you any nor owe you 

Gr. (indignant) What's all this? You don't owe me 


Labr. Jove ! I should say I didn't ! 

Gr. Didn't you swear to me ? 

Labr. Swear, yes, and I'll swear now, if it gives me any 

pleasure. Swearing was invented to save property, 

not wreck it. 
Gr. (viciously) You kindly hand over that two hundred 

pounds, you perjured villain! 
Daem. Gripus, what's that two hundred pounds you're 

claiming of him ? 
Gr. He swore he'd give it to me ! 
Labr. Hobby of mine, swearing. Are you high-priest 

over my perjury ? 
Daem. WTiy did he promise you the money ? 
Gr. If I got this trunk back in his hands, he swore he'd 

give me two himdred pounds. 



Labr. Cedo quicum habcam iudicem, 1380 

ni dolo malo instipulatus sis nive etiamdum haud 

quinque et viginti annos natus. 
Gr. Habe cum hoc. 

Labr. ' Aliost opus. 

Daem. lam ab isto auferre haud potis sim, si istunc con- 
promisistin huic argentum ? 
Labr. Fateor. 

Daem. Quod servo meo 

promisisti, meum esse oportet, ne tu, leno, postules 
te hie fide lenonia uti : non potes. 
Gr. lam te ratu's 

nactum hominem quem defraudares ? dandum hue 

argentum est probum : 
id ego continue huic dabo adeo, me ut hie emittat 
Daem. Quando ergo erga te benignus ego fui atque opera 
haec tibi sunt servata— 
Gr. Immo hercle mea, ne tu dicas tua. 1390 

Daem. Si sapies, tacebis — turn te mihi benigne itidem 
bene merenti bene referre gratiam. 
Labr. Nempe pro meo 

iure oras ? 
Daem. Mirum quin tuom ius meo periclo aps te 

Gr. Salvos sum, leno labascit, libertas portenditur. 

1 As a patronus, Gripus being a slave. 

2 See Pseudolus, 303, 



ibr. Name your man ^ and we'll go to an arbitrator and 
see if you didn't make a fraudulent compact, or 
if I'm not still (tvitk an evil grin) under the age of 

Go to this gentleman, (pointing to Daemones) 
I want someone else. 

(aside, dubitative) Now I couldn't get it away from 
him, (indicating Gripus) if I decided against (eyeing 
Labrax) him. (to Labrax, sternly, after thinking a 
moment) Did you promise him the money ? 
I admit it. 

What you promised my slave should be mine, 
pimp, and you needn't expect to use any of your 
pimp-craft on me : you can't do it. 
(to Labrax, gleefully) So you thought you had 
lighted on a man you could cheat, eh ? You've 
got to give me good honest money — and then I'll 
give it straight to master here, yes, so that he'll 
set me free. 

(changing his tone) Now then, seeing I've done the 
decent thing by you and all this has been saved 

for you through my assistance 

(hotly) No, sir, by gad ! Mine ! Don't you say 

" yours " ! 

(to Gripus, sharply) Show sense and keep your 

mouth shut ! (to Labrax) Then you ought to do 

the decent thing by me also, and return the 

favour of a man who has favoured you. 

(cautiously) In asking this you recognize my rights, 

I take it ? 

It is remarkable that I don't risk trying to take 

your rights away from you. 

(aside, as Labrax looks doubtful) Saved ! The pimp 

falters ! Freedom for me ! 



Daem. Vidulum istunc ille invenit, illud mancipium nicum 

ego tibi hunc porro servavi cum magna pecunia. 
Labr. Gratiam habeo, et de talento nulla causa est quia 

quod isti sum iuratus. 
Gr. Heus tu, mihi dato ergo, si sapis. 

Daem. Tacen an non ? 
Gr. Tu meam rem simulas agere, tibi munis viam.^ 

non hercle istoc me intervortes, si aliam praedam 
perdidi. 1400 

Daem. Vapulabis, verbum si addis istuc unum. 
Gr. Vel hercle enica, 

non tacebo umquam alio pacto, nisi talento com- 
Labr. Tibi operam hie quidem dat. tace. 
Daem. Concede hoc tu, leno. 

Labr. Licet. 

Gr. Palam age, nolo ego murmurillum neque susurrum 

Daem. Die mihi, quanti illam emisti tuam alteram mulier- 

Ampeliscam ? 
Labr. Mille nummum denumeravi. 

Daem. Vin tibi 

condicionem luculentam ferre me .'' 
Labr. Sane volo. 

Daem. Dividuom talentum faciam. 
Labr. Bene facis. 

Daem. Pro ilia altera, 

libera ut sit,dimidium tibi sume,dimidium hue cedo. 
Labr. Maxime. 
Daem. Pro illo dimidio ego Gripum emittam manu, 1410 

quem propter tu vidulum et ego gnatam inveni. 

' mu{nis viam) Koch : Leo notes lacuna. 


This fellow found that trunk, and he's my slave. 

And then I saved it for you, with all the money 

in it. 

(succumbing) I'm much obliged, and as for the two 

hundred pounds I swore to give that chap, there's 

no reason you shouldn't have it. 

Hey, you ! Give it to me, then, if you know 

what's what. 

Will you be silent, or not ? 

You pretend to see to my interests, and improve 

your own ! By gad, you shan't swindle me out of 

that, even if I did lose the other loot. 

You'll be thrashed if you add another word ! 

Murder me if you like, by gad, but the only way 

you can ever silence me is to plug me up with 

two hundred pounds ! 

{maliciously) \VTiy, your master's looking to your 

welfare. Silence ! 

{rvithdrarving) Step over here, pimp. 

{doing so) Very well. 

(calling) Do things openly; I don't want any 

murmurlings or whisperings. 

(to Labrax, in an undertone) Tell me, how much did 

you pay for that other girl of yours, Ampelisca ? 

One hundred pounds. 

Do you want me to make you a handsome offer ? 

I certainly do. 

I'll split the two hundred pounds. 

That's good of you. 

You take half for setting that other girl free, and 

give me half. 

Very well. 

(in a still hirer tone) For that half I'll free Gripus, 

it being through him you found your trunk and I 

my daughter. 













Bene faeis, 
gratiam habeo magnam. 

Quam mox mi argentum ergo redditur? 
Res soluta est, Gripe, ego habeo. 

At ego me hercle mavolo. 
Nihil hercle hie tibi est, ne tu speres. iuris iurandi 

gratiam facias. 

Perii herdle. nisi me suspendo, occidi. 
numquam hercle iterum defraudabis me quidem 

post hunc diem. 
Hie hodie cenato, leno. 

Fiat, condicio placet. 
Sequimini intro. spectatores, vos quoque ad 

cenam vocem, 
ni daturus nil sim neque sit quicquam pollucti 

nive adeo vocatos credam vos esse ad cenam foras. 
verum si voletis plausum fabulae huic clarum dare, 
comissatum omnes venitote ad me ad annos 

vos hie hodie cenatote ambo. 


Plausum date. 



That's good of you, and I'm much obliged, {they 
rejoin Gripus) 

Well now, how soon do I get my money ? 
It's all settled, Gripus. I have it. 
Oh Lord, but I prefer having it myself. 
(mockingly) Oh Lord, there's nothing in it for you, 
so have no hopes. I want you to let him off his 

(rvild) Oh Lord, I'm done for! It's all over with 
me, unless I hang myself! Oh Lord! After this 
day you'll never again cheat me, not me ! 
Dine with me to-day, pimp. 
Good. I accept with pleasure. 
Come on in the house, {turning to the audience') 
Spectators, I should invite you to dinner too if it 
were not for the fact that I am giving none, and 
have nothing at home worth serving, and further- 
more assume that you already have dinner in\-ita- 
tions. But if you are willing to give this play 
your loud applause, all come and make a night of 
it with me — sixteen years from now. {to Labrax 
and Gripus) You two dine with me to-day. 
(rvhile Gripus still meditates death) Good. 
{to audience) Give us your applause. 

[exeunt omnes. 



The index is limited to names of eharacten in the plays, and of characters, 
persons, lovns, countries and peoples mentioned in the plays. 

Adelphasinin, Poen. 

Advocati, Poen. 

Aeschinus, 228 

Aeschrodora, 168 

Aetolia, Aetolian, 62, 106 

Africa, African, 102, 138 

A^thocles, 204 

Agorastocles, Poen. 

Agrigentine, 292 

Aleziuidrian, 163 

AmpeliBca, Kud. 

Ampsignra, 106 

Anactorinm. 10 

Antamonides, Poen. 

Anterastilis, Poen. 

Antidamaa, Antidama, 96, 104, 106 

Antiochns, 68 

ApeUes, 128 

Arctonis, Rud. 

Aristarcbas, 4 

Athena, Athenian, 178, 184, 194, 212, 

226, 292, 356, 358, 398, 40iJ 
Attalua, 66 
Attic, Attica, 38, 168, 194, 356 

Ballio, PtetuL 

Calidoras, Pseud. 

Callipho, Pseud. 

Calydon, Oalydonian, 8, 10, 116 

Campanian, 162 

Capaa, 346 

Carthage, Carthaginian, 2, 6, 8, 98, 

100, 104, 106, 110, 112, 142 
OarTBtna, 224, 226 
Ouirinns, Pseud. 
Charmides, Rud. 
Chian, 70 
Chrysis, 218 
Cocus, Pseud. 

CoUybiscus, Poen. 

Crurifragins, 88 

Cyrene, Cyrenaic, 292, 344, 354, 424 

Daedalis, 404, 406 
Daemones, Rud. 
Delphi, 198 
Demarchas, 106 
DiphUos, 293 

Egyptian, 130 
Bnripides, 396 

Qiddenia, Poen. 
Greece, Greek, 343, 356 
Gripoa, Rud. 

Hanno, Poen, 
Harpax, Pseud, 
Hedjtiam, 168 

lahon, 106 
Ionian, 378 

Jason, 168 

Labraz, Rud. 
Lesbian, 70 
Leucadian, 70 
Lorarii, Rud. 
Lyons, Poen. 

Macedon, Macedonian, 154, 186, 312, 

258, 264, 270 
Uagara, 8 
UaKic, 280 
Uilpbio, Poen. 
Myttliumbalis, lOQ 



Palaestra, Rud. 

Pentetronica, 48 

Phoenicium, 146, 172, 180, 184, 2S3, 

254, 264 
Piscatores, Rud. 
Plautus, 6 
PleBidippus, Rud. 
Polymachaeroplagides, 250, 264 
Pseudolus, Pseud. 
Ptolemocratia, Rud. 
Puer, Poen., Pseud. 
Pultiphagonides, 6 
Punic, 2, 10, 12, 98, 100, 180 

Boman, 132 

Scepamio, Rud. 

Sicily, Sicilian, 90, 292, 320, 330, 334, 

Sicyon, 250, 258, 266 
Simla, Simmia, Pseud. 

Simo, Pseud. 
Socrates, 198 
Sparax, 348, 3G4 
Sparta, Spartan, 66, 72, 76, 78 
Strator.icus, 376 
Subballio, 212 
Syncerastus, Poen. 
Syrus, Sums, 146, 214, 216 

Thales, 386 
Thasian, 70 
Thebes, 358 
Trachalio, Rud. 
Trojan, 274 
Turbalio, 348, 364 

Xystilia, 170 

Zeuxis, 128 




Latin Authors 

Ammiaxus Mabceixisus. Translated by J. C. Rolfe. 3 Vols. 
Apuleics: The Goldes Ass (Metamobphosks). W. Adling- 

ton(1566). Revised by S. Gaselee. 
St. Augcstike : City- of God. 7 Vols. Vol. I. G. E. McCrac- 

ken. Vol. II. and VII. W. M. Green. Vol. III. D. Wiesen. 

Vol. IV. P. Levine. Vol. V. E. M. Sanford and W. M. 

Green. Vol. VI. W. C. Greene. 
St. AuorsTixE, Confessions of. W. Watta (1631). 2 Vols. 
St. Augustese, Select Lettebs. J. H. Baxter. 
AusONius. H. G. EveljTi White. 2 Vols. 
Bede. J. E. King. 2 Vols. 
Boethius: Tracts and De CoNsOLATiOiTB Philosophiae. 

Rev. H. F. Stewart and E. K. Rand. Re\-i8ed by S. J. Tester. 
Caeskb: Alexandrian, African and Sp.4NISH Wars. A. G. 

Caeser: Civil Wars. A. G. Peskett. 
Caeser: Gallic War. H. J. Eklwards. 
Cato: De Re Rustica; Vabro: De Re Rtjstica. H. B. Asli 

and W. D. Hooper. 
Catullus. F. W. Cornish; Tibullus. J. B. Postgate; Per- 
vigilium Veneris. J. W. Mackail. 
Celsus: De Medicina. W. G. Spencer. 3 Vols. 
Cicero : Brutus, and Obatob. G. L. Hendrickson and H. M. 

[Cicero]: Ad Herennium. H. Caplan. 
Cicero : De Oratore, etc. 2 Vols. Vol. I. De Orators, 

Books I. and II. E. W. Sutton and H. Rackham. Vol. II. 

De Oratore, Book III. De Fato; Paradoxa Stoiconim: 

De Partitione Oratoria. H. Rackham. 
Cicero: De Finibus. H. Rackham. 
Cicero : De Inventione, etc. H. M. HubbeU. 
Cicero : De Xatura Deorux and Acadkxic.\. H. Rackiiam. 
Cicero : De Officiis. Walter Miller. 
Cicero : De Republica and De Leoibus: Somnittm Scimonis. 

Clinton W. Kevt^. 


CiCEBO: De Senectute, De Amicitia, De Divinatione. 

W. A. Falconer. 
Cicero : In Catilinam, Pro Flacco, Pro Mubena, Pro Sulla. 

New version by C. Macdonald. 
Cicero : Letters to Atticus. E. O. Winstedt. 3 Vols. 
Cicero: Letters to His Friends. W. Glynn Williams, 

M. Cary, M. Henderson. 4 Vols. 
Cicero : Philippics. W. C. A. Ker. 
Cicero : Pro Archia Post Reditum, De Domo, De Harus- 

picuM Responsis, Pro Plancio. N. H. Watts. 
Cicero : Pro Caecina, Pro Lege Manilia, Pro Cluentio, 

Pro Rabirio. H. Grose Hodge. 
Cicero : Pro Caelio, De Provinciis Consularibus, Pro 

Balbo. R. Gardner. 
Cicero : Pro Milone, In Pisonem, Pro Scauro, Pro Fonteio, 

Pro Rabirio Postumo, Pro Marcello. Pro Ligario, Pro 

Rege Deiotaro. N. H. Watts. 
Cicero : Pro Quinctio, Pro Roscio Amerino, Pro Rosrio 

Comoedo, Contra Rullum. J. H. Freese. 
Cicero : Pro Sestio, In Vatinium. R. Gardner. 
Cicero: Tusculan Disputations. J. E. King. 
Cicero : Verrine Orations. L. H. G. Greenwood. 2 Vols. 
Claudian. M. Platnauer. 2 Vols. 
Columella: De Re Rustica. De Arboribus. H. B. Ash, 

E. S. Forster and E. Heffner. 3 Vols. 
CuRTius, Q. : History of Alexander. J. C. Rolfe. 2 Vols. 
Florus. E. S. Forster; and Cornelius Nepos. J. C. Rolfe. 
Frontinus: Stratagems and Aqueducts. C. E. Bennett and 

M. B. McElwain. 
Fronto : Correspondence. C. R. Haines. 2 Vols. 
Gellius, J. C. Rolfe. 3 Vols. 
Horace: Odes and Epodes. C. E. Bennett. 
Horace: Satires, Epistles, Ars Poetica. H. R. Fairclough. 
Jerome: Selected Letters. F. A. Wright. 
Juvenal and Persius. G. G. Ramsay. 
LiVY. B. O. Foster, F. G. Moore, Evan T. Sage, and A. C. 

Schlesinger and R. M. Geer (General Index). 14 Vols. 
LucAN. J. D. Duff. 

Lucretius. W. H. D. Rouse. Revised by M. F. Smith. 
Manilius. G. p. Goold. 
Martial. W. C. A. Ker. 2 Vols. 
Minor Latin Poets: from Publilius Sybus to Rutilius 

Namatianus, including Grattius, Calpurnius Siculus, 

Nemesianus, Avianus, and others with "Aetna" and the 

"Phoenix." J. Wight Duff and Arnold M. Duff. 
Ovid : The Art of Love and Other Poems. J. H. Mosley. 

Revised by G. P. Goold. 
Ovid : Fasti. Sir James G. Frazer. 

Ovid: Heboides and Amobbs. Grant Show«inan. Revised 

by G. P. Goold 
Ovid : Metamorphoses. F. J. Miller. 2 Vols. Vol. 1 revised 

by G. P. Goold. 
Ovid : Tbistia and Ex Ponto. A. L. Wheeler. 
Pebsius. Cf. JtrVENAL. 
Petbonius. M. Heseltine; Seneca; Apocolocyntosis. 

W. H. D. Rouse. 
Phaedbus and Babbitts (Greek). B. E. Perry. 
Plautus. Paul Nixon. 5 Vols. 

Puny: Lettebs, Panegybicus. Betty Radice. 2 Vols. 
Puny: Natubal Histoey. Vols. I.-V. andlX. H.Rackham. 

VI.-VIII. W. H. S. Jones. X. D. E. Eichholz. 10 Vols. 
Pbopebtius. H. E. Butler. 
Pbudentius. H. J. Thomson. 2 Vols. 
QuiNTiUAN. H. E. Butler. 4 Vols. 
Remains of Ou) Latin. E. H. Warmington. 4 Vols. Vol. I. 

(Ennius and Caeciuus.) Vol. II. (Livixjs, Naeatius, 

Pacuvics, Accius.) Vol. III. (Luciuus and Laws of XII 

Tables.) Vol. IV. (Aechaic Inscbiptions.) 
Saixust. J. C. Rolfe. 

ScBiPTORES Historiae Augustae. D. Magie. 3 Vols. 
Seneca, The Eldeb: Contbovebsiae, Suasobiae. M. 

Winterbottom. 2 Vols. 
Seneca: Apocolocyntosis. Cf. Petbonixjs. 
Seneca: Epistulae Mobales. R. M. Gummere. 3 Vols. 
Seneca: Mobal Essays. J. W. Basore. 3 Vols. 
Seneca: Tbagedies. F. J. Miller. 2 Vols. 
Seneca: Natubales Quaestiones. T. H. Corcoran. 2 Vols. 
SiDONiL^s: Poems and Lettebs. W.B.Anderson. 2 Vols. 
Siuus Itaucus. J. D. Duff. 2 Vols. 
Statius. J. H. Mozley. 2 Vols. 
Suetonius. J. C. Rolfe. 2 Vols. 
Tacitus: Dialogus. Sir Wm. Peterson. Agbicola and 

Gebmania. Maurice Hutton. Revised by M. Winterbottom, 

R. M. Ogilvie, E. H. Warmington. 
Tacitus : Histobies and Annals. C. H. Moore and J. Jackson. 

4 Vols. 
Terence. John Sargeaunt. 2 Vols. 
Tebtuluan: Apologia and De Spectacuxis. T. R. Glover. 

MiNUcius Feux. G. H. Rendall. 
Valebiu's Flaccus. J. H. Mozley. 
Vabbo: De Lingua Latina. R. G. Kent. 2 Vols. 
Velleius Patebculus and Res Gestae Divi Augusti. F. W. 

ViBGiL. H. R. Fairclough. 2 Vols. 
ViTRTJVius : De ABCHrrECTUBA. F. Granger. 2 Vols. 

Greek Authors 

Achilles Tatius. S. Gaselee. 

Aelian: On the Nature of Animals. A. F. Scholfield. 3 

Aeneas Tacticus, Asclepiodotus and Onasandek. The 
Illinois Greek Club. 

Aeschines. C. D. Adams. 

Aeschylus. H. Weir Smyth. 2 Vols. 

Alciphron, Aelian, Philostratus : Letters. A. R. Benner 
and F. H. Fobes. 

Andocides, Antiphon, Cf. Minor Attic Orators. 

Apollodorus. Sir James G. Frazer. 2 Vols. 

Apollonius Rhodius. R. C. Seaton. 

The Apostolic Fathers. Kirsopp Lake. 2 Vols. 

Appian : Roman History. Horace White. 4 Vols. 

Aratus. Cf. Callimachus. 

Aristides: Orations. C. A. Behr. Vol. I. 

Aristophanes. Benjamin Bickley Rogers. 3 Vols. Verse trans. 

Aristotle: Art of Rhetoric. J. H. Freese. 

Aristotle: Athenian Constitution, Eudemian Ethics, 
Vices and Virtues. H. Rackham. 

Aristotle: Generation of Animals. A. L. Peck. 

Aristotle: Historia Animalium. A. L. Peck. Vols I.-II. 

Aristotle: Metaphysics. H. Tredennick. 2 Vols. 

Aristotle: Meteorologica. H. D. P. Lee. 

Aristotle: Minor Works. W. S. Hett. On Colours, On 
Things Heard, On Physiognomies, On Plants, On Marvellous 
Things Heard, Mechanical Problems, On Indivisible Lines, 
On Situations and Names of Winds, On Melissus, Xenophanes, 
and Gorgias. 

Aristotle: Nicomachean Ethics. H. Rackham. 

Aristotle: Oeconomica and Magna Moralia. G. C. Arm- 
strong; (with Metaphysics, Vol. II.). 

Aristotle: On the Heavens. W. K. C. Guthrie. 

Aristotle: On the Soul. Parva Naturalia. On Breath. 
W. S. Hett. 

Aristotle: Categories, On Interpretation, Prior Analy- 
tics. H. P. Cooke and H. Tredennick. 

Aristotle: Posterior Analytics, Topics. H. Tredennick 
and E. S. Forster. 

Aristotle: On Sophistical Refutations. 

On Coming to be and Passing Away, On the Cosmos. E. S. 
Forster and D. J. Furley. 

Aristotle: Parts of Animals. A. L. Peck; Motion and 
Progression of Animals. E. S. Forster. 

Akistotle: Physics. Rev. P. VVickateed and F. M. Comford. 

2 Vols. 
AkistotIxE: Poetics and Lonoinus. W. Hamilton Fyfe; 

Demettbius on Style. W. Rhys Roberts. 
.\ristotle: Politics. H. Rackham. 
Akistotle : Problems. W. S. Hett. 2 Vols. 
.■\ristotle : Rhetobica Ad Alexandrum (with Problems. 

Vol. ri). H. Rackham. 
Abbian: History of Alexandeb and Indica. 2 Vols. Vol. I. 

P, Brunt. Vol. II. Rev. E. Iliffe Robson. 
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Babbitjs and Phaedbus (Latin). B. E. Perry. 
St. Basil: Lettters. R. J. Deferrair. 4 Vols. 
Callimachus : Fragments. C. .A. Trypanis. Musaeus: Hebo 

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Callimachtjs, Hymns and Epigrams, and Lycophbon. A. W. 

Mair; Abatus. G. R. Mair. 
Clejcent of Alexandbia. Rev. G. W. Butterworth. 


Daphnis and Chloe. Thomley's Translation revised by 
J. M. Edmonds: and Pabthenius. S. Graaelee. 

Demosthenes I.: Olynthiacs, Philippics and Minob Ora- 
tions. I.-XVII. AND XX. J. H. Vince. 

Demosthenes II.: De Cobona and De Falsa Legatione. 
C. A. Vince and J. H. Vince. 

Demosthenes III.: Meidias, Andbotion, Abistocbates, 
TiMOCBATEs and Abistogeiton, I. and II. J. H. Vince. 

Demosthenes IV.-VI. : Pbivate Obations and In Xeaebam. 
A. T. Murray. 

Demosthenes VII : Funebal Speech, Ebotic Essay, Exobdia 
and Letttebs. N. \V. and X. J. DeWitt. 

Dio Cassius : Roman Histoby. E. Gary. 9 Vols. 

Dio Chbysostom. J. W.CohoonandH.LamarCrosby. 5Vols. 

DiODOBCs SicL-LUs. 12 Vols. Vols. I.-VI. C. H. Oldfather. 
Vol. VII. C. L. Sherman. Vol. VIII. C. B. Welles. Vols. 
IX. and X. R. M. Geer. Vol. XI. F. Walton. Vol. XII. 
F. Walton. General Index. R. M. Geer. 

Diogenes Laebtius. R. D. Hicks. 2 Vols. Xew Introduc- 
tion by H. S. Long. 

DiONYsius of Halicabnasscs : Roman ANTiQLnnES. Spel- 
man's trsmslation revised by E. Gary. 7 Vols. 

DiONYsius OF Halicabnassus : CluncAL Essays. S. Usher. 
2 VoU. 

Epictbttus. W. a. Oldfather. 2 Vols. 

EuBiPiDEs. A. S. Way. 4 Vols. Verse trans. 

Eusebius: Ecclesiastical Histoby. Kirsopp Lake and 
J. E. L. Oulton. 2 Vols. 

Galen: On the Natural Faculties. A. J. Brock. 

The Greek Anthology. \V. R. Paton. 5 Vols. 

Greek Elegy and Iambus with the Anacbeontea. J. M. 

Edmonds. 2 Vols. 
The Greek Bucolic Poets (Theocritus, Bion, Moschus). 

J. M. Edmonds. 
Greek Mathematical Works. Ivor Thomas. 2 Vols. 
Herodes. Cf. Theophrastus : Characters. 
Herodian. C. R. Whittaker. 2 Vols. 
Herodotus. A. t). Godley. 4 Vols. 

Hesiod and The Homeric Hymns. H. G. Evelyn White. 
Hippocrates and the Fragments of Heracleitus. VV'. H. S. 

Jones and E. T. Withington. 4 Vols. 
Homer: Iliad. A. T. Murray. 2 Vols. 
Homer: Odyssey. A. T. Murray. 2 Vols. 
IsAEUS. E. W. Forster. 

Isocrates. George Norlin and LaRue Van Hook. 3 Vols. 
[St. John Damascene]: Barlaam and Ioasaph. Rev. G. R. 

Woodward, Harold Mattingly and D. M. Lang. 
JosEPHUs. 9 Vols. Vols. I.-IV. H. Thackeray. Vol. V. 

H. Thackeray and R. Marcus. Vols. VI.-VII. R. Marcus. 

Vol. VIII. R. Marcus and Allen Wikgren. Vol. IX. L. H. 

Julian. Wilmer Cave Wright. 3 Vols. 
LiBANius. A. F. Norman. Vols. I.-II. 
LuciAN. 8 Vols. Vols. I.-V. A. M. Harmon. Vol. VI. K. 

Kilburn. Vols. VII.-VIII. M. D. Macleod. 
Lycophron. Cf. Callimachus. 
Lyra Graeca. J. M. Edmonds. 3 Vols. 
Lysias. W. R. M. Lamb. 
Manetho. W. G. Waddell: Ptolemy: Tetrabiblos. F. E. 

Marcus Aurelius. C. R. Haines. 
Menander. I New edition by W. G. Arnott. 
Minor Attic Or.\tors (Antiphon, Andocides, Lycubous, 

Demades, Dinarchus, Hyperides). K. J. Maidment and 

J. O. Burtt. 2 Vols. 
MusAEus : Hero and Leander. Cf. Callimachus. 
NoNNOs: DiONYSiACA. W. H. D. Rouse. 3 Vols. 
Oppian, Colluthus, Tryphiodorus. a. W. Mair. 
Papyri; Non-Literary Selections. A. S. Hunt and C. C. 

Edgar. 2 Vols. Literary Selections (Poetry). D.L.Page. 
Parthenius. Cf. Daphnis and Chloe. 
Pausanias: Description of Greece. W. H. S. Jones. 4 

Vols, and Companion Vol. arranged by R. E. Wycherley. 

Phiix). 10 Vols. Vols. I.-V. F. H. Colson and Rev. G. H. 

Whitaker. Vols. VI.-IX. F. H. Colson. Vol. X. F. H. 

Colson and the Rev. J. \V. Earp. 
Philo: two supplementary V^ola. {Translation only.) Ralph 

PHiLOSTBATrs : The Life OF ApOIiONIUS OF Tyana. F. C. 

Conybeare. 2 Vols. 
Philostbatus : Imagines; Calustbatus: Dkscbiptions. A. 

Philostbatus and Eunapius: Lives of the Sophists. Wil- 

mer Cave Wright. 
PiNDAB. Sir J. E. Sandys. 
Plato: Chabjcides, Alcibiades, Hippabchus, The Lovebs, 

Theages, Minos and Epixomis. \V. R. M. Lamb. 
Plato: Cbatylus, Pabmexides, Gbeateb Hippias, Lesseb 

HippiAS. H. X. Fowler. 
Plato: Extthvphbo, .\pology, Cbito, Phaedo, Phaedbxjs, 

H. X. Fowler. 
Plato: Laches, Pbotagoras, Meno, Euthydemus. W. R. M. 

Plato: Laws. Rev. R. G. Bury. 2 Vols. 
Plato: Lysis, Symposium, Gobgias. W. R.~M. Lamb. 
Plato : Republic. Paul Shorey. 2 Vols. 
Plato: Statesman, Philebus. H. X. Fowler; Ion. W. R. M. 

Plato: Theaetetus and Sophist. H. X. Fowler. 
Plato : Timaeus, Cbitias, Clitopho, Menexesus, Episthlae. 

Rev. R. G. Bury. 
PLOTLNtrs: A. H. Armstrong. Vols. I.— III. 
Plutabch: Mobalia. 17 Vols. Vols. I.-V. F. C. Babbitt. 

Vol. VI. W. C. Helmbold. VoU. VII. and XIV. P. H. De 

Lacy and B. Einarson. Vol. VIII. P. A. Clement and H. B. 

Hoffleit. Vol. IX. E. L. Minar, Jr., F. H. Sandbach. \V. C. 

Helmbold. Vol. X. H. X. Fowler. Vol. XI. L. Pearson 

and F. H. Sandbach. Vol. XII. H. Chemiss and \V. C. 

Helmbold. Vol. XIII 1-2. H. Chemiss. Vol. XV. F. H. 

Plutabch : The Paballel Lives. B. Perrin. 11 Vols. 
PoLYBius. W. R. Paton. 6 Vols. 

Pbocopius : HiSTOBY OF THE Wabs. H. B. Dewing. 7 Vols. 
Ptolemy: Tetbabiblos. Cf. Masetho. 
QuiNTUS Smybxaeus. a. S. Way. Verse trans. 
Sextus Empibicus. Rev. R. G. Bury. 4 Vols. 
Sophocles. F. Storr. 2 Vols. Verse trans. 
Stbabo: Geogbaphy. Horace L. Jones. 8 Vols. 
Theophbastus : Chabactebs. J. M. Eklmonds. Hebodes, 

etc. A. D. Knox. 


Theophbastus : Enquiry into Plants. Sir Arthur Hort, 
Bart. 2 Vols. 

Theophrastus : De Causis Plantarum. G. K. K. Link and 
B. Einarson. 3 Vols. Vol. I. 

Thucydides. C. F. Smith. 4 Vols. 

Tryphiodorus. Cf. Oppian. 

Xenophon: Cyropaedia. Walter Miller. 2 Vols. 

Xenophon : Hellencia. C. L. Brownson. 2 Vols. 

Xenophon: Anabasis. C. L. Brownson. 

Xenophon : Memorabilia and Oeconomicus. E. C. Marchant. 
Symposium and Apology. O. J. Todd. 

Xenophon: Scripta Minora. E. C. Marchant. Constitu- 
tion OF THE ATHENIANS. G. W. Bowersock 



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